Ibiki shot Naruto a sour look, mostly due to the curse he got saddled with. Interrogators are not supposed to be small and fluffy damn it! Though he did want to know how the hell Saotome got his daughter into the exam when she wasn't a ninja.
"You there! Saotome! I catch you trying anything funny and I kick you out, understand?"
Naginata glared right back. She said something rather rude back in Chinese. If her grandmother heard her use such words she would have been beaten black and blue.
(A/N: The main reason why Naginata doesn't really talk to her mother is because of her allergies to cat hair, which due to the fact her mother is cursed to become a cat means that it's all over her clothes. As a result, her grandmother Cologne had to train her since Naginata had sneezing fits every time her mother came close. This, combined with her father's fear of the animal, means she can't stand felines.)
Ibiki glared at her.
"Nagi-chan, don't tease the poor thing. You know he has trouble with...that..." snickered Naruto.
"He's the one you curse accidentally?" she asked in Chinese.
"Yup."
Naginata grinned evilly.
"Tsuki, may I borrow the second thermos?"
"You wouldn't dare..." snarled Ibiki.
"Small and Furry..." grinned Naginata.
Behind Ibiki, a few chunin snickered evilly. Ibiki glared at them.
"Not one word...or you're cleaning up after one of Ranma's cat induced frenzies..." he growled.
"Try anything funny to Nagi-chan and we'll completely ruin your reputation," Tsuki shot back. Naruto nodded emphatically. Haku started to move away from them lest they really piss off the head Interrogator Morino Ibiki.
(He had met the man once, when they first came to Konoha. He had no desire to antagonize the man.)
Ibiki barked out what they were supposed to do and handed out the papers. Ever since that damn Uzumaki hit him with a curse-laced water balloon, his life had been hell. Mostly because the second Anko learned about the accident she insisted on hitting him with water jutsu whenever she could. The worst part was that he had become a bit of a joke within the ANBU.
The only reason Ibiki didn't drag the kid in on some trumped-up charge as payback was because Naruto apparently realized what he did and admitted it was a complete accident.
The prank he played on the worst offenders did make most of his fury die down a bit. Even Anko finally stopped the jokes, though she still hit him with water balloons occasionally for a quick laugh.
At least he was vindicated when he heard what happened to Kakashi for being a perverted fool. But really, he deserved it after Tsuki-chan gave him prior warning that she would curse him. It was his own damn fault for not dodging that balloon when she wasn't even trying to hide the fact she was throwing it.
Naruto sat next to Hinata and the Suna girl from earlier. Temari, if he remembered right. Ibiki gave out the rules with gritted teeth. Thanks to the Saotome girl, his reputation as a cold-hearted bastard was on the line.
At least once this mess was over he could interrogate her about her loyalty and plans in Konoha. Only ninja were allowed in the chunin exams...or outside contractors who wanted to raise their rank in the BINGO books. It was rare, but it did happen. And the chunin exams were the best place to do it in a relatively safe environment if you knew what you were doing and didn't cause trouble.
Naginata had a front row seat, thanks to some subtle maneuvers from Ibiki. He wanted a chance to observe the girl without having to look across the rows to do it.
Naruto delivered his speech, calming down the nerves of 16 teams and one independent contractor. Ibiki was less than amused when Anko came in and screwed up his usual speech after the first half was finished.
She grinned at Naginata, who smirked back. The two had hit it off after Nagi-chan tested Anko.
"Alright Maggots! Meet me at Area 44 in an hour or you'll be sorry!" she smirked.
"How did it go?"
"Easy pass. Though I may have ticked off the scarred fool."
"Ha! Serves him right for not dodging Naruto's balloon when it's known he has water activated powders in his arsenal! By the way, I learned a fun fact recently about explosive seals."
"What?"
"KI sets them off prematurely."
Naginata's grin widened to the point it would give people nightmares. Unfortunately it was Ranma who gave his children a love of wanton destruction in the name of training/revenge/for the hell of it.
As such it wouldn't be until after the exams that Naginata would be banned from learning seals, buying seals, or anything explosive related.
In other news, the Fire Country Tigers near the Forest of Death recently relocated to the less plentiful but infinitely less dangerous for anything cat related Bog of Despair. Naruto was still laughing his ass off about it. But nowhere near as hard as Ranma was when he found out Sasuke had a ton of seal books in his clan library that even Jiraiya didn't have copies of.
The ominous cackling of the martial artist sent shivers down Anko's back...and not the terrified ones either.
Naginata found Team 4 ten minutes into the forest.
"Alright girls/men. Here's the deal. We both need to pass this stupid thing and the idiots in charge literally put us in our backyard. The Fire Country Tigers are essentially gone from this area after all the times I missed with my fireballs and Naruto's furry friend hitting them with Killing Intent...plus having to actually deal with Gai's stupid Genjutsu. The point is, there is no excuse for us to fail this! Plus dad lent me a ton of explosive tags we can prematurely detonate if people piss us off."
"Did she just say what I think she said?" asked Tsuki.
"Wanton destruction in the name of passing?" said Naruto.
Haku facepalmed. Of all the teams he ended up with, it had to be the insanely cheerful and just barely acceptable one. Zabuza on a drinking binge was more stable than them.
On the other hand, he had yet to run into a single missing nin capable of actually defeating them. There is a reason why all the really powerful ninja are clinically insane.
Suddenly Naginata paused and looked over Tsuki's shoulder.
"Is that a snake?"
"Yup."
"That doesn't look like a standard Forest snake. In fact it looks more like a summons, and Anko has been banned from setting them loose in here during the exams. She bitched about that for hours!"
"...Isn't the only other snake summon contractor Orochimaru of the Sannin, also a known pedophile with a thing for young boys?" said Haku. It was sad that a gender-confused boy with a penchant for wearing female clothes was the voice of reason on the team.
Zabuza laughed for hours when he found that bit out...right up until Haku sent ice senbon into his balls. Then he cussed out his surrogate son/apprentice.
Naginata walked up to the snake annoyed.
"Alright scales. Is that sorry excuse for a ninja in this forest?" she demanded.
Tsuki and Haku blinked when the snake paused in its attempt to eat her to sniff her scent before rearing back.
"Sorry Summoner. I didn't realize that you were the Dragon Mistress."
"It's alright. Now is Orochimaru in here or not?"
"Yes. He wants us to retrieve the Uchiha boy."
"...He wants you to retrieve Itachi? Seriously?"
The snake blinked.
"No, he said he wanted to capture or convert Sasuke Uchiha."
Tsuki shivered before she realized something.
"Oh my kami...he has no idea I was cursed by the village idiot does he?" she said amused.
"Nope."
Tsuki burst out laughing. This was too funny! The Snake Sannin didn't know about the cursed powders...or the fact that they could make his life hell by throwing him to Jiraiya as a girl.
"Tell Manda not to let any of his people out in Konoha. This is dragon turf now, and unless Anko is the one summoning, they shouldn't come out. Otherwise I make no promises about your own safety."
"...And yet you're still nicer than Orochimaru. I'll let the others know your warning."
The snake vanished with a poof. If there was one thing they didn't want, it was a fight with the Wind Riders.
Why? Occasionally the snakes were apprenticed to the dragons and gained their abilities. In fact it was the dragon clan who showed snakes how to access Sage Mode in the first place. Since they didn't like Orochimaru, he never got more than the bare bones of the lessons.
Meanwhile outside the forest...
Ibiki was trying to get drunk. Very drunk. Beside him was Kakashi, Asuma, and Zabuza.
"Ya know I've been meaning to ask...what the hell did blondie hit you with anyway?" asked Zabuza.
Ibiki growled. Coming from him it sounded like a bear. The sake bottle started to develop cracks but had yet to break or spill.
"I'm not talking about it dammit. It's bad enough he got me with one by complete accident."
Behind him someone snickered. Then he tossed something to land in front of Ibiki before running like mad cackling.
Zabuza didn't get the significance of the bananas.
"Did he miss?" he asked. After all, Asuma was from a clan that was known for the Monkey-Fist and their monkey summons.
Ibiki's growling grew louder. Asuma wisely didn't say anything, though he was one of the few outside the T and I who knew what Ibiki turned into.
"Oh please, it can't be any worse than what Tsuki turned me into. Hell, they said once they kill Tora they'll put me under a pressure point and give me to the Fire Daimyo's Wife as an apology for 'accidentally' killing her cat!" said a very inebriated Kakashi.
Zabuza grinned under his mask...and used a minor water jutsu to dump water on Ibiki. He gaped when he found out what the torture specialist turned into.
"He turns into a chimp?"
Asuma coughed, hiding a laugh.
"Actually he's a Capuchin Monkey. In the outside they're sometimes trained as helper monkeys for the disabled."
It was Zabuza who had to make the reference.
"'We named the monkey Jack.'" he said laughing.
That was all it took, and Ibiki was on him.
"GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME!"
Asuma took pity on him when Ibiki started to sling his own...well, it's something monkeys like to sling around for fun... and poured hot water on Ibiki.
The result? Ibiki was strangling Zabuza pissed off.
"DIE!"
Kakashi fell off the stool drunk off his ass.
"Does anyone else get the feeling that something hilarious has just happened and we aren't there to see it?" asked Naruto.
"Yes," said Tsuki promptly.
"What do you think it was?" asked Haku.
"My guess? Someone finally made that Pirates of the Caribbean reference to Ibiki to his face and he started slinging crap everywhere. I bet on Zabuza!" said Naruto.
"Foreigner," said Tsuki.
"...Anko," said Naginata.
"I'm with Naruto on this one. Only Zabuza would be idiot enough to make that reference in front of Ibiki after learning of his...furry...form," said Haku.
"Name your amounts!" Naruto said.
"Two Jusenkyo powders," said Tsuki. She had a few people she wanted to curse and needed them...and Ranma refused to give her a box until he believed that the Uchiha kid wouldn't go off the deep end and join someone just because they promised power.
"Two water jutsu scrolls," said Haku.
"Two weapons."
"Two wind scrolls!" said Naruto eagerly.
"How do we know who won?" asked Haku.
Naginata snapped her fingers.
"Naruto, time to test your summoning powers. Send one of the wyverns to see if anyone quoted that movie to Ibiki."
"What are Wyverns?" asked Tsuki.
"Lesser dragons that aren't immortal and can only breath fire through jutsu. Sometimes they get elevated to dragon, but that's really rare. The dragon clan uses them as scouts and messengers."
Naruto slowly went through the signs, and carefully channeled just enough chakra for a single clone.
"Summoning Jutsu: Dragon!" said Naruto.
"Yo. What you need delivered?"
"Well done Naruto! You got it right on the first try!" said Naginata patting his head of spikes. Naruto tried not to purr like a fox.
"We need to have a bet confirmed. Someone in the village just mentioned the Pirates of the Caribbean movie to the head torture specialist in the village. We want to know who."
"Why would that movie bother him?"
"I accidentally cursed him to become a monkey like the one in the movie," said Naruto.
The wyvern chuckled.
"I'll be back in a bit. I'll just follow Fox-boy's scent to find ya,"said the wyvern.
An hour later he returned with the news.
"Man name Zabuza Momochi used a minor rain jutsu on him and then quoted it. What's my payment?" asked the wyvern.
"I'll cook you dinner once we get out," said Naginata.
"Payment to be confirmed later. See ya!"
A moment later Haku spoke.
"I wasn't aware that summons required a payment outside chakra."
"Normal summons don't. Noble summons, on the other hand, get offended if you don't give something back. I heard Manda, the Boss of the Snake summons, is almost ready to become a dragon. He just has to get Orochimaru off the Snake summons scroll first."
Naginata spotted a team and beat them up. The poor Konoha fools didn't stand a chance.
"Che. Heaven. I need Earth. Tsuki, this is yours."
Tsuki snatched it out of the air like a bird. They were about to move on when a sudden gust of wind blew all but Haku and Tsuki away.
"What the hell!?" snarled Naginata.
"Nagi-nee! HELP!"
Naruto was stuck in some vines and they were wrapped in a way that he couldn't get to his kunai. She jumped down and drew her naginata. In a few short strikes, the vines came apart in pieces.
"Ten ryo says Orochimaru is behind this," she growled.
"No bet. Hold on while I unseal the camera. I wanna get his face when he find out that the Uchiha he is after is currently female," grinned Naruto. Naginata cackled in response.
Orochimaru sneered at the baby genin. The ice child was interesting, but he only had enough curse ink for one today. He was about to mark the Uchiha boy when he noticed something...off.
Haku had hit Sasuke with a water jutsu by accident, and now all his clothes were damp and fit in all the right places. In fact it showed off the already well-rounded curves on his...
Wait, what?
Orochimaru did a double take. His eyes confirmed what he had seen thanks to the water jutsu. They bulged a bit in shock.
"You're a girl?!"
"At the moment. Thank kami for pressure points," snarked 'Sasuke'.
Suddenly 'Sasuke' turned to a point above him.
"You get all that dumbass?" 'he' asked.
"Yup! Anko's gonna be one happy girl when she sees this!" cackled Naruto.
Orochimaru snarled.
"I can at least mark the ice boy!" he growled.
Right up until the point where said 'ice boy' surrounded him in impenetrable mirrors and nearly skewered him with senbon.
Then the odd Foreign girl came in and kicked his ass. Literally. Her techniques were things he had never encountered before. Her taijutsu more effective and painful than a certain Green beast.
And that was before she brought her sword that her grandmother gave her for passing the final test and finally being allowed out.
In short, Orochimaru got his ass kicked soundly by a bunch of thirteen and fifteen year-old genin. Genin who had been trained since graduating and a little before on how to beat opponents in humiliating ways.
Needless to say Orochimaru was not pleased.