A/N: Hello! Aren't you happy to get two chapters? As promised, this is Kurt's chapter and it is a little longer than any previous ones because you get a good amount of explanation from his side. Blaine's won't be so long, but it's not short either. Considering the huge shocking news of Cory Monteith's death, I have to readjust where I had my story going, I will discuss this more next week when the shock of it all settles and I am more prepared on what I am going to do. May he rest in peace and my heart goes out to the Glee cast for their loss, I just lost my aunt this morning and am still recovering from losing my great grandmother and grandmother this year.

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.

Enjoy!... Or think happy thoughts.

Kurt had a planner... granted, he had always had a planner of some sort when he was growing up because he liked things to be organized. That's one of the reasons his dad went from just teaching him about cars at home to teaching him and letting him work at the garage. The front office suddenly had filing cabinets that were in use, customers started getting their cars back early, employees were never pressured to finish things the same day ever again, and Burt never had to worry about running out of any equipment or supplies; all because Kurt took over the paperwork and inventory.

With everything that had been going on lately though, with his dad and now Blaine, he decided that he needed to be more thoroughly organized. His days were planned out almost down to the minute: getting ready in the morning and at night, meals, studying, TV breaks, talking on the phone, and even thinking.

Right now was not the time he set out to think, it was studying time but no matter how much he tried to burry himself in his book reports, a project, music sheets, and acting class notes... his mind always came back to Blaine.

Blaine and what he had almost done. Something that Kurt had not even fathomed possible for the other teen to even think about let alone attempt twice. That all of his hurt feelings stemmed from Kurt's own hurt feelings and his unnecessary attempt at revenge; it only seemed to hurt both of them further in the end, he could only see that now after Blaine pointed it out.

Despite how much hurt was between them, Kurt could admit that he still loved Blaine deeply, making it all hurt that much more. That he had done such a thing to Blaine, then Blaine trying to end it all. He did not want to feel guilty after hearing Blaine's side, or what he shared of it, but the teen could not help but think that he had been a factor in the infidelity.

The main cause... Kurt thought, letting out a quiet sigh before focusing back on the music sheet in front of him. This was the song he had to perform for his entry theater class final, the results would either land him in advanced theater or entry opera next semester.

He needed to focus now, so that he could think about Blaine as much as he wanted later.

When he was methodically making a sandwich for dinner later, Kurt could not help but reflect on where everything seemed to go wrong.

Had he really not talked to Blaine since Valentine's Day? Was he so cruel as to completely cut Blaine out of his life before and more so after that day? Kurt did not want to believe it.

…but it was true. He had been so focused on wanting to make Blaine suffer as much as he had, that he lost his true self in his anger. Using Blaine, giving him the slightest bit of belief that they were going to get back together, and then he threw him aside without a second thought.

Without even realizing it, he was hurting himself too.

Back when he was in Ohio, visiting Blaine every day from the time visiting hours began until they ended, Kurt knew that Blaine did not catch onto how much Kurt truly cared for him. He was always there for Blaine, whether he was asleep or awake but not lucid, babbling about random things thinking that he was making absolute sense but he was only stringing together nonsense. Even when Blaine had other visitors, Kurt was right outside the door, waiting for that company to leave so that he could rejoin the teen.

Or even the first night that Blaine had been at the hospital, Kurt slept propped up against Brittany, then his dad when she left, so devastated to find out that Blaine had tried to kill himself not once, but twice, that he was practically inconsolable. He had refused to eat or drink or talk until his own dad threatened to call a nurse to come examine and treat him for shock.

He felt responsible without knowing how it had all gotten to this point, or why no one had told him—

No one had told him anything.

The tingling in his shoulders kept him on edge, Kurt could not quite figure out if it was from the long flight or the strangeness of being called out of New York by Blaine's parents... or something else entirely. He had already called Mrs. Anderson to tell her that he just arrived at the Columbus airport; she had anticipated his early arrival and was already on her way. So in less than twenty minutes Kurt would be riding in a car with a woman that he never particularly liked.

But it's for Blaine, Kurt tried to remind himself. The grey button down he wore was wrinkled in the back from the long flight, but he had a vest that he had laid at the top of his carryon bag which easily hid any imperfections. It was not for this woman or her husband that he wanted to look immaculate for, despite the unknown reasons Kurt was brought back to Ohio, he was here for Blaine. He wanted to look good for Blaine, not even in the "I'm doing fine without you" way... Kurt just wants to look good. Show Blaine that he cared what he looked like in front of him, that he wanted to be perfect for Blaine, wanted to be better for Blaine.

As out of his mind as it seemed, he still cared for Blaine; maybe even admit he still loved him.

...and maybe in some small recess of Kurt's mind, he wanted Blaine to see what he lost. No matter how much Kurt wanted that to be the reason more than the other, the pleasure he imagined he would get out of it—just made him sick to his stomach.

Blaine's silver BMW pulled up to the curb near the bench that Kurt had sat himself at, outside the let-out terminal. How ironic that it was that car.

Kurt and Blaine had always joked that it would be the Navigator that they would break in first, back before they had had sex of course. But after their Christmas date and Blaine had given Kurt the Jimmy Choo boots that he had been eyeing at the mall for months... well, Kurt was not about to let his Brooks Brothers bowtie-set be beat out; so once Blaine had pulled up behind his (empty) house to park his car, Kurt had moved himself to the back seat.

The same back seat that he had just placed his bags in.

Has it really come to this? he thought as he settled himself in the front passenger seat, Back in Ohio and I'm already seeing Blaine in everything.

Not being a woman of pleasantries, Mrs. Anderson just pulled away from the airport and back on the road.

The rest of the ride was a kind of blur, seeing as how all he needed to hear was "Blaine did what? You're taking him to the hospital?" and Kurt shut down on anything but those words. He had not even thought to question why he had been brought here in the first place, he was told that Blaine needed him so he came... but now he could not even bother to process asking what Blaine did. All he could think about was Blaine dying and Kurt never seeing him again, because why else would someone be taken to the hospital? He was hurt and he needed Kurt, and he might not ever see him again.

But when he finally sat in a hospital waiting room listening to Cooper as he gently told him that Blaine had tried to kill himself... again. Kurt just sat there, laughing slightly waiting for the moment when someone jumps out and says "Just kidding!", because really? Blaine? Happy, go-lucky always wearing a smile and saying a kind word, dapper and gentlemanly to almost a fault, cardigan and bowtie and no or neon colored socks wearing—Blaine. Kurt's Blaine, tried to commit suicide? Twice? Impossible.

...apparently not. No one was laughing; no one was telling Kurt it was just some cruel joke.

Kurt almost did not want to believe it. The timing was too perfect! He gets called from Blaine's parents to come out and talk to him on the same night that he tries to kill himself? No, no way. Not his Blaine.

... but it was true. Unmistakably true.

He barely had enough strength to call his dad.

As the panic of the situation began to set in, Kurt lost it as the initial numbness wore off.

He pulled at his hair, tugged at his clothes, paced the length of the waiting room with tears blurring his vision and nerves twitching, causing him to run into chairs, tables, people—until he was forced into a chair by his dad upon his arrival. He felt like his world was falling apart, like the fine strings that had been holding him together since the breakup were snapping at a pace that he was not even registering.

All he could focus on was Blaine and why, why, why.

Why would he do this?

Why would he leave me?

Why did he not talk to me?

Why did I not call him?

Why did we grow so far apart?

Why aren't you with me Blaine?

Why didn't I call you?

Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.

With nothing but a tsunami of emotions to deal with, all Kurt focused on was the call he should have made, that he should have called, he needed to call Blaine, he needed to call Blaine now. Scrolling through his contacts was difficult through the tears but he managed.

Then someone picked up, so he just let loose on everything not ever realizing that he was babbling and that logically, Blaine could not have answered his phone seeing as how he was in the hospital somewhere with doctors working on him.

"I-I w-want you here w-with me! W-why aren't you h-here?"

...but nothing surprised him more than hearing Brittany on the other side of the line.

"Okay, Unicorn! I'll come visit you and Blaine Warbler in the hospital! Be there soon!"

Once the innocent girl had arrived, she had taken it upon herself to make the shattered Kurt feel better by helping him clean up as best she could; Kurt even became lucid enough to turn down her glittery eye-shadow and lip-gloss. Her non-grasp of the situation only seemed to sober him further. Here was Brittany, completely out of her element and expecting Blaine to be okay; while he could not seem to pull his head out of his ass a few minutes ago and realize that calling Blaine was a stupid idea.

But it brought him a friend so he would take it.

Especially when Kurt wanted to slap the doctor for calling all of those waiting for news on Blaine a "party", like they were at some sleazy, chain restaurant.

"—it's all up to Blaine now."

Dodging Rachel and Santana's third-degrees were getting a little harder for Kurt with each passing day. He was down to his final class day, his two book reports and one final project turned in, one of his final performances already sung, Kurt was growing anxious to return to Ohio. He was set to leave in less than three days but he almost wanted to push for his acting-class final to be done earlier, something he knew would just put more pressure on himself, but worth it if he got back to Blaine faster.

He decided that it was best he not, though. It could damage his next semester if he did not watch himself.

But was that really more important? Aren't I being selfish?

Instead of his theater class being the final lecture today, the teacher had placed up a sign-up sheet for their final performances, Kurt had already chosen an early slot because it was those and last ones that were remembered the most despite the content. Though the subject matter of the final song was not limited to theater or musicals, most students did not stray from the intended genre of the class—unless you were Kurt and wanted to be bold, but also found more meaning in mash-up that he had created.

Taking the bold and emotional beats and lyrics of P!nk's "Who Knew" and slowing them down to the instrumental, heartbreaking ballad that was Avril Lavigne's "When You're Gone"; with personal feelings on both of the artists put aside, Kurt had created an emotion piece that really dug deep into his current emotions.

It was a good thing too, because he had just overheard one of the girl's going before him that Carmen Tibideaux had been on the panel of graders.

Kurt could really only smile though, as he stared down at the veins of his right wrist, fingers of his left hand stroking the soft, palpable skin just beneath his palm. His attention had been drawn easily away from the music sheets in his lap when he thought back to Blaine, how he had been more than grateful to any deity that might exist that Blaine had a pulse, a pulse that Kurt almost kept a constant finger on. Whether it had been his neck or the hollow of his throat when he was asleep, or his wrist when he was awake, Kurt did not want to sit back and wonder if Blaine's heart would stop beating, if his blood would stop pumping, if he would stop existing.

Feeling his own pulse now against the fingers, steady and there, Kurt was ready to go back to Blaine, but he was calmer about it. More ready than ever before to do this performance, to do it for Blaine as much as himself.

He would deal with Rachel and Satan when he got home, but for now—he could focus on being with Blaine soon.

"Hummel, Kurt. You're up."

Soon.

A/N: That's it for this one. Go one to the next one seeing as how there's two anyways.

Until next time,

Anjel Starlight