A/N: Well... I took the week off and you get the longest chapter yet... How does this happen?... Meh. Whatever. Not much else to say. Moving onto the necessary stuff.
Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst, and... Klaine fighting
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.
Enjoy!... Or don't hate me? The fight that ya'll have been waiting/dreading for, from actually in Glee and my story...
P.S. I know I already established this with the person that commented but I feel I need to address this now before the story. Someone commented about the lack of confrontation... I had already planned it for this chapter. So don't worry... except for when it blows up like that grenade in Tony Stark's face... Yes, I just went there.
"I ignored you on purpose."
"On purpose," Blaine whispered to himself. He was still rather shocked about the whole thing; he had not really thought too much about it in the beginning (it seemed too insignificant to what Blaine had done), but the more he did... the more he saw Kurt in the wrong.
What had Blaine done to deserve that?
Nothing.
Not even in the sense of not being able to think of something either; he really had not done anything wrong towards Kurt to deserve to be treated like that. He forgave Kurt after he cheated and supported him through the whole NYADA application; Blaine had even held him throughout the night as Kurt cried his eyes out for not being accepted. Then again when school started up, it was Blaine that sent Kurt off to New York with the heavy promise of the distance not changing him or how he felt about Kurt.
Blaine sighed and dropped his pencil onto his journal, where until fifteen minutes ago he had been taking Physics notes, now he was just drawing random hearts with Kurt's and his names in them while either drawing arrows through them or jagged lines cutting them in half. Not because he felt the need to destroy the representation of his love for Kurt, only because with each heart he drew he found something imperfect about it and decided it was not good enough to be left like that. He wanted so badly to think it was just the drawings and not the actual fault he found between him and Kurt currently; but your subconscious knows better.
He let his head fall closer to the paper, his shoulder hunching over as Tina tried to look at the mess he made of his notes.
With the way that the conversations had been going with Kurt, Blaine grew surer that their individual situations were being slowly resolved while their relationship with one another seemed to only get worse. He knew without a doubt that he had hurt Kurt, it is what drove a lot of his suicidal thoughts, but the more and more he thought of Kurt's side of the conversations... the more it became clear of how truly hurt he was himself.
It was never something that he had given much thought to; because yeah, he was hurt by the break up, he was hurt by Kurt ignoring and avoiding him. But had he not deserved it all? He was the one that sent Kurt off to New York, he was the one that did not reach out hard enough to Kurt, he was the one that cheated, and he was the one that had to be eaten up inside by what he had done to Kurt because of it. But Kurt actually, intentionally, wantingly ignoring him, because they were together but not together?
It fucking hurt.
More than any pain he had ever felt before. Being jumped, his brother's bullying, his parents' disappointment, the rock salt, getting into that one fight with Finn, Kurt's cheating, that one fight with Sam, the break-up, Sue's workout class, the lacy-thong wedgie incident...
It was even more humiliating.
Because who does that?
Kurt apparently, and Blaine had deserved none of it.
Once the bell rang, Blaine was out the door and racing for the parking lot. Kurt was picking him up and they were going to go to Blaine's and swim, hopefully talk more. As much as Blaine wanted full honesty with Kurt, with as rocky as their relationship was, even if it was planted firmly in the "just friends" zone, this might just push them into the biggest fight yet.
...and they were just not ready for it.
In hindsight, he probably should have kept that in mind; because whether it was from the medicine or with all the tension in the air between him and Kurt, Blaine was even shorter tempered than before.
Kurt bounced the beach-ball off Blaine's head, just as he was starting to lose himself to his thoughts again, laughing at the affronted look that came over the curly-haired teen's face.
"I'm gonna get you for that, Kurt!" The shorter teen launched himself at Kurt, arms wrapping around his waist and tackled him into the pool.
They discovered not too long after wrestling in the pool for a few minutes, that their combined splash soaked Kurt's sandals, which were designer and Blaine knew he would never hear the end of it… ever. "Who brings designer anything near a pool anyways?"
"I have never missed an opportunity for fashion—" Kurt ignored Blaine's add-in about the one time he tried to act straight, while he removed himself from the pool to inspect the damage hauntingly, "—and I never will."
Blaine smiled before letting his body float up so that he was on his back, enjoying the cool water against the ever present heat of his skin. The side-effects were luckily fading away or becoming milder as time passed, which Blaine was more and more grateful for when he thought about how miserable he had first been those first few week, going through the same thing twice. At least now Kurt was here to help ebb away the more scaring of his actions... again, ebb not heal. It was either the hurt from before was too much at times, or the new light that was being shed was just causing more hurt; either way, there was no healing between them, despite how much they wanted there to be.
When the curly-haired teen decided that Kurt was taking too long, he shouted out nonchalantly, "Don't make me come get you!"
Apparently that struck the wrong cord because the response he got was nothing he was expecting.
"Why didn't you chase me? Why didn't you come after me?" Kurt asked, voice quiet but serious.
Blaine twisted in the water, hazel eyes looking up at Kurt where he had seated himself at the patio table, shaded by the umbrella there. His trunks and swimming shirt (because no matter how much sun-screen Kurt used, his porcelain skin still burned) soaked and clinging to the planes of his body in distracting ways. At least it would be distracting if Blaine did not feel the anger that had been festering inside him these last few days begin to boil over. "Why didn't you let me?" Blaine accused, walking through the water and over to the edge, the glare he was sending Kurt hardened his features.
"Let you?" Kurt quickly shot back, "You didn't even try! All you did was call and text! You could have come up to see me at any weekend and forced me to listen! Demand to talk to me! Prove to me that I needed to listen! But you only managed to do that after you cheated!"
Fists came down hard on to the tile lining of the pool, Blaine not even wincing as he shouted, "Why do I have to prove myself, Kurt? Do you think I'm undeserving?"
Kurt opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, looking away.
"I'm not, am I?" Blaine continued. "Yes, Kurt, I cheated! And I'm sorry! But you can't just sit there thinking you're shit free either! No, you didn't make me have sex with Eli but you didn't exactly not cause it! Yes, maybe I could have tried harder to talk to you... but you didn't even try!"
The taller teen continued to pointedly look away from Blaine, but the tears running down his cheeks did not escape the hazel-eyed gaze.
It was all coming to a head, just as Blaine feared (how ironic that it was that same day) and no matter how much he knew that they were both not going to come out of this argument unscathed, both hurting; Blaine could not bring himself to apologize to Kurt, not with how angry he felt.
"When you cheated..." Kurt whispered, wiping his tears away with his fingers his gaze still looking off at whatever was more important to look at than Blaine, "I felt like you gave up on me..."
The burning mess of anger flared in Blaine's chest and he could barely keep it contained as he gritted out through clenched teeth, "Apparently, you already gave up on me." The teen moved himself along the wall of the pool so that he had more of a chance to get Kurt to look at him as he continued on, "Was I so unworthy? Did it even cross your mind to even talk to me about it?" When Kurt still did not look at him, even as soft as his voice was, he cursed and yelled, "No! You were just so... so... selfish!"
"Right?" Blue-eyes snapped to meet hazel, glaring down at Blaine; both finding their anger mirrored back, "Because I'm the one in the wrong."
"You are!" Blaine shouted back. No matter what a disadvantage of being in the water and at a lower level than Kurt may have seemed in an argument like this; he knew that if he got out of the pool, much less in Kurt's face... he just might throw some punches.
"Yeah? Because I'm the one that made you cheat?" Kurt spat bitterly, standing up so that he was looking further down at Blaine. "I made you walk into that room and fuck some other guy."
"It takes two to tango, Kurt," he could not bring himself to yell this one. Kurt's words biting into him deeper than he expected it too, because of course he knew this would come up and that it would hurt... but taking a chuck out of him? Deflating him? That just burned him more. Made him angrier. He clenched his fists against the tile at the edge of the pool, letting the roughness of the grout bite into his skin enough for him to not pull himself out of the water and do something that he would very much like to do, but knew he would regret.
Kurt snorted, "Yeah, and it only takes one stupid decision mess up the rest of your life."
Apparently, Blaine was not the only one in his struggle with doing things that would cause regret; he just had a little more control than Kurt. Even as he watched Kurt's eyes go wide immediately after, hands flying up to his mouth, his face scrunching up as if Kurt was in pain, and tears rushing faster down his cheeks...
Blaine looked away; heart feeling like it had been ripped out of his chest again.
What happened to solving problems, instead of creating them? the shorter teen thought bitterly as he pushed away from the edge of the pool and over towards where the underwater steps were. Voice cracking unbidden and the feeling of tears sliding down his warm cheeks making him shiver, but Blaine went on to ask, "Am I your stupid decision, Kurt?"
Kurt gasped and went silent for a few minutes, allowing the curly-haired teen to situate himself on the upper stairs, not fully pulling himself out of the water. When he responded, his voice sounded just as broken as Blaine's, "Blaine, that's not... I didn't mean to say that."
He only laughed and shook his head, looking down at his hands and comparing how the pads of his fingers resembled raisins, "Tell me you haven't wished that you hadn't met me?" Hazel eyes looked up to meet Kurt, hands still held up right, probably looking just as defeated as he felt.
"Why would I—" the blue-eyed teen started, then shook his head deciding against it; only to shake his head again in answer to Blaine. Kurt bit as lip not too long after, growing shy over the intenseness of Blaine's gaze, "Have you?"
"No." It was the truth, so that needed no further explanation, but Blaine was not going to stop there. With hurt feelings all around, clearing the air cleanly was the furthest thing from his mind. "I wished I hadn't cheated. I wished that the pain you were feeling went away. I wished that I wasn't so weak. I wished I had gone to New York and made you listen, made you talk. I wished for a lot of things, Kurt," he paused to breathe, wetting his suddenly dry mouth with his tongue, "but wishing I had never met you, was not one of them."
"Blaine..." it was Kurt's turn for his voice to crack, going higher than Blaine had ever heard it, "I don't want to lose you."
"I don't want to lose you either!" the curly haired teen sobbed, head dropping into his open palms. The sound of bare feet padding against concrete alerted Blaine to Kurt rushing over to him, feeling the taller teen press into his side, Kurt sitting only a step higher than him. "...but aren't we just hurting each other?"
"No..." Blaine heard Kurt assure, before a pause then a teary, "Yes..." They slipped their arms around each other, Kurt's around Blaine's shoulders and leaning across his back while Blaine clung to Kurt's legs, forehead resting on one of his knees. "But we may just be—"
"—going about this wrong?" Blaine muttered, cutting Kurt off in a desperate attempt to stop him from saying something that he himself did not want to hear... but he knew Kurt better than he knew himself, because that was exactly what he was going to say.
Kurt chuckled against Blaine's back, breath brushing over his ear in huffs, "You finished my sentence, we haven't done that in a while."
"There's a lot of things we haven't done in a while," Blaine muttered, pouting slightly and teasingly pressing his lips against Kurt's skin in a not-kiss as he talked, wanting to smother his next words, just in case he got rejected. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Like us..." the teen brushed his nose against Blaine's wet curls, "starting over?"
"Sort of," Blaine shrugged before actually pressing a kiss into Kurt's skin, "but keeping all our faults in mind." Another kiss, "Maybe laying it all out at once wasn't the best idea?" He pulled himself away from Kurt's legs, turning so that they were looking at each other, even pulling himself up on to the same step as Kurt, so that they were at the same level. "I don't want our resolve to be quick and dirty, Kurt. We both—," he stressed, eyes searching Kurt's baby blues in a quick flicker, "—deserve better."
A smile pull at the corners of Kurt's lips, him leaning into Blaine's space temptingly before pulling back, so that both of them could get a hold of themselves. Clearly not ready for the step that they might have just made there. He tilted his head to the side, now looking up in Blaine's eyes, "Then maybe it isn't starting over, but starting again?"
"Yeah." Blaine felt a smile pull at his own lips as he stared at Kurt assuringly, "Yeah, I liked that a lot."
They stayed there, holding hands and switching from looking out over the pool and looking into each other's eyes... until Cooper came out and made kiss-y face at them.
So they proceeded to chase him around the house in an attempt to embarrass him by their state of undress.
They could think about their up coming date another time.
A/N: Well, that wasn't too bad. I hope. I resolved it as much as I could without making it seem too unreal, but added the lovey stuff because I wanted to... and fan service. But I also want to explain something. I've been talking this whole confrontation thing out with my two friends, who are Glee fans and also dating, and they are in complete agreement with me in that relationships fights don't always happen and/or are resolved all at once. I don't really want to drag this out, but I want to make it as real as possible... Which I don't know if I've said before or not and don't feel like going back and looking because I'm lazy... Because I've had a productive day and wrote two things (the second of which I will post soon).
Also, I'm going to address this before I get flack for it. The punching thing. I am NOT going to make Blaine abusive. I think that is too unrealistic for these characters and I will never do that to them. I'm just saying in the way that they are both still human even if they are gay. I've had a few moments when I actually wanted to punch someone and thought better of it... and the time I actually did, but we don't speak about that time. So it's normal. If you want to talk about it, feel free to do so. I'm just putting my feelings about it out there.
Anyways, hope ya'll enjoyed... even if it was closer to the end. That's it for this week, I have no idea what I'll post next week because I haven't gotten to that yet, I just have a more firm direction of where this story is going. OH! But I will say this, be prepared to get another Brittany POV soon.
Until next time,
Anjel Starlight