A/N Sorry I've taken so long to update; I've been busy with contests, one/shots and two more multi-chapter stories. I haven't forgotten Emmett and Mara...they're always on my mind. I'll try not to be so long next time. Thanks for stickin' with me. I love and appreciate you all!
As always, some of the characters belong to Ms Meyer, I only borrow them to play with mine.
Chapter 13 Going Home and Doubts
The next morning, we were sitting having breakfast with Sheri and James. I had wanted to cook, but there were no groceries in the kitchen, so we'd ordered room service. Em and I kept looking at each other and smiling. Sheri kept staring back and forth at us. Finally she set her coffee cup sharply down on the counter.
"Alright, what the hell is goin' on with you two?" she demanded.
James looked up at her, and then over at us. Em raised his eyebrow up at me in silent question, and I nodded, starting to grin.
"Well," he replied, reaching across to take my hand. "I asked Mara to marry me last night, and she accepted me."
It was quiet for a moment before an ear splitting screech filled the air.
"Oh, my God!" Sheri cried, jumping up and flinging her arms around me. "Oh, Soul Sister, I'm so happy for you! It's about damned time! When? Where? I'll help…anything you need! I…"
"Hey, hold on, sweetie," I said laughing softly, hugging her tightly. "The only thing we've decided so far is that we're engaged to be married. When we know anything else, you'll be the first to know, sweetie."
She nodded, and then burst into tears. I looked over at Em; he was staring at me incredulously.
"It's okay, babe," I said smiling at him. "She's just happy."
"Oh, I am," she cried, pulling out of my arms to throw her arms around Em's neck. "I'm so happy! It's time for you both to find happiness, and with each other is even better."
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.
"Thanks, sweetie," he said, grinning over her head at me. "I promise to make her happy, always."
"You'd better," she snarked, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and raking her eyes down to his crotch and back up. "You know what I'll do to you if you ever hurt her!"
"Yes, ma'am!" he replied in mock horror, covering his package with his hands.
"She'd do it, too," Cam stated, slapping Em's shoulder. "Congrats, man. And just so you know, if you do ever hurt her, I'd happily help my wife."
"That's enough you two," I teased. "You'll scare him away; and I'll have to hurt you!'
Walking over to Em, I wound my arm around his waist. He slipped his arm across my shoulders, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. The four of us stood there, just grinning at each other.
I looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked at the time. It was already 10:00am and our flight to Los Angeles departed at 1:00pm. I still had to shower and pack. Em had bought a new set of luggage for all my new clothes.
"We'd best get started to get ready to leave, guys," I said, gathering up our dirty dishes. "We need to be at the airport no later than noon."
We all went to our rooms and at 11:30am we left the hotel for the airport, and our trip home.
Arriving at LAX, we found that Alice had sent a limo; even so the paps were out in full force. Emmett kept his arm around my shoulders as we wound our way through the crowd, waving and smiling, but not stopping to answer any questions. Soon we were climbing into the back of the waiting car.
I sat quietly, lost in my own thoughts, while Em, Sheri and James laughed and talked.
"When are you two planning on getting married?" Sheri asked excitedly. "What kind of wedding are you thinking about?"
"As soon as possible, right babe?" Em replied, hugging me to him.
I smiled up at him and pressed closer to his side. He kissed the top of my head.
"I want to help with the planning," Sheri gushed. "This is so exciting."
"Well, you'll have to fight Alice for that job," Em said with a chuckle. "If she isn't at least consulted, she'll be hurt and sulk for a year!"
"I guess I could let her help a little." Sheri teased.
As we pulled up in front of James and Sheri's home, I noticed him looking at me speculatively.
"What's wrong, Mar?" He asked quietly in my ear as he hugged me.
"Nothin', sweetie," I answered, not quite meeting his eyes.
He looked at me, kissing my cheek before climbing out of the vehicle and offering his hand to his wife, helping her out.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Mar," she said. "We need to make an appointment with Jenny to find out where things stand with the CD."
Blowing us a kiss, she closed the door. I watched as James slung his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. With a sigh, I leaned back against Em.
"Are you all right, sweetness?" He asked, looking down at me.
"Just tired, I guess" I replied, a wide yawn confirming my statement. "You've worn me out, baby."
"Do you want to go by your place to see if you can get in yet?" He asked as he tightened his arm around me.
"No, not tonight," I murmured softly. "I have enough clothes with those that Alice bought. I just want to go home."
The limo dropped us at the front door; the driver setting our luggage on the top step. Em opened the door for me and I preceded him into the foyer. I continued to the bedroom while Em brought in our bags. Looking back down the hall at him, I watched as he set the alarm, picked up the bags, and followed me.
I quickly grabbed a nightie and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. It was only 9:30 pm, but I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Thoughts were whirling in my head. What had I done by agreeing to marry Emmett? Could I go through with it? I loved him with my whole being, but I was scared. How could I expect him to love me forever?
I went back into the bedroom to find Em already in bed. When he saw me, he grinned and held the covers up for me to climb in beside him. I snuggled next to him and he wrapped his arms around me, leaning down to kiss me hungrily. For the first time I pulled away. He looked down into my face with concern.
"Mara, babe, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, baby," I replied softly, rising up to lie across his chest. "I'm just in a bit of a funk. It's been an intense two weeks, and I'm so very tired. Can we just go to sleep tonight?"
"Of course we can, sweetness," he replied, running his fingers through my hair. "We've got the rest of our lives together. Soon we'll be married and nothing can come between us. You'll be mine forever, and I'll be yours."
My heart began to hammer and I reached up to kiss him. What was wrong with me? I had a man that loved me completely and treated me with such adoration. Why was I second guessing everything?
"I'm serious, Mara," he said cupping my cheek. "You are the center of my life and I really can't see my future without you. Let's not wait. We can fly up to Vegas and get married there. I want you to be mine as soon as possible."
"Oh, Em," I whispered, closing my eyes. "Baby, I love you and want to be with you in every way, forever. We don't need a piece of paper to validate that, do we?"
I watched as hurt and disappointment flickered through his eyes before he hid it. He pressed my cheek to his chest, running his hand gently up and down my back.
"Okay, sweetness," he murmured, sighing against the top of my head. 'It was just a thought. All that counts is that you are with me."
Maybe someday," I said softly. "I'm just not ready yet. It's a big step and, to me, a lifetime commitment."
I felt him stiffen, and then pull back a little.
"Oh, Emmett, please understand," I begged, looking up at him. "I am committed to you and our relationship, forever. I just don't think marriage is necessary right now."
He closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath before he spoke dully.
"Its fine, Mara, I do understand, believe me."
Gently he lifted me off of his chest, and I felt a shiver go down my spine when he got up and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. I stared after him, suddenly afraid of what I may have done.
I lay there, tears tracing down my cheeks. I needed to make him understand I was afraid of marriage. I was certain that it could only destroy what we had. I knew that Sheri and James were great, but they were the exception.
When Emmett came back into the bedroom, I was lying on my side, facing away from the bathroom. Tears were still flowing silently, with only an occasional sniff from me. I felt the mattress dip and, after he'd settled, we both lay there still.
I was afraid—not of him—but that I'd really fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me. This big, beautiful, wonderful man wanted me for his wife. He hadn't even gone there with Rose. But, I wasn't ready, I was terrified. What if it didn't work out? I couldn't live through that again.
The mattress dipped again as Em turned, placing his arm across the top of my pillow and the other hand on my shoulder.
"Mara," he said quietly. "Please, babe, look at me."
Turning over to face him, I looked hesitantly into his eyes, to find all the love and tenderness that was always there, but with a bit of sadness added, too.
"Oh, Em," I cried softly. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm just so confused and scared. What if we do this and it doesn't work out? What if I do something to fuck this all up, and hurt you in the process? I love you so much and I know I wouldn't want to live without you. I just couldn't."
He pulled me to him and I sobbed into his chest.
"Mara, my love,' he said, lifting my tear stained face up to look at him. "There are no guarantees. We have to work at it, and I think that the love we share will help us do that. As long as we're honest with each other, and have no secrets, we'll make it."
"You know that I'd never lie to you," I whimpered, looking up and seeing the hint of hurt in his eyes. "Baby, I'd never keep anything from you."
"Yes, I know,' he replied, tightening his arms around me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. "And I'd never lie or keep anything from you, either."
We lay there silent for a while. Then taking a deep breath, I spoke quietly.
"I'm truly scared, Emmett," I said, burrowing against his chest. "I've never seen a marriage work, except for Sheri and James. They all start out blissful, and end up with shouting and calling each other names in a courtroom. I don't want that to happen to us.
"I've seen just the opposite, babe," he soothed, running his hand up and down my back. "Mom and Dad, Edward and Bella, Alice and Jazz all work at their marriages. I'm not saying that everything is always perfect. They all have their moments, but they work things out together. I really believe that we could make it work for us, too."
"Just give me some time, please," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Let me get used to the idea. I love you, Emmett Dale McCarty, with everything I am and I don't want to screw this up."
With that, I captured his mouth in a desperate kiss.
In the end, we decided to be engaged without any immediate plans for a wedding. I did agree for him to give me a ring and, before falling asleep, I heard Emmett's deep heartfelt sigh.
I awoke the next morning to an empty bed. I could hear Em in the shower and debated joining him. Just as I stood, I heard the water turn off. Shortly the bathroom door opened and I couldn't help the low groan that escaped my throat. I didn't think I'd ever get over his taking my breath away.
"Like what you see, babe?" he asked cockily.
"Maybe," I replied coquettishly.
"Oh, yeah, maybe my foot," he growled playfully, walking toward me like an exotic cat.
As he did, he let the towel around his hips fall to the floor.
"Emmett…" I started, backing away from him.
"What, Mara?" He smiled wickedly as he continued to slink toward me.
"He reached for me just as the back my knees hit the mattress, and I tumbled back onto it. Before I could move, he was lying on top of me.
"Please, baby," I pled, trying to move him. "We've got to be at the court house at 9:00, it's now 7:30, and I still have to shower."
I could feel him hardening against my thigh.
"We've got time, sweetness," he murmured, kissing my neck. "We can be a little late. I can't help wanting you. Especially when you were standing there buck-ass naked, lusting after me."
"Well, when you put it that way," I whispered, tangling my fingers in his curls and kissing him hungrily.
We were only fifteen minutes late for Jane's arraignment.
Emmett took my hand as we climbed the steps to the court house. It was the day of the beginning of Jane's trial. Three months earlier we had attended her arraignment, where she had been ordered, by the court, to be sent to the state mental hospital for a thirty day evaluation. She was found mentally competent to stand trial.
Being prepared for at least a week long trial, we, and our attorney, Caius Marcus, were surprised when Jane pled guilty. Em had discussed such an eventuality with Caius, making arrangements for Jane to be taken to a secure mental facility of good repute, to receive the help she needed.
When Caius voiced our intention to the court, there was a loud gasp from the defense table, followed by a deep sob. Jane buried her head in her folded arms on the table in front of her.
As she was led from the courtroom, to be taken back to the jail to await transport, she looked back at Emmett and me.
"I'm so sorry," she said through her tears, before turning away. I smiled softly at her, as did Emmett.
We went to lunch at Spago, where I sat quietly as Caius and Em finalized the legal and financial responsibility Em was taking.
My mind kept going back to that morning three months ago, and the night before. Emmett and I hadn't discussed my fears since then, but they were still there. I didn't know what to do. I loved him with my whole being, and wanted to be with him forever. I had seen so many marriages fail, ending in bitter divorces; I didn't want that for Em or me. But, I also knew how much I was hurting him with my indecision; and I had promised him I never would.
"Sweetness?" I heard Em ask, touching my hand. "Are you okay? Why are you frowning so deeply?"
"I'm fine, baby," I replied, smiling. "I was just thinking about the plans for the launch of the CD, and Sheri and I returning to the club. Demitri called and said the renovations are finally done, and he is reopening next Friday."
"I've got to run, guys," Caius said, standing up. "I have a couple of appointments to set up this afternoon. Since there's no trial, I have to see to some other clients. I'll get back to you on this, Emmett. It was good to see you again, Mara" He added as he walked away.
Emmett took my hand and turned me to focus on him. After paying for our meal, we headed back home.
We were almost back to the house when Emmett reached over and untangled my hands that I had clamped tightly in my lap.
"Sweetness," he asked, raising my fingers to his lips. "What's wrong, babe?"
"There's nothing wrong, baby," I replied with a small smile. "It's just one of those days, Em; honestly, everything's fine."
He glanced at me briefly before taking the turn into the driveway and pressing the code to the security gate. Instead of going around back, to the garage, he pulled up to the front door. I looked at him questioningly.
"I have an appointment with Darren, and then one with Dad," he explained. "I should be home by three o'clock, will you be okay?"
"Yeah," I responded. "Sheri's coming over to discuss some songs for another CD; once "Torch" is out. If it does well, Jenny wants us to be thinking about a follow up; Jazz is all for it, too. Also, since the club is re-opening on Friday, we have to get the show's line up ready."
"Okay," he murmured, leaning across the console to kiss me. "I'll be back as soon as I can get away from Dad. He has a new project in the works, and thinks Edward and I would be perfect for the warring brothers."
"I love you," I whispered, cupping his cheek, and pressing my lips to his again.
"Mmmm…you keep that up, and I'll just have to blow everyone off and stay here with you," he groaned, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck to hold my mouth to his.
"Uh uh," I teased, pulling back as far as he'd let me. "We'd neither one of us get anything done."
With another quick peck, I turned and let myself out of the car. Smiling, I watched him wave, and pull back around the drive to the gate. I stood there watching until he was out the gate and headed down the road.
I felt a prickle of tears as I entered the foyer. Laying my purse on the side table there, I tossed my keys into the bowl I had brought with me from the cottage, and continued to the wet bar in the living room. I mixed a Southern Comfort and cream soda, and turned to settle into Em's big overstuffed chair. That's where Sheri found me an hour later.
"Hey, Mar,' she greeted me, sitting on the couch next to the chair, and raised her eyebrow when she noticed the empty glass in my hand. "It's awfully early to be drinking, honey, what's wrong?"
And the tears that had been threatening to fall all day finally did.
"I'm scared, Sher," I muttered, wiping at the tears on my face. "I love him so much, and I'm afraid that I'm going to fuck it all up; just like with Brian."
She began to protest, but I went on.
"Oh, I know that what happed wasn't entirely my fault. But, I just didn't see the signs in front of me," I continued. "I was too naive. Now I find myself beginning to question the little things that Em says and does. It's not fair to him, I know, and I hate myself for it."
By now the tears were flowing in a steady stream. Sheri had knelt down in front of me, clasping my hands tightly in her own.
"Mara," she said gently. "Emmett loves you deeply and honestly. He'd never do anything to hurt you."
"I know!" I wailed. "I'm just so afraid that I'll hurt him, somehow; that he'll send me packing and not want me anymore."
"Honey, I don't see that happening, ever," she soothed, slipping into the chair, wrapping comforting arms around me.
"You can't know that," I cried. "You can't guarantee it."
"No, I can't," she agreed gently, rubbing my back. "But I can't guarantee that James and I will be together next week, either.
"Poppycock!" I exclaimed, my eyes going wide as soon as the ridiculous word left my mouth.
She stared at me incredulously, her lips twitching as she fought the giggles roiling up from deep in her belly.
"Poppycock?" she choked out, trying to catch her breath. "Poppycock…really?"
"Shut it, bitch!" I gasped, continuing to laugh.
"You never cease to surprise me, Soul-Sister!" She chuckled and reached for the tissue box on the end table.
For a long moment, we were silent, and then I looked at her.
"I guess we needed that," I said with a sigh. "What am I gonna do, Sher? I don't want to hurt him."
"Mara," she said, turning my face toward her. "There are no certainties in relationships. We all have to plunge in and take the risks. You know that Em loves you unconditionally, right?"
I nodded.
"Then, do you think you just might be doubting yourself, and not him?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet, and going over to the bar. "I'm who I worry about, Sher. I don't trust myself to keep things as they are!"
Mixing myself another drink, I offered her one. She shook her head, and frowned as I downed half my glass.
"Mara…" she started.
"I told him that I won't marry him," I interrupted sadly, looking down into the glass in my hand.
I raised it to my lips just as she stepped forward and took it out of my hand.
"That's not going to help anything," she scolded, her brow furrowing as she frowned. "What did you just say?"
"I told Em I won't marry him," I repeated. "At least not right away."
"Why in the hell would you do that?" She shouted. "Not only to him, but to yourself as well?"
"I don't know!" I cried, winding my arms around my stomach. "I'm just fuckin' scared!"
"You're going to break his heart, Mara," she said angrily, tears filling her eyes. "And I don't want to be around to watch it happen. Then you'll fall apart again, and I don't think I'd survive it this time."
"No, it's not like that," I sobbed, holding my hand out to her as she turned her back on me. "Em and I have talked, Sher," I added softly, stepping up to her. "He says he'll wait just as long as it takes, if I stay with him, and wear his engagement ring. I promised him I would. I just need to get my head together before we sign that little piece of paper."
She turned and stared at me for a long time.
"Will you do something for me?" She asked seriously, taking my hand. I nodded. "Promise me that you'll find help, seek a therapist."
"Yes, I will…" I started.
"Good!" she interrupted, striding over to the house phone, and handed it to me. "Now, call Jake. You don't have to tell him why, just that you need someone to talk to. Do it, Mara, now!" She gestured to the phone in my hand.
"I don't know the…"
"I'm sure Em has it programmed in the phonebook," she interrupted again. "No more excuses Mara, do it now!"
With a heavy sigh, I scrolled through the numbers stored in the phone. Sure enough, there were Jake's numbers; both his office and cell.
I tried the cell first, and was sent directly to his voice mail. Next, I tried his office, and his secretary put me right through to him.
"Mara,' he said jovially. "How are you? What can I do for you?"
"Well, I…uh…" I stammered, looking at Sheri, who encouraged me on with silent gestures. "Jake, I'm having some…issues, and Sheri thinks I should talk to someone."
"Mara," he said with a sigh. "You know that I can't take you as a patient, but I can recommend someone."
"That's what I'd hoped you'd do," I replied, sighing with relief. "But, please don't tell Em. I will, when the time is right."
"Professionally, I can't, Mara," he promised as I heard him shuffling through what sounded like a rolodex. "Ah, here it is. Her name is Angela Cheney. I've known her since we were kids, and she's as good as they come…professionally and personally."
He gave me the number to Angela's office and wished me the best, before hanging up. At Sheri's insistence, I called and made an appointment for the next Wednesday afternoon.
End notes:
Well, looks as if our Mara is finally gonna get some help, thanks to Sheri's intervention. Next time we'll see how Em reacts.
PLEASE click on the little line below and leave me a REVIEW. I would really like to know what you're thinkin' 'bout my Mara and Em.
Thanks!
Ellen xx