This one may not be necessarily canon to Changeling. Written very quickly so beware my grammar. It is also terribly fluffy :D

Shepard is woken up at three a.m by a call from a C-SEC frequency. She has to grope in the dark for her omni-tool to answer the call, the orange glow lighting the bedroom's gloom. When she hears who it is Shepard groans and sits up; it feels like only minutes since she went to sleep and her eyes are gummy when she tries to hold them open.

She'd sent the boys off earlier, confident that Kaidan wouldn't get into any trouble. Maybe the others would; James in particular, but Kaidan always had a good head on his shoulders and would keep the others in line at his bachelor party. He'd handled squads of hardened marines, Reapers, top secret Spectre missions, a five year old who behaves like a pyjak and Shepard's own terrible temper, with grace and style. Apparently she was wrong. Kaidan Alenko was no better than the average man and had been dragged down to the gutter with the rest of them.

She was four months pregnant, exhausted from her Spectre reports, running after a very active little boy all day and she supposed to be getting married tomorrow.

Shepard would kill him.

The object of her affection was laying the length of the C-SEC cell, his snores echoing around the room. His clothes smelt like he had been swimming in lager and there was grime all over them. For some reason there was a lager sticker label that said 'Northwest Beer' stuck to his cheek. He needed a shave, dark stubble peppering his cheeks.

'He looks like a goddamn hobo not a highly decorated Alliance Spectre Major,' Shepard thought waspishly.

"Second human Spectre, lady and gents," she announced under her breath. Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani would have a journalistic orgasm at this.

Shepard eyed him with unconcealed fury then spun to face the rest of the party on the opposite bench, planting her hands on her hips with the best 'drill sergeant' face she could muster. And she could muster a lot. Even with her small rounded baby belly emphasized by her stance and the C-SEC prison bars shielding them from her they shrank back a little with the force of her gaze. Bars would not stop her reaching out and telekinetically banging their heads together with her biotics.

"What on Earth happened to the six of you? And why is my future husband, who I am supposed to be marrying tomorrow, you might remember, passed out on a C-SEC bench?!" she yells, gesturing violently at Kaidan on the bench. He mumbles in his sleep and rolls over.

"We are not on Earth, Commander," Javik corrects pompously. She can't tell if he was just feigning ignorance of human vernacular or just doing it to annoy her.

"Shut up, Javik, you know what I meant. Just eat your fish burger," she snaps at him. Javik's four eyes look steadily back at her, seemingly unaffected by her anger. He shrugs and tears into his disgusting burger again. Her stomach gives a tiny heave of disgust, he likes raw fish.

"Now, don't get mad, Lola. Remember, you're workin' on controlling your temper for your health. We only-" James tries to pacify her. Steve makes a shushing noise at him but it's too late, Shepard has already turned her attention to him. For some reason lost on Shepard, James has crammed his massive frame into an old human style police uniform. Shepard privately thinks he looks like a stripper. She's sure that outfit is meant for nefarious purposes.

"You shut it too, Jimmy! I'll get mad if I want, the baby doesn't care! Look at you!" Shepard points out his split lip and ridiculous clothing. He wasn't dressed like that when they came to pick up Kaidan.

"We're very sorry, Commander. We just got a little carried away..." Cortez tries to soothe her and save his friend from her ire. It is a grave mistake.

"Steve."

That one word conveys her utter surprise and disappointment in her dear friend. Cortez was the only one beside Kaidan who she would have thought would have some self control. Apparently not, because it looks like he's not even wearing his own shirt anymore. He is now clad in a far too small Alliance shirt, his moderate muscles bulging out of it. There is some kind of Alliance lettering on it and last she heard he was most definitely not stationed on the SSV Cairo.

Next on the list she turns to the smallest man there, doing his best to appear invisible on the bench, and her eyes widen. "Joker! Is your motherfucking arm broken?!"

Joker rubs the back of his neck with his good hand. "Um. Just a little Shepard, nothing major, m-maybe it's even j-just sprained?"

"It's broken," she says flatly, dryly taking in the way he gingerly holds his arm with an unimpressed rise of her eyebrow.

Joker gives up all pretence, shrugging and nodding. He seems to be having trouble focusing on her face. "Yeah, pretty much. Got a bit enthusiastic dancing with umm...some nice ladies."

"Strippers you mean." She rolls her eyes. "You in pain? You need a doctor?" Shepard asks, concerned.

"Nah, I'm good for the moment. I'm a real man, high pain tolerance," Joker says, slurring a bit.

"You're drunk off your ass. I'm calling Chakwas." She tends to her omni-tool call, watching them all shift uncomfortably out of the corner of her narrowed eye. Well except for Javik.

With Chakwas' call done, it starts to hit her how messed up it all is. They are supposed to be meeting the Alliance celebrant at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Even Hackett was making time to attend, and now Kaidan doesn't even look like he can stand up straight, his best man is wearing a stripper outfit, Joker's arm is broken and Garrus was supposed to be walking her down the aisle but instead looks like he'd rather sleep for a week.

"Oh god. We can't even have the wedding. He's passed out, you're all in jail. I never should have agreed to this, I told him it was a stupid idea. We don't even need to; he's so stupidly old-fashioned! It's like shutting the barn door after the horse has already bolted-"

"Shepard, relax," Garrus interrupts her rant. Her ears pick up a strange twang in his voice, "Alenko just wants to make an honest wom-"

"Garrus, you don't want to finish that sentence. This isn't the nineteen fifties, if we wanna have all the basta-" It is in the middle of her sentence that it hits her what sounds wrong with Garrus. Shepard takes in his cloudy blue eyes, the way he sits on the bench like it's made of the softest marshmallow and how his voice sounds even more calm and dry than usual.

"Wait, Garrus. Are you high?"

"No, no, no. See, everything will be alright. My C-SEC buddies will get us out, you'll see," Garrus waved his talon unconcerned, as if theses puny walls could never be enough to tame the might of Archangel.

Right now, Shepard was sure her sweet little son tucked up in bed with his hanar plushie could take out Archangel.

"Garrus, they said you were kicked out of three bars and were doing lewd things to the krogan statue. Something I don't even wanna think about, by the way. Joker even tried to ride a Keeper for god's sake!"

"I just wanted to see what it was like!" the pilot cut in. Shepard silenced him with a glare.

"And they said Kaidan was disturbing the peace by loudly yelling he was going to be 'Mr Commander Shepard'! Now as sweet as that might be, the press will be all over this! I told you to take care of him. Not get him drunk off his ass."

Her loudly made point is punctuated by a particularly obnoxious snore from the great lump in the corner and a sleepy drunk mumble that might've been "Shh Shepard, stop yelling."

Garrus looks back at her, his mandibles flapping in amusement. "Come on, Shepard. Let him live a little. Ha, I've never seen Kaidan like that...it was quite the show."

Shepard rarely gets angry at Garrus; he's one of her best friends and knows not to mess with her most of the time. But right now she wants to wring his spiky neck. "You know what else is supposed to be a good show?! My wedding tomorrow!"

"Shepard, come to rescue them I see," a wry voice cuts in.

Garrus is saved from a nasty end by the timely appearance of Bailey. Shepard doesn't know who woke him up at this hour for her but she's absurdly grateful to see him.

"Finally. Can you let them out, Bailey? I'll take full responsibility, and pay bail or whatever. Just please, you owe me one."

"Alright. I'll release the hooligans to you. I've hushed it up a little; they only got arrested because some ambassador or other got pissed at the noise they were making when they spilled onto the Presidium. Why this takes me back to my own bachelor party. Never could look at a hot dog the same way again..."

The older man looks thoughtful and maybe a little sleep deprived as he rubs his stubble preparing to launch down memory lane.

Shepard hasn't got the time or patience for this. She is supposed to be sleeping.

"This is all a very interesting tale, Bailey, I'm sure. But I have a Major to get home and kill. Wanna cover that one up for me?" she jokes half-heartedly.

"Nope, don't care who you are. I'm onto you Shepard, he better make it to that wedding tomorrow breathing."

"Thanks, Bailey. I'll save you an extra big slice of wedding cake tomorrow."

"I'll look forward to it."

Bailey unlocks the door for her and leaves, Shepard enters the cell to roll Kaidan over on the bench and peel the beer label from his face. He looks adorable, and she has to resist being kind to him. He's in trouble.

"Right, boys. Out you get." With James help, they lift Kaidan onto his feet and drag him out of the cell. He looks to be waking a little, mumbling and burying his head into her shoulder.

"Joker, Chakwas is coming to take care of you, don't you give her any trouble or I'll kick your ass off my Normandy for a week."

"You're not my mom, Shepard, geez," Joker childishly pokes his tongue out at her. He smells like vodka and asari perfume when she leans in to press her lips against his cheek in a gentle greeting.

She pulls away from him to lightly tap his shoulder in rebuke. "Hey! I might be forced to lay off the chasing down merc business for the moment but I go to the shooting range every damn day and my sweet, sweet love Rufus is begging for a workout"

"Who's Rufus?" Joker says, his brow furrowed.

"S'her gun I bought her, you idiot. She'll shoot you, y'know?" Kaidan finally perks up, awakened by their voices. He points at Joker, seemingly offended he didn't know the name Shepard had given her new state-of-the-art pistol.

"Oh. Back to the land of the living, my love?" Shepard says, her lips quirking sarcastically. She generally hates pet names, but she gets a sick satisfaction out of annoying Kaidan with the most vomit worthy ones she can come up with. Especially in front of the boys, they never stopped teasing him.

"Lola, we'll leave him to you. Thanks for the bail! Hey, 'my love' you be good for Lola now, I want a chance to pick up that hot cousin of yours at your reception." Vega makes a lascivious motion with his tongue and nudges Kaidan in the ribs.

"Hey, screw you Vega. Y-you stay away from her, alright?" Kaidan slurs.

"Hehe. I'll see you later, hombre! Night Lola." James leans down to kiss her on the cheek and punch Kaidan lightly in the shoulder. Shepard shoots him another dirty look and shoves him out of the door to his waiting transport.

The others move off too, Garrus giving her a quick hug. Joker's face blanches when he see's Chakwas striding towards him with her medical bag slipping off one shoulder. She looks angry, her white hair wild.

"See you later, Jeff. Have fun with Karin," Shepard throws over her shoulder at Joker, smirking at his expression.

The ride home is quiet; Kaidan falls asleep on her shoulder. He wakes up several times, babbling at her. She's noticed over the years he is a very talkative and happy drunk and it makes her smile warmly, her anger melted away. No one was seriously hurt, the press would forever make up unflatteringly lies about her and they all had fun. If Shepard wasn't in her current state she probably would have joined them and gleefully went skinny dipping in the Presidium Lake.

"Shepard! Hello b-beautiful. What are you doin' here? No girls allowed on the...the bach-bachl, ahh whatever, no girls allowed," he stammers, fumbling over the multiple syllable words as she unlocks the door at home and dumps Kaidan onto their couch. He sinks into the pillows. Shepard thanks Liara profusely for coming over to watch the little boy upstairs, hugging her tightly around her bump.

"It was no trouble, Shepard. I was awake anyway doing some work. I am always glad to watch over him," Liara says, her pretty face happy.

"Well thank you, again. You are just the best bridesmaid in the galaxy."

Kaidan just waves over the back of the couch his voice floating over to where they stand in the hallway, "Yeah, Liara, you're great. If I wasn't already a practically married man, I would so marry you."

"I love you too, Kaidan," Liara giggles at his uncharacteristically open affection and leaves with promises to be back tomorrow to do Shepard's hair.

Shepard pads over to observe Kaidan and can't help thinking how much he resembles their son when he's had a bubble bath and is all cute and sleepy while trying to pretend he isn't.

"'Girls' not allowed on bachelor parties, huh?" she asks, with a mock dangerous hint to her voice at his earlier word choice.

Kaidan backpedals rapidly, a goofy grin on his face, "By which I mean biotic g-goddess who is my whole world and goes wherever she damn well pleases, of course."

"That's right. Besides your party ended when that C-SEC officer slapped the cuffs on you." Shepard sits on the couch with him, he wiggles to rest his head on her lap and she begins to stroke her fingers through his salt and pepper hair. There's a lot more salt these days. He makes a small hum of pleasure in the back of his throat that she can feel vibrate on her thigh.

"Hey Shepard. Heeey." Kaidan turns his head up on her lap, better positioned for looking into her eyes. She can't helping smiling back at him, his eyes are so droopy and his face so open and honest with alcohol. "You know what? You are so so beautiful. Really, I-I just can't believe someone like you you would marry me. I'm the luckiest guy alive."

"Oh LT," Shepard laughs, leaning down to peck him on the lips. He manages to be charming even looking like a hobo. "You really are drunk, aren't you? You feelin' okay?"

"I'm feelin' great! Totally ready for tomorrow. After all this time tryin' to convince you, I'd take out a Reaper myself to make it there." Kaidan reaches up to toy with a strand of her hair. It's long now, spilling down her back and he always seems fascinated by it.

"Well lucky for you, they're long dead."

"Lucky," he murmurs, his face falling a little. The war hadn't been lucky, not at all. They both still had their scars. Their nightmares.

"You know, you know, I didn't even look at the s-strippers they hired," he breaks the sad silence by rambling, "It was all them, Garrus even paid for a private dance for me, but I gave it to James. You are way more pretty. And scary."

"What? Even fat and with doctor's orders to lay off the biotics? I probably couldn't catch you if you ran, you know." Shepard is kidding, but she feels a bit weird with the whole pregnancy thing still. It's unfamiliar ground, and she's not used to staying out of the action or being so ungainly. She has to keep reminding herself she's only human and allowed tiny human wants and needs. It's hard to leave behind Shepard the marine and become Shepard the mom sometimes. Kaidan makes being a parent look so easy, he never gets angry or upset and takes utter joy in doing all the 'dad' things. Shepard wished it came half as easy to her.

"You've never looked more beautiful to me," Kaidan says quietly and sits up to place a gentle hand on her belly. "It makes me so happy that we can do this together...we've had a hard few years and missed out on so much. I've lost you so many times but it finally feels like we get out time to be finally be happy together, you know?" Kaidan's face seems clear now, looking her in the eyes so earnestly and with so much love. She can't stand it and leans over to bury her head in his shoulder. Her eyes fill with happy tears.

"Now, you're gonna make me cry. Stop it," she half laughs and sobs a little. Life was never meant to be this easy for her, she'd steeled herself after heartbreak after heartbreak never truly believing they could get to this point - that they'd sit on a couch in peacetime, him drunk and a silly romantic and her a crabby pregnant lady with a wedding the next day.

Where were hardened Commander Shepard and stoic Major Alenko?

Where was the man who had contemplated the barrel of a gun after she died with the first Normandy? The boy who snapped a turian's neck?

Where was the Red girl stealing from the other poor people around her? Where was the woman dying in the ruins of the Citadel?

They'd made it here, she supposed. To get drunk and fat and sappy.

"Don't cry." He holds her face, kissing the tears off her eyelashes. "We're gonna get married and be happy like this with our little boys forever ok?"

"Uh huh," she hiccups in agreement.

"I'll never forget the first time I met you." He reaches out to take her hand.

"I would never have dreamed of the life I have with you," Shepard whispers to him, suddenly scared it will all disappear on her. She's terrified of losing this tiny little family she's clawed from the brink of destruction. They'd almost lost everything so many times. She shakes her head, shaking off the nostalgia.

"Ok, enough of you being sentimental, Alenko. Save your pretty vows for tomorrow, ok? Or you'll run out of material." Shepard roughly wipes the tears away, and puts some of her trademark steel back into her voice. She was alive and she was going to allow herself to be happy.

"I have so much material to talk about you, Shepard. I'll never run out."

Shepard kisses him again. He might have woken her up at three a.m but damn if he didn't make it up to her.

"So how's our little trooper, is he sleeping?" He jerks his head to the ceiling, and moves to get up and check on him.

Shepard stands with him; more steady on her feet than him and grabs his arm to keep him from face-planting over the coffee table. "He's sleeping soundly; he won't be pried away from that plushie you brought back with you from Kahje. Good thing too, he wouldn't recognize his silly drunk daddy."

"Hey! I am a good role model." Together they climb the stairs, still holding hands.

"You look like an idiot and you smell like a brewery. Actually you're making me sick, so you can go take a shower, Major."

"I don't take orders from you, remember. I still outrank you, Shepard."

Shepard just gives him the look.

"I mean, yes ma'am, on the double ma'am."