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34: Discombobulate- confuse or disconcert somebody; to throw someone into a state of confusion
The Doctor and River were running, quite fast, away from a museum guard. They had been visiting the Venus Historical Artifacts Museum when the Doctor had decided to examine something closer than looking through the glass case. River had used her ray gun to break the glass while the Doctor had examined the artifact, an old Venus necklace, closer. Before they'd had a chance to return it to its case, a guard had seen them. And so, they were now being chased by the guard, who was screaming for them to come back. They no longer had the necklace, the Doctor had thrown it down before they had begun running away. However, the guard obviously didn't appreciate them touching, whether they were planning to steal it or not.
"I think he's going to catch us!" the Doctor exclaimed as they rounded a corner, still a good deal away from the safety of the TARDIS.
"He won't if you run faster!" River yelled back.
"Get back here! Stop!" cried the guard.
The couple looked at each other and grinned conspiratorially, enjoying the trouble they were in. As they rounded yet another corner, the Doctor reached out and knocked over a pillar so that it was blocking the section of the corridor they had just passed.
"Hah!" he screamed when the tall yet thin guard tripped over the pillar and fell to the ground cursing.
The Doctor took River's hand and they heard the guard get up and bound down the hallway after them.
"You two will be in so much trouble when I catch you!" he said.
Meanwhile, passing tourists were staring at them in shock, scrambling out of the way as the couple sprinted past, closely followed by the now angered security guard who was an arm's length away from them.
The guard reached out and grabbed a handful of River's red leather jacket, pulling her- and, consequently, the Doctor- back towards him. The half-Time Lord barely flinched. In the blink of an eye she had reapplied her lipstick and jumped at the guard.
However, contrary to what the Doctor had expected, her mouth crashed onto the guard's as she kissed him. The man in the bowtie gaped, appalled. When River let him go the guard stumbled, dizzy, and started slowly turning, his head lolling, his eyes crossed, and his mouth curved into a smile. Not losing any time, River took her shocked husband by the hand again and practically pulled him along behind her. One more turn later and they were in the TARDIS, safely away from the disgruntled and confused guard.
The Doctor allowed his wife to lead him to the console room chair. He sat down and stared at her, eyes wide and mouth still hanging open in astonishment. "You kissed him!"
River laughed. "I know. He was rubbish."
"But… But… I was standing right there! We're married! You can't do things like that!"
"Would you rather be inside the museum security office, explaining why you broke into their most prized artifact?" she asked as she wiped her mouth with a tissue.
"Well, no, but… There are other ways?"
"Yeah, because you were really using them." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Humph." He pouted and looked up at her. "What are you doing, anyway?" he asked, gesturing to the tissue.
"Wiping the hallucinogenic lipstick off my lips, sweetie."
It was then that the Doctor realized what had happened. "Oh… You kissed him with… So that he would be… Got it."
"See? You have nothing to worry about."
"It still wasn't fun watching my wife kiss some stranger," he said, returning to his pouting.
"Would you like a kiss to make it better?"
He looked up at her from his chair. "It would." There was a pause. "As long as you're not still wearing that hallucinogenic lipstick."
She smiled down at him. "It's all off."
"Well then, Mrs. Song," he said as he pulled her down onto his lap. "I would love a kiss."