"Seriously Freddie, what the fuck is up with you?"

Freddie gritted his teeth and tried not to roll his eyes. He knew he was in deep shit with Wendy.

"You are this close to being in deep shit with me, Freddie Benson."

Wendy crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip to the side. She was wearing a tight black V-neck Tee and dark wash skinny jeans that disappeared into high-heeled boots. He knew he should be annoyed with her or apologetic or something, but he couldn't help appreciating her nice body.

Then she reached out and snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"Enjoying the view?" she smirked sarcastically. She took a step closer to him and lowered her voice. "I'm not fucking around with you Freddie, now tell me why you kicked me out of your apartment a couple days ago, in my underwear, after you got that text? And ever since then you've been acting like a complete asshole." She tilted her head to the side. "Well. More of an asshole than usual."

He sighed and thought of a way to explain the situation to her without upsetting her. But there wasn't one, so he shouldn't be wasting his time. He looked at her and he saw some of the anger morph into something a little more…bare as she said, "Is there-…are you seeing someone else?"

Freddie softened a little at her tone. He rubbed his face with his hands. He wasn't being fair to her at all, and he knew it. He didn't have an explanation to why he kicked her out.

Sam no longer has an effect on my life. Sam isn't here. Carly isn't here. Be independent.

Sam isn't here. Wendy is though.

"No, Wendy," he reached for her and she stepped easily into his arms, "of course not."

She sighed as he put his hand on her head and softly pushed until she was nestled under his chin. "You know I wouldn't do that."

She wrapped her arms around his torso. "I mean I know that, Freddie, but…ya know you've been acting so weird lately. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in that head of yours."

He didn't even know what was going on in his head, how could he explain it to her? It's been almost a week since he hung up on Carly, and since then he hasn't heard from Carly or Sam. No call, no email, no text. Not even a friendly "like" of one of his statuses on Facebook. Nothing.

If there weren't pictures of them in his room, he'd swear he had imagined all of them and is actually in some drug-induced haze in an asylum somewhere. It's like the Carly-Italy and Sam-Disappearing Act fiasco all over again. Even though he understands why Carly is ignoring him, but he doesn't know why the unexpected text messages from Sam have stopped.

Maybe after he got done snapping at Carly, she called Sam to inform her of what a psychopath he was and how she should probably stop talking to him because of his weird obsession of her.

I'm not obsessed with Sam. He argues with himself. But a voice inside his head counters, Oh yeah? Well she seems to be on your mind about…95% of the time…

Including right now, when he should be focusing on Wendy-

"Freddie, those weren't rhetorical questions, I really do need an answer," she mumbled into his shirt.

Freddie sighed again.

"Okay, well this all started when Sam texted me the other night-."

He felt her stiffen in his arms and she interrupted him asking, "Sam. Puckett?"

His eyebrows scrunched together. "Of course. What other Sam could I be talking about?"

She took a quick step out of his arms. "I knew it. I knew it."

She started pacing back and forth and shaking her head. She stopped and then looked up at him with a twisted smile on her face.

"Of fucking course it's her. It's always fucking her."

Freddie blinked and tried to wrap his head around her meaning.

"Wendy, what are you talking about?"

She barked out a laugh. "What am I talking about? What am I talking about?! It's more like what the whole goddamn school is talking about. Gibby can't keep his mouth shut for shit, and then everyone starts blabbing. I hear it everywhere that they couldn't believe that you two were talking again and how fucked up it was that you were going behind my back-,"

"Wait, who the fuck is 'they'? And I still have no clue why you're yelling at me right now!"

"Everyone!" She threw out her arms. "They," she said making quotation marks with her fingers, "is everyone. All of our friends and people who we don't even know who are talking about how crazy you and Sam are and how dumb you were for talking to her again even though she dropped your ass and left you here—were you aware that some people even think that she ran off cause she got knocked up, with your kid?!—and how dumb I am for staying with a guy who clearly is only using me as a rebound."

Her face almost matched the color of her orange hair and there was fire in her eyes.

"Seriously, Wendy?! I told you to cut that shit out!" Freddie yelled at her.

She laughed again and crossed her arms together. "Oh really, cut what shit out?"

"That-that, gossiping shit you always do!" he waved a hand at her searching for the right words. "God, all the time, you've been like this since we were kids! You always had to be at the center of every new drama. I swear you spend all of your time running around listening to everyone's stories that you couldn't even see the truth if it was right in front of your face!"

She recoiled at his harsh words. She looked down at her shoes, and then back at him.

"Alright," she said softly, dangerously, "if the truth is right in my face, let me see it. You…look me, in the eyes, and tell me you do not have feelings for Sam Puckett."

His breathing was heavy and he looked right into her eyes. He could see how they shone with anger and a hint of bitterness, but he could also see some hope. Hope that he would prove her wrong.

Minutes (maybe hours, days, who knows) passed with them staring at each other.

He couldn't.

A slow sad smile formed on her face. She blinked a couple times and laughed softly again.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

She shook her head and then looked back at him. She leaned in and kissed him softly. Then she leaned back and said, "you can always call me. I can be okay with it, just not right now. I just needed to know."

Freddie, not even beginning to know what to say, watched her walk down the hallway of his apartment complex and turn the corner. He could have sworn he heard her whisper it's always her under her breath, but maybe not.

Freddie stood outside his apartment staring at Spencer Shay's door long after Wendy was gone. He didn't really feel like moving into his apartment because he still needed to wrap his head around what just happened.

This always happens when it comes to Sam. It's like in the grand scheme of things, there's this giant puzzle piece missing that everyone sees but him. And even though he has all these other pieces that could fill that spot, he can't seem to make any of them fit.

He doesn't have feelings for Sam. But he does. Did. He cares for her, yeah. She was and is one of his best friends. She's funny and wild and carefree and everything he's not and he's always respected her for that. She's also mean and selfish and cruel. She's quick to spot weaknesses and even quicker to use those weaknesses against you. Freddie knows all about that first hand.

Yet, there's a softer…more delicate side to her that people don't usually see. And that's what makes her so frustratingly complex to Freddie. She is a giant puzzle, but none of her pieces fit. There's too many sides and thinking about it too long makes his head spin.

It's five years ago and we're in 7th grade. We've just started a webshow together…

We decided to name it after Carly, which makes since because Carly is perfect.

I've never met anyone like Carly before; I couldn't believe how lucky I was that Mom and I moved across from the nicest and prettiest girl in the entire world. I remember being in fourth grade and seeing her with her pink backpack and matching pink ribbon tying back her long dark hair. I knew then I was in love.

Some people say, 'Hey, Freddie Benson. You're twelve. You don't know what love is.' But I do. I do know what love is and it is living right across the hall from me. What's not to love? She's kind and caring and sweet and she always smells kind of fruity and her hair is always shiny and she has this cute laugh, and every single time I see her, I smile.

That is…unless that blonde-headed demon is with her. If Carly had a flaw, then it would be in her choice of best friend. Sam Puckett. Carly may be the best person I know, but Sam is definitely the worst.

Everything I say is a joke to Sam. Every single thing. I'm also pretty positive I'm developing a twitch because I'm so used to having to be on guard every time I'm within ten feet of her.

I just don't understand how someone with such skinny arms and legs can be strong enough to knock me on my butt if she punches me?! That shouldn't even be possible!

And her anger comes of nowhere because I've never done anything to her! In elementary school, I remember when she actually defended me! Did I accidentally sell my soul to the devil? If I had known in exchange for her protecting me that one day, I would have to endure constant physical and mental torture from her, I would rather have had those kids just beat me up on the playground.

"Hey Fredbag, ya wanna get your panties all out of a wad and actually help with this rehearsal? Or did I hurt the wittle baby's feelings so bad he doesn't want to play anymore?" Sam stuck out her bottom lip and walked towards the corner I was trying to calm myself down in.

"Puckett. Just-,"

Carly huffed and walked towards us. "Could you please for just two seconds be nice to each other? Please? You guys are friends, I don't see why you have to pretend to hate each other…"

Sam and I both huffed at Carly's use of the word 'friends' because no we weren't friends, we were just forced to hang out with each other because of Carly.

"It's just hard, Carly! She's such a…demon all the time!" I tried to appeal to Carly's sympathetic side. She had to understand I was trying.

"Hey!" Sam yelled indignantly. "Carly, I don't think I should be forced to be nice to your nubby little stalker-,"

"Listen!" Carly interrupted throwing her hands up. "I don't have time for this, I'm meeting Jake at the mall."

My heart fell. Of course. Another guy. There's always a guy.

"Oh yeah?" Sam said, "Who's Jake?"

Carly smiled coyly. "Just a friend…but we won't be friends anymore if I'm late, so I really need to run!"

I didn't look up from the ground.

"Freddie?"

I looked up to see Carly running around her room trying to put the finishing touches on her makeup.

"Yeah?" I asked back to her.

She stopped walking for a moment to look at me while she pushed an earring through her earlobe.

"Could you do me a huge favor and print off the rest of those worksheets for biology?"

I sighed. "Yeah…I mean, I might not have enough time because I have a lot of homework and-,"

"Oh, that's okay Freddie," her face fell a little. "I can just tell Jake that I have to leave early-."

"No," I interrupted her, "I can do them, yeah, I have plenty of time." I plastered a fake smile on my face. "No worries."

Her smile appeared as quickly as it went away. There was no way I could say no to those brown eyes. "Really?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, it's nothing really," I tried to shrug it off but she squealed and threw her arms around me.

I breathed in her fruity smell and reveled in the moment while I could and then she let go and went to grab her purse. I could feel Sam's eyes on me but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"Bye you guys!" she yelled as she ran out the door.

"See ya!" I yelled back and Sam grunted.

We listened to her run down the steps, yell a goodbye to Spencer, and then leave. We stood there for a couple moments in silence, not really sure what to say to each other. Carly was our buffer and we hardly spent anytime with each other if Carly wasn't around.

"You know," Sam finally said, "I could probably print out those worksheets for you."

"What?" I asked confused by her offer.

Sam isn't exactly the helpful type.

I looked at her, but she seemed very interested in her sneakers.

"I mean, you said you had a lot of homework already, and I'm not doing anything, and Carly asked you to do them-," she mumbled.

I was getting very weirded out by her change in personality so I interrupted her, "nah, it's cool, I really don't mind-."

"Listen you nerdy little nub. If you start failing math, than I won't be able to copy you and then I will start failing, so you can't shiz out on your homework. So I'm going to print off Carly's worksheets and you can still tell your little love of your life that you did them for her. I don't really care, let's just get out of here," she said suddenly, her spark back.

"O-okay…" I said hesitantly.

I started to walk to the door and Sam followed.

"Freddison, I do have to say that your ginormous crush on her is a little pathetic-," she started to grumble.

"Don't," I said not wanting to start another fight. "Just, don't."

We walked down the stairs in silence.

"I'm just trying to tell you that there are other stupid bubbly girls out there that might actually pay attention to you for once," she said quietly as we stepped out of Carly's apartment.

I turned to face her, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Wha-?"

Sam's face twisted into a sarcastic smile. "Well, probably not. You're probably too much of a nerd to end up with anyone, honestly."

Something about the twitch of her smile or the twinkle in her eye told me to not take her seriously. I lifted one of the corners of my mouth.

"Yeah, at least I'll be able to graduate high school. That might be too much for you," I shot back.

Sam raised her eyebrows slightly at the retort, seeing as how I usually didn't have one. After a brief moment of silence and me starting to regret even saying anything to her, she snorted and threw her head back in laughter. She punched me in the arm and then moved past me to open my door and walk in, uninvited, to my apartment.

I shook my head and after a moment, followed her.

After that day I decided Sam wasn't the worst person in the whole entire world to spend time with.

Freddie was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of a door opening.

"Hey, Freddo! I was actually just coming to see you-oh, wait. Why are you on the floor?"

Spencer got down on one knee and scrunched his eyebrows together. He reached out and flicked Freddie's arm.

"What's with the "frownie face" face, there bud?"

Freddie snorted. "It's just been a long day."

"Huh. Yeah, tell me about it. I'm working on this piece for the library renovation grand opening and all I'm saying is I had no idea toilet plunger rubber was so flammable."

Freddie gave him a weird look. "Uh huh."

"But what's been eating you? Do we need to have another 'man to man' talks?" Spencer wiggled his eyebrows.

Since Freddie didn't really have a "father figure" growing up, he had come to rely on Spencer to give him advice on things he couldn't always talk about with his mother. Spencer lovingly called them "man to man talks". Freddie never really let the name catch on, but he was forever grateful to Spencer for spending the time to be some type of a role model. Even if he was a tad…eccentric.

Freddie laughed. "Maybe, I don't know. This year has just had a lot of…complications."

Spencer smiled sympathetically.

"It was really hard on you with them leaving, wasn't it?"

There really wasn't any point lying to Spencer.

"Yeah," Freddie said looking down. "It's just," he started thinking of a way to convey what he had been feeling, "they were just always here, ya know? Like I didn't have to worry about making other friends because I always had someone to talk too. And I never had to get involved with anything cause iCarly took up most of my time and I met a lot of cool and interesting people through that so I was never bored or anything."

"It's like…," he paused.

Spencer waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.

"It's like," Freddie continued, "we were characters of some sort of show or book. And every day was another chapter or episode of another adventure. I just can't help but feeling…like ever since they left, things just kind of stopped happening."

Freddie shook his head. "It's like everything is a little bit duller without them around. I'm always bored, I just…I just miss them a lot, that's all. And, it's like because they aren't here anymore; I'm always wondering what they are doing. Like, are they off having crazy adventures now? Are they making new friends and meeting new people, while I'm just sitting here with the same people I've known since I was nine? Did their life get brighter, and mine got darker? Should I have skipped town, too?"

By the time Freddie reached the end of his rant, his heart rate increased and his breathing had become erratic. He clinched his hands into fists to ground him. His head felt so light, he could swear he might float right up into the sky.

"Whoa, there cowboy, settle down," Spencer reached out and placed a hand on Freddie's shoulder. "Just breathe, take it easy. You're okay." Spencer spoke slowly and waited until Freddie composed himself.

"This is insane, right?" Freddie laughed, mostly to himself. "I'm like having this existential crisis and completely overreacting."

Spencer grabbed his other shoulder. "Listen to me," he said his voice sounding more serious than Freddie had ever heard, "you're not crazy. Don't ever let anyone tell you that."

Spencer and Freddie looked at each other and once Freddie's breathing was normal again, Spencer leaned back.

"It was hard on me, too, ya know." He laughed to himself. "For a week after Carly left, I continued yelling out and talking to her like she was there. Now that's crazy," he gave Freddie a pointed look.

"I wasn't delusional, I knew she wasn't there, but…I didn't like being alone. And I had no idea how large a part of my creative process Carly was, until she left. Sam, too. I know I'm not your typical… 'adult'" he made quotation marks with his fingers, "but, I always felt super responsible for Sam and Carly. They were my little sisters," Spencer smiled sadly. "Even though mostly, it was Carly taking care of me. And so…it was good that she left. It gave me the space I needed to really focus on my career and to learn how to be an adult. And how to function on my own."

Spencer grinned at Freddie. "Now, I'm getting offers on my pieces left and right, and…" he lifted an eyebrow, "I have a date with the hottest dental assistant I've ever met in my life tonight."

Freddie laughed at his cheeky grin.

"And even though," Spencer continued, "I'll miss hearing about Carly's high school dramas, and walking in to see you on my computer and Sam face first in my fridge…"

Freddie smirked at that.

"I'm making the best of a not-so-ideal situation. And," he looked pointedly at Freddie, "I think you should do the same. Sam and Carly aren't dead, if you miss them…stop being so brooding and teenager-y and just talk to them! And if you're bored…make your own adventures! Stop waiting around to be some B-character for someone else's show; make your own story."

Spencer smiled warmly at him. "Don't rely on other people to find happiness. Figure yourself out first, then get all worried about tangling your life up with someone else's."

Freddie openly grinned and shook his head at him. "Spencer…that was, really, really amazing advice."

Spencer shrugged. "Eh, I have my moments. Plus I've been reading more things to impress said hot dental assistant."

"Right." Freddie laughed. "Well, thank you for cheering me up. I really do feel a lot better now. And…" Freddie smiled, "well, you've given me a lot to think about."

Spencer smiled and lightly tapped his knee, "Anytime, Freddo. I am a fount of knowledge and guidance. Like Gandalf!"

Spencer stood up and offered a hand to Freddie to help him off of the ground.

"Oh!" Spencer exclaimed as Freddie stood up. "The reason I was coming to find you, Lewbert screwed up our mail again, and I got a letter addressed to you."

Spencer reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope, then handed it to Freddie. Freddie looked to see who it was from.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "It's from my school. My dream school. The one I applied to."

"I know!" Spencer yelled. "I saw, and I almost opened it because I was so curious but I realized that probably wasn't a good thing to do and you would be upset if I read it and what if you didn't get in-and for Chrissake, just open it already!"

Freddie looked up at him, and then back down at the letter.

You can do this. Come on, Benson.

He couldn't help but feeling he was holding his future in his hands.

Make your own adventure.

Freddie tore open the envelope and let it drop to the floor as he frantically unfolded the letter.

Dear Mr. Benson:

We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into our school of Theater, Film, and Television, and-

"I did it." Freddie said calmly.

"What?" Spencer said practically shaking with excitement.

Freddie looked up at Spencer and grinned. "Spence, I did it. I got in."

"WHOO!" Spencer yelled tackling Freddie with a hug. "You did it! You did it! You did it!"

Freddie was laughing so hard he felt his eyes water. "I got in!"

Spencer stopped hugging him and stepped back. "We have to have like, the biggest party ever, dude."

Freddie laughed, "I agree!"

Spencer's smile softened and he reached down to ruffle Freddie's hair. "I'm really proud of you, kid."

Freddie thought he would burst with everything he was feeling. "Thanks, Spence."

They smiled at each other for a moment longer and then Freddie said, "okay, go get ready for your date. I need to go tell my mom the good news, well…my good news. I don't know how well she's going to take me moving out of state."

Spencer laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that. Well, I'll see ya around Freddie! Remember if you need to talk again, my doors always open. Well-," Spencer paused, "except for tonight. Do not come try to come in tonight," he winked at Freddie.

"Oh, don't worry, that isn't going to happen," Freddie said as Spencer opened the door to his place and then stepped back in.

Freddie looked down at the letter in his hands again and smiled.

"I did it. I got into UCLA."

It's time for my own adventure.

California, here I come.

A/N: Another update! ;)

I'm giving you like a fuck-ton of angst, but there are so many bubbly parts, too! :/ So sorry for the angst (but they are teenagers, and teenagers are like 93% angst so...)

And another Seddie flashback yay!

Oh and I hope y'all caught my little fourth-wall breakage there.

Hope you enjoyed, please drop a review! :)