Chapter 8
"Tori you're crazy-he loves you," says Cat excitedly. "I know and I honestly want to stay with him. But with everything blowing up in my face I just can't anymore. How am I supposed to trust Beck, he didn't protect me. No one ever does." There was a long pause as if the whole world around me froze and a new Ice Age was born about me. Oh Beck I am so sorry-but I am damaged goods. No one wants a lump of coal when they could have a diamond.
"Tori, he apologized to you and brought you here. He may not have been there when 'it' happened but he cared enough to go looking for you. That's more than your parents or sister ever did for you. He brought you here, and on top of that he called you his 'best friend' to the doctors as they took you away." "He said what? We don't know each other-we just don't." I thought of Beck and how I opened up to him. I remembered the way he made me feel at home, how my heart danced in my chest, how him holding me was paradise. I recalled him taking care of me and taking me into his world. Then Andre came into my thoughts like a poison. His invasive touch-how powerless rape makes one feel. But Beck-awe damn I screwed up. I always do-how come when I finally learn to push back, I push the man I am falling for away? Beck really does want to protect me. I have to let you know Beck-know that I am sorry for rejecting you. I took my mask off for you and you didn't judge me. The truth is I want to fall for Beck-I am terrified. Life is backwards-so backwards. I trusted Andre and he raped me. I trusted Beck and he…cried for not being there to protect me. Oh Beck I am so sorry.
I decide to call him on my cell... It rings. "Hey Beck-I am so sorry." "Its fine Tori, don't flatter me. I am just glad Andre will go to prison after a trial. I am sorry I couldn't protect you. I tried awe damn it-I have to go Tori." He is about to hang up. "No wait Beck-I don't want to move out. I am so terrified of what happened-so scared. My mask is gone-it was taken from me. It only felt right when you took my mask off, not him. Please come back here? Please can I come home now?" As I say this on the phone I am balling, weeping. I realize I love him, or some part of him. And I need him beside me or I will never heal properly. I fear the future-of being damaged goods. But something is telling me maybe he doesn't care about that-I look up and there he is standing in the door of my hospital room.
"Yes Tori you may come home" he replies. Was he waiting for me this whole time? Awe Beck did you know that I would have a change of heart or were you waiting for me anyways? I see his eyes get glossy with tears. "Beck you really care about me don't you?" I say. His face turns red-his rosy cheeks tell me what I need to know-that he loves some part of me. Instead of embarrass him-I walk toward him and place my lips on his. He kisses me back and pulls me in closer. I feel the tears on his cheeks rub against my nose. It is so sweet to have a boy, a man, my best friend care about me in this manner. His embrace screams protection, forgiveness, and regret. I want to ask him if he loves any part of me-but it's too soon for that. But I decide to go with it, "Beck you are so sweet- thank you for not leaving. Hey Beck do you…" "Love you?" he interrupts. "I might be getting there Tori-plutonic friends in love? That wouldn't work out." he laughs.
But I am happy-happy he admitted that it could go that way. This is how I want it to be-even though I am scared being with him is sacred. "Same her Beck-I heard what you said. It was really thoughtful and I could fall for you too hard and fast…" His eyes meet mine and he smiles at me like we are the only people in this entire world.
"Listen Tori-if you come and stay with me only Cat can know about it. You have to tell me where you are going or leave a note. If you get hurt again I may go bonkers. I am really upset with myself for not being there. I feel as if I could have prevented it…"
He walks toward the doctors slowly. "Excuse me may I take my girl home?" Did he just call me his? I don't even mind not even a little. I want to be his-or later be his. "Tori, yes she is well enough to go home. The results from the DNA swab will be in soon. We must ask Tori something first." The doctor is a large beefy blonde haired guardian who says, "Tori you are an adult, you're 18. Do you wish us to contact any member of the Vega household to tell them of your current medical state?"
"No Sir," I reply. "Are you aware this incident could make you pregnant or give you a disease?" "Yes Sir." I had not considered I might get pregnant but I don't care at this point-he invaded my body what difference would my womb make? Was I to live with his demon offspring lurking inside of my belly? Then I look at Beck and realized he has heard this whole thing. Suddenly I don't care- he is all that matters.
"May I leave now?" I snap impatiently. "Yes Miss Vega you may go and might we suggest no sex." "What do you mean?" I say confused. "Well you're boyfriend; Beck and you shouldn't have intercourse for awhile it might harm you down there" He points making me feel even more embarrassed. "And it could trigger bad memories of this tragic experience. We can discuss getting counseling for you later." Counseling? Sex with Beck? Damn I am confused.
"First of all he is NOT my boy friend and I will decide for myself if I want a shrink or not!" "There's no need to get angry Miss Vega." "Thank you" I say ending this pointless dialogue. Then I grab Beck's hand and we leave. Cat bounces behind us and I don't care if she has seen me kiss Beck or anything; I have my two best friends here and it's enough for me to realize that I have friends for healing.