Life with the Pines
Lebam said, "I'd like to have a place to sleep inside. There's a wolf that prowls the yard at night."
"You saw it?" asked Mabel.
"I smell it," said Lebam. "Can't you? It marked its territory on the totem pole."
"I can't smell anything," said Mabel. "Your sense of smell must be keener than mine."
"It probably comes of being part llama," said Lebam.
You're part llama? Cool! I wish I could be part llama, too," said Mabel.
"It has its points," said Lebam. "Anyway, what about that storage closet in the attic, right near the top of the stairs? I could sleep in there."
"I'll share some of my blankets with you," said Mabel.
"Don't worry about it. My copy of your memories tells me there are a bunch of coats on hangers in there. I can take some down and sleep on them," said Lebam.
"Tomorrow we can start trading places," said Mabel.
"I'll need a little time to practice before I trust myself with fooling Dipper," said Lebam.
"What's to practice? You're just like me," said Mabel.
"Not quite. Are you right handed?" asked Lebam.
"Yes, I'm right-handed," said Mabel. "I throw really well with my right, but when I throw with my left I usually miss."
"I'm left-handed," said Lebam. "I tossed Gideon's bolo tie to Dipper with my left hand tonight, but I think he was too much in shock to notice."
Lebam lay low and slept most of the next day, recovering from her ordeal as Gideon's prisoner.
Mabel came to visit her that night after the others were asleep. She looked exhausted.
"What's that sweet stuff I smell on you?" Lebam asked.
"Smile Dip," said Mabel. "We raided an abandoned convenience store with Wendy and her friends."
"Do you have more? I want some," said Lebam.
"No. It's evil stuff," said Mabel. "I pigged out on it so much that never want to eat it again."
"No fair! I want to pig out too," said Lebam.
"It's banned, past its expiration date, and it will give you hallucinations," said Mabel.
"Now I really want it," said Lebam. "Where's the convenience store? I want to go raid it now on your bike."
"If you must," said Mabel. "Watch out for the ghosts."
"You met ghosts, too?" asked Lebam. "I'm definitely doing this."
"Just tell them you're not a teenager and you should be all right."
Lebam biked out to the Dusk 2 Dawn store. The owner ghosts were friendly.
"May I please have a big box of Smile Dip to take home?" she asked them.
"I'd rather not give out our merchandise for free," said Ma Duskerton.
"We really enjoyed that Lamby Lamby dance your brother did for us," said Pa Duskerton. "Can you do it too?"
"Dancing is Dipper's thing, but I can sing. I'll sing the second verse. Dipper and I used to giggle over that part when we were younger, but now he usually skips it," said Lebam.
"When you're grazing on the grassy-grassy,
Yum-yum! Yum-yum!
Be sure that you don't get too gassy-gassy,
Burp-burp! Burp-burp!"
"Delightful," said Ma.
"You've earned your Smile Dip," said Pa.
Lebam went to the display. "Oh, it's almost all gone."
"No problem, with our ghostly convenience-store powers," said Pa.
He gestured and a small stack of full Smile Dip boxes appeared in front of Lebam.
"Thank you!" Lebam said.
She loaded the boxes onto her bike basket, holding them steady with her chin as she rode back to the house.
"I'm gonna get so sick," she thought.
Lebam slept late after a rough night with the Smile Dip. Mabel woke her after they had gone out to eat.
"Dipper has gone off into the woods today," Mabel said. "He texted me that he's working on his manliness, so that will take a really long time. This is a good chance to practice being me for a day."
"Are there any plans?" Lebam asked.
"I have a project for you," Mabel said. "You can work on getting Grunkle Stan ready to ask Lazy Susan out. He needs a lot of work on his relationship skills."
"I love it," said Lebam. "Those two would be perfect for each other. Grunkle Stan needs a lot of work, though."
"I'll tag team with you if it gets too rough," said Mabel.
"Thanks, Mabel, but I'm sure I can handle it," said Lebam, and she was instantly wearing a copy of the green sweater with mushrooms that Mabel had on.
Lebam went downstairs with Mabel's instant camera and scrapbook. After enlisting Soos to help, she went to find Stan.
Stan was shuffling a deck of cards in preparation for a game of solitaire.
"Okay, Grunkle Stan. Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life! First, a before picture," said Lebam.
She set off the camera flash and suprised Stan so much that the picture showed his ghastly startled face and cards flying everywhere. She put the picture on a blank page of the scrapbook.
"Let's start out with some roleplaying. Soos will play Lazy Suzan," said Lebam.
"I'm soft, like a woman," said Soos, who had put on a Lazy Susan outfit.
"Grunckle Stan, show me how you approach a woman. Remember this is a safe, non-judgemental environment. I'll just be right off the side judging you on a scale from one to ten," said Lebam.
She was holding up a pen and a notepad. She realized she had the pen in her left hand and her notebook in the right, so she quickly set the writing materials down.
"Can I borrow some money?" Stan asked Soos.
Lebam blew a whistle. "This is gonna be harder than I thought."
She came up a little while later and found Mabel in her room.
"Tag. I'm going to need help," she said.
"Don't worry, I've got a Training Mix disc that's a sure thing. Nothing makes a training montage go faster than music," said Mabel.
Mabel went downstairs while Lebam rested in her bed.
A while later, Mabel came back up.
"Tag. I'm getting nowhere. I tried to shave off his chest hair, but it grew back too fast," said Mabel.
"I'm not giving up," said Lebam.
Soon she decided that Lazy Susan might like Stan as a fixer-upper, so she took him to the diner. Susan, surprisingly, gave Stan her phone number.
Lebam was ecstatic, and started babbling about calling Susan right away, about not having a phone, and about getting a phone. About then, Dipper showed up and she babbled some more about seeing him through the window.
Later she told Mabel how it had gone. "I realized later that you do have a cell phone, that black one with white keys. I don't have one myself, though. It might be good if I could get one. I'm glad Grunkle Stan was paying more attention to his cherry pie than to me."
"I'll see if I can find a prepaid disposable phone in town," said Mabel. "I'll try to find one that looks the same."
"I hope nobody else noticed," Lebam asked. "Has anyone seen your phone?"
"I don't use it much; the phone signal is bad out here. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland have. They confiscated our stuff for a while when we were arrested for counterfeiting, and had a big laugh about our fancy computer phones," said Mabel.
"I remember your memory of that," said Lebam. "That happened before I was cloned from you."
"That's right," said Mabel. "Any other problems with the swaps today?"
"I may have been too silly when I saw Dipper. I said such obvious stuff about seeing him through the window. I was just so excited about finding someone for Grunkle Stan," said Lebam.
"Don't worry about it. It's hard to play me too silly," said Mabel.
"At least I remembered to use my right hand when I pulled his one chest hair for the scrapbook," said Lebam. "It might have hurt him a little more that way, but I didn't give myself away."
"You did well, sister," said Mabel. "We'll try again soon."
The day after, there was to be a dance at the Mystery Shack. Lebam decided to go into the woods to stay out of the way, since having so many people around increased the chance that she would be discovered.
Her keen sense of hearing picked up two people talking, both with voices like Dipper's.
"Well, now that we've taken Robbie's bike, what shall we do now?" said one. "Go back?"
"Not much point," said the other. "We'd just get in the classic Dipper's way. We have a better chance of lasting longer out here, as long as it doesn't rain."
Lebam came out from behind a tree. "Hi, guys!"
"Mabel! What a surprise," said the Dipper with a "3" on his hat.
"As you can see, Dipper decided to use the copy machine we found," said the one with a "4" on his hat. "We took Robbie's bike to get him out of the way so that Dipper can use his master plan to talk to Wendy and get her to dance with him."
"You don't have to worry about me telling," said Lebam. "I'm a copy, too."
"Really? Mabel used the copy machine, too?" asked "3."
"No, I'm a magic mirror doppelganger. You can call me Lebam."
"You can call me Fred," said "3". "He can be Rick."
(Lebam knew that Dipper's real name was Frederic. The twins had been named for a couple in "The Pirates of Penzance" because they had been born on February 29th, 2000. It was a plot point in the play that the character Frederic had this as his birthday.)
"Hey, why do you get the first part of Dipper's real name?" asked Rick.
"I'm lower numbered, so I get priority," said Fred.
"Nice to meet you, Fred and Rick. It's good to talk to a couple of guys I can be myself with instead of having to pretend to be Mabel," said Lebam.
"Want to hang out with us for a while?" asked Rick.
"Sure, I'd love the company," said Lebam.
"Just as buddies," said Fred.
"Even though we're not related... just copies of a brother and sister," said Rick with a trace of regret.
"Of course," said Lebam. "No mushy stuff."
Both the boys winced.
"Did I say something wrong?" asked Lebam.
"You reminded us of what happens when we touch anything wet," said Fred. "We turn into mushy stuff."
"Definitely platonic, then," said Lebam, with a slight trace of regret herself.
She camped out with Fred and Rick for a couple of days. She lost them in a sudden downpour when they couldn't get to shelter in time.
When Lebam got back to the woods near the Mystery Shack, Mabel told her she had missed the Pioneer Day Celebration, and that she and Dipper had uncovered a national secret.
"We nearly got shipped off to Washington DC in a crate, and locked up for the rest of our lives, to preserve the secret," Mabel told her.
"Sorry I wasn't there to help," said Lebam. "I met a couple of cute guys in the woods, though."
"Dipper's clones? He told me two of them never came back," said Mabel.
"Well, they were cute, in a way, but that's not who I meant," said Lebam.
She waved to the woods and two pale-skinned young men came out. They were very handsome, with long black hair.
"Meet Vlad and Bela," said Lebam.
"How do you do?" said Vlad and Bela, with foreign accents.
"Bella? Isn't that a girl's name?" asked Mabel.
"Bela is a man's name in Eastern Europe," said Bela. "In Transylvania, for example."
"Transylvania? Are you vampires?" Mabel asked.
"Yes," said Vlad, showing fang tips.
"Squee! Lebam, you did good!"
"I know! They want to double-date us," said Lebam.
They went on a secret date that night, which went well until the vampires got carried away.
"We could turn you into vampires, too," said Vlad. "You could be with us forever."
"Forever? I'm not ready for that level of commitment, guys," said Mabel.
"Me neither," said Lebam.
"Farewell then," said Bela. The vampires turned into giant bats and flew away.
"Hey, we never even got a kiss," complained Lebam.
"Guys," said Mabel. "It's all or nothing with them."
"Like the gnomes," said Lebam.
"And Gideon," said Mabel.
"Don't get me started on him," said Lebam, with a grim look.
"When are we going to find a nice guy apiece for a summer romance?" asked Mabel.
"I don't know, but let's not tell Dipper about the vampires," said Lebam.
"By the way, Dipper got locked in your closet by some of his clones and he found your Smile Dip stash," said Mabel. "He asked me about it."
"What did you say?" Lebam asked.
"I said I might start eating it again if I feel the need to be wild and crazy," Mabel said.
"And he said?"
"That I don't really need any help with that," said Mabel.
Lebam stayed hidden during the carnival Grunkle Stan put on at the Mystery Shack. She asked Mabel to buy an extra cotton candy and bring it to her, but Mabel saw a pig she could win at a weight-guessing contest, and she got so excited she threw the treats on the ground. Lebam wasn't mad about it because she loved Waddles on sight, just as Mabel did.
She was disappointed about missing out on a time-travel adventure, though. Mabel offered to let her take the whole next day, and to do whatever adventure or Grunkle Stan fix-up project she liked.
The next day was quiet and pleasant, with a trip to the Arcade, then home for a card game which Lebam won with beginner's luck, then some TV watching in the afternoon while Dipper got in trouble with Robbie for breaking his phone, and he went somewhere to hide.
Lebam finally found a fix-up project when Grunkle Stan showed he had a fear of heights by refusing to use a ladder. She tried various tricks to get him to admit his fear, but nothing worked until he saw a skydiving program on television, and screamed.
"So I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray-cray?" asked Stan.
Lebam finally had a cell phone, one she bought for herself while downtown during the arcade trip. She texted Mabel, who was hiding in the closet, and asked for help with a plan. Mabel thought about it while Lebam was talking to Dipper, who had brought Rumble McSkirmish, the video game fighter, up to their bedroom. Rumble was going to act as his bodyguard in the fight with Robbie, Dipper said. Lebam liked his funny voice and wrote a list of words for him to say, with her left hand so the printing would be neat enough for the simple-minded fighter to read.
"Use the scout's honor/double cross 2 trick him," Mabel texted Lebam after Dipper left. Lebam found the clothing they needed and took it to Mabel before going back downstairs.
"I'll do fast-change type 4," Lebam said. They had practiced clothing reflecting tricks and Lebam was now an expert.
She sneaked behind Stan's chair and shouted, "Hey, Grunkle Stan!"
This made him do a spit-take with a mouthful of soda.
"How would you like to take a walk nowhere in particular while wearing a blindfold?" Lebam asked.
"Eh! It beats just sitting around being old," said Stan. "Wait a minute. You're not planning on taking me somewhere super high up, are you?"
"Grunkle Stan! I would never! Scout's honor," said Lebam.
She focused on the new outfit she knew Mabel was wearing, without saying her name aloud, and she was able to instantly pull on a duplicate sweater from thin air, and change her headband and skirt color at the same time. The sweater showed a scout finger pledge.
"All right, let's go," said Stan, heading for the door.
Lebam chuckled. She flipped her long hair over the back of the sweater, which showed crossed fingers, the sign of a double-cross. She blindfolded Stan and led him to the top of the Gravity Falls water tower.
"Take off your blindfold now!" said Lebam.
Grunkle Stan took it off and stared at the ground far below. "Yeah, that was pretty much what I was expecting."
"You're doing better than I thought," said Lebam. "Now let go of the hand-rail."
"No!" said Stan.
"Hey, do you smell anger, and hormones?" Lebam asked. Her llama senses were kicking in again.
Robbie came up the ladder, panting hard.
"Hey Robbie! Get your own water tower," said Lebam.
"Keep it down, he'll find us!" said Robbie.
Rumble McSkirmish was below, looking for a way to bring his opponent to the ground. "You can hide, but you cannot hide!"
Rumble began punching the leg of the tower, making it sway.
"We're safe, right?" Lebam asked. Her natural llama height fearlessness was beginning to crumble.
"Of course not!" said Stan. "This thing is on stilts, high, high up!"
The tower continued to sway, Robbie fell off (only to be caught by Rumble), and Stan and Lebam ran around like chickens.
The attacking video game figure left and the tower finally steadied. Lebam stood petrified beside Stan.
"I'm sorry, Grunkle Stan. I thought this would help, but I was wrong," Lebam said. "So wrong!"
"I survived," said Stan. "I survived and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance, just to be sure."
He waggled his hips and made funny musical sounds.
"Ha! Deal with it, world. Stan Pines has cured his fear of heights!"
He went to the ladder. "Coming, kid?"
"Uh-uh," said Lebam, standing frozen.
"What's the matter? You got a fear of heights now?"
Lebam didn't answer, but turned her face away from the ladder.
"Oh-oh," said Stan.
He had to carry her down the ladder. She was stiff as a board from fear.