"Do we have to go out?" She says from the cocoon of blankets. Kaidan is throwing on a button-up shirt and pauses to look at her askance.
"Shepard. In the whole house we have one jar of peanut butter. You will get hungry and then you will turn into a monster." He tells her, his tone deadpan.
She pokes her head out, giving him a dirty look. "Hey! I resent that!"
Shepard shuffles around, extracting herself from the blankets and stumbling onto the floor. She's only wearing a singlet and a tiny scrap of what he supposes passes for her underwear. She looks completely rumpled and sleepy as she says: "We can live on that. I have some great ideas for that jar."
He wanders over, finishing the buttons on his shirt, to kiss her, she grumpily turns her head up to allow him to. "No, we can't. Two hours in and you'll resort to cannibalizing me."
Shepard pushes him away in mock horror. "No, I won't, sweetie! You're too pretty to eat...I might just gnaw on one of your legs. That's not too bad, right?"
Kaidan ignores the 'sweetie' part; she's just trying to get him to react. Not today. She has him wrapped around her little finger, but he is sick of eating peanut butter sandwiches and stale cereal.
He moves to the small bathroom to try and tame his hair, Shepard doesn't even bother with hers most of the time.
"Shepard, c'mon." He cajoles from the bathroom, his voice bouncing off the tiles.
Shepard huffs as she reluctantly tramps over to her discarded jeans and roughly shoves a leg in. "Alright, alright. Stupid supermarket. They should goddamn home deliver. What is this? The nineteen hundreds?!" He can hear her mumbling under her breath.
Kaidan rolls his eyes at her theatrics. "Yeah, yeah, Shepard. Complaining won't make it go quicker."
"Says you." As he comes out of the bathroom she throws him another supremely dirty look, searching through the pile of clothes she'd dumped on the floor for a shirt.
When she's dressed she stalks up to him, and he's suddenly remind of a languorous big cat. The kind that could eat a man whole. He swallows and tries to grope for the Mako's ignition key. She'll have him never leaving the house again if he can't ignore that look. "Sure I can't tempt you out of this whole responsibility thing and back to bed?" She practically purrs and runs her hand down the little opening in his shirt.
She leans up to kiss him deeply, and for a moment he is lost. But the thought of lunch has Kaidan roughly backing away, like she burns him. "Mmm...No! No. Shepard, you play dirty."
Shepard shrugs, like she didn't expect her plan to work anyway and winks saucily at him. "You love it, baby."
Kaidan sighs and leads the way out to the rented Mako. He pretends not to notice that she ogles his ass.
In the Mako, Shepard turns to him from her perch in the driver's seat. "So, which way?"
"What?" He blurts.
Shepard looks at him like he's a particularly slow five year old. "Which way to the settlement?"
"I thought you knew!" Kaidan exclaims.
"How would I know?! I've only checked it out once. Do I look like Pressly to you?! You know my navigation sucks!"
"Shepard, you're an N7 Spectre. How can it suck?" He says slowly and patiently. Sweat trickles down his back, it's so hot here. The short dash to the Mako was like walking out of a refrigerator into a volcano. He knows, he's been on Therum.
"Ugh fine." Shepard explosively exhales. "I was just trying to get out of it. Aren't men supposed to not like taking directions?"
"Um, no. Shepard, I take your directions every working day."
"Well, aren't you perfect?" Shepard grins at him, her words are mocking but she sounds sincere. "You don't suddenly turn into a caveman when off-duty."
"Thanks, I try."
A mischievous look is back on her face. "Mind you, a little caveman doesn't go astray in the right circumstances." She's winking like a particularly dirty old man and Kaidan has no doubt what's back on her mind.
"You are worse than a teenage boy, and I have been one." He laughs at her, unable to hold a straight and disapproving face anymore. She's so ridiculous and carefree when she's happy.
"I'm insatiable or maybe it's just your animal magnetism, Alenko." Shepard pokes her tongue out at him. Kaidan thinks her messed up childhood has made her strangely immature as an adult sometimes. It's not a bad thing, exactly, but it makes him sad that she'd feel the need to recapture the silliness she's missed out on. He's happy to be silly with her...most of the time.
"Hmm." He hums.
"You drive, I'll navigate." Shepard suddenly bundles out of the Mako, swapping seats with him.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, don't push your luck, LT. I know you hate my driving. Plus like you said, I am an awesome N7 Spectre. A good CO bears her crew's burdens and I will navigate for you. Even though it rips out my heart not to drive my beloved Mako."
Kaidan chuckles at her dramatics and takes the wheel.
An hour later and he's wishing he hadn't.
"I told you to take a right! Just because we're off-duty doesn't mean you suddenly lose your hearing." Shepard snipes.
"Shepard, has anyone ever told you; you are the most infuriating woman in the galaxy?! I took the right!"
"You didn't take it hard enough."
There's a beat of silence and then she chimes in. "That's what she said."
"Oh my god, did you really just make that joke?" Kaidan groans, unable to stop smiling at her. It's an awful, awful joke.
"You bet your sweet ass I did, LT!" Shepard bursts into peals of laughter, snorting in a manner that would shock Kaidan's Ma. It's adorable and he laughs loudly along with her. She leans over in her seat, straining the seatbelt to capacity, to kiss him on the cheek. He turns his head from the red dusty sand road at the last moment, capturing her lips.
The supermarket is practically empty, it's noon and a lot of colonists are taking care of their wind farms or jobs. Kaidan and Shepard wander the aisles, and he's glad for the icy air conditioning.
"Ugh. I'm bored, Kaidan. Take me home and ravish me." Shepard whines loudly, and he turns to her in embarrassment. She's so messing with him.
"Shepard! Shh, someone might hear you!"
"So? Let 'em." She shrugs, sashaying over to the milk fridge. "These colonists could use a bit of spicing up. Milk, dear?" She holds a carton up to her chest, cocking a hip out jauntily.
"Shepard, are you going to call me cutesy names all day? And oh god please put that down." Kaidan covers his face with his hand, blocking her terrible seduction attempts from his mind. The word 'milk' echoes in his brain and his face heats up. She's an evil woman.
"No no, snookums. Just until you stop torturing me, then I'll stop torturing you."
"Plus I think I have heatstroke. Can't blame me, you made me go out." Shepard doesn't have a tiny bit of remorse or shame in her voice. She just throws the milk into the trolley he's pushing and shuffles over to stand beside him.
"Shepard, we cannot spend weeks here just having sex all the time and lying around the house. We need to eat!"
"And there was peanut butter! Geez." She says like it should be obvious and huffs.
They continue on, Kaidan desperately trying to focus on his mental list of groceries and ignore the way her shirt slips down to reveal a creamy, freckled shoulder. He thinks she didn't even bother to put on a bra.
"Wow, it is hot outside. I really need a shower, don't you think, Kaidan?" They're standing in the cereal section, and he looks over to see her arch her back, sticking her chest out.
"Ignoring you." He intones, turning back to the colorful boxes with difficulty. "What cereal do you want?"
"The sweet kind. You know how I like it, of course. All wet and milky and just a little too much-"
"Oh my god. That's it." He can't take her anymore. She's the worst person he's ever met. He wishes Garrus was here to distract her for a moment so he could get the shopping actually done but he's not, so Kaidan loses his mind.
She lets out a muffled "Hmph!" as he forgets the cereal and backs her against the shelf, kissing her for all he's worth. She's grinning like a Cheshire cat into his lips and cards her fingers through his hair while hauling a flexible leg to rest against his hips. He helps her and lifts the other one, to hold her against the shelf and show her just how much she's got to him. Kaidan wants her, he needs her. He doesn't care about the security vids, or the other shoppers or that cereal boxes are raining down around their feet. She's making little encouraging noises in the back of her throat as his palms wander up her shirt, lifting it up to skim the underside of her breasts. She's a bit sweaty and her skin warm. The expanse of her belly pebbles under his hands, the cool gush of air-conditioning drying the sweat cold.
"New to Intai'sei dears?"
Kaidan almost drops Shepard like a hot potato. He has never been so mortified in all his life. There's a middle aged woman standing in the middle of their aisle, a polite smile on her face. She's holding a bag of what looks like some kind of cooked poultry.
He backs a few feet away from Shepard, trying to ignore the mess they'd made of the cereal display. Shepard just flips her hair, and makes a show of picking up the dropped boxes like they weren't about to jump each other in the goddamn supermarket. Before Kaidan met Shepard, he was sure he was a perfect gentleman.
"Oh yes. Busy jobs and all, keeps us away." Shepard answers the woman.
"Ah. From Earth?" The lady with the chicken creature politely enquirers, looking at Shepard expectantly.
Kaidan wanders off a little down the aisle leaving Shepard to deal with it. His pants need adjusting and they still need their shopping.
Come hell or high water Kaidan was going to make it home from this supermarket alive with enough food to feed an army. Shepard would not be allowed to kill him...Maybe maim severely. But still, he didn't make it to Lieutenant by being a quitter or shying away from a challenge.
"Not for many years for me, but yeah, we both are." He can hear them conversing from where he picks up some orange juice, studying the label. Shepard hates the fake stuff.
"That your husband, dear?" Kaidan pricks his ears up, wondering what she'll say but pretending not to hear.
"Oh no. He's my pool boy. I keep him around for his ass, you know."
Kaidan drops his orange juice and whips his head around sending her the angriest look he can muster.
The woman she's speaking to looks a little shocked at her blasé attitude.
"I'm kidding!" Shepard laughs waving her hand and shooting him an amused look. Kaidan makes a slashing motion against his neck, silently telling her to quit it. She just winks at him again; Shepard is not intimidated by his mock upset at all. "Ah no, we're not married, I just like to tease him."
"Oh I think it's lovely to see two young people so in love. Why, my Herbert and I came to this planet many years ago just like you. Maybe you'll settle down here, raise a family? We always need the people."
They must be hurting for colonists; this was practically a recruitment drive in the supermarket. The woman's beady eyes must have lit up at the thought of a new young couple to add to their community.
Kaidan almost wishes...No. No, they have their duty.
"Um, no. No, we're just on...vacation." Shepard doesn't sound so terribly amused and cocky now. She sounds...almost wistful.
The lady titters and Kaidan picks up his orange juice. "Of course. Silly me, I didn't mean to pry. Listen, here is my omni-tool contact frequency. You have any problems, you let me know. Maybe we could do coffee sometime when you're back on vacation?"
"That's really nice of you. Maybe we can." Shepard voice is warm, pleased to make a friend. The woman moves on and Shepard rejoins him.
"Pool boy, huh?"
"Yup." She slaps his ass as they walk to the checkout.
When they get home, laden down with shopping bags, she jumps him as soon as the door swings shut. In the living room she pushes Kaidan to the ground, yanking her shirt back over her head.
He grins as bright red apples roll from a dropped bag to settle by his head.
Maybe next time she wouldn't think shopping was so bad. There would have to be many more shore leaves after this one. They could do that coffee and get to know the people here.