This was posted as a single story, but it was my first thing I ever wrote and so was very rough, riddled with mistakes. I liked the idea of it so today I cleaned it up a bit, to hopefully read better. Since this is canon with Changeling, I thought it was better suited in this collection of stories rather than a standalone, so it's been moved here. I might not have caught all my mistakes but I think it flows better now.

This one is much longer than usual.

"Give me a place to stand on, and I can move the earth."

"ΠΑ ΒΩ ΚΑΙ ΧΑΡΙΣΤΙΩΝΙ ΤΑΝ ΓΑΝ ΚΙΝΗΣΩ ΠΑΣΑΝ."

The Works of Archimedes with the Method of Archimedes

"Well boys, I have a feeling today's going to be a good day for mineral surveying!"

Shepard trudges over a dirt pile and turns back to them, grinning. Her dark hair is stuck to her sweaty cheeks in her helmet and she is coated in dust, but Kaidan thinks she is cheerful anyway.

And he really doesn't think she's beautiful either. Not at all.

She's sweaty, small, grimy and rough.

Kaidan likes pretty and tall and refined women. He likes blondes, he thinks a little desperately as Shepard spins on the spot, fiddling with her pistol holster.

That's what he tells himself anyway.

Shepard's buoyant mood is a change; they have had a tough month. The Normandy's guns were malfunctioning, and then Liara lost her mother on Noveria. The Matriarch had been lost hopelessly in the oily grasp of Indoctrination. Shepard had been unnerved for days over the idea of it, and Kaidan doesn't pretend that it didn't bother him too.

She's been tense and quieter than usual, he's glad to see her smile now. He thinks with a small secret rush of pride that maybe she just likes taking a walk with him...and Garrus, he mentally adds.

"Oh yes, Hackett promised me some fancy new upgrades for the Normandy and maybe a day shore leave if we can help the Alliance meet this month's survey quota," she continues her voice chirpy. "I dunno about you and Alenko over there, but chasing geth around has worked up a thirst for a nice margarita. You like margaritas, Gar?" she asks with a raised eyebrow and a cocked hip.

If Garrus had eyebrows to raise, Kaidan is sure he would have been giving Shepard an impressively unexcited expression. As it is, his mandibles make a motion that seems to say, 'You humans are all crazy. But especially Shepard.'

Shepard tramps down her little dust pile, over to him and Garrus. "They've got this great little bar on Arcturus that sells 'em. I tell you what, buddy, you get me these minerals, and I'll buy you a dextro margarita! A pink one."

A bark of slightly distorted turian laughter reaches Kaidan's ears and he can't help but chuckle slightly, too.

The promised sight of Garrus holding a dainty cocktail in his large, sharp, three-fingered grip is so incongruous that he thinks only Shepard would be able to make the turian do it.

"I heard that, Alenko!" She smiles at him, pleased that she made him laugh. "I'll drink one with you too," she says. "Your choice of blue or pink. I think you're a blue man, tell me I'm wrong, LT."

Kaidan kicks some dirt at his feet and adjusts the grip on his rifle. Ever since she started calling him that it makes his stomach do a funny little jolt, every time. Drinking with Shepard is a tempting prospect. "Uh, thank you ma'am, I do like blue. Not sure about margaritas though, I'm more of a scotch man."

"Ha." She barks a loud laugh and raises an eyebrow under her helmet. "That so? I'll remember that next time I want to get you all drunk and pliable on the next shore leave. Y'know, so Williams and Joker can get blackmail material to get you to give up that stash of chocolate you're hiding."

The thought of being drunk and pliable under Shepard makes his mouth filter malfunction for a moment and he blurts, "Uh. So nothing too untoward then, Commander?"

He swears at himself and wants to snatch back the flirty words but Shepard throws a saucy wink over her shoulder as she walks off, clearly pleased by his response.

Kaidan does not do a happy dance internally. He does not look at her ass as she walks away. He does not want to make her wink at him like that again.

So the rational part of his brain screams anyway. The 'hung-up-on-his CO' side crows in triumph.

Combined with her figure-hugging light N7 jumpsuit, the curve of her back cresting the hill in front of him and the flushed pinkness to her cheeks, he feels like he was constantly tripping over himself in front of her.

It doesn't help that she had caught Joker and him talking about Kaidan's crush only a few weeks ago.

Together, the three of them walk for another few clicks, the baking sun beating on their suits. This planet is arid and barren but quite mineral rich and even with the biting heat, he considers this to be a pretty good day.

Shepard falls into step between Garrus and him, and complains, "Hackett - that old geezer - is on my back about my reports and mineral quotas. God, I hope we find a good deposit."

"Shepard, do all humans have such disrespect for superior officers in the military and get away with it? Or is it just you?" Garrus asks, and she rolls a shoulder.

"Hell, Garrus. I'm being mild." She pulls a dirty face, like she just sucked on a lemon.

"You should hear what Anderson says about him. Everything's done 'by the book' and triple checked and seriously, it's not my fault my spelling sucks and I had to write that report three times." Shepard gripes and Kaidan feels a tiny stab of pity for her. He had watched her struggling over that report in the mess for hours the other day but hadn't felt confident enough to offer his help. He wishes he had.

He flatters himself a little that he has gotten to know Shepard. Well...he hopes he has. Kaidan silently considers Garrus' question and disagrees. Her superior officers are people she holds in great regard.

Shepard barely pauses for breath when she speaks about Anderson, and he knows that he is, at least, one officer she respects and seeks to emulate.

She had confessed to him one late night in the mess that she thought of Anderson as a father of sorts. He'd been the one to mentor her through the Ns and not only that, had been a major factor on why she'd decided to enlist.

She had said her childhood had been a little 'rough.' And Kaidan was familiar enough with bad backgrounds that he could read between the lines.

Anderson had saved her in some way, from whatever she had gone through as a kid. She obviously saw him as some kind of father figure and Kaidan knows he shouldn't find that so endearing.

Kaidan shouldn't do a lot of things when it comes to Shepard. But he does.

They crest hill after hill of dirt, gentle puffs of red dust trailing along after their feet.

He wishes they could have brought the Mako, but the scans had said there was a deposit close by. Shepard had ordered them out on foot to narrow it down with omni-tools.

Finally, after another ten minutes they reach the area the Mako's scanner had pin-pointed.

Surprisingly, it's not a mineral deposit but some silvery metal construct. Kaidan thinks it might be a crashed satellite, its orbit decayed and pulled to the planet's surface.

There's a stylised sun insignia stamped on one side, its yellow paint chipped and gleaming in the blinding sun.

The three stand for a beat observing, then Shepard snaps into action.

"Alright Vakarian, you're on watch. Get over by those rocks and camp out." She motions to a small outcropping and Garrus jogs to it. "Anything suspicious, I want to know about it two seconds before it happens," she barks.

Shepard turns to him at her side, "LT, you and I will check out whatever that thing is."

Kaidan nods and tightens his grip on his pistol. "Aye, aye, Commander."

The two of them make their way down the side of the depression the metal object had made as it fell to earth. The sun's rays lens off the reflective sides and make it seem to shine with a celestial pulse.

He squints his eyes against the glare, and to his side he sees Sheppard cover her eyes with part of her hand.

He can't help noticing, so close to her, that the sun turns her eyes a strange silvery blue, bleached out. His heart gives a little thump, but he refocuses on the object and the pumping organ falls into line with a stern internal berating.

Kaidan thinks for a sentimental minute that this crashed probe is this planet's own private, silver artificial heart, nestled safely in dirt-ribs.

He stoops as they draw close to it, manifesting his omni-tool's sensor arrays and frowns at the results. Kaidan glances up at Shepard and reports, "Looks like a merc spy satellite and probe Commander, according to these readings."

"Ooh." She perks up, her eyes brightening at potential intel. "Anything interesting buried in the data, LT?"

Shepard hunkers down next to him, curious.

Kaidan shakes his head. "Not so far, ton of junk though. Miscellaneous reports, cell positions."

He points out to her some data streaming on his 'tool and she cants her head at him. "Looks like a Blue Suns or Eclipse op. My money would be on Eclipse if I had to guess, it's a little too sophisticated for Suns."

Shepard makes a small humming noise in her throat, considering. "Anything the Alliance-"

Whatever she was about to say is cut off as a rocket propelled incendiary explodes three feet away from them.

Dust and rocks rains down on them and the force throws Shepard sideways into him, sprawling her on top of him and knocking his pistol out of his free hand.

She recovers quickly, roughly hauling him to his feet and pulls them both into the meagre cover the side of the satellite provides.

His mind is racing, quickly trying to ascertain exactly where from and why they are under attack. Their safety from the raining debris is his first priority and he raises a hand to summon a Barrier to encompass them both.

"Garrus! What the fuck was that?" Shepard yells into her comm, moving closer to his side to stay in his Barrier field's range.

"Shepard!"

Static flickers on the line and Kaidan can hear Garrus struggle to be audible. "They came out of nowhere. There are at least twenty of them and they're packing heavy weapons and assault rifles." Shepard eyes widen in alarm, even the turian sounds harried as he continues, "Must have some sort of camouflaged base or damn quick vehicles."

"Shit." She tosses her head, annoyed and frantically tries to make out the mercs through the frenzied dust storm.

"Ok. Ok," She mutters and he can see her gathering her composure. "Garrus, you get a chance to fall back to the Mako, you take it, don't fuck around here." She orders into her earpiece, and a particularly loud explosive has Kaidan scooting even closer to her.

They're sitting ducks.

"You should be able to get long range comms working to the Normandy with the Mako's amplifier. You bring 'em in with back-up. Alenko and I, we'll work it out."

"Yes, Shepard." Garrus responds, and Kaidan feels a little spark of fear. What are he and Shepard going to do?

"Good, now get your bony ass moving, Vakarian." Shepard says with what Kaidan can tell is false bravado. "Williams wanted another chance with that sweet weapon mod I got her for her boomstick. Tell her it's her lucky day."

The line goes dead, Garrus already moving off.

She turns to him, "Alright LT, on three I want a shockwave together in that direction."

Shepard points in the direction of the heaviest fire, as she does so a bullet smacks straight in front of her face and she reels backwards, surprised. Without Kaidan's Barrier it would have went straight into her forehead.

He can feel his implant buzzing under the strain and he makes a small grunt of effort, she looks at him sharply and swiftly thrusts her hands out to add her own strength to their protective dome.

If they hadn't been biotics, they would have both been dead already. Even so, they can't hold here indefinitely. Kaidan is already getting tired and he can see sweat is pouring down Shepard's face.

"You ready?" She asks and he nods.

"One, two, three, now!"

As one, they throw a biotic blast that lifts all the mercs, in a radius they can't actually see, flying and the fire eases for a moment.

Kaidan curses leaving his assault rifle in the Normandy's weapon locker, Shepard and his pistol is not much use at any range. She doesn't seem to care though, but unlike him she prefers to let her biotics do the heavy lifting most of the time.

Out the corner of his eye he sees one of the mercenaries raise his rocket launcher again, a perfect line of sight to the duo, pinned as they are in their little bullet-blasted soil depression.

The bastard had flanked them as they were distracted taking shots.

Without really thinking about it he throws himself over Shepard and re-doubles the force of his Barrier in preparation, his amp burning in protest. If he lived, he'd have a hell of a headache tomorrow.

When the rocket hits it feels like his world is nothing but pain, force, fire and a cacophony of white noise from his suit comms. The only thing he knows for sure still exists in this maelstrom of flying debris and deafening auditory feedback is the feel of Shepard's body beneath him.

Kaidan thinks perhaps the blast has damaged his inner ear for a second; his centre of gravity has shifted so suddenly. With a jolt he realises it isn't just him, they were sliding, falling, and the speed at which they were doing so was increasing alarmingly.

The whole ground was giving way like a frozen spider web smashed with a hammer, shattering to pieces. The ground they had trekked over only ten minutes previously wasn't as solid as it seemed but a thin crust over a cavernous hole.

Shepard slides out from beneath him, the ground trickling away like sand. Vainly, he reaches for her but he can't grasp her arm.

Even if he could, there's no firm ground for him to stand on. They're almost free-falling.

"You stupid boy! It's not that hard. An asari child could do it un-amped! Now try it again, next time if you don't get it, the mats will be removed. I find pain a powerful motivator."

Vyrnnus bellows in Kaidan's ear and that bastard's going to hit him again and he wants him to shut up and let him think but he's right he should be able to do this and-

Muscle memory has him forming the mnemonic without consciously meaning to. His fall doesn't stop but his dangerous inertia is, at least, slowed.

The mass effect field is limited though; he can't even see Shepard anymore let alone pinpoint her location to encompass her in it as well.

'If I can just see her-'

His last thought is cut in blood-red, blinding pain. He thinks he hears Shepard cry out once and then all coherence is ended rudely by a sharp blow to the side of the head as he slams into the rocks below.

He struggles to consciousness, like swimming through viscous molasses. His head is fuzzy, pounding, and when he opens his eyes, he panics for a moment. All he can see is red and realizes he has a cut near his hairline that is leaking blood into his eyes.

There's a shooting pain in his back and Kaidan shifts awkwardly to relieve some of the pressure.

His fogged brain eventually registers that he is lying on rocks and he must have fallen on a particularly jagged one. As he rolls over, grateful that nothing seemed broken or dislocated, he notices that the fall had actually managed to dent his Hahne Kedar hardsuit that Shepard had only just bought him a week prior, on the Citadel.

Shepard would be pissed.

She'd haggled that volus merchant down a whole two hundred creds, and then handed Kaidan the hardsuit with a ridiculously pleased smile on her face, her eyes crinkled at the corners by her smirk. He had privately (and guiltily) thought that that smile made it his favourite hardsuit by far.

With that thought his brain finally catches up with him and a sick fear launches from his stomach to his throat. With a lurch he shakes off the lingering disorientation and stumbles to his feet, looking wildly around in the darkness. Quickly activating his omni-tool's flashlight function he scans his surroundings.

Please be alive, please.

"Shepard?"

There's stillness and silence. This place is like a tomb. It can't be her tomb.

"Shepard!" He calls again, a little more desperately. The voice that croaks out of his mouth doesn't sound like him it all. He sounds like a panicked man. Kaidan is not allowed to panic.

The silence mocks him. It seems to whisper to his pounding head, she's dead, she's dead.

He shoves it aside. He is a professional soldier, a marine, and he can't be allowed to lose control.

Quickly appraising the situation with a carefully affected calm when he feels anything but, he determines that none of the mercs have been caught in the fall and – judging by the distance between him and the beam of sunlight from the gaping hole – probably thought them dead.

He scrabbles off his little pile of rubble to the cave floor, and sets his omni-tool to scan for heat signatures, cursing himself for not thinking of it first.

He's rewarded with a ping towards his left and quickly stumbles awkwardly on the uneven floor in that direction. With a horrible little jolt in his stomach, he's finally able to make out the dusty blue and white stripe of her N7 armour barely poking from a pile of rocks through the diffused sunlight.

Throwing himself painfully to his knees he starts pulling the rocks away.

He has a hard time breathing when he first removes the debris from her face. She looks bad, cut and unconscious. Her leg is twisted sickeningly away from her body. Definitely broken in some way and he does his best not to jostle it. She still moans weakly in pain, coming around slightly.

Kaidan settles back on his heels to examine her now she is mostly free of the rocks. He can't quite seem to stop shaking, no matter how much he tells himself she's just another injured soldier under his care.

Her helmet faceplate's glass is cracked and the freed shards have cut her face. The nature of the way the glass was constructed has made it shatter 'safely' into smaller pieces rather than large daggers which could have sliced right through her face but they have still left superficial nicks all over her cheeks, as well as quite a nasty one bisecting her eyebrow. Blood flows down her face freely, following the curve of her nose and staining her lips red.

He brushes the glass away as carefully as he can, wipes away the blood, and her eyelids flutter.

"Shepard, can you hear me?" he croaks, his throat dry.

She doesn't answer and her eyelids stop moving; he notes somewhere distantly in his shrieking-loud concern that they're very pale, even more than usual.

Kaidan waves his omni-tool loaded up with a field medic software suite over her body in a jerky movement, his hand unsteady. It immediately chirps out a preliminary diagnosis's on his feed that make the sick feeling in his throat become constricting: Her leg is broken in two places and she's bleeding internally somewhere in her abdomen.

He applies medi-gel as best he can to what he can access, but he knows it can't do anything for whatever is wrong with her internally. Kaidan swears at himself for not catching her. He should have, she was right there and he had managed to save himself.

Stupid, stupid. He should have caught her.

He holds her face and gently swipes some medi-gel across her eyebrow and cheeks, sealing the gashes. She mumbles something as he does so and he smooths the hair off her face, over and over.

"Shepard? C-can you hear me?" he asks. "Come on, time to wake up."

A small sound escapes her mouth, halfway between a groan of pain and a cry.

Her eyes open to narrow slits, wild and confused. "Kaidan...What? I don't-", she breaks off, her face twisting in an ugly grimace of pain.

He smooths the hair off her face again in a weird nervous gesture; feeling useless.

He can't help himself and babbles, "Shh, it's ok, Shepard. We've had a fall, you're ok."

Kaidan tries his best to comfort her while her pained face made him feel the opposite of comforted. She's needs medical attention, ASAP.

Shepard scrunches her eyebrows together, obviously trying to regain some control over herself and says shakily, "Report, Kai-...Lieutenant. What's the situation? The mercs?"

He starts a bit in surprise at the 'Lieutenant' bit; she usually never calls him that, but he reasons that she must feel bad enough to want to assert some professionalism into her voice, some way at wresting composure over herself.

He can give her that, at least.

"Commander, hostiles are unknown, we've fallen pretty far. I doubt they'll pursue." Kaidan waves vaguely in the direction of the beam of light that indicates the place they've fallen from; her eyes follow his lead.

A good sign, he mentally notes. At least her eyes were focusing; he had been worried about a bad concussion. She frowns a bit at the way he scrutinizes her face and he knows she hates fawning concern, preferring to shake it off without fuss. She'd have to be dying to even slow down for a minute.

Kaidan pretends not to watch her and worry.

She suddenly turns to him, her blue eyes a little clouded as she says, "Are you ok, Kaidan? Are you injured?"

He shrugs one shoulder. "I'm fine, Shepard. I used my biotics to slow myself down, I'm sorry ma'am...I should have, I-I should have caught you."

He knows that particular biotic move by heart.

Vrynnus would make all the kids jump off the balcony in the auditorium at Jump Zero and if they couldn't slow their descent, the thin mats at the bottom hadn't done much to break their fall.

A boy he had known had broken his ankle landing badly one time. He had sat on the floor crying and clutching his foot and Kaidan had been the one to help pick him up and carry him to the infirmary. Kevin had been younger than him, sweet and guileless.

He feels a rush of nausea as he watches some more blood drip down Shepard's face and thinks of broken limbs and more bloodshed.

Kevin had later killed himself and both his parents in a murder-suicide. They'd said it was his L2 implant that caused a psychotic episode.

Vyrnnus had tortured them because he'd wanted to make them learn to flow gracefully, like an asari, but none of them had managed it. Rahna had come close, though. He used to think she looked like an angel, when he'd stand at the bottom for her turn, gazing up at her. He had always been ready to catch her if she needed it.

He's a failure again today. He feels like he's let another woman he cares about down.

Shepard sighs at his expression and cuts through his morbid thoughts, "LT, don't be silly. I'm a biotic too, remember?" She grimaces a little ruefully, seemingly annoyed at herself. "Obviously not a very good one today, I couldn't do anything in time. Heh, my old Alliance biotic instructor she- argh." She cuts off and clutches at her stomach with a shaking arm, sweat breaking out of her sickly white forehead.

Kaidan puts a hand on her shoulder and rubs it slightly, feeling powerless. "Easy there, easy. I've got you," he says and hates himself for sounding so stupid. She's bleeding and he's fine and it should be the other way around.

His jaw clenches as tears spring to her eyes and she swears, "Ow, that stings like a motherfucker!"

At least she was still swearing, he would really be worried if she ever stopped.

Eventually she pants through the pain and says, "Right, L.T. I'm not going anywhere, obviously. I can tell my leg's broken, not my first rodeo there." He opens his mouth to protest but she holds a hand up and silences him. "So here's the plan: You're getting out of here. Get to the Mako and rendezvous with Garrus, contact the Normandy and blow the shit out of some mercs. Then come get me and bring me lots and lot of pain killers. Bonus round: if you bring me those things double-time, I'll kiss you-"

Shepard seems to realize exactly what she was saying by the way a tiny bit of color creeps into her pallid cheeks.

"-I'll get you another commendation, I mean…of course."

He can't help a tiny smile at her slip and she manages a strained one for him in return, embarrassed by her own verbal vomit.

The momentary light mood is broken when he processes her words and realizes she was going to get him to leave her alone, bleeding, down in this dark hole.

"Yeah ma'am, with respect, that's not happening. You're hurt," he shakes his head and a cold blue fire flares in her eyes.

She says firmly and with a little anger in her voice, "And that's why I'm ordering you out of here, Alenko. Garrus will have no idea where we are. You will obey because I am your Commander, and you are duty-bound to follow any orders given in sound mind and in line with regulations. And my mind is nothing but sound, right now."

It doesn't matter if she quotes the whole regulation handbook at him; he's still not leaving her.

"Shepard, in medical emergencies the squad's medic can countermand a superior officer's orders and right now? That's what I'm doing," he fires back, stubborn and unyielding.

"Dammit, Alenko!" She barks. Her voice has taken on that hard edge of 'Not-fucking-around-Shepard.'

She gestures sharply, "My leg's broken. Badly. Judging by the pain I'm in, something inside isn't right either." She gentles a little, her eyes softening as she looks in his eyes. "You know it, too."

He looks away.

"Now, unless you can biotically pull a surgeon out your ass," she continues, seizing advantage of his inability to refute her claims, "and please do, by all means, you're a talented guy…"

He's usually amused by her dry, sarcastic wit, but Kaidan isn't really seeing the humor of their situation this time. If he wasn't so damn worried for her, he could have strangled her for the flippancy; she had a bad habit of being inappropriately glib.

"I ain't magically getting better," she breathes quietly.

He knows she's right. He needs to leave her behind to save her.

She's fiercely determined and he can't argue with her when she's like this. Kaidan knows intellectually, coldly, what he should do.

So, against everything his heart is telling him, he agrees.

"Aye, aye Commander."

"Good." Shepard's eyes shut in momentary relief.

Kaidan bites his lip and says, "I'm leaving you the remaining medi-gel. And I want you to stay on the short-range comms as much as possible until it gives out, ok Shepard?'

You've gotta stay with me. I need you to recover; I can't make it on my own.

Her eyes open slowly, seemingly exhausted. "I'm the one who gives orders around here, Kaidan, but yes I will.' Her words are harsher than her tone, almost mumbled.

Shepard makes a tiny shooing motion with her hand, "Now scat, and don't forget what we want: Ash, Garrus' rifle collection, Wrex angry and bloodthirsty for some merc killin', actually just bring everyone, I'm not fussy. And wonderful painkillers. Not necessarily in that order."

He smiles, a little forced, at her attempt to make him feel better for leaving him, but they both know…it might be the last time she gets to make stupid jokes. She closes her eyes again.

Quickly fussing over her to make her as comfortable as possible, wishing for a pillow or something soft for her head to rest against and settling for a less hard rock, he takes one last reluctant look, hoping irrationally that she will suddenly get better and bound up on her feet to escape with him.

Before Kaidan has even fully parsed the thought, in a fit of insanity, he's leaning down over her, and light as a butterfly wing, pressing a small kiss to her forehead.

Her eyes fly open in surprise and for an eternity (or at least in Kaidan's mind a perfect summer's day on English Bay) they hold each other's gaze.

There's electricity between them, a single arc. She's broken and he's panicked but for a moment everything is alright. He sees something warm in her eyes, something that he feels in his chest.

He has never intended this to happen but before he can stop and fully think about what a bad idea this is, he has gently removed both their helmets and is kissing her fully on the mouth.

She was his own perfect Singularity, his point of reference, a burning hot star and he was caught in her orbit, powerless to pull away.

Despite everything that is wrong with the situation; her lips are responsive under his, parting to allow his tongue entrance, fusing them together like they never wanted to separate again. Her hand snakes around his neck to run through the short dark hair at the base of his skull, lightly skimming his amp port.

Thrills run through him at the contact and mindful of her head, he brings his own palms to her face, holding it between hands that dwarf her cheeks. He's kissing her in earnest now and she pulls him closer with whatever strength she has left, her tongue stroking his. It feels like it's the last kiss they'd get, something to say goodbye.

When he is old and grey, Kaidan is sure he'd remember this first kiss with her.

Sense finally comes to him and he pulls away.

What was he doing?

She was hurt and all he could think about was what her bare skin would feel like against his. A strong sensation of self-loathing runs through him and he stands swiftly in a rough jerk.

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't...I should go," he stammers.

She seems as surprised as him, lying there wide-eyed and swollen-lipped and says nothing…or maybe that was just the shock settling in.

Kaidan decides this situation could not possibly get any more painful or worse unless the sun decided to spontaneously supernova and honestly at this point he wouldn't put it past the cosmic-karma-universe-force-deity-thing-he-didn't-believe-in to screw him over out of spite.

He forces himself to march away and pretends that he doesn't want to look back with every fibre of his being.

The task of scaling the sheer rock wall is a son of a bitch. It's also one of the few times in his life he fervently thanks his mother for being near that eezo exposure in Singapore while she was visiting her family in Marina Bay.

After re-securing his helmet he flares and effects his mass to be lighter and make the climb a little easier.

Torturously, he makes his way up, muscles screaming in protest, aching at the battering they'd been put through in the last hour.

He has to pause several times to find handholds and rest but eventually the buttery-yellow light begins to get brighter. The image of Shepard's pained face makes him forget about the strain and burn of his muscles. She needs him, and he won't let her down again.

He activates his Barrier again as he approaches the edge, pretty futile even with his hardsuit kinetic shields for a point-blank mass accelerated round if the mercs are still there but maybe it will give him time for a distant shot.

Quickly, he pulls himself up.

The area is deserted, littered with the aftermath of their clash.

Debris from the obliterated probe he'd fancifully thought was like a sliver heart is scattered like so much flotsam and jetsam. He kicks a piece across the dirt, slightly jarring his toe, but having felt better for showing it what he thought of all the trouble it caused. Petty though that might be, Kaidan isn't in the mood to be particularly mature.

His heart lighter than it had been for an hour and not pushing his apparent good luck he quickly starts jogging towards where he'd last seen Garrus running.

As he jogs he activates his comm, "Alenko to Shepard. Shepard come in."

There's a rushing in his ears in the long seconds it takes for her to answer.

Her response is a soft sigh, "Hey LT, still alive here. You made it out yet?"

"Yes ma'am, making my way to the Mako, no merc activity sighted."

"Good, you be careful. Keep your eyes peeled," her voice is weak; she's obviously struggling not to sleep. Or worse.

Pump, pump and stutter, goes his heart. "Just stay with me here, ok? I've got to have a chance to make things not horribly awkward and apologize properly."

"Ha, Alenko. What would be the fun in that? Besides I think awkward is…sweet." The words were more exhaled than spoken.

"Shepard?"

The silence mocks him, his legs move faster. The dust whips around him and sweats stings his eyes and the cut on his face. He can't have left her to die like that, it's not acceptable.

"Shepard, come in!" He barks into his earpiece.

He abandons any attempt at pacing, racing in the direction of the Mako, following the tracks in the dirt the three of them had made only a few hours before. That time seems like a lifetime ago, when they had been happy, joking, flirting and making plans to drink fruity pink margaritas with Garrus on Arcturus.

He's only made it five minutes more in the direction of the Mako when the dull roar of the Normandy fills the alien skies, her hull gleaming in the sun like an oversized mechanical bird of prey.

Quickly it lands and he does his best to wait for Joker to carry out safe landing protocol procedures. It's not an easy feat to land a ship the size of the Normandy, most especially on terrain not designed for docking.

The cargo hold opens and it seems as if the whole crew practically spills out in their eagerness to help. Kaidan jogs the remaining distance, desperate for Chakwas or anyone really to come right now and make sure Shepard isn't-

He tells himself that she is alive, just sleeping.

Garrus is there; obviously he'd made it back alright, to Kaidan's relief.

Not caring that he's ignoring Ash's curious enquires as to where 'Skipper' is, he storms into the cargo hold and orders the nearest ensign to fetch Chakwas.

"Shepard's hurt. Bad," He bites out. He's shaking again.

He turns to the rest of the baffled crew, "Tali, Wrex get some winches and rope; we need to stabilize her and bring her up with Chakwas."

Surprisingly Wrex moves to obey right away. Kaidan supposes he looks a little wild-eyed, caked in grime and very far from his usual cool composure.

Kaidan rounds on Garrus, "What about the mercs?"

"That problem's sorted." Garrus gives him the version of a turian grin. "Got to the Mako and in touch with Pressly and Joker. Pressly gave the order, decided to blow up some of their transports as a warning shot. After a nice orbital bombardment they kinda figured we meant business and left."

Kaidan wasn't sure if he'd been the XO on the Normandy and knew the people responsible for leaving her bloodied in a hole were within striking distance he could have restrained himself as admirably and let them go.

And that scared the shit out of him.

He'd built a life around restraint and it all seemed to be crashing down around his ears lately. He joined the Alliance because he wanted to protect those who were weak, those who were preyed upon by bullies with guns and armies and size. To do some good. Not petty revenge.

But when he thinks about her leg twisted at that bile-inducing angle and the cuts across her cheeks, he is damned if revenge isn't what he wants.

He didn't think his anger would stop until she was safe where Shepard was supposed to be, in the CIC silhouetted against the galaxy map, working on ways to stop Saren.

Later, he can examine his personal failings, when he lies down in the sleeper pods and he can play this day behind his closed eyes. The way it all went down.

After what seems like forever, Wrex, Tali and Chakwas arrive, laden down with equipment. Ash keeps shooting him concerned glances and he eventually lets her at least apply medi-gel to his various scrapes and abrasions. He is bizarrely grateful for her presence then.

As soon as they make it to the crevasse he starts strapping on the harness to be winched down for Shepard's retrieval.

"And what do you think you're doing, whelp?" It's Wrex with one great baleful red eye turned on him.

Kaidan spreads his hands and raises his eyebrows. "Going down for Shepard, obviously."

Wrex growls, "You've got a quad, I'm not arguing that. But you've done enough.'

Chakwas comes over and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I second that, Lieutenant. And that's my professional opinion and a medical order."

The desire to argue is on the tip on his tongue but with reluctance he realizes he's at his limit. He can't stop shaking and he's angry and snapping.

A migraine races across his synapses, every muscle on fire and he has the vague urge to vomit.

So he stands there while Garrus and Wrex disappear down and holds his breath while they come up with Shepard balanced on a stretcher.

She's unconscious, as he suspected. Chakwas practically elbows him out the way to begin administering treatment and continues on the slow walk back.

It seems morbid to him; the stretcher like a coffin, Wrex and Garrus the large imposing pallbearers. Kaidan never wants to see it again.

Once in the med bay one of the other first aid officers forces him onto a bed almost physically to get him to sit still, while Chakwas works on Shepard the next bed over. He can't look away from the pale curve of her dirty face and eventually the nurse gives him a sedative.

Gradually sleep takes him, the images of wires coming out of Shepard frolicking their way across his nightmares. The drugs make his dreams horribly vivid and frighteningly surreal.

In them -

he makes love to Shepard in a garden of glass shards on the Presidium.

Kaidan knows he shouldn't want this, but he does. Her face is expressionless and her eyes empty and that scares him.

Machinery clinks and glass roses bloom to bursting while Saren and his geth construct mechanical spiders out of the Relay monument. When the flowers die and are born again, they cut into his bare skin, leaving nicks all over him. He's in pain and Shepard's skin is red, her blood is on his skin.

Her lips taste like metal and medical alcohol.

Udina watches disapprovingly and Kaidan wonders where Anderson is.

The spiders resemble the Keepers and they skitter across his exposed skin while he moves above her; they crawl into his amp port and nestle in his brain.

They spin gossamer green webs of lies and dreams while her limpid eyes never leave his.

Shepard never says a word.

Kaidan wakes up hours later drenched in sweat, confused but feeling a little better than before, already shaking off the last of the strange dreams.

They're just dreams, he rationalizes. Drug induced and meaningless.

Shepard's sleeping, lying on her side with a fist under her chin facing him. Already some of the wires Chakwas had attached before are gone and the blankets are tucked up to her shoulders.

There's a rustled movement and Chakwas pads over, noticing he's awake.

She follows his gaze, fixed on Shepard, and says, "The commander will be fine. She was bleeding into her abdominal cavity but with micro-surgery the small hole was repaired." Kaidan releases a breath and glances at her as she continues, "The most worrying thing was the leg and large concussion Shepard suffered but as long as she stays off it to heal and gets some actual rest she'll be as good as new in a few weeks. You preformed some good first aid, Kaidan."

He smiles a little bitterly, meeting her green eyes, "Really? I feel like I didn't do much at all."

The older woman shakes her head, "No. You kept her conscious and prevented her slipping into shock. That's important. You did well, for the limits imposed.'

He sighs, and the little ball of guilt in his stomach lessens slightly. "Thanks, doctor."

Shepard has already driven Chakwas mad by the end of the first week and has practically threatened to have Kaidan keel-hauled if he doesn't break her out. Chakwas has caved first, Shepard's bitching finally destroying the usually patient woman's last nerve.

Shepard crows triumphantly and he can't help feeling pleased himself when she allows him to help with her crutches to go sit in the mess on the day of her jail break.

It's a small victory but he'd have thought by the way Shepard is acting that she had fought an Olympic battle of wills with Chakwas and emerged the bloody sole survivor.

But, he supposes, survival was something she knew well.

He sits next to her, their thighs not quite touching but he can feel her body heat radiating. It's a small pleasure, a token of their survival.

They eat his favourite cereal in companionable silence, carefully not speaking about that kiss and how they desperately want it again or exactly where they stand.

"So, Kaidan," she finally says. "I think you owe me, and Garrus too, a pink margarita after we check out what the Council wants next."

Her smirk is impish, her cheeks dimpled and flushed and her eyes trap him.

"I suppose after all you kept your promise, big guns, the crew, and wonderful painkillers." She smiles crookedly, "I think it's time I kept my end of the bargain. My tongue did slip away from me after all."

"What's that, ma'am?" He's honestly baffled, what had-

Shepard carefully looks around, confirming the coast is clear and leans over to press a feather-light kiss to his slightly stubbled cheek.

His gravity shifts in the most perfect way.

Kaidan's Singularity has returned to him.