A/N: You know... despite me saying last chapter not to expect my chapters to get longer, they keep doing that! Not that I really mind, just as long as they get out on time, which is what you are all interested in too. Anyways, this chapter is for resolve and the opening for the next chapter which will be in Kurt's POV; meaning there will be two chapters next week... and I do hope I finish them because this chapter almost didn't because I sliced a chunk off my right pinkie, which is important when typing a story! Haha. Enough of me.
Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.
Enjoy!... Or... I don't know... Don't litter?
"Have you given much thought to my offer?" Kurt asked as soon as he walked into Blaine's hospital room the second visiting hours started.
The one thing that Blaine knew would always stay constant in Kurt was his unbelievable need to waste no time at any moment... and to always get his way. Kurt took the chair next to Blaine's bed, the one that somehow always seemed to gravitate closer with each visitor he received; a feat that he did not quite understand.
One that he also did not mind, seeing as how the frequency of Kurt's visits outnumbered anyone else's, and the ever present feelings Blaine still holds for him. Blaine wanted to be okay, but he was so confused on who he wanted to be okay for. Was it right that he felt he needed Kurt so bad that he could not live without him, despite all the cards being revealed? There was a burning hole within him that ached to be filled with the love he once felt from Kurt, and if was hard living without it when he knows what it felt like once upon a time.
The difference now, was not that Blaine tried to kill himself, or that he felt he was responsible for changing Kurt, it was that after their talk they both came to the same conclusion: immaturity.
Clearly something that they had not thought about when they were together was how they would grow into adults; instead they focused on where they would be, what they would be doing, and who they were going to be with. The typical "what lies at the end of the road" mentality, and not the actual road and who is travelling on it.
Nothing in between really seemed to register because there was no real thought put into it.
Yes, they had both changed and made decisions that lead to mistakes that led to consequences.
But now… everything was so much bigger.
Kurt did not even seem to be aware of his sudden bout of OCD; and with everyone tip-toeing around him because of his dad's treatments, no one was telling him about it.
But Blaine was nothing if not observant that was everything Kurt and more than willing to help him... but Blaine was still not so sure on being helped by the other teen. It was backwards and two-faced, but Blaine was sitting at a very difficult impasse.
One: he either let Kurt in and be exposed to all of the pain that they both had to go through in their break-up, because he knew that he could not talk to Kurt about his other deeper feelings without letting Kurt in again... and inadvertently, causing Kurt to open up about the pain that Blaine caused him.
He knew what he had done, Blaine was more than aware of that, but did he really believe that he was currently in a firm position with his suicidal feelings to actually hear Kurt talk about it all.
Or two: he allowed the people at this facility to talk to him about his feelings and not understanding because they were not there and he would always think that as they tried to help him manage, because that is really all they could do was help him manage... then in the end tell him to talk to Kurt anyways so that there would be some finality.
So... rip off the scabbed-over band-aid? Or soak it in meaningless words before having to rip it off?
The bed-ridden teen swallowed the gulp of water that he had been letting sit in his mouth. "I got the paperwork for the facility from the doctor yesterday after you left," Blaine sighed, watching Kurt's face fall into a pained expression. "It's all filled out; all I have to do is sign."
"They aren't going to be able to help you, Blaine. Not the way I can," Kurt said in the way that Blaine knew he was talking about being the center of everything and how it would be solved faster if they went through it together.
He let his eyes fall closed, tugging at the restraints around his wrists. He was so close to letting the other teen just be right and let him in, that it was growing painful. "Kurt," he rasped, mouth going dry and making him more reluctant to talk, "You're leaving tomorrow."
Kurt rolled his eyes, like he could not believe that Blaine had brought up something so trivial. "Yes," he agreed, "but then I'll be back in less than two weeks. For the summer. I only have my finals after the last week of class and have already talked to my teachers about doing each one early." The teen took Blaine's hand when he attempted to protest, "I know we have both lost our former selves and that we may have fallen from glory, but I find it more important to be with you and help you than to wait a few more days to take a test." A smile blossomed on Kurt's face, unpained or strained but still sad, "I want you to graduate and I want you to move to New York and live out the dream that you have wanted since you were little, not the dream that you sculpted after I told you I wanted to go to NYADA. If I could even be the slightest reason to help you move passed this and live on, even if we never said a word to each other for the rest of our lives... I would be okay with that. I'd be thrilled."
His lip felt numb after he had been chewing on it and shook his head, throat protesting to being abused with his mouth being so dry, "No you wouldn't."
This caused Kurt to really smile, eyes lighting up with an inner light that Blaine had not seen since... before. It was good to see the sad and lonely and rage lit eyes to finally be put away... and maybe one day the love would come back to shine through.
Or was that too hopeful of him to think that this would all work out?
"You're right, I wouldn't," Kurt said and looked up at Blaine through his lashes, sending the other teen's mind reeling to the days that that look meant skipped lunches in favor of the empty choir room, or Blaine first seeing Kurt working on a car at the garage and borrowing the break-room, or Kurt first seeing Blaine play Prince Charming at the theme park over the summer and Blaine sneaking Kurt into the dressing room after the show.
"So... about my offer?"
Blaine smiled and worked his throat so that he could attempt to talk without having to stop to drink the water sitting on the bed table in front of him (in front of his face really, with a straw, because his hands were restrained—the main reason why Kurt had not been pulled into Blaine's lap once he flashed that look); because despite Kurt always wanting (actually getting) his way, Blaine was not totally against giving it to him in the first place.
Until the doctor walked in that is.
"Good to see you here again, Mr. Hummel," the man that was slowly starting to become the bane of Blaine's hospital existence swept into the room, not even bothering to look at Kurt as he spoke.
Huh.
Blaine looked critically at the doctor standing at the foot of his bed, clipboard tight in his grip as he seemed to angle his body away from Kurt... the front of his body, the only part of his body that was not covered by his lab-coat.
With the new pilled drugs he was taking, Blaine had become much more observant of things around him; which had a lot to do with the lack of strength in the tranquilizers and that the new drugs made him ridiculously thirsty and made it hard to talk if he did not have a drink right before because his mouth was dry... or felt dry. So he was left to listen and look a lot.
"Homophobe," he finally decided.
The doctor snapped to look at Blaine in surprise, "Excuse me?"
The teen blinked in response, his voice scratchy and deep and reminded him of the horrible experience of going through puberty where his voice would crack every chance it got (and considering that he went through it late, did not help with the teasing), "Oh... Did I say that out loud?"
A startled giggle came from Kurt, before he placed a hand to his mouth trying to hide his smile. But Blaine saw, he saw the crinkle lines in the corner of Kurt's eyes, the apple of his cheeks puff up, the way his nose scrunched up just little...
Beautiful, Blaine let himself think as Kurt's smile became infectious.
"Blaine," the doctor interrupted any further thoughts said teen was having about the other. "I understand that you have an obligation to your friend to defend his… choices in life, but I think it best, for you, to not associate with Mr. Hummel further. The facility we talked about is awaiting that application I gave to you." The man stepped close to Blaine's bedside, opposite of where Kurt sat, "Have you signed the papers?"
The pause that followed really consisted of Blaine staring disbelievingly at his doctor—Did you just—?
"W-what?!" Blaine yelled as he sat up from his bed, hitting the table and knocking the glass of water into his own lap, "I think you should leave!" The rasping of his voice causing it to crack from the lack of moisture in his throat, but he refused to be quieted. "I don't care what your belief about gay men and women are and I don't give a shit, but I won't let you stand there and insult me and my boyfriend like you own the world! I am hospitalized and I don't believe that you are fit to treat me per your prejudices! So get the fuck out!" His knee came up and knocked into the table, since he could not bang on it instead with his fists, causing the doctor to jump and hastily exit the room while Kurt only held his hand tighter, "And get me another doctor!"
Kurt burst into laughter as soon as the doctor was out of sight and Blaine continued to glare out the door until the other teen's giggling came to a slow stop, "Despite how hot that was, that is going to have to be just another thing that we'll have to take control of." The hand that Blaine had been holding practically since Kurt walked in pulled away and was placed on top of his own, "That is... if you wa—"
"Yes," Blaine croaked, smiling.
Kurt pursed his lips and looked down, "Good." He nodded before shyly looking up at their joined hands, "You said boyfriend."
Hazel eyes closed tightly, not wanting to see the look on Kurt's face when he turns Blaine down after he just accidently messed things up.
"I don't think," Kurt began to said, his voice slow and hesitant, as if he was looking for the right words... the right words to turn Blaine down, "That now is a good time for us to be back together."
A shocked look came over Blaine's face, his eyes snapping open to take Kurt in: sitting beside him at the hospital, dressed in a revealing off-shoulder blue sweater and tight light gray skinny jeans, eyes bright with... Oh... Wow.
"Now," he repeated, lacing their fingers together, "but that isn't a never."
The shorter teen huffed in... he did not know what, but he smiled, "Yeah."
Maybe they could really help each other? Maybe they were not such lost hopes after all?
But really, only time will tell... seeing as how Kurt would be gone for two weeks.
"Now let's clean up this water. "
A/N: Well, there it is. Some really important drug related themes that will be expanded upon in the coming chapters. No Klaine interactions until after chapter six because Blaine's (ch.6) will be concurrent with Kurt's (ch.5), luckily you get both at one time. I don't know if we will ever see the doctor again, I'm not one for too evil characters. Blah, we'll see.
Also, a quick and HUGE thank you to the reviewer Chrisch! I was feeling so discouraged will the way that I wrote the last chapter that I almost did not want to update, but your review made me feel so much better about this whole story! I really appreciate it! Almost immediately after I read it I began this chapter and it inspired me for the Kurt one (especially this early in the story!). Again, thank you. I probably would have fallen behind without you.
Hope ya'll all enjoyed (the confirmation that this story will end in Klaine)!
Until next time,
Anjel Starlight