Chapter 4- One less secret

Since Dr. Cox had sent me home anyway, I headed straight for the hospital, determined to spend the rest of the day with my son. The truth of the matter was I hadn't been back to the apartment since Kim had died and, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't see myself going back there any time soon.

I needed to be with the one connection I still had to the woman I love- loved.
Unfortunately it may have been better if I had gone home, at least then I could have avoided that damn corridor!

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Tuesday 18th March 1:07pm

Walking into the small room Sammy was kept in; JD took a seat next to the incubator and just stared down at his son, praying that he would pull through. He couldn't understand why God, (if he existed) forced him to go through all of this. Sammy was a helpless little baby; he didn't deserve to have to lie fighting for his life at just a few days old.

He was tiny, probably only slightly bigger than the length of both of the attending's hands put together, his skin was so paper thin it was practically see-through and he was covered with wires.

He had to have a tube down his throat to fill his lungs with air and keep them from collapsing. Since he kept going into cardiac arrest, the doctors had inserted a bi pass like machine that morning in order to help his fragile heart. His stomach was too weak to handle even a droplet of milk, meaning he wasn't going to put on weight anytime soon. He had to have dialysis due to his failing kidneys and to top things off he was dosed up on drugs to thin his blood in case it started clotting. To say he was in a bad way was a bit of an understatement and JD had this nagging feeling that things were only going to get worse.

The small baby had barely moved an inch since he was born and although his eyes could open, they rarely did; he just didn't have the strength to move them.

"Dr. Dorian what are you doing here?" One of the specialist nurses asked as she walked in the room only to see the child's father sitting loyally by his bedside. "I thought you had to work?"

"I got sent home early… how is he?" he asked almost instantly, jumping to his feet, waiting in anticipation for an answer. The nurse just smiled sadly at him and walked over to check the baby's vitals. While she did this JD remained completely silent, the only sound that could be heard was the beeping of the machines. It was almost like he thought if he didn't say a word then everything would be magically fixed just like on TV. Unfortunately this wasn't a TV show, and in reality things didn't always work like that. A baby that was ill didn't just recover over night; it took weeks, months even, for them to show any improvement.

"Not good I'm afraid… while thankfully we've been able to keep his heart going, the doctors ordered a few tests while you were at work. Dr. Reardon is going to come by in a little bit and discuss the results with you," she eventually spoke as she stopped what she was doing and turned to face him. "Being a doctor yourself, I am sure you have all sorts of outcomes running through your head, but the important thing to remember is not to listen to them. For now, your son is alive and with each hour that passes the chance of him proving everyone wrong and making it a week grows stronger." She continued before placing a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. She stayed like that for a minute or two before the sound of her pager going off forced her away.

JD barely noticed her leaving as he just stood by the incubator, his hands resting against the glass which separated him from his son. He wished that they left his chart in the room; at least that way he could know what tests they had put his tiny baby through. He could have had anything from a CT scan to blood work, the fact was he didn't know, and without even that small amount of knowledge he had no way of narrowing down what was wrong with him.

At the very least if he knew what they had done, he could take a few guesses on what the surgeon was going to say. He could prepare himself for the worst possible outcomes. But without it, he had nothing but his fears to fall back on, ones that weren't going to go away any time soon.

As he stood there, staring at his baby, he scarcely even registered the other parents coming and going. Sammy was one of five premature infants in the small ICU. The incubators were all lined up side by side, a chair placed beside each one for visitors to sit on. Over the last couple of days it seemed each child got more and more guests, cards wishing them all the luck in the world and, of course, cuddly toys. The nursery-like room was filled with colours to help stimulate the children and presents from their families.

It was only Samuel Perry Gilligan-Dorian's part of the room which was not showered with gifts. JD was in no state to go and buy anything for his son, too afraid that if he did it would make everything worse. Unfortunately, unlike all the other babies, no one else knew he even existed and although a part of JD was aware of the fact he was depriving his own family of the chance to meet the newest addition, he could not bring himself to pick up that phone.

He had no idea how long he stayed like that for, watching Sam's chest rise and fall, but it must have been a while for soon enough the loud grumbling of his stomach brought him back to his senses. He hadn't been at all hungry when he entered the hospital, and his stomach refused to accept food over the last few days, so for him to be standing there, with it demanding some food, he must have been there for a few good hours.

Deciding that he wouldn't miss much by just nipping down to the St. Mary's canteen and grabbing maybe a sandwich and coffee, JD took one last look at his son before forcing himself out of the room. He hated leaving him. In fact, his heart ached the moment the door closed, but the doctor in him knew that if he didn't eat he'd be no use to anyone, least of all Sam.

He was by now an expert at finding the room from Sammy's and it took him less than a few minutes to make it down to the food counter and even less time to pay for any random sandwich. As soon as he took a bite though, he regretted the decision not to actually notice what he was buying, as the not so lovely taste of a tomato and pepper roll filled his mouth. He didn't spit it out though, he chewed it and chewed it, determined to at least eat something that day. Besides it was so damn expensive here that he wasn't going to go back and buy another one.
After forcing himself to swallow something he had no desire to taste ever again, JD turned towards the door, his coffee firmly in one hand and headed down the hallway.

The problem was he was so preoccupied that he took a left turning instead of the right one and by the time he realised he wasn't at the staircase he was meant to be at, it was too late, and he was completely lost.

He was in some sort of large hallway with flower white walls and crystal clean floor tiles, there were benches placed outside each room and the words private seemed to be written everywhere. Cursing to him self, JD glanced up and down the corridor wondering where on earth he had ended up. After a moment or two he glanced upwards to where signs were usually hung, and sure enough there was one at the end of the corridor.

Cosmetic treatment….

Shaking his head slightly as he realised of all the places to end up this had to be the worst he turned around and began walking in the direction he had come from… at least that was the plan; unfortunately it came to a halt when he walked straight into some look obsessed forty year old.

"Watch it you stupid old goat…" The woman shouted as she turned around to look at the fool who dared to bump into her, it wasn't like the corridor was packed full of people and they couldn't avoid her. Her face soon turned from an expression of annoyance to one of complete irritation as she realised she knew the person standing in front of her "What are you doing here?" She instantly asked as the realisation of who he was dawned on her.

JD immediately swore under his breath and rubbed at his tired eyes, trying to convince himself that the woman wasn't actually there, unfortunately, when he opened them again, she was.

The woman just scoffed at this and folded her arms before she began to tap her foot impatiently; she wasn't one to wait for an answer even if she was the one to ask the question in the first place.

"Oh, I was just… visiting." JD mumbled in response, unsure of what he could possibly say that wouldn't raise suspicion. The forty year old just shook her head at that and raised her eyebrows, clearly not buying the answer. For someone who paid very little attention to people; she certainly didn't miss the fact his response was almost a question of its own.

"You're not thinking of leaving good old Sacred Heart, are you? Because I'm sure everyone would be so devastated to lose such a valuable member of the team," She said in a heavily sarcastic and patronizing voice, a grin appearing on her face as she thought of people's reactions to that news, especially one person in particular.

"Is there something you want or can I go now?" JD replied, as he folded his own arms, not wanting to stick around and talk to her anymore than she really wanted to talk to him.

"An apology would be nice, but to be perfectly honest I don't really care. Although I have to say, nice to see you're starting to grow a pair, Sally," she bit back, her lips curling in an evil smirk, causing JD to roll his eyes and attempt to get past her. When she stepped to the side refusing to let him pass he tried to go round her the other way, only for her to do the exact same thing.

"Are you trying to annoy me? What are you even doing here?" JD eventually asked when he gave up trying to find a way to get though her, he may have been annoyed and filled with what he was now referring to as 'grief rage' but it didn't take the fear of the woman away, at least not completely.

"Having some Botox, I noticed a line!"

"Well can't you go in the waiting room like a normal person?" JD growled as he once again attempted to get passed her… he failed miserably as she again blocked his path and he soon began to wonder where he would end up if he carried on down the corridor instead of going back the way he came.

"Did you seriously just say that?" The brunette replied with her eyebrows raised even higher than they were before, completely hiding her amusement as she kept her face free from emotions. "Kim obviously hasn't learned how to stop the back talk!"

He tried, God he tried to stop himself, he chewed on his tongue until it literally started to bleed, but his will power alone was not strong enough to stop what came out of his mouth next… he seriously needed to put up a sign telling everyone to not mention Kim's name.

"Well would you have preferred me to say it's probably a good thing you're getting treatment because quite frankly your getting so old you look worse than my Nana Hobs and she's been dead for nine years!"

Damn it!

JD instantly snapped his eyes closed in preparation of getting beaten to death by the person nicknamed Godzilla, judging by the small glimpse of her face that he got, he was going to pay big time for saying something like that.
Jordon looked like she was going to explode and kill him on the spot. He could sense the steam pouring from her ears as her face went an unnatural shade of red.

Before she could say a single word, however, foot steps appeared behind them and JD was forced to open his eyes as he heard the familiar voice of his son's surgeon, Dr. Reardon.

"JD, there you are, Nurse Tina said you were here, I have to talk to you about your son's treatment," He called out as he approached the duo, causing Jordon's expression to be turned to one of confusion.

"Kim popped the baby?" she asked, looking up at the young doctor she had always called DJ with a questioning face. He purposely avoided looking at the woman though as his eyes locked on to the person in charge of his son's treatment. "You know what I don't care… and if I didn't have my appointment in less than thirty seconds I would tear you into tiny pieces until there was nothing left, but since I do, I'll leave you to sweat." She continued, before giving JD the deadliest glare ever and stalking off down the corridor to see her consultant.

"What's going on?" JD asked, honestly not caring that Jordan had learnt of his son's existence, all that was going though his head was pure worry for the little life which had barely begun.

"We did an echo early this morning and discovered the reason for Samuel's repetitive cardiac arrests. He has a rather large hole in his heart but it can be fixed through surgery. I'm sorry to say this, but we need a decision from you immediately about the course of action we are to take next. Because he is so weak we don't know if he will pull through the anaesthetic, however, if he doesn't have this surgery then we won't be able to restart his heart the next time it stops," Dr. Reardon said slowly, leading JD towards a chair in the hallway so he could sit down. "And unfortunately it's only a matter of time until it does."

JD said nothing for what appeared to be the longest time in history. It was safe to say that the news had completely knocked the wind out of him. This was what he had been dreading, from the moment the nurse had told him more tests had been ordered. A part of him knew it would lead to something like this…but still he needed a little bit more confirmation, the information not quite settling in.

"Are you saying that if Sam doesn't have this surgery he'll die, but if he does have it he hardly has a chance of pulling through anyway?" JD garbled as a fresh batch of tears began falling down his face, nothing but pure devastation written all over him.

"I'm afraid so…."

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Five excruciatingly long hours later and Dr. Cox's shift was finally over. Walking up to his apartment he placed the key inside the lock and forced the door open, in desperate need of at least half a bottle of scotch followed hopefully by a few hours of hot sex.

As far as he was concerned today had to have been the longest and most trying one of the year so far. He had a total of eleven patient's code on him, seven of which could not be brought back. That of course led him to having to break the news to their respective families, shortly followed by a stack of paper work which he had yet to complete, whilst trying to diagnose and treat the remaining five. On top of that he, being the one to send JD home, had to cover all of his patients as well.

Basically it had not been a good day!

Yet as soon as he stepped through the door, his plans of a nice Cox centred evening instantly went down the drain, for instead of his luxury $1,000 sofa being in the middle of the room, he was greeted by the sight of Jordan beating the crap out of a boxing bag.

"Err Jordan… what? What are you doing?" he asked in bewilderment as he watched the woman beat the hell out of a bag now hanging from their ceiling, anger and determination taking possession of her expression.

"What's it look like?" she called back as she continuously beat the bag of beans to the point that if it had been human, it would have needed quite a lot of surgery to repair the damage she had inflicted.

"Well it looks like you have remodelled our apartment to look like a gym… which is fine but, where are we going to sit?" he replied, seeing as the couch had mysteriously disappeared along with his spare chairs and strangely enough the liquor cabinet… God he really needed that drink.

"Wherever you want Perry!" she continued before spinning around and kicking the side of the bag, hard enough for it to spin around so Dr Cox could see she had drawn a face on the front.

"Who's the unlucky victim?" he asked with a chuckle as he headed over to the kitchen to pour himself the liquor he so desperately craved from his private stash.

"DJ!" She shot at him, causing Dr Cox to choke on the little liquid which had passed his lips and spit it back out into the glass. "He called me old and implied I looked like a dead eighty year old."

"Newbie?" He sputtered in disbelief, while trying his hardest not to laugh. Although he didn't doubt that the image of JD saying that to his ex wife was funny, he had to admit it raised a few concerns. Sure he insulted people, but not like that, and especially not Jordan, hell the kid was terrified of her, so how the hell he got the courage to so much as think that was beyond him. Besides it was JD! He didn't do those sorts of things, whether he was ill or not.

"Yes 'newbie'," she continued, with a roll of her eyes, really not in the mood to have any sort of conversation, all she wanted to do was complete her current task in peace.

"When did you see him?" Dr Cox replied, his curiosity getting the better of him. Inwardly he actually cringed, if there was one thing Perry Cox hated it was having to hear information second hand especially from his ex wife of all people.

"He was in St Mary's visiting his stupid kid, why does it even matter when I saw him, aww are you missing your little puppy already?" Jordan said with a snort oblivious to how confused her statement made the man she loved (to torture). Sure she knew it wasn't like the brunette man-child to talk to anyone like that, but to be honest she couldn't care less.

"His what?" Dr Cox practically spat as he darted around to face the forty year old, almost dropping his drink on the floor in the process.

"His kid, from what I gather was born a couple of days ago, and no I didn't bother to find out the sex who cares." she replied before pausing for a second and turning to face the doctor as the surprise in his voice registered. "Didn't you know?"

"No…"

(A/n) so is that counted as a double cliff-hanger or what? Decided it was about time this story had one, so why not two in a row… Please don't kill me lol I promise the next chapter will be up soon enough. In fact im going to start writing it now…