Pre ME1

Kaidan is glad to leave Arcturus Station behind.

The cramped halls and windows show nothing but the blackness of space and the warships rushing by remind him of Brain Camp. Not so much the warships themselves but the constant reminder he is stuck on another station in the middle of the void, far from solid ground and without the ability to leave.

He has been stationed on Arcturus a few times in his career and every time he is glad to get another assignment, another tour or another crew to serve with. To his annoyance (and he admits to himself how pathetic it sounds) it's harder to avoid socializing. A few of his acquaintances, that he has served with over the years, would ask him out drinking and he can't use the excuse of work, or being on-duty to get out of it.

He has to sit in that little Arcturus bar that caters solely to soldiers, while cries of, "Jimmy! Chug, chug, chug!" echoes in his skull, and some muscled soldier who looks like he has more bravery than smarts drink three pitchers of beer in a row. He's bored, annoyed and his last assignment had been a month ago. He needs more work.

When the orders finally come, that he is being assigned to the newly commissioned Normandy on orders from Captain Anderson himself, he packs his meagre belongings right away and reports as soon as he is able.

Anderson is waiting outside the airlock, greeting all the officers to welcome them aboard.

Kaidan throws his crispest salute and privately congratulates himself on pressing his uniform so well this morning. Anderson is a damn impressive officer.

"Sir, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, requesting permission to come aboard, sir?"

Anderson nods gravely, "Granted."

"Thank you sir, it's an honor to be here."

The older man shakes his hand firmly and smiles a little, "I picked the best of the best for this one, Alenko. I know you won't let us down."

"Yes, sir."

Kaidan looks at the Normandy cradled in the Arcturus docks and thinks this is an assignment he's been waiting for his whole life. She's a beautiful ship, sleek and graceful.

"I'm assigning you to head the marine detail, Lieutenant. You commanded it on your last assignment, correct?"

Kaidan nods, his professional mask slipping over his face and the wonder at the Normandy fading.

"Yes sir, I commanded the marines on the SSV Trafalgar for two months before my assignment ended, a couple of months ago."

"Your former commanding officer said you handled them well and recommended for your professionalism and dedication to duty." He gets the feeling Anderon is looking straight through him and stands a little straighter. "This mission is important; we want your best for this one. No mistakes."

Kaidan salutes again, "Yes sir, you can count on me."

"Welcome aboard, Lieutenant Alenko. After we've picked up the last officer from here, we'll be jumping to Earth."

He stops on his way to the airlock, hefting his duffle bag on his shoulder, "Earth, sir?"

"We still need our XO, she's on leave in Rio. Go introduce yourself to the pilot, Joker, and try not to take whatever comes out of his fool mouth personally." Anderson rolls his eyes a little and Kaidan thinks that maybe the pilot is one of those touchy ones.

"Ah. Aye, aye sir."

Kaidan boards the Normandy for the first time with a deep breath.

Shepard wakes up in her Rio hotel room and feels sick. Her head is pounding and she needs a glass of water. Disturbingly, she's also naked and there's a hairy man's arm around her waist. With disgust she shakes it off and starts to get up. There's a used condom on the floor and her suspicions, that she had way too much to drink at that stupid bar last night, are confirmed.

Fuck.

Fuck happy hour. Fuck nostalgia for the N-school driving her to take leave here. Fuck Rio. Fuck stupid shore leave.

That'll teach her to go two years without sex then get drunk around handsome marines with the sweet promise of anonymous fulfilment. Every time she said she wasn't going to do this.

And then she does it. Shepard shucks a hair through her greasy hair, angry at herself.

She might want a regular sex life without the petty emotional attachments, but that just wasn't sustainable with her job or...personality hang-ups.

Even fuck buddies were out of the question. She had no male friends she trusted enough for that. She barely had female friends.

She always said she could just satisfy herself... and then she would go get drunk and some handsome soldier on leave would catch her eyes and she'd think, 'So what? It doesn't mean anything. No one gets hurt if we are both using each other.'

And then she wakes up in a Rio hotel room with an ugly, beefy man beside her and the urge to vomit, of course.

The current side of beef stirs at her movement and she snatches her bra from the end of the bed and goes to put it on.

"Hey, hey, hey, baby." The man who's name she doesn't even remember says, "Where you goin'?"

His hands trail over her back and around to cup a breast in what she is sure he thinks is in a seductive way but really doubles her urge to spew all over him.

She smacks his hand away and stands, wobbly. "Call me baby again," she hisses and shoves on her bra, "and you'll be over that balcony."

Shepard gestures to the open bay windows that leads out onto the hotel balcony. They're fifty stories up and although she is just saying it for effect...no one calls her 'baby' like she's some kind of pet or child.

She fucking hates it.

She looks at his muddy brown hair and dull brown eyes and wonders just how much she had to drink last night before he started looking fuck-able. Her poor bank account...good thing Anderson said he's got an assignment for her. She could use the hazard duty incentive pay.

The man's eyes narrow at her failure to lie down and go another round and he swears, "Shit, you're touchy. Just tryin' to get close to you."

"Well don't." Shepard hunts around for her panties and shoves them on, throwing a curt, "I don't need getting 'close to'," over her shoulder.

The man gets out of bed. She thinks vaguely his name is Mark. That's what she'll call him anyway. She doesn't care if she gets it wrong.

"We were pretty close last night when I was inside you," he says, smirking.

Shepard smiles sarcastically, "Please. That was just sex."

He looks wounded for a moment, the smirk slipping of his face and she stops in her haste to collect her clothes, paused in pulling a shirt over her head, "Wait...you don't think that was anything else, do you?"

He looks away, still naked and making no attempt to get dressed.

Apparently, he had mistaken her need for satisfaction for actual interest in him.

"Oh," she says quietly. He starts to pull his pants on.

"Oh," she says again and tries to explain. "We were drunk...it doesn't mean anything."

Mark walks over to her and tries to put his hands on her hips, "Sometimes that's how some good things start, y'know."

Shepard backs away and finishes putting her clothes on. She feels dirty, she needs a shower. But not here, she'll go to another hotel and get ready to report for duty. She doesn't like him knowing where she's staying.

"No, they don't," she says to him with her back turned, collecting her shoes, a harsher bite in her voice than she intended. "Sorry, I'm not interested in anything more than last night."

Mark whirls and grabs her shoulders to turn her to him, his face twisted in anger. "So this was just what?! Just a game to you?"

"No." Shepard says calmly and removes his hands from her shoulder. "I barely remember last night. I'm sure we had a good time and you were wonderful and all that jazz but-"

He moves to the bedside table, roughly swipes up his wallet and spits at her, "God, you are such a bitch!"

Shepard feels a slow burn of anger in her belly. This was why she didn't do relationships. Everyone wanted something, some way to grasp their claws into her, some way to make her beholden to them, some way to tie her down.

She was never, ever going to be tied down again. She was never, ever going to be reliant on someone or have someone reliant on her. Those days were long over. They were heartbreak and ruin and depression.

Fuck Mark and his little temper tantrum. She wasn't afraid of him.

He outweighed her by sixty pounds, towered over her, and had muscles bunched with veins but she knew she could smash his arms, shatter his spine and splatter his brains against the wall in seconds if she so desired.

He had no idea who he was dealing with.

"Excuse me?" she hisses quietly, her eyes narrowed. Her heart is beating quicker, adrenaline spiking through her system.

Mark starts to whine, pointing his finger at her accusingly. "You seemed all into me and now you're backing off. I am so sick of you sluts-"

"What?" She laughs bitterly and mocks him, "Because I won't fuck you again suddenly I'm a bitch and a slut?"

Mark expression clearly says that is what he thinks she is and he says, "I think you are a bitch. And a whore. You were much sweeter last night but I think that's all an act."

Shepard smirks, crosses her arms, looks him right in his plain brown eyes and she taunts, "You know what, I faked it just so you would stop your little impotent humping. Talk about all promise, no game..."

His face turns rapidly red and he suddenly stalks over to her. "You fucking bitch," his seethes right in her face, his spit hits her cheek and he raises one hand to strike her cheek.

She can see it in slow motion and she's fucking angry. How dare he?

Shepard flares, her eyes electric azure, lighting up the dim room. The TV wobbles on the wall, the bed sheets shiver and a blue force makes a barrier between him and her.

She pushes it further with a flick of her fingers, and forces him against the wall.

Eyes blazing she gets as close to his face as she can, stands on her tip-toes and breathes calmly and with upmost menace in her voice, "Try it. Just try it."

He looks suddenly terrified, a diminished little man with no honor in a cheap hotel room.

What good were muscles against a biotic? Against a woman who could throw him across the room and over that balcony with a twitch of her fingers, a sleight of hand?

He was horribly outclassed and he hadn't known it until the minute she had him against a wall, seconds from being able to end his life on a whim.

"You're one of those freaks of nature." To his credit he meets her eyes with only a little difficulty and he says, "So what'd you do last night? Use your mind control powers on me?"

"Biotics can't control minds, you dick." Shepard laughs and backs off, unafraid. She isn't a little girl anymore.

She pads to the door, "My insincere compliments on the terrible drunk fucking. Oh, and you threaten some other woman like that again? I'll turn your fucking face into mush."

"Yeah, and how would you know?" he sneers, still pressed against the wall in fear even though she has released him.

Shepard walks back to him and rips the dog tags off his neck, examining them.

"Bitch, please." She rolls her eyes, "You think I work as a kindergarten teacher or something? Newsflash: you don't run across many amped civilians. I outrank the fuck outta you, you make trouble and I'll make sure you're demoted back to toilet cleaner on some shitty little station in the Terminus Systems."

She doesn't care if he tells everyone they fucked on leave; it's not fraternizing if they don't serve together. And her reputation is already less than stellar.

His eyes are suddenly swimming with horrified tears. He hadn't thought for a minute that she was Alliance too.

Shepard feels a tiny stab of pity for him.

Stupid Rio bars, this was a big mistake. He is a horrible person, used to getting his way with women but she has him by the balls and he knows it.

Shepard was never that great at sticking exactly to the regs and if she has to bend them a little to get some dirt-bag transferred, she will. She's not above using her rank to prevent him beating on some other poor woman who can't defend herself.

She wonders if he would have tried to rape her, in this tiny little hotel room. Maybe, maybe not.

Rules were made to be broken in exceptional circumstances and Shepard...Shepard could be damn well exceptional.

"Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"You know what you were doing. Next time you wanna intimidate someone? Bully them?" She shoves him biotically into the wall hard enough to wind him, and then knees him in the balls.

"Fucking think again."

He collapses on the floor in tears and Shepard slams the door behind her.

Kaidan kneels by inventory in the Alliance docks and hums a little as he works.

They could probably do with some more omni-tools...they tended to short out occasionally when used too frequently in combat with cryo-blasts. Anderson would need to approve some more. He makes a little note on his datapad and queues it for approval with the Captain.

They seem to have enough rifle metal blocks for the armament but he's concerned a little with the metal grade. They had a bad batch on one of his old postings. When the blocks were loaded in the gun, and the mechanism shaved them for firing and mass acceleration, they had a tendency to shave too thin and hit targets at the wrong velocity. He would have to have a staff meeting with the arms master for that...

"Excuse me, could you tell me Normandy's docking bay? I've forgotten the number."

A feminine voice cuts into his internal musings and Kaidan cranes his neck up at the woman standing behind him. The bright sun flares behind her for a moment and he has to shield his eyes to see her properly. She has a small duffle bag slung on one bare shoulder and sandals on her feet.

His eyes linger on the gap between her tight jeans and her loose blue singlet top, the stretch of skin on her flat belly revealed in the hot sun. It looks a bit pink, like she had been lying on a beach too long in a bikini without sunscreen.

He swallows with a little difficulty. He's been out of the dating game too long and here he was behaving like some...well, like a sailor on shore leave.

Kaidan mentally shakes himself into professionalism. She's not even that pretty, a round simple face, pert nose and small pale lips. Though...there is a kind of gentle sweetness about her.

"Ma'am?" he asks and raises his eyebrows at her.

He notes off-hand as he gets up from where he was crouched over the supplies, that she's almost a head shorter than him, her face turned up to meet his eyes, and sun-kissed by the famed Rio glare.

Her eyes are hidden with dark sunglasses but he can see a splattering of freckles, recently darkened by sunburn, on her nose and cheeks. Her hair is a mess of untamed waves resting on her shoulders and she barely looks twenty-five, probably a recent college grad or one of the large corporation workers on vacation.

"Nor-man-dy," she sounds out slowly, as if he was deaf or dense and bites out through her teeth tightly, "Which. Docking. Bay?"

He considers for a moment that he's a terrible judge of character. Obviously, when she opens her mouth there isn't much sweet about her.

He frowns at her, clearing his throat. "Do you have business there, ma'am?"

She might actually be one of the Navy nurses that they were picking up to aid Chakwas in the Med Bay. Anderson had said there were a couple of personnel in Rio he wanted.

He looks at her again with new eyes, if she is a med nurse...well she would probably be the one to dole out his pain medication and see him at his worse. He would need to be able to trust her.

But right now, she just has a sour expression on her face and he thinks that she probably has a terrible bedside manner. No way, would he want to be taken care of by her.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," she huffs. "Stop with the ma'ams and just answer my question."

She crosses her arms across her chest and he notes that she looks like she works out; her biceps are sleekly muscled, almost like the build he'd see on a professional dancer or ballerina.

She cocks a hip, annoyed with his obvious appraisal. "I don't have time to play around. I have business with Captain Anderson which is absolutely none of yours, soldier."

He balks a little at the bark in her voice, the tone that says, 'I'm in charge here and you'd better listen or find yourself in a world of pain.'

The words tumble out of him, "Um, it's docking back E43 near the-"

"Thanks," she cuts in and waves her hand once in his direction in distracted thanks, doesn't even wait for him to stop speaking and is stalking off in the direction of the Normandy.

Kaidan gapes after her retreating back.

What a rude woman.

"Ah, Lieutenant, we've been waiting for you." Anderson stands by the galaxy map when Kaidan arrives an hour later and gestures him over. "I want to introduce you to our new XO, Commander Shepard. I'm sure you'll serve well together."

Shepard? Wow. He tries not to let the surprise show on his face. He hadn't thought that they would get Shepard for this mission. He feels a flicker of unease; she has a reputation for being somewhat of a bad omen for squads. That Akuze incident...

Kaidan berates himself. That's not fair, she just survived. She didn't ask for her whole squad to be wiped out by Thresher Maws.

He nods neutrally, "Ah yes sir. Where-"

He looks around for her, expecting some beefy soldier in imposing armor and instead a small woman dressed in the Normandy's blue utility uniform stands from where she was perched by a tech on the consoles and walks over to him, her eyes glinting.

It's the woman from the docks and suddenly she's not so plain to Kaidan. He can see her eyes now, her sunglasses gone, and he thinks he's never seen a color so pretty, or lashes so dark and long. Her brown hair is now pulled back now in a jaunty, tufted pony tail, a seemingly little protest against the strict dress regulations.

She nods cordially at him, a little smirk on the corner of her mouth at his obvious surprise. "Nice to see you again, soldier. Lieutenant Alenko, I presume?"

"Oh," he says, struck dumb for a moment. His thoughts are careening into space. He's made such a fool of himself in front of his new CO. Oh god; he should have researched what Shepard had looked like before...why didn't Anderson tell him? He looks like a stupid idiot!

"Ma'am." He recovers a little, finding his tongue, "You're Commander Shepard?"

"Yes." Her smile widens as she jokes, "It is I, in the flesh, standing before you as a real live human being. What, expecting someone different?"

Kaidan smiles a little nervously. She speaks like she's making fun of him but he feels no malice from it. "Uh, no. I mean, yes. I mean, no of course not," he stammers. "You look like a Commander Shepard. Ah, ma'am."

She laughs, a bright happy thing, amused with his fumbling. "I thought we did the ma'am thing already? Relax, Lieutenant."

So while he curses himself for losing all his composure, and Anderson is watching them with wry amusement, he sticks out his hand and says, "It will be an honor to serve with you, ma'am."

Their hands make contact and a surge races up his arm, needle hot pain for a millisecond. They spring apart in surprise.

"Ouch!" she exclaims and he immediately feels a hot rush of shame in his stomach. He's discharged static electricity, his biotics wound up by all the metal in the Normandy. He's shocked and hurt her.

God, he hates his biotics. It's not fair. They ruin even simple things.

He starts to apologize, "Oh I'm sorry, I'm a biotic-"

This is so bad, his newest and most prestigious posting and he's messing everything up.

Shepard speaks at the same time as him, cutting over his voice. "Sorry-"

Kaidan frowns quizzically at her, why is she sorry?

She bursts out into actual genuine laughter at his expression and he notes she has crooked teeth, like she didn't get the standard corrective dental care as a child. His heart beats a tiny bit quicker and he doesn't know why.

"Err, pretty sure that was both of us." she says, quieting her laughter. "You're not the only mutant x-man on this ship."

Suddenly something clicks in his head. He thought she was a dancer when he'd first seen her, but of course...she looks like one of those Adepts. They were usually small, graceful and lightly muscled, and if he remembered right...damn quick and dangerous. He hasn't really served with an Adept before, biotics still rare enough that there weren't enough truly talented to specialize in the Alliance.

When he first joined, he was one of the first few human biotics and hadn't wanted to be an Adept. Technology was too interesting to him, he would spend hours alone in the barracks tinkering with his omni-tool, so he had compromised and became a Sentinel. The Adept program was too restrictive anyway; they had very little flexibility in their fighting style.

Kaidan tries to hide the admiration he is sure is in his eyes as he jiggles his hand a little, trying to get feeling back into it and says, "Damn, that stings. I, uh, I've never done that before with another biotic."

"Yeah, me neither." She smiles gently now, the hard edges smoothed from her face. He thinks that she looks young again. "Guess that makes you special, eh Alenko?"

Beside them, unnoticed, Anderson clears his throat. Shepard starts a little, like she had completely forgotten he was there watching them meet.

"Anyway." She claps her hands together a little, getting down to business. "You're in charge of the marines? I'd like a report on the details strength, weaknesses, who works well together, etcetera, as soon as you're able."

"Yes, ma'am. Already got one typed up, I'll send it to your terminal."

She smiles again, the stars from the galaxy map dancing in her eyes. Kaidan thinks a little wildly that they look like a wide ocean, that in defiance of gravity and physics, the stars have fallen into the water to drown.

"Thank you. Dismissed, Lieutenant Alenko."

Kaidan walks away, into the cockpit to his post by Joker, and tries to look away from her.

He fails.

Later, he is relieved of his post by one of Joker's techies and heads to the mess. It's been a long day and they're making the jump through the Sol Relay soon, leaving Earth Alliance space. He wants to be alert for what is to come. Nihlus stalks around the ship like a menacing watchdog.

The coffee machine has a good view of the Captain's cabin and he can't help but listen when he realizes that Anderson and Shepard are talking in front of it. He keeps glancing over, intrigued to learn more about their relationship. They seem...close and it doesn't seem like their conversation is professional in any way.

He wonders for a crazy moment if they are in a relationship, if Shepard and the older man are breaking regs and carrying on some kind of affair. Normally, Kaidan would mind his own business.

'Don't ask, don't tell.'

But if there's going to be favoritism in the ranks...

Well, it affects everyone then.

"How are you doing?" Anderson rumbles quietly, "It's been a few months."

Shepard shrugs a shoulder, "Yeah, been alright. That business out on Persephone was a little rough."

Anderson laughs a little and says, "Rough is an understatement."

Kaidan gulps his hot coffee a little too quickly as Shepard makes a funny little hop on one foot and motions to a spot on her inner thigh, "Got myself a nice new scar here. I'm thinking I'm looking totally N7 hardass these days."

"Ha!" Anderson booms a laugh and punches her lightly on the shoulder; his eyes shining in what Kaidan thinks might be pride. "You were always a hardass, Shep. You're taking care of yourself?"

Shep...that's an interesting nickname. Kaidan thinks he likes the sound of that. It's so familiar and seems to suit her, suit her unconventionality and irreverence.

And, he thinks guiltily, it suits her looks.

He's made another huge error in judgement again, and kicks himself. There's no way whatever is between them is sexual in nature. Fatherly pride and warm affection radiates off Anderson.

"Yeah, you know me." Shepard answers Anderson, beaming at him, "I'm always alright. Actually they're talking about giving me a commendation for my cool under fire. Fancy that."

The Captain laughs again, "I'm shocked. I think your cool under fire is more like rage under fire."

Kaidan gulps more coffee, it burns his tongue. So she has passion...he thinks that he's not the first to underestimate her and won't be the last. He wished he hadn't though; it bizarrely makes him feel like he failed some important test.

"Rage, cool, some diff'. Still ends in dead mercs, Anderson."

"You are something. I missed you, child."

Kaidan almost has to look away in guilt as Anderson learns down and gently, briefly enfolds her in a tight hug.

He doesn't think he was meant to see this. He thinks no one should see this, it was private and tender like showing the soft side of your belly to the wolves that stalked around you.

He makes a promise to himself that he won't betray her. Let her have this little bit of softness with Anderson.

"I missed you too, you big softy." Shepard laughs and pulls away. "Now we gonna stop acting like a bunch of soft jellies and get this show on the road?"

"Let's have at it, Commander. We're going to Eden Prime. And I want this one by the book." Anderson says and he sounds serious and firm now, professionalism back in place. "Between you and me there's something big in the works. Just get the job done like you always do and you'll be fine."

"How...intriguing. Horribly vague. Would that be why I have a Spectre stalker?"

"Hmm." Anderson makes a noncommittal hum and Shepard has that smirk back on her face.

"Gotcha. Alright, let's go Captain."

She heads to the lockers and Kaidan fusses with the sugar, pretending he has never even noticed them.

As she grabs a custom blue N7 suit, that he thinks she must have got dyed specially, he watches her hips sway as she walks away.

Big mistake.

Anderson is still there, Kaidan had forgotten him and he barks at him, "Don't even think about it."

Kaidan has to work very, very hard to keep from jumping in the air.

Shit, shit, shit. He just got caught by her mentor watching her behind. Shit.

"Sir, I wasn't-" he tries to explain and cover his slip.

"Bit of friendly advice, son." Anderson pats a hand on his shoulder just a bit too firmly for comfort, "Just don't. I run a tight ship. And she's more than you can handle."

"Ah, yes sir. Of course, sir. I wouldn't..." Kaidan stammers but before he can finish Anderson has already left, back to his cabin.

Kaidan bangs his head against the coffee dispenser a little.

He hopes he hasn't bitten off more than he can chew with this assignment.

He senses that the Normandy is going to be either the making...or breaking of him.