Deep Ends
"Lebam, Grunkle Stan asked us to collect up any old things we want to get rid of, to throw somewhere they'll never come back. Do you have anything?"
"I've got some empty boxes of Smile Dip that are taking up space in my closet," said Lebam. "And some other stuff that bothers me, like creepy jars of alien heads and a bag of loose deer teeth."
"Okay, you can put them in the large box we found. I'm going to put the Truth Teeth in there, but there's plenty of room for more stuff. Nobody has to see what else we're throwing out and connect it with your closet," Mabel said with a giggle.
They carried the junk to Mabel's bedroom. Dipper was already downstairs.
"I'm glad to get rid of the Truth Teeth," said Lebam. "Remember how Grunkle Stan kept yelling out all those things we didn't want to know?"
"Do you want to do this trash run, or shall I?" Mabel asked.
"It doesn't matter one way or the other to me. You can do it," said Lebam. "Hey, what's this bundle of papers in the corner by your bed?"
"Creepy love letters from Gideon," said Mabel.
"What? You've been keeping his love letters?" said Lebam.
"They're funny, in a weird sort of way," said Mabel.
"Nothing about Li'l Gideon is funny. You don't realize what he wanted to do to me, what he would have done if I hadn't gotten free," said Lebam.
"You really hate him, don't you?" said Mabel. "I have mixed feelings, because there were times when he was nice. If we could have stayed just friends, and makeover buddies..."
"Hate doesn't begin to cover how I feel," said Lebam. "He's responsible for the mess I'm in, having to share a life."
"Don't you like it here?" asked Mabel.
"Sure, it's fun, most of the time. But it's not a whole life. I'm always having to hide," said Lebam.
"Oh... I didn't realize how I would feel if I were you," said Mabel. "I mean, I am you, just in different circumstances."
"And it seems like I always get the days when we're trying to fix Grunkle Stan, and it never works," said Lebam. "Like his dating Lazy Susan, his fear of heights..."
"His business methods, his lying..." said Mabel.
"I've changed my mind. I want to go to that disposal place myself, take those letters, and make sure they're gone forever," said Lebam.
"Okay, sure," said Mabel.
"In this land of ours, there are many great pits. But none more bottomless than the bottomless pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless," said Stan.
"Question: is it bottomless?" asked Soos.
"Kids, can one of you try explaining this to Soos?" asked Stan.
"Grunkle Stan, why are we here again?" asked Dipper.
"To dispose of things that we don't want. So long, Mystery Shack suggestion cards!" said Stan.
"Goodbye, creepy love letters from Li'l Gideon. Die! Die!" said Lebam. She threw them into the pit as hard as she could, using her left hand for extra strength.
Soos threw his shoes into the pit, not because he didn't want them but because everyone was throwing things.
Lebam went back to the Mystery Cart and got the large box with the Truth Teeth and the other stuff. She pushed it toward the pit.
"What you got there, Mabel?" asked Stan.
"Oh, it's just my personal box of mysterious secrets. Nothing worth wondering about," said Lebam with a giggle as she tipped in the box. "Goodbye forever!"
"Grunkle Stan, do I really have to be the one to point out that a bottomless pit is, by definition, impossible?" asked Dipper.
"Says you..." said Stan, still trying to get rid of complaint cards.
"Well, I guess we'll never know," said Lebam.
A strong wind began to blow.
"Aah! It's some sort of invisible pushing force!" said Soos.
Dipper tried to get everyone to run back into the Shack, but Stan kept trying to get rid of cards. They all tried to pull him back from the edge, but instead everyone fell in together. Gompers the goat watched the hole for Bill Cipher.
After a long period of screaming, Lebam realized they were in no immediate danger; there was no bottom to hit. She got out a glowstick so that they could see.
"We're somewhere where it looks like we're nowhere," she said.
"We're gonna land on something eventually," said Dipper. "It could be any second now."
They all cringed, but nothing happened. The worst immediate problem was boredom. Stan tried to do a card trick, but the cards all flew out of his hands. Lebam thought that was a good trick, so she applauded.
Soos suggested they pass the time by telling stories. Dipper started off with a pointless one about spending the rest of their lives in the pit. It sounded boring to Lebam, so she asked Dipper for something better.
"Fine," said Dipper. "I'll tell you a story. A story I'd like to call Voice Over."
He told the story of how he got a voice-changing potion from Old Man McGucket. It was pretty close to what actually happened, Lebam thought, though she hadn't heard every detail from Mabel.
After the story, Labam tried changing the game to "I spy something that is black" and then "Spin the Dipper," but Grunkle Stan got bored and demanded a story from Soos.
Soos said, "Really? Ok. This story is called 'Soos' really good Pinball story. Is that a good title? Does it have to be a pun or whatever?'"
The story Soos told, Lebam thought, was mostly imaginary. She'd never seen the break room and pinball machine that Soos described in the Mystery Shack. Stan wasn't the type to provide that level of perks for his employees. But Soos was usually truthful; she would ask Mabel about it later.
After that, Grunkle Stan told one called 'Grunkle Stan Wins the Football Bowl' that was completely made up, and not entertaining.
Finally, Lebam herself was called on for a story, and she told about the Truth Teeth. (Later she realized she got the date on the income tax form wrong. She should have said 2011 instead of 2012. Under the influence of the Teeth, Stan was preparing a new, honest return for the last year, admitting massive fraud on a return that has already gotten him a tax refund, not making a head start on the next year.)
Soon after she told the story, they all fell out of the top of the Bottomless Pit. It made sense to Lebam, since it only had a top and no bottom. Dipper called it a "wormhole" but it was obviously much too large to have been made by a worm.
Lebam was happy with the time they had spent together, even though Stan fell back in the hole again and would have to wait another hour or so to come out.
She didn't see the love letters or the personal box of mysterious secrets, so she was content that they had fallen into some side dimension, hopefully far away.
If Gompers the goat knew different, he wasn't talking.
Later, Lebam told Mabel all about the pit.
"You finally had a magical adventure with Dipper and everyone," said Mabel.
"I've gotten more confident with everyone, too," said Lebam. "The Truth Teeth story went well, even though I made some mistakes and changed a few details to protect the innocent, namely me."
"What did you change?" Mabel asked.
"I didn't say we planned it together. I just had you plan it by pretending to make Waddles talk," said Lebam.
"Did you say why we wanted the Truth Teeth in the first place?" asked Mabel.
"I said you were really bothered by all of Grunkle Stan's lies and wanted to force him to stop," said Lebam.
"I'm not that bothered by lies," said Mabel. "We lied about Great Uncle's Day to get Grunkle Stan to try on high heels, and then lied again to get him up on the water tower, remember?"
"Don't remind me," said Lebam with a shudder.
"What did you say I asked him when I first put in the Truth Teeth?" Mabel asked.
"Just about Dipper's spaghetti, as a test question to see if he would tell the truth," said Lebam. "Not about any deep secrets of the Mystery Shack, knowing he would forget everything he said once the teeth were out."
"I hope he can open that portal someday, and find his long-lost twin," said Mabel. "And maybe, if it can open to anywhere, we can find your mirror world."
"I'm starting to wonder if there even is a mirror world," said Lebam. "Maybe I'm just a lone clone without a home."
"Please don't give up hope," said Mabel.
"I'll try not to," said Lebam.
It was 110 degrees, the hottest day of the summer. Lebam was baking in her tiny attic closet. When she finally sneaked out, she found that everyone else had left.
"Mabel!" she said, and was instantly in a red swim suit with a yellow star on the chest. Mabel had gone to the swimming pool and forgotten her. Lebam tried cooling herself off in the bathtub by filling it with ice water, but the ice quickly melted and the water turned hot. There was no air conditioning.
Mabel finally returned, all bubbly with joy over a merman she had met, named Mermando. Lebam pretended to feel happy for her but inside she only felt jealousy.
"I'm going to go back to the pool tonight and see him again," said Mabel. "Maybe get my first kiss."
Lebam got to the Mystery Cart that evening before Mabel did. She headed to the pool with an expression more grimly determined than happy, and broke in by reaching the skimmer net with her left arm, stepping on it roughly enough to bend it. She climbed the fence and called to Mermando, ready with scrapbooks to show him some of Mabel's life, to convince him that was who she was.
"Look! Here's a scrapbook of human stuff," said Lebam. "Here's me standing with my legs. And here I am kicking Dipper in his legs. He couldn't move his legs after that! Can you imagine? Not having legs?"
"Let's skip this book," said Mermando with a touch of anger in his voice.
She was doing something wrong, but she didn't know what.
"And here's my whole family kickboxing!"
Mermando sighed, turned his back, and swam to the middle of the pool. It just wasn't going well.
"What's wrong?" Lebam asked, wading over to him.
Mermando tried to strum a chord on his guitar, but it was filled with water.
"I too, used to have a family once. back in the ocean. How I miss them," he said, showing a family photograph from the shell around his neck.
Lebam touched his shoulder with her left hand. "Mermando, why don't you just leave the pool?"
Mermando described his bold and daring plan that ended up with him attacked by woodpeckers and wolves.
"No, I'm glad that I'm here, 'cause I met you," said Mermando.
A falling star shot through the air.
"This is it, 'Mabel'. First kiss moment, here we come! Just go for it!" thought Lebam. She puckered and closed her eyes.
"What are you doing with your mouth?" asked Mermando.
"Me? Nothing. This? I was eating some sour candy. So my lips were doing that. The candy was so sour," said Lebam.
"Can I have some candy?" asked Mermando.
"No," said Lebam. Her eyes rolled back and forth suspiciously.
"What is wrong?" said Mermando.
"Me. I'm wrong," said Lebam said with a sigh.
"What do you mean, Mabel?" asked Mermando.
"That's just it. I'm not Mabel. I'm Lebam, her mirror doppelganger," said Lebam. "There's no chemistry because I know I'm doing wrong."
"Why did you lie?" asked Mermando.
"I was jealous of Mabel. She has a life. She got to come here openly, cool off in the pool all day, and meet a wonderful guy, while I sweated in a hot house all alone. I was tempted; I was almost a boyfriend kisser."
"I understand your feelings, and I appreciate your honesty, Lebam," said Mermando.
"I'm going back now to bring you the real Mabel," said Lebam. "And I'll work with her on a way to get you home."
"Thank you, Lebam. Know this: sixteen of my hearts are for Mabel. But you may have one, Lebam," said Mermando.
Mabel forgave Lebam because nothing really happened. Together they worked on a plan. Mabel carried it out with the help of Dipper; she freed Mermando and got her first kiss. This time, Lebam really was happy for her.
Later, they both received notes sealed in bottles. 'Mabel' was printed on one side of the rolled notes. On many notes, 'Lebam' was printed on the other side of the roll. When the bottle flipped over in the water one might see one name or the other. They shared the notes, except the ones labeled with just one name.