Chapter 6- The note book

As I dragged myself into work the next day, I felt worse than I had ever felt before. It had now been five days since my life basically went down the crapper and although I was pleased my son was doing a lot better I could not get the image I saw last night out of my head.

The little sleep I did have was plagued by nightmares, nightmares of that man, covered in Kim's blood, her body rotting away in front of my very eyes. No one should have to see someone they love like that! No one!

Of course everyone at the hospital just thought I was having some sort of male version of PMS. Not one of them had a clue why I refused to talk to people or why I yelled at just about every intern with their stupid idiotic questions. None of my friends knew what was going on and by the way things were going, I very much doubted they would anytime soon.

The one thing people did notice however was that my anger was getting worse…

Thursday 20th March 5:40 PM

Walking though the east wing three hours into his shift, JD forced himself to just carry on as normal, to act as if it was just an ordinary day in the life of John Michael Dorian and that what he had seen yesterday had never really taken place.

He hadn't just seen his fiancé's (?) body lying in the morgue, a hole in her chest as some man rummaged though her insides. He hadn't seen her decaying body looking like something from some horror movie, with her being treated like a doll which some mortician could run his filthy hands all over. And he certainly hadn't seen her insides hanging out.

Yet he had, and try as he might he could not get that haunting images from his mind. They were always going to be stuck with him, never leaving him alone even in his sleep. He knew that, despite trying his hardest to convince himself otherwise.

If he ever needed someone to talk to, today would be the day, but again all he got in response from his colleges were them whispering about him, all discussing his new hatred for the interns.

It wasn't like he hated them; they were just the only ones who still talked to him, making them the prime target for his new founded uncontrollable anger. So far today he had lost it with them a total of five times and boy were they making sure the rest of the hospital knew it.

Up until about an hour ago he had successfully avoided treating any of his patients, to afraid that one of their conditions would remind him further of the woman he loved. Dr Kelso however had run out of sympathy and had basically told him he could either treat the patients or get the hell out of his hospital. He would have chosen the later but since Sam's medical bills were rising by the hour, it wasn't really an option.

"Morning Mr Golan." He murmured as he stopped at a bed at the far end of the room. He tried to sound cheerful but it ended up coming out sounding like he was being chocked, as the lump in his throat reappeared and pressed itself against his voice box. Golan was the name of Kim's first pet. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm in a hospital being poked and prodded so what do you think?" The man in his late forties replied as he brushed his long jet black hair away from his greasy skin, folding his arms in annoyance.

"Yeah, well I guess you will be pleased to know your surgery is scheduled for 4 o clock this afternoon."

The man nodded in response before looking away and staring out of the closest window as JD shifted an exhausted yawn.

"When can I go home?" Mr Golan asked eventually as it became apparent that his doctor was in no hurry to go anywhere else anytime soon.

"That depends on if the tumour has spread, we may then need to start chemotherapy." JD replied rather drowsily, clearing his throat a few times to try and make him self sound a little bit better, if anything it made him sound worse. "It also depends on if you develop any infection."

"In that case, do you mind moving on, I don't wanna catch anything."

JD actually looked slightly offended at that and went to say something in return, but couldn't quite bring himself to say a word, knowing that with only having about a few hours sleep each night, he probably looked pretty awful.

As he turned to leave, he instantly frowned as he saw Turk striding towards him chuckling like a little girl. JD simply rolled his eyes at him in annoyance as he realised he was laughing at what MR Golan had just said before charging straight passed him.

The surgeon shrugged at the patient with a cocky grin before he too turned on his heels and followed JD from the ward.

"Sorry about blowing of the other day, but dude I'm seriously glad I did for the last thing I need is to catch the flu." He called out as he quickly caught up with the thirty year old and jumped beside him into the elevator.

"I'm not sick!" JD replied dejectedly as he reached out and pressed the button to go down a few floors. To be honest he had no idea where he was actually heading, he just wanted to get away.

"Sure your not. Just do us a favour and stay away from Carla, I so do not want my little African princess getting anything." Turk continued, to which JD only nodded in return, biting his tongue before he could mutter there was very little chance of him going near Carla anyway. "Any who, you saw the Gilmore girls last night right? Wasn't it just the best episode ever, I mean can you believe Lori?"

As Turk continued going on about the episode JD quite rightly missed, the attending couldn't help but think about how trivial their relationship had become. Sure he loved the show, but it seemed nowadays that's all they talked about, they never talked about anything but the superficial stuff, sort of like how things had gone with Elliot after their break-up.

Unfortunately with everything that had happened, he didn't care too much about that fact or about what had happened with some stupid TV show, where everything always worked out in the end.

"Dude, are you even listening?" Turk yelled out, startling JD, who jumped a little before he shook his head slightly, not seeing the point on covering it up. He knew the surgeon would be mad at him for zoning out, but the truth of the matter was he just wanted to crawl up and fall into a very deep black hole and if Turk didn't like it, well then he should have listened when JD tried to explain everything to him, now shouldn't he?

"What? Were ignoring me?" He growled, not at all used to the vanilla bear tuning out like that.

"Basically." JD replied with a shrug just as the elevator doors opened. Turk didn't care what he had to say the other day and that was actually important, so as far as he was concerned there was no reason he should care about what Turk had to say now, especially since it was about something which was fictional.

"Fine, if that's the way you want to play it, then I'm so out of here." The attending growled as he pushed though the doors and wondered off down the corridor. JD just closed his eyes and leant back against the cool metal wall, before he slid to the floor, sighing as he once again thought the erge to break down.

I don't know how long I stayed like that for, I'm sure a few people used the elevator while I just sat there but no one spoke to me. Eventually I simply got up and went to the canteen, deciding that I should at least make some sort of effort to appear normal. Not that it worked out that way; in fact I think it caused people to doubt my sanity even more.

Standing in the queue in the cafeteria, JD's eyes briefly wondered over the choices of meals, but not even one of them looked even remotely appetising to him. In fact they all looked like something the dog had just thrown up; even the burgers looked like slop.

Now normally that didn't bother him in the slightest, but with his newly sensitive stomach and its insistence to throw everything placed into it up…. Well he didn't think it was the best idea to stuff him self with the food that looked like it already had been eaten.

By the time he reached the pay point he had only one thing on his plate, some nice soft ginger ale, the one thing he knew he was going to be able to keep down.

The catering assistant, all to use to the attending's rather large portions looked up at him in confusion as she studied his empty plate.

"Aren't you going to eat something?" She asked politely as she paused for a moment when typing in his bill.

"Well if anything looked edible I would." He replied almost automatically, biting at his lip as he realised what he had just said.

Everyone instantly fell into a complete silence as his words echoed around the room, the only sound which followed was from the cutlery people held hitting the tables as they turned to face the attending.

Maggie, although friendly as a pie was a lot like Carla deep down, you just didn't insult her or her cooking. It was a well known fact throughout the hospital, there was even rumours she poisoned the last person who dared to say something bad about her food.

"Excuse me?" she said as her mouth dropped and her arms folded across her chest, taking the stance of a woman who was completely and utterly offended. It was obvious to everyone that she expected an apology in the next ten seconds as well as an extra large tip or there would be hell to pay, everyone expect JD that is.

"You heard me." JD replied, his face cringing slightly as he realised what he had just said, yet it was almost like he had no control over the words that were leaving his mouth, his inner self wanting to get rid of his pent up emotions. "Some of this stuff isn't fit for a cow to even sniff."

Luckily the attending still harboured some form of common sense and before the Latina woman had the chance to reply he dumped the money he owed on the counter and hurried of to the table furriest away from everyone, one which was located in the very far corner of the room.

As he stalked across the canteen, he could feel people's eyes following him right until the very second he sat down. After that the noise almost erupted like a volcano, the topic of conversation being diverted straight to the young doctor and what on earth he thought he was playing at.

For a few peaceful minutes JD was left well alone, every single doctor, nurse and surgeon to busy talking about what had just happened to bother him with it. Then as his eyes remained locked with his plastic tray he saw a slow shadow forming until it grew so much that he was forced to look up.

He was immediately greeted by the sight of the janitor standing over him, looking his normal imposing self. Neither of them said a word for a moment as the older man put one of his hands on his hip, making sure his right one stayed firmly behind his back.

"That's 19!" he said simply, causing JD to crease his brow in confusion.

"What is?"

"The amount of people you have upset over the last few days, you might want to watch your back, not everyone is too happy with the new you." He replied simply before patting JD on the shoulder. Instead of being grateful like the janitor obviously expected him to be, JD rolled his eyes, turned his lip up slightly in disgust and turned his head away from the man who made his life a living hell.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help…" The janitor continued, only for JD to spin back round to face him, his eyes glazing over slightly.

"That would be a first, when on earth do you help anybody?" he growled, before pushing his chair back and forcing himself to his feet, gripping onto the edge of the table like his life depended on it. "Listen, please, for once in your miserable life just leave. Me. Alone!"

The janitor just chuckled slightly in response, a sad smile on his face as he looked the young doctor up and down, god he looked like hell.

"What? What is so funny?" JD snarled as he tightened his grip on the pieces of wood, causing his knuckles to actually turn white from the pressure they were under.

"You!" he replied simply as he stuck his hands into his trouser pockets and shook his head. "You keep trying to make people stay away from you, even those you call friends, yet you don't even realise they ain't interested- they don't want to know the reason your acting like a spoilt brat, they don't care. In fact i think you will find this is the longest conversation you have had for a while. Ironic really don't you think? That everyone in this place thinks you belong in the nut house bar the guy who you annoy the most. "

JD's eyes darted around the room for a moment as the Janitor took a seat in front of him, everywhere he looked he could see people's eyes on him, some sniggering to each other, others hiding their amusement in their hands, every single one of them judging him in some capacity.

What right did they have to look down at him? To treat him like he was some sort of caged animal in the zoo?

With his whole body visibly shaking, JD grabbed hold of his ginger ale and threw it all over the man in the jumpsuit, his eyes darkening as fresh tears threatened to fall.

"Laugh at that…" He snarled as the Janitor closed his eyes and using his left hand wiped the juice from his face, looking far from impressed. If JD thought that would stop the laughter though, he was sadly mistaken as more people's expressions turned to ones of bemusement.

"God he is pathetic!" JD heard one of the older doctors mumble to his co worker. For a moment JD just stood there as the Janitor's hardened eyes bore down at him, his hands twitching as the room started spinning, snorting faces flying passed his eyes. Not waiting for another response, JD forced himself to turn around and charge out of the room, despite how little energy he had left in him.

Watching him go, the janitor shook his own head, mostly at the gossiping people he was forced to work with, before glancing down at the book he previously held out of view of anyone else.

"Poor Scooter." He mumbled to himself, before standing back up, turning around and for the first time ever, walking in the completely opposite direction to his torture victim, a purple and red unicorn note book held firmly by his side….

(a/n) I know not a lot really happened but I needed just a filler chapter and of course that very important event at the end. If anyone has any ideas of how certain people can find out, feel free to summit your ideas! i already know how two people will but stuck on the others..