Naruto eagerly awaited his turn. Today was the day. He would become a genin if it killed someone!
(Yeah...he spends way too much time around Ranma. He had turned from a kind, if goofy upright kid to someone who could care less about someone else getting their face clawed off as long as it didn't happen to him.)
Sasuke was right beside him, looking amused. He had an intimate understanding of the genin placement, and knew that should Naruto actually pass he would be placed with the Rookie of the year and smartest girl in the class...which, after he started to 'develop' in his curse form was him. The irony was not lost on him, though Iruka often had to hold back a laugh whenever he heard the kunoichi in charge of the girl's lessons praise Tsuki-chan, even if they had no clue as to who the girl actually was.
The funny thing was that Iruka was all for insuring the fan girls never got the top kunoichi spot even if it meant allowing Sasuke to head to the bathroom five seconds before 'Tsuki' was about to be called up. He was all for helping his students, but he didn't like fan girls.
'Tsuki' had already come and passed...and coincidentally went to the girl's restroom before Sasuke came back. Iruka shared a conspiratorial wink with the boy. They didn't notice Hinata trying not to snicker.
She had seen the entire thing and was among the only people who knew the truth about Tsuki without being told.
"Uchiha, Sasuke!"
The raven haired boy walked in, got a pass, then walked out. He did mouth 'clone' to Naruto though.
Naruto gave him a thumbs up, and then waited for his name.
"Uzumaki, Naruto!"
Naruto walked in with a smirk. Iruka gave him a wink, and said "Three clones. Get to it."
Naruto put his hands into a cross seal.
"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Five solid clones of Naruto appeared.
"PASS!" said a very happy Iruka.
Naruto was officially someone else's problem now. He knew full well that Naruto would end up with Sasuke and 'Tsuki', though the look on the instructor's face when informed of the curse would be hilarious. Good thing Naruto had gotten into the habit of carrying around cameras thanks to Ranma.
Hello Blackmail.
Mizuki, the not so bright traitor, actually attempted to trick Naruto while Ranma happened to be sneaking around nearby. Ranma was annoyed enough that he helped Naruto figure out which curse to hit the idiot with and insisted that he help Naruto lock the bastard in curse form once Anko was through with him.
Those two got along famously, since Ranma had no intention of getting into her pants, came up with witty retorts that got her to laugh and use later, and happened to have a vindictive streak that she absolutely loved. The two got along like a house on fire, and it scared the Hokage shitless when they were in the mood to prank people.
Thankfully they usually directed those to Kumo, since Iwa was apparently a pain in the ass, Ranma didn't want to deal with a Civil war and Suna was an ally.
Sadly, this meant the man had the unfortunate bad luck of having a run in with the container for the two tailed demon...which happened to be a cat.
According to Anko, the woman in question found it hilarious that the big bad Ranma Saotome, the S rank menace from overseas, was terrified of her not because she had a demon inside her, but because it was a cat demon. Needless to say after that meeting all she had to do to brighten up her day was remember that incident and start cackling in amusement.
It had the added benefit of getting her fellow container to quit rapping long enough to shoot her scared looks like she had finally cracked under the pressure, but that was merely a side benefit. The fact she generally tended to remember it in his presence did not hurt either.
Eventually Anko revealed to Ranma where Mizuki would be taken once they were through with him, and an evil idea came to mind.
"Really? Konoha sends all their traitors to prison where the guards overlook the fact that certain members get gang-banged?" he said with an evil grin.
"Yup. Why do you need to know?"
"Mizuki tried to trick Naruto into stealing a scroll and defecting. We're trying to come up with a suitable response for such a poorly made up plan against the kid."
"Oooh...tell me more about the revenge plot?"
"What do you know about pressure points in conjunction to curses?" said Ranma evenly.
"Keep talking and I might jump you..." she said honestly.
As Ranma explained about the curse powders he had in his house and the pressure point he happened to know of that would make it damn near impossible to reverse without the right pill, Anko's cackling had become borderline psychotic murderer. Even Orochimaru, her old teacher, would avoid her if he heard that.
"Oh my kami! Count me in! That is simply too evil to pass up!" she said howling.
Ranma slung an arm over her shoulder.
"Anko my dear, there is much I have to teach you about evil, humiliating, revenge pranks. I have in my kit of revenge a powder that could turn he-who-shall-pay into a harmless rabbit that you could feed to his own boss summon."
Anko grinned evilly.
"Keep talking like that and I really will jump you."
"How do you think blondie got duck butt off his ass for giving him the girl form?"
"I always wondered how he dislodged the stick in the Uchiha's ass."
"He told him that if he let the fact he cursed a classmate drop, he would help him turn Itachi into something so humiliating that killing him would be a mercy. Can you imagine the look on his face if they killed Tora and gave him to the Fire Daimyo's wife as a replacement?"
"Oh my kami! That is so evil and original that I love it!"
"Look at that! Naruto managed to get the scroll after all!"
"Of course he did. How much you wanna bet he used that naked illusion he made to deal with the Hokage and the ANBU just ignored him?" said Ranma.
"No bet. When do we collect Mizuki?"
"After the kid does his assignment for the night. I told him to copy as many jutsu he wanted until someone found him. Bet ya 1,000 ryo Iruka is the one to get to him first."
"2,000 it's ANBU or someone else," said Anko promptly.
"To the meeting spot?"
"Sure!"
"Ranma-nii, I got the balloon ready!" said Naruto.
"Good kid. You remember to double-check the powder before you poured it in?"
"Yup! It's the same one I hit Sasuke with, just like you told me!"
Ranma patted him on the head. Naruto had his shadow clones copying at a mad pace. Anko was eating dango inside the house waiting for the show.
By the time Iruka showed up, he found a bored Ranma, an eager Naruto, and...was that Anko in the shed.
"Okay, I can understand him, but why is she here?"
"Invited her to the show. She wanted first crack at anyone stupid enough to try to trick Naruto when I'm around. By the way Anko, I won the bet."
"Yeah yeah, I'll pay ya the next time I get a mission!"
"Kill that damn Tora and we'll be even! I swear that damn thing has it in for me!"
"Tora has it in for anyone who's ever sported a Leaf headband. You just have the bad luck of having a really weird phobia," she said flatly.
"Anyway, I overheard Mizuki's mission, so being the kind, generous soul I am..." said Ranma, pausing appropriately for the disbelieving and utterly unconvinced snorts from his audience, "decided to help the kid give the idiot a taste of his own medicine. According to Anko, our resident master of the depraved and inhumane practices, Mizuki will be sent to a Konoha-sponsered jail with guards who are lax about prisoners relieving themselves of blue balls."
Iruka could see where this was going. The cruel smile on his face sent a shiver of appreciation down Anko's spine. She had a thing for sadists, which was why she liked Ranma so much. His brand of revenge was usually humiliating and painful.
"So you're going to do to him what Naruto did to Sasuke as a joke?"
"Yup. If he really pisses me off I'll put him under a pressure point that makes it impossible to change back. Believe me, I know that one a little too well."
Ranma sensed the idiot coming, so he had everyone get into place.
Ranma cackled when Naruto used the curse laced balloon on the bastard he just beat the living hell out of.
"You make me so proud kid! I feel like a proud parent who just watched his son pound a guy's teeth in, broke half his bones and made him wet himself in fear!" he crowed.
Anko was too busy leaning against a tree howling with laughter. Naruto didn't kick Mizuki's ass...he beat the living shit out of him twice over and cursed him with a female body when he was about to be sent to a men-only prison. Mizuki was screwed...both figuratively and literally once he got to the prison.
"Was what he said true? Do I have the fox inside me?" he asked the others.
"I told you I sensed demonic energy coming out of you when you were pissed I ate all your ramen. What's the big deal about a fox anyway?"
"The Kyuubi no Yoko is the strongest of the nine tailed beasts and attacked right on the day Naruto was born. The Fourth sealed him in Naruto and left instructions he was to be treated a hero because he was now the one holding the Fox back," said Iruka in his teaching mode.
Ranma blinked.
"Hold up. This fox attacked on the day he was born, right? Probably killing a ton of shinobi and civilians in the process?"
"Yeah. Why do you think the Third created the Kyuubi festival? It's in honor of those who died in the battle," said Anko.
"So just to be clear...practically all the shinobi old enough to remember the attack know the fox was sealed, and its simple deduction to figure out who it was. Naturally the attack would have left a lot of bereft families who lost loved ones in battle."
"Yeah, and?" asked Iruka, wanting to know what he was getting at.
"You people actually celebrate their sacrifice with a festival, even though most people know who the Fox is sealed in. And I'm assuming someone told the people about Naruto's condition. Was the Fourth Hokage a fucking idiot?"
"OI!" said Naruto. He liked the Fourth.
"You don't celebrate a tragedy like that or tell people what really happened to the fox! That's just begging to kill the poor sap stuck with it inside them! Damn, I always wondered why those mobs hated Naruto enough to kill him. No amount of pranks would cause that reaction," said Ranma in disbelief.
Iruka and Anko looked at him in surprise. They didn't look at things from that perspective.
"That being said, I catch any of those idiots around my house again I'm chucking their asses in with those accursed tigers that frequently try to get into my yard."
"Wait, so you don't mind foxes?" asked Iruka in surprise.
"Iruka, you've seen me around town. I'm sure you must have heard the reaction I had to the fact I had to catch that blasted Tora for the only time. What the hell makes you think I care about foxes?"
"Because foxes are part of the feline community," said Iruka. He taught biology along with history.
"Yes, but from what I saw of the pictures, the fox in question has ears the size of pylons and looks like an oversized rabbit with nine tails. How the hell am I supposed to be scared of something like that?" he asked.
'I don't care who that bastard is! He's dead for that rabbit comment dammit! ' thought a voice inside Naruto. He noticed sourly that the woman who acted as the bars was too busy laughing her ass off to comment herself. Even the damn human who sealed him there was laughing at the remark.
Sarutobi was sweatdropping because of the comments Ranma made about celebrating a tragedy and inadvertently giving people someone to direct their grief at. The sad fact was that he was entirely correct in his snide remarks.
Still, when he heard Ranma's idea of revenge for Mizuki's trick, he couldn't help but feel a small, minute form of pity...right before he reminded himself that it was thanks to that traitor he had to deal with the ANBU getting a good laugh at his expense because of Naruto and his naked woman henge.
After that any pity he had for him washed away.
Naruto handed over the scroll without a fuss. Anko had taken Mizuki to play with while Ranma and Iruka took the boy straight to the old man to return the scroll. The ANBU were more concerned with mobs trying to bother them than escorting them to the old man.
"I'm going to mark this as a B rank mission on your record, since you did graduate earlier. That being said, you do realize you will need a third member in your team to fulfill the three-man requirement?" he asked.
"Meh. I can create as many shadow clones as we need, and we can just join up some other team to help out as back up. Besides, it's either me and Sasuke or a three-man team with two gender-confused boys and most likely a fan girl who will fawn over Sasuke before killing me when they learn of the curse I gave him," said Naruto.
The adults (barring Ranma) sweat dropped. He wasn't wrong.
Ranma had an idea.
"Why not make it an entire team of gender-confused people? We could specialize in infiltration," said Ranma.
The Hokage blinked. That didn't sound like a bad idea actually. Plus it meant Naruto would actually be taught by someone who liked him.
"Done. You'll be the sensei Ranma, though if Sasuke gets his Sharingan he'll have to work with Kakashi for a little while."
"Fair enough. So we'll be a back up team in case shit hits the fan, right?"
"Exactly. Between Naruto's clones and your unique abilities I'm sure you can handle anything thrown at you."
"Team Four will be Naruto Uzumaki, Tsuki, and Sasuke Uchiha. Your sensei will be Ranma Saotome," said Iruka.
In order to keep up appearances, Sasuke had a shadow clone play the part of his female form. Not many people questioned it, though the sounds of disappointed fan girls was music to his ears.
Ranma walked in with a grin, and collected the 'trio' without a word.
"Alright kiddies, since normally the Hokage has us doing some half assed teamwork exercise, I have come up with something uniquely my own! Screw getting bells. You want to be genin, you gotta do something for me first."
Naruto was the first to react to this announcement.
"We are not getting rid of the Fire Country Tigers that like to sleep outside your window," he said flatly.
"How the hell did you... I was planning on having you flare Mr. Fuzzy's KI at the damn things, but if you want to do it by hand..."
"Bring on the cats!" said Naruto when he heard that.
Kyuubi was surprisingly friendly towards Ranma when, after he used some obscure martial arts method to talk to the massive fox, found that the kid was his kind of human. He didn't care about anyone else so long as he could laugh at their misfortune.
There was a reason why Ranma actually gave Naruto something as dangerous as the powdered version of Jusenkyo springs.
(Kyuubi found the joke he had the kid play on the Uchiha brat so damn funny he still laughed about it. And since Naruto fully intended to curse the other one as well, he would work with the kid for a while.)
"I still don't get why he doesn't get rid of them himself," said Tsuki.
"Long story short, Ranma-sensei has cat issues. Not sure why, only that if one gets too close he snaps and starts acting like one. The only time he was sent to catch the feline which shall die, the amount of damage he caused was so bad he was permanently blacklisted," said Naruto. He was flaring Kyuubi's KI at the massive tigers, who booked when they sensed it.
"Wait...does that mean we'll never have a crack at that damn cat?" said Sasuke.
"Maybe when you get the spinny eyes of doom," said Ranma. He was remarkably calm with the KI Naruto was throwing around. Then again, the tigers had cleared out by now.
"Damn...I was hoping to test genjutsu on it until it gave out of a heart attack..." said Sasuke pouting.
For some bizarre reason, his girl form was absurdly good at genjutsu. He could not figure out why either.
"Meh. If you're lucky I'll send you out to kill it as an A rank assassination mission without the Hokage figuring out what the request is."
"I think the shinobi forces would thank you for it to be honest," said Naruto.
"Anyway, Team 4 is officially on the books as a support unit. Which brings me to my next agenda. Starting tomorrow the two of you will move into the house as students until your fighting ability suits my standards for kids your age."
The two looked at each other.
"Fine by me," said Sasuke.
"I already have a room here anyway, so why not?" shrugged Naruto.