A/N: Hi everyone! Wow, # 20! I hope you like this one! I enjoyed writing it! Let me know what you think! : )

20: Guide- somebody who leads tourists; leader of a tour

"Dr. Song," a prison guard said wearily as he held a phone through the bars of her cell. "It's for you."

River got up and retrieved the phone. When she was back sitting comfortably on her bed, she answered it. "Hello?"

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is the Doctor and I'll be your guide today. Feel free to ask me any questions along the way." He spoke as though he was working at a museum, and she rolled her eyes. "Now, our first and only stop along this particular tour is the hearts. Now the hearts are the most important organ in a Time Lord's body not only because they pump blood through our systems, like a normal human heart does, but because they allow us the privilege, as some would call it, of regeneration. Can anyone here tell me how regeneration works?"

There was silence. River was sitting on her bed with both eyebrows raised, an amused smile on her lips at her husband's playfulness. Was he really giving her an over-the-phone tour of his hearts?

"No volunteers?" the Doctor said from the other end of the phone. "Okay, I'll just have to choose. How about that lovely woman I see with the curly blond hair? Can you answer my question for the group?"

She smiled. There was no group, of course, it was just her on the phone, but she went along with his game anyway. "When a Time Lord is dying they can regenerate. Having two hearts allows them to be born again, in a way. Their physical appearance and some forms of their personality change as well. A Time Lord can regenerate thirteen times naturally."

The Doctor smiled on his end of the line. "Very good. You know quite a lot about Time Lords for someone taking this tour for the first time."

She laughed, enjoying playing along with him.

He continued on his 'tour.' "Now that everyone understands how Time Lord hearts work, I'm going to tell you all a story. This is a true story, one that must be told when you're on a tour of the hearts. Here goes: Once upon a time there was a Time Lord named the Doctor. He, of course, had two hearts like all the others of his kind. However, he was the only Time Lord left in existence. At one point in his life, when he was hundreds of years old, he met a woman. Now this woman wasn't like most women: she was part Time Lord, having been conceived in a TARDIS. She was unlike other women for others reasons as well, however. She was kind, bold, flirtatious, and beautiful with curly blond hair and a disarming smile. She knew this man like no one else knew him, and in the beginning it scared him. He was sometimes rude to her in an attempt to hide himself away from her. For he did not want to fall in love again, fearing the loss he knew he would one day suffer when she would be gone. This did not last very long. Every time he met her, he could feel his resolve slipping more and more, could sense himself falling head over heels in love with her. Finally, when the time presented itself, he married her. Ever since, he has loved her with both of his hearts. She is Melody Pond, and she became a legend. It is very hard to steal a Time Lord's hearts, but by no means is it impossible. This is the story of a woman who stole the Doctor's hearts like no other has ever been able to, like no other will ever be able to again." He paused, adding emphasis. River, on the other end of the line, wiped her eyes quickly, hastily, truly touched by his sincerity and thoughtfulness. He could be so sweet. "Thank you for listening ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed the tour. Come again soon. Oh, and um, to the pretty lady with the curly blond hair—we should meet over coffee some time. What would you say about tomorrow at 5:00?"

And he hung up the phone with a smirk.