Chapter 2
After school Beck finds me. "Hey Tori, can we please put the tension between us away and work on the play? I get it-I am horrible in your eyes. The way I see it, we both want to act or sing in the future. The only way to truly do that is to work with people you don't like. On stage convince people that you like me otherwise I don't care what you think of me. I am still going to follow my dreams and I see working with you as a step to achieving my goals. What do you say? Fri-enemies?" he smiled it freaked me out what's his angle? I probably need to have my guard up unless he is serious.
I want to believe him with the way he is smiling like that. But I have put a façade on for so long I start to wonder if other people do it to. "Beck I am sorry if I came off as rude. Perhaps you are right. I did make a snap judgment about you. I assumed you were like Jade, mean and horrifying." I said.
"So can we work on the play then-together as frienemies?" he asked. "Yes…yes we can Beck Oliver." I finished. "Can you promise to stop backbiting Jade every five minutes. Cause if I am being honest Tori, I don't like you very much so far…but I am willing to put all of that aside to be your friend; or to at least put on a good show for our audience."
I can see that there are good qualities to this Beck guy. He reads people well-everyone well and that truly scares me. I don't like being out of my comfort zone. Even though, I am an actress and being out of my comfort zone happens every day. But when I am acting I can hide being the character-I can be Maria from the Sound of Music and have "Confidence in me" or I can become Peter Pan and "Never Grow Up." These masks let me hide; their problems seem more important than the real problems with the actress; the actress behind all these faces, my problems. I suffer at this damn school the way all teen woman do. Am I perfect enough, worthy, special, anything?
"Let's begin Beck…" The story begins to unfold. Two teens fall in love for a summer-doomed to never see each other again. "Tell me more…tell me more was it love at first sight." I read these lyrics out loud. "I don't like this musical-do you?" asks Beck.
"I never really thought about it. Why do you ask?" "Well Tori think about it, two teens fall in love at first sight…it's so unrealistic. Our hormones are raging too much to have that happen. I don't believe in love at first sight. Do you? I mean did that happen to you and Andre?"
"No that didn't happen- we were just really good friends that began dating. We would write songs together. We would practice them at my house every day and then we just fell in love like that" There was a long pause-why am I telling Beck Oliver about my love life? Why does he care? Beck really is different than the man I thought he was. He is a lot kinder then I give him credit for. But why is he with Jade? She is horrible and he is so sweet.
"Well I have to go the weekend Beckons. Oh wow did I just say that?" Wow am I really tired enough to flirt with Beck? Wow I am shallow.
"Yeah no worries I get that all the time. My family jokes about my name all the time." He laughs. "I will see you later Beck." "Tori wait. Can we be friends?" he asks out of the blue. "Sure…we can try." We shake hands on it-smile at each other and I leave. My weekend plans with Andre are about to unravel. I get home and begin to pack. My parents don't care about me or what I do. They used to care about grades, used to. I wish they did- my father ditched us when I was four years old. He came back a few times when I was 11 and once when I was 14. My mother- I don't know how to explain her. She has a new boy friend every other month. This month's model is James or Joe. She's been ping ponging herself between the two for a year so I don't keep track anymore. Great role models, right? My thoughts are broken by a door bell.
"Hello?" I say as I open the door. "Hey are you ready to go?" asks Andre. "Yes let's go to the Ruth Chev's Café. I am hungry; I want the lazy man's lobster." "Yeah that sounds so good." We head to the restaurant. It's fancy like the Cheese Cake Factory. Huge columns fill the café and posters of French people and Paris are everywhere. A waiter comes and sits us down. We order our food and Andre asks me the most random question.
"Would you want to be in a film? I have a project where I have to make a music video. Can you star in it? It would be helpful." "Sure that would be fine." I say enjoying my lobster. Dinner ends. We head to the hotel and I know that he wants me. But I am not sure what to think about it. Most girls would flee but as I mentioned before I NEVER push back EVER! He takes me into the hotel, it's the Hollywood Hilton.
We soon check in and then we find our way to the room. Our massages got cancelled! Bummer! He takes me into the bedroom and begins kissing my being. He caresses me like he cares about me. We make out intensely as he is slowly undressing my top. My tank top finds its way to the floor and suddenly, I am walking backward. He is guiding me like a puppet. I fall to the bed on my back- his body pressing against mine. My pants make their way to la la land, as my body finds heaven. We are so close to having sex…so close. I open my eyes and see a beeping red light.
That's when I notice the camera…He is videotaping us about to have sex! I push him off- he is unaware I saw the camera. I scream! "How DARE you video this ass hole! I thought we…" I can't form words-I can't think of any. Silence…White noise!
"But at dinner you said you would star in a film of mine." "A film? What the hell Andre? I am not doing porn. I am not a slut!" "Really Tori? Cuz this video would seem to prove otherwise…" I finally push back for once and say, "We are done…over! You are an asshole-leave me alone! FOREVER GOOD BYE! I will NEVER forgive you."
I leave the hotel –embarrassed- ashamed! My stomach feels like ashes. My thoughts a million butterflies swarming. I have no thoughts- men are tools-players. I am worthless-no mask can hide the video of a slut! That's what I have become. Like mother like daughter. I am flawed-no mask can hide my crying eyes.
The rain dances around me. It down pours my emotions in sheets of crystals. I cannot find my way home-my emotions fly as an untamed horse. I find myself in a parking lot with many trailers. I have somehow managed to get lost in a trailer park. I collapse from the shock of it all-was it real or a nightmare? The devil is surely mocking me. I begin to shake violently on the ground and ball my eyes out. I am the most unloved woman in the world. The rain is my blanket, the pavement my bed. I am never going home.