Disclaimer: I do not own the Disney Princess's or the Mean Girls script. Hope you enjoy the latest installation.
Chapter 11
Chris's House- Friday Night
*Loud music.*
Ariel: *V.O.* Unfortunately, being new to Girl World, I did not know this.
*The door opens on Ariel, who is wearing her mom's over-sized wedding dress, monster teeth, and bloody zombie make-up. The place is packed. Ariel passes the group of black students from before.*
Ariel: Hi.
*They stare at her. A crowd of guys watching in amazement as two sloppy drunk girls (in animal ears) make out on the stairs. Ariel sees Hercules in the kitchen talking to Megara.*
Ariel: *V.O.* This was it. Megara was hooking me up. How could Jasmine hate Megara? She was such a good….
*Megara gives Hercules a long kiss on the mouth. Ariel freezes in shock. The room starts spinning.*
Ariel: *V.O.* Slut! My heart started racing. My stomach felt like it was going to fall out of my butt.
*Hercules sees Ariel.*
Hercules: Hey, Ariel!
Ariel: Hey…
*Megara flashes Ariel an infuriatingly fake apologetic look.*
Megara: Hi
Hercules: *referring to her costume* So what are you?
Ariel: I'm an ex-wife.
*Hercules laughs.*
Hercules: That's funny.
Ariel: *still fake smiling* Yeah. Bye.
*Ariel heads for the door. She looks back and sees Megara kiss Hercules again. Ariel leaves.*
Hercules: What are you doing?
Megara: I just felt like kissing you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
Hercules: Really? Does Eric know?
Megara: Shut up. How's your mom?
*Hercules softens. Megara is successfully spinning her web.*
Chris's Parents House- Outside
*Ariel walks out of the house with a crazed look on her face.*
Jock: Bro, that is a scary mask.
Ariel: *V.O.* I had food-poisoning once in Costa Rica. I got so sick I thought I was going to die. The though of Megara and Hercules back together, was churning in my guts like emotional food poisoning.
Jasmine's basement- A little later
*Jasmine and John are watching Sleepaway Camp on the VCR. Ariel bursts into the basement door. John and Jasmine scream, frightened by her costume.*
Ariel: I grew some balls. She took him back. Megara took Hercules back.
Jasmine: We can fix this Ariel. Follow me.
Toy corner of the basement- A few minutes later.
*Jasmine writes in colored chalk on a little kid's chalkboard. John is wearing a toy army helmet he's found.*
Jasmine: Megara is an evil dictator. How do you overthrow a dictator? You cut off her resources. Megara would be nothing without her 'hot body,', older boyfriend, provocative clothing and ignorant band of loyal followers.
*Jasmine points to these worlds on the board. 1) 'hot body'. 2) older boyfriend. 3) skanked-out clothes. 4) army of whores.*
Jasmine: Ariel, you're gonna have to keep hanging out with them as if nothing's wrong.
Ariel: I can't!
John: *into walkie talkie* You're gonna have to. Roger and out.
Cafeteria- Lunchtime
*Megara is hanging all over Hercules to make Ariel jealous.*
Ariel: *V.O.* I felt like Megara was dangling Hercules in front of me on purpose. I knew how this would be settled in the wild.
*Ariel leaps over the table like a cheetah, knocking Megara onto her back. As Ariel and Megara wrestle and growl at each other, Hercules runs daintily in a circle like a gazelle.*
Ariel: *V.O.* But in Girl World, all the frightening had to be sneaky.
Empty School Hallway- Later
*Ariel and Aurora have a heartfelt talk.*
Aurora: …And Megara wanted me to tell you that she was trying to hook you up with Hercules, but he was just interested in getting her back, and that's not Megara's fault.
Ariel: No, I know.
Aurora: So, you're not mad?
Ariel: Oh my God, no.
Aurora: Good. Megara wanted me to give you this.
*Aurora hugs Ariel. Ariel makes a face like 'Gross!'*
Senior Calculus Class
*Ariel leans over to Hercules for help. Hercules leans close to show her.*
Ariel: I just don't get it.
*Belle hands Ariel and Hercules their quizzes.*
Belle: Very nice Ariel.
*Ariel's paper says '98' in big print. Hercules's says '77.' Hercules looks surprised.
Hercules: It kinda seems like you get it.
Ariel: *V.O.* If I was going to keep this going, I was gonna have to really commit to it.
A week later.
*Belle hands them papers.*
Belle: Ariel, you're killing me.
*Hercules's says '81.' Ariel's says '68.' Aladdin looks over her shoulder.*
Aladdin: Damn Africa. What happened?
School Hallway
*Jasmine gets something out of her overstuffed locker.*
Jasmine: You're telling me you're messing up your grade on purpose?
Ariel: What do I care what my grade is? As long as I pass. I mean, learning isn't about grades, it's about knowledge. I have all the information right here. *points to head.* So what does it matter if I pretend not to know it on some test?
Jasmine: Right. Right. That's retarded.
Ariel's House- The next day
*Ariel mopes around the house, which is now a little more decorated in an eclectic nerdy way.) Athena is going over her lecture notes. Ariel comes in.*
Ariel: Hey mom.
Athena: Mmm-hmm.
Ariel: Why do boys like girls who wear a lot of make-up and show their boobs better than real girls?
Athena: I don't know, why?
Ariel What?
Athena: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were telling a joke.
Ariel: I was. Never mind.
Ariel's kitchen- late at night
Ariel: *V.O.* We had our first breakthough in our plan late on Sunday night.
*Jasmine is drawing on a plate with mustard. John is rummaging for food. Athena enters in her pajamas, annoyed that these two won't leave.*
Athena: Okay, it's a school night, so…
*John and Jasmine don't get the hint. They stay put*
John: Goodnight.
Jasmine: Yeah.
*Athena shakes her head and leaves. John finds something to eat in the cupboard.*
John: What are Kalteen bars?
Ariel: They're these weird Swedish nutrition bars that help you gain weight. My mom used to give them to the African kids.
*John shrugs and keeps eating it. Jasmine and Ariel look at each other.*