Chapter 14: A brother's touch of hope

(A/N) Ok so im sorry this took so long to get up, its been crazy at work and I just haven't found the time and o be honest I haven't wanted to write. Been really stuck on what to do for this chapter, I knew what I wanted to happen just not how to do it. I obviously promised to have Dr Cox come back and all hell to break loose, but I just wasn't sure how to write it and not let people down. That's not a very good excuse I know, but hopefully you'll all enjoy the chapter all the same.

On another note you'll notice a date and time added at the start of the chapter, this has been added to all the previous chapters to help with some confusion (admittedly my own) on the time line of things. It also helps make the jumping back and forth between characters, in the last two chapters especially, more understandable. Because of this however, a bit more time has passed since Kim's death then it had been stated, only a few days or so, it doesn't make much difference but I thought you should know.

Lastly I have edited the story a little, nothing major, just added the odd line in every now and then, put a bit more description in some scenes nearer the beginning of the story, everything's pretty much the same, just a few rants a little longer and a bit more Jordon/Cox interaction when she found out about Sam.

(A/n2) The narration is back in JD's point of view

When Dr Cox walked into the room with my brother, I was admittedly some what relieved to see him; all I could think about was how he being here was going to make everything okay again.I actually felt the beginning of a smile… That was until I snapped back to reality and realised this wasn't one of my day dreams and that Dan had not changed at all in the three years we had inevitably spent apart.

While for the first ten minutes or so, he sat quietly gazing at my son like I was, content on just watching his tiny chest rise and fall. He soon got bored though and he just started blabbering about anything and everything, including our mom's newest boyfriend and their plans to move to Spain.

Experts say distractions are good; that they help you focus on little things rather than the big issues… take your mind of what could be. Well I can tell you now they don't help at all, if anything they make you feel worse. All I want to do is yell at him to shut up, to leave me alone and get the hell out of the ICU.

Yet for some reason I can't, because no matter how much I want him to go, apart of me feels like begging him to stay.

And I think that is what scares me the most.

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Thursday 27th March 11.03 am

Barely listening to the trival words leaving the older dorian's mouth, all JD could do was stare at the little heart monitor which was beeping away in front of him. Since Dr Cox had left, his eyes had not drifted for even a second away from the tiny machine, fear crippling him every time a single digit changed.

His mind was stuck on the thoughts of what would happen if those numbers fell even a few more beats? Would Sam start coding again? Would he be able to pull himself away from the light, away from his mother, if he did? What if his BP fell dangerously low and that one uneven breath he had half an hour ago became a regular occurrence? That was a well known sign of a heart murmur and his poor body couldn't take any more anaesthetic…

Would JD be forced to choose yet again between letting his son die and putting him though another operation…?

Okay so admittedly he was freaking out slightly, but he was a doctor, for the last seven years he had been trained to notice those sorts of things, not ignore them and hope that they go away or even put it down to a glitch in the piece of equipment. It was his job to take note of even the tiniest symtoms and no matter how hard he tried to he just couldn't switch that part of his brain off.

Blinking as his vision started to blur, JD shook his head slightly trying his hardest to concentrate, it didn't matter if he was tired, he couldn't get distracted Sam's life could depend on him noticing a single change in the statistics.

His older brother however seemed oblivous to this, in fact if JD didn't know any better he would have thought the bartender wasn't even aware of their surroundings, that he actually didn't realsie their was a dying baby in front of them, fighting for his life as his uncle chatted away about his grandmothers toy boy.

JD sqeezed his eyes shut, wishing more than anything he could just tell him to shut up, but he was so afraid of opening his mouth, encase something else that he would later come to regret, came out that he just bit his lip and attempted to tune the man out. As much as he detested Dan at times, a part of him knew he needed him right now, which is why he shrugged his shoulders every now and then or shook his head in agreement; faking some interest in the one sided conversation in the hope it would be enough to placate the thirty five year old.

"So they are thinking of going on this round the world tour, I tell ya' this guy is good for her but he's full of crap, I can almost guarantee by the time they get to France they will be going to Paris separately!" Dan rambled on, causing JD to nod in response as the bartender continued to talk about their mother's love life, something neither of the brothers had had any interest in for some time now. In fact if JD remembered correctly it was when their mother announced she was getting married for the third time that both boys blocked out anything to do with the men in Barbra's life. They hadn't even gone to her fourth wedding and by the time the flowers had whiltered away, so had the relationship.

"Oh and you won't believe what our cousin Sara is up to, the girl has only gotten herself knocked up by uncle B's farm help! Although he said he had 'sorted it' he kinda had this weird look on his face and I ddint like to ask how…"

JD, again just nodded, showing no other recognition that he had even heard what his brother had said, his eyes still fixed on that one vital piece of equipment, the one that was currently breathing for the two week old baby.

When it was obvious the younger man was not going to reply with anything other than a small movement of his head, Dan let out a sigh and glanced around the room, unsure if he should continue to talk or let his brother win and just sit there in a morbid silence. He knew he wasn't exactly helping the situation by going on about what their family had been up to since they had last seen the doctor, but he honestly didn't know what else he could do to help. JD had always been the one when they were younger to sit in the room and make a conversation about anything to even a complete stranger, it was a well known fact the younger man hated silences and all he was trying to do was fill the room with some sound. Surely it would do his little nephew the world of good to actually hear people's voices, other than doctors saying he wouldn't last much longer, or the beeping of machines.

If it was him, laying in a room in total silence with people sitting above him, staring at the machine keeping him alive, well he would have gone stir crazy in a matter of hours, let alone how ever many days it had been.

Yeah he knew Sam was only a baby, but that didn't change the fact he would be able to hear everything that was going on, even if he couldn't understand what was being said at least with people talking the infant would know he wasn't alone.
"So how old is he now?" Dan asked, deciding his nephew needed to hear his father's voice, to know he was still sitting by his side. At this point he didn't even care what Johnny actually said, he would be happy with a single sound leaving his mouth.

The room fell into a silence as Dan sat at the edge of his seat willing his brother to actually talk, to make some sort of effort at verbal communiation. It seemed like hours past, when in reality it was only about thirty seconds before the younger man's lips slowly moved ridgidly and a small sound echoed though the air.

"Who?" JD mumbled slightly not really paying attention as Sam's heart rate dropped two points causing him to grip hold of the chair he was sitting on, his knuckles going white as he willed it to pick back up again.

Dan's face instantly broke in to a huge grin as he heard the croaky sound which left the other's mouth, sure it sounded like he was in desperate need of water but hey he would take what ever he could get.
"Little Sammy, he's so tiny, how old is he?" Dan continued, looking towards his brother, trying to get him to take the next step and make eye contact.

"Twelve days..." he replied simply as he let out a sigh of relief as the little boy's heart beat returned to what was considered a healthy rate, at least as healthy as it was going to get for the premature little boy.

"Wow, well that's a good sign right? Dr Cox said he wasn't expected to make it past a week and look at the little guy he's nearly two, he's going to take after me for sure, a proper fighter!" Dan replied with a grin, frowning slightly when JD didn't respond.

After a few minutes, with the only sound being the one from the monitors and an occasional cough from one of the other babies, Dan let out another sigh and shrugged his shoulders as he stood up and stretched out his arms before leaning forward and resting his weight on the incubator, a new idea entering his mind.
"No, actually I think he's going to take after you." He said softly, his expression deflating as his mind wondered back to an event which happened just over thirty years ago.

Somewhat confused, JD allowed his eyes to leave the machine and turned his face towards his bother. He didn't need to say anything, just his expression allowed Dan to continue, allowed him to realise he was actually getting somewhere.

"You were a prem, you know that right?" He said slowly waiting until JD nodded his head in confirmation before continuing on a topic which no one in his family really discussed. "I was only five at the time so I don't remember much, but I do remember sitting in a room with mum and dad just like this one. God you were small, bigger than Sam but still small, mum refused to name you, to talk about your future; while dad just sat looking at the same type of machine you are right now. Course he didn't know what it meant, he was just listening to the beeps, they were even, we learnt that was a good thing and when ever they sped up or slowed down, dad would run out to get a nurse…" Dan continued hesitantly, surprised when JD didn't instantly look away.

It was a well known fact in the Dorian household that JD had been born a few weeks earlier than expected, yet that was it, no one ever said anymore than that, It was just one of those things no one talked about. It was like no one dared to bring it up, whether it was from fear of upsetting Barbra or even from fear that he'd be taken away from them.

What Dan had just said was the most JD had ever been told in his life and despite how much he wanted to turn his attention back to his son; he found he couldn't, his heart yearning for more information.

"The doctors started pushing for a name when you were about two weeks old, and mum wouldn't give them one, so I started calling you Joanna, that's what mum said you were going to be called, course she thought you were a girl… but I didn't know that… Anyway not long after I called you Joanna, those machines started going haywire, there were people running in and out the room, weird noises and then you were taken away."

Dan stopped talking for a moment and cleared his throat the memory of that day still fresh in his mind, in fact it never really left him, even now he could still hear his mother's sobs as the doctors tried to explain what was wrong.

"Your windpipe or something wasn't big enough and you couldn't breathe, they had to operate, mum was in pieces and dad… he just refused to talk to anyone, they both sat there, in their own little bubbles… Clearly you were okay in the end, but we were told to prepare for the worst… it seemed like hours passed before anyone came back to tell us what happened, even then it wasn't good news…anyway the reason I'm telling you this, is because despite what the doctors thought, you pulled though and I guarantee your son has the exact same stubbornness as you, he's refused to let death take him more than once and I know, like my little, five-times -dead –in –under- a- month-old –brother, he'll be just fine!" Dan smiled softly as he put a hand on his brother's shoulder before reaching over to the hand gel that was attached to the incubator and putting his hand inside the special holes. "He's stronger than you think Johnny, your stronger than you think, you'll both get though this just you wait and see."

As JD watched his brother carefully put his hand though the holes and stroke his son's soft paper thin skin, the attending couldn't help the small smile which appeared on his face as he stood up and looked down at his son, then towards his brother.

"Thanks Dan.…"

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Thursday 27th march 11.55 Am

Marching into sacred heart doctor Cox instantly came to a stop along the second floor corridor and just looked around, sensing in only a way he could, that something really wasn't right.

The nurses were all stood in corners whispering to each other, each and every one of them with down beaten expressions on their faces. The interns were all looking incredibly guilty, but not in the normal I – just- messed –up way that he was all to used to seeing. And the surgeons, well they looked like they had been punched repetitively in the face.

The whole hospital just screamed death, which for a hospital really is not a good thing.

There seemed to be some sort of black cloud hanging over everyone's heads and he knew for a fact that if JD was there he would instantly picture the staff walking around with rain pouring down on them, flashes of lightning electrocuting someone every once in a while, causing people's expressions to worsen.

Shaking his head as that image entered his mind; he carefully edged further into the building, his confusion only growing when the nurses stopped talking as soon as they saw him, looking shamefully towards the ground until he had passed them completely.
As he rounded a corner he was greeted by the sight of a group of interns, huddling together talking too quietly for him to hear. When one of them spotted the red head they all shot apart, almost like someone had placed a rocket inside of them and sped of in all sorts of directions, not wanting to be the one Dr Cox was to stop and question.

While usually Dr Cox wasn't one to just ignore reactions like that, he found that today he just couldn't be bothered to yell at the useless human's which called themselves professional doctors.

He didn't have the energy to come up with some lesson or belittle them in front of everyone in the ward, that was something that reminded him all to much of JD and given the amount of… hell concern… he currently had for the man, he really didn't want to see his puppy dog face appear when he was in the middle of one of his rants.

Instead he carried on walking down the corridors in the hope he would eventually see someone he didn't necessarily mind talking to, someone he could ask what the hell was going on.

Sure the amount of messages Carla sent him had indicated she knew about both Sam and possibly what happened to Kim, but that didn't explain why the whole hospital looked like it was in mourning….

As those thoughts filled his head, the attending instantly froze as he looked around at the people who were surrounding him, a few of which were choking back sobs. Then ever so slowly he glanced down to his pager, everything clicking into place… it wasn't just Carla... Everyone knew…

"Fuck!" He snarled causing a few people to look up at him, before quickly glancing away, as Dr Cox dived towards the staircase and charged up the stairs, now more determined to find the only nurse he could stand and force an explanation out of her lips, and boy, it had better be a good one he thought.

"Doug is so dead…" One of the nurses mumbled out as Dr Cox flew past her, unfortunately he wasn't fast enough to not be able to hear those four little words and he soon grinded to a halt and turned back round to face the blonde.
Realising he had in fact heard her and having seen his temper herself on more than one occasion, the nurse let out a small squeak as she slowly backed off, before running into the nearest supply closet and slamming the door shut.

As tempted as he was to follow her, Dr Cox simply growled under his breathe as he turned back around and stormed towards the nurses station soon catching sight of a familiar bob of black hair.

"Carla!" He called out, causing the woman who had yet to leave the chair to spin it around so she could face him, her cheeks almost completely black with mascara trails. Turk who was standing by the side of her turned to look as well, his face a soft shade of red, a look of pure panic and regret crossing over it. "What the hell is going on?"

(A/n) okay that's a mean place to end, especially since I haven't updated in like two months… but if I didn't finish here it would take me even longer to update. This way I have an idea brewing for how I want the next chapter to continue… instead of sitting at the pc drumming my figures… thanks for everyone whose been so patient with me and as always please review :) and look I went another chapter without poor Elliot finding out :D