Disclaimer: Not mine, someone else's.
Title: TMNT: Mafioso.
Rating: T
Pairings: April/Casey…. Cuz they're already together, and now; Mikey/Angel.
Genre: Crime/Family…. It can be considered a little bit humor too
Summary: Splinters dead, Michaelangelo is the new leader of the Dragon-Foot clan, Leonardo is a bartender, Raphael is a loan-shark and Donatello's gone rogue turtle. Anything else? Oh, well Casey and April own a nightclub if it means anything….
Day twenty-five
At the Green Ninja, you could see something unexpected; all four of the Splinterson brothers actually in the same room for once. While Leo was behind the counter, the other three were sitting on the barstools.
"For the last time guys, I'm sorry!" Mike said for the thousandth time to El and Doc, who were glaring un-amused and angry at the youngest turtle.
"'Sorry' my ass!" El snorted "You're lucky I don't kick your shell into next week." He said before threateningly punching his fist.
"El, I know you went through something traumatic, but that give you no excuse to tell lies!" Mike said and crossed his arms, El glared at him.
"What the shell possessed you to drink a whole pot of coffee?" Doc asked curiously "You know you were banned from drinking it!"
"I had a really bad headache, and I was trying to study for my essay on the energy crisis!" Mikey told him.
"Please," El rolled his eyes "you used to spend days on end playing videogames without blinking, are you telling me that studying is somehow hard?"
"You wouldn't know! All you ever do is drink, smoke, swear, lend money, then beat people up with a posse of Mexicans! You're life is easy compared to mine!" Mike snapped.
"Oh, so being an Overlord to our former enemies is hard?" Doc asked "All you do is give orders and torment us all day. I for one have to train Renet and deal with El all day, then patrol city all night!"
"Guys, don't fight." Leo said "None of you could last a night as me!"
"Oh come on!" His three brothers groaned.
"All it is, is sleeping all day," Doc said.
"Mixing drunks all night," El added.
"And drinking yourself sick before going home." Mikey finished.
"Working at a bar during the graveyard-shift is not as easy as it seems," Leo says and crossed his sleeved arms "I have to keep order in a a building full of drunk, disorderly people who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves. Do you see any security personnel here? I don't! You want to know why? There isn't any! It's only me working here at night, because April and Casey thought it would save money to hire an experienced ninja!"
"Easy." Chorused his brothers.
"You guys couldn't do it!" Leo insisted.
Mikey leaned down on her counter and rested his chin on his hand "You guys want to make a bet out of that?"
"Hmm… What kind of bet, nutcase?" El asked curiously.
"Well, how about we switch places for a day? You know, walk in each others shell to see what it's like?" Mikey wagered. "We know how to imitate each others voices, so we'll just pretend to be each other, switch outfits and everything so no one else would notice."
"Who would be who?" Leo asked.
"We can draw names out of a hat or something." El suggested.
Leo took out a pen, some paper and a bowl from under the counter "Write your names fella's; we'll put our names in the bowl and draw them out, we'll be whatever name we pull out."
The three other turtles nodded; they wrote their names down on a slip of paper and put them in the bowl. Leo shook the bowl.
"And…." Leo said as each of them put their hand in the bowl "Now!"
They pulled out the names.
"I got Mikey." El said.
"I got Leo." Mikey said.
"I got El." Doc said.
"I got Doc." Leo finished.
"We begin tomorrow." Mike said, then got up "Well, come on; we gotta strip now!"
El threw the bowl at him.
"Oww! Hey, we gotta switch outfits right?" Mike said and rubbed his head, then something dawned on him, he got close to El and said "If you so much as look at Angel, I swear I will feed you to the rancor!"
El rolled his eyes; though, somehow he didn't doubt that Mike had a rancor…
Day twenty-six
-With Raphael-
'Huh, no wonda' Mike always wears this thing, It's really comfortable.' El thought as he finished putting on the ninja uniform. He cleared his throat and sat at Mikey's desk. He sat there, wondering what he was supposed to do, and why did Mikey tell him to show up at the office this early?
Suddenly, right when the clock hit 6:00 (In the morning), the door into the office opened and a overly-bubbling looking woman with glasses and a ponytail came in the room…. With a big stack of papers in her hands.
"Good morning Mr. Splinterson!" The woman chirped; her voice was overly high-pitched and annoying. El flinched when she dropped the entire huge stack of papers and documents onto his desk with a slam.
"Eh…. What is this?" El asked; his changed his voice to where his accent and pitch changed so he sounded like Mikey.
"It's your morning paperwork, sir!" The woman chirped "You have meetings to plan, statics to look over, employee's to interview, mergers to-!"
"What? !" El gasped; how the hell was he supposed to do those things? He didn't even know how to do paperwork!
"Oh sir, I know you just came back from vacation, but surely you still know how to do your job, now if you want to keep on schedule, I suggest you start immediately."
Defeated, El slumped down "Can I at least have some coffee?"
"Oh sorry sir, but your head of personnel Angel banned your use of coffee."
El groaned aloud.
-7:00-
El had barely made a dent in the impossibly huge stack of paperwork when the secretary came back in.
"Hello again Mr. Splinterson!" The secretary chirped, she had another pile of documents and paperwork, which she then dropped on his desk.
El felt his eye twitch.
-8:30-
El was relieved to be done with the paperwork when the secretary returned again!
"Here you are sir!" She said and dropped an even bigger paper stack on the desk!
"AHHH!" El shouted, he got up and grabbed his head "All of this paperwork is driving me insane!"
"Sir, have you already forgotten?" The secretary asked in her obnoxiously sugary voice "Your freak-out attack was not scheduled until 12:00."
El started banging his head on the wall.
"And that was not scheduled until 3:00!"
-4:00-
"What, more paperwork?" El asked annoyed when the annoying secretary returned with a cart of documents, papers and textbooks.
"Of course not sir, this is all of your homework and study material from the online University of Phoenix."
"...Would you please move my loud exclaimation of 'fuck' up to now?"
-With Donatello-
'Sheesh, I can barely breathe with this thing on!' Doc thought after wrapping the scarf around his head. El was summoned by Mikey early this morning to begin the day; Doc honestly had no idea Mikey had to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning, but luckily since Doc got to be El for the day he could wake up pretty much any time he wanted.
El told him that once he woke up, he'd have to meet the 'posse' behind a coffee shop on the intersection of Eastman and Laird. Already, Leo was dressed in his snowsuit and goggles and was in Doc's lab, pretending to be him.
Doc left the lair, and navigated through the sewers to a route right behind the coffee shop.
"Whoa boss, why'd you take a sewer route?" The punk Doc recognized as El's wing-man Carter.
"I was goin' fo' a change." Doc said, imitating El's scruffy voice.
"You have a sore throat or something El?" Carter asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Erm, yes." Doc automatically replied as he put the cover back on the manhole.
"Anyways, we have another turf war with the Bronx Boys," Carter said "we called a knife-fight, not hard with those forks of yours right El?"
'Knife fight… With the Bronx Boys? I can't even use El's sai's well!' Doc thought as he was practically dragged.
-Later-
"You Bronx trash had this coming!" Carter yelled to the outfit from Bronx; all of them rugged men in old leather jackets and bad greasy haircuts.
"Why don't you loan-sharks crawl back to the casino where you belong! The streets is for tough guys only, not suits."
Doc oofed when Carter elbowed him hard in the ribs "Come on boss, come up with that legendary trash talk of yours!"
"Uhh…" Doc trailed off "At least we don't look like bad Faunsy imitations!"
The posse facepalmed.
The head honcho of the Bronx Boys took out his switch blade and the rumble began.
Of course, dealing the human trash on a nightly basis, Doc and the posse made quick work of them, but the Bronx boys played dirty and Doc ended up with a dirty switchblade embedded in his leg.
With the Bronx Boys were driven away, Carter took notice to the knife stuck in his 'boss''s leg. "Whoa, El got stabbed." Carter said to the Mexicans "We need to treat it."
"Yeah." Doc agreed. He was surprised when Carter produced a bottle of Gin, and an orange. "What are you going to do with those?"
"Boys, you know the drill." Carter said to the posse; The scarf was suddenly raised from the bottom of his face and the orange was shoved in his mouth.
Gagging on the orange, Doc attempts to protest were muffled and before he could process what was going on, he let out a muffled cry of pain when the knife was ripped right out of his leg and the Gin was poured onto his wound.
"Kay boss, let's take some shots." Carter said; Doc spat out the orange and fought off the urge to give them a serious tongue lashing.
-Later-
"Royal flush." Doc said; the posse groaned in defeat and frustration and forked over their money to the strategic turtle.
"Geeze boss, you were never this good at cards." Carter groaned; the rest of the posse commented in Spanish dialect probably in agreement.
Doc grinned behind the scarf; if there was one thing El was always bad at, it was poker, not only could he not bluff worth shit, but he always got so frustrated and not willing to accept defeat that he would lose over and over again until he was broke. Doc however, was always the best since he was the smart one.
What was so hard about El's life? All he seemed to do was get in fights, drink, then hang in a casino all day.
"Yo, Shark." A familiar person in a trench-coat and fedora said as he approached Doc and the posse; he must have been talking to Doc, since El's street name was 'El the Shark'. Doc recognized the sinner.
"Eh, hello Sky Masterson, can I help you?" Doc asked, he hoped his different mannerisms weren't too obvious.
"I have a bet with Bruce the Banger, you think you can lend me a couple big ones?" Sky asked.
Big ones? There was no way Doc was going to lend him a few thousand dollars! "Sorry, no." Doc refused.
There was a chorus of gasping and whispers filling the casino at his refusal.
"Are you sure about that?" Sky Masterson asked, sounding surprised.
"Yeah, walk away." Doc gruffly said, trying to sound like his rude brother; Sky backed away back with Bruce the Banger. "What are they all whispering about?" Doc asked Carter.
"Dude, you just compromised your reputation." Carter said "A Loan-Shark never turns down a client! Especially a high-class one like Sky Masterson! You got some 'splainin' to do, El."
Okay, so maybe Doc didn't always play his cards right…
-With Michaelangelo-
'Does Leo ever wash this thing?' Mikey wondered as he put on the reaper-robe, he had to put on the mask as well so Shadow and Cody wouldn't notice he wasn't Leo by the diagonal scar across his face. It was morning and Shadow and Cody went to school while April and Casey went to work, leaving Mikey by himself.
'Hmm… What am I supposed to do? Since I'm Leo, I can't train… And Cody and Shadow aren't here… So…' Shrugging, Mikey lay on the couch (conveniently already formed to Leo's turle-esce shape) and took a nap. He had a serious sleep deficit anyways.
-Later-
"UNCLE LEO! UNCLE LEO! WAKE UP!" A voice screamed; Mikey literally jumped out of his sleep, leaping out of the couch and onto his feet.
"What? What's wrong? What's on fire?" Mikey asked quickly, making sure to form his tone to sound like Leo.
He turned to see it was only Cody. Oh right, Cody got home earlier than Shadow.
"I'm home! Where's my snack?" Cody demanded.
"Snack?" Mikey questioned.
Cody slammed his foot on the ground "I want my snack!" He whined.
"What do you want, then?" Mikey asked, deciding to comply before this kid went out on a huge tantrum.
"Peanut butter and jelly!" Cody yelled in a demanding tone. Mikey went to the kitchen and took out the bread, and the jar of Skippy and grape jelly. He quickly sopped together a PB&J before returning to the livingroom and giving it to Cody.
Cody took one look at it before tearing the two pieces of bread away from each other and throwing it at the wall.
"What the shell! That's what you asked for!" Mikey shouted.
"It's all wrong!" Cody screamed "There was crust on it! And the peanut butter wasn't chunky! And grape jelly is gross!"
"I'll make you a right one if you clean your mess." Mikey said and put his hands on his hips.
Cody threw himself on the ground and started pounding on the floor with his tiny fists and feet "NO! It's your fault! You made it wrong! You clean it! WAAAAHHH!"
"Cody, Cody calm down…" Mikey tried to comfort, only Cody to get up and kick him hard between the legs.
Snap.
-Later-
"Uncle Leo, I'm ho-!" Shadow began as she entered the apartment, only to be stopped short when she saw what she saw.
Cody was duck-taped to the wall across from the TV which was switched on the cartoons channel, and his mouth was covered too. Seeing his sister, he let out muffled pleading with puppy dog eyes.
She turned to her Uncle Leo, who was reading a book.
"Eh, Uncle Leo? Are you alright?" She asked.
"That depends, do you want a snack?" Her turtle uncle asked, sounding rather…. Well, crazy.
"Eh, no?" Shadow replied.
"Then yes."
-With Leonardo-
The snowsuit Doc usually wore was really hot and suffocating, making Leo wonder just how his brother wore it all of the time, and it was kind of hard to see with the goggles on and tinting everything in purple.
Leo went to the coffee pot; since he was going to be Doc, he could have to drink a lot of the stuff throughout the whole day. Leo vaguely wondered about Doc's present blood pressure….
"Doc!" He heard Renet call before the bubbly blonde came bounding into the room; she had on protective elbow/knee pads on too. "Come on, time for training!"
'Doc's actually training Renet? But she isn't going to be on Earth for that long…' Leo thought, but went with it anyways. "Just let me drink my coffee Renet." He said and looked for the cream and sugar, only to find there was none 'That's right… Doc always drank his black.' Leo remembered, stared down at the mug of coffee; he never quite liked black coffee… But if he was going to be Doc, he would have to no matter how much he hated it.
Leo forced himself to drink the entire mug, and the liquid settled painfully and heavily at the pit of his stomach (Who said he wasn't over-damatic….?).
Leo went to the dojo with Renet.
"Okay Renet, why don't you begin with basic stretches?" He said; Renet nodded and started doing different stretches.
Needless to say, the training thing was complete disaster.
Not only did Leo have to constant correct Renet because she kept making mistakes, but she kept whining while doing it – and that was just the stretches and exercising! Renet couldn't do so much as ten push-ups without bursting out crying!
When they got to meditating, Renet refused to drink the green tea, kept fidgeting and would get distracted from focusing on her breathing.
Luckily, Renet wasn't too bad at training; she at least did her kata's right… But she just wasn't even slightly dedicated to her training, she just did a kata once and figured that was enough.
This frustrated Leo beyond understanding. Once training was over, Leo rushed over to the coffee pot; he didn't care that it was black anymore.
-Later-
"AAAAHHH! SNAKE!"
"Sewer snakes aren't dangerous, Renet!"
-Later-
"FLOOD!"
"It's only a sewer trickle!"
-Later-
"SPIDER!"
"If it doesn't have a red-hourglass, it's harmless!"
"It has one!"
"Than for gods sake, just squish it!"
"You do it! It is seriously like freaking me out!"
-Later-
"Doc, can you make lunch?" Renet asked.
Leo tensed up; oh shit, he couldn't cook!
Leo instead too out his wallet and gave her twenty bucks "See this? Go topside and buy yourself some lunch."
"But-!"
"GO!"
-That night-
-With Raphael again-
El sighed in relief; finally, after a whole day of papers, documents and reports, the work day was finally over!
Angel came into the office "Come on Mike, time to get to the Dragon-Foot clan, you have a training session to lead, tortures to deliver, and Dragon-Foot ninja's to prosecute."
'What?' El wanted to ask out loud, but didn't. "Okay," he said in Mikey's voice. He got up and walked towards Angel.
"Let's go!" Cheerfully Angel told him and took his hand; El felt his face suddenly go hot; he remembered that Angel was supposed to be Mikey's girlfriend and she didn't know he was actually El…. Angel got on her tip-toes and attempted to give him a peck on the cheek, but El pushed her away.
"N-Not today Angel, I have a mondo headache." El said, attempting to imitate Mike's annoying surfer lingo.
Angel pouted and continued to drag him while holding his hand. "Did you suddenly get taller, Mikey?" She asked, tightening the grip she had on El's three-fingered hand.
"I was always this tall, I just uh… Slouch a lot." El said; it was actually true that Mikey was about as tall as he was and slouched a lot so he looked shorter.
"Oh." Angel said and continued to drag him until they were outside and entered a limo (This part El actually did not mind.)
-Later-
El was standing in front of a Dragon-Foot ninja who was apparently guilty of something.
"What did this guy do?" El asked Angel.
"It seems this Dragon-Foot ninja found it humorous to draw a dick and balls on the outside of Stockman-Steins jar." Angel told him "What will his punishment."
To her surprise, El started laughing "Dude, good one!" El said to the Dragon Foot ninja and put his hand up, confused the Dragon-Foot ninja returned the high-eight. "Okay, you can go." El said and the Dragon-Foot ninja fled.
"What the hell was that about Mikey! You just jeopardize your authority! Now your subjects will not take you seriously and start acting out more! And Stockman-Stein will especially not be happy! You could have at least thrown him in the pit of never-ending rotten milk!" Angel ranted.
El felt sweat trickle down his face as she continued "No matter, you have new tortures to come up with anyways; here." She shoved a journal into his hands "The cesspool was brilliantly cruel and funny, but you're going to need to come up with something knew. And you have pranks to plan for your brothers next week, I know it's going to be difficult since you know feel each others pain but it's nothing your creative mind can't think up."
"So…. I have to come up with funny tortures?" El asked; oh shit, he was not that creative!
"Well, not right now," Angel said and pushed him towards the elevator "First you have a training session to teach to a horde of Dragon-Foot cronies, plan heists against your enemy companies, and test those new training bots Stockman-Stein whipped up…"
-With Donatello again-
"Hey, Trashlid!" Doc called to the man he and the posse had been trailing behind for the past half-half "Where's my money?" Doc asked while punching his first in an attempt to seem more like El.
"Back off man, I have a gun!" Trashlid yelled and started running. Doc and the posse gave chase until the caught up to Trashlid and Doc had him pinned to the wall.
"Give me the money you owe me!" Doc demanded.
"Dude, come on, I don't have it!" Trashlid said; he seemed close to tears.
"Well, uh… Just be sure to pay back when you can!" Doc said and let Trashlid go; Carter and the posse looked at him owlishly.
"What the fuck!" Carter said "What has gotten into you, El? We were supposed to rough that guy up."
"I'd uh… Rather not." Doc excused.
"Dude, your street-cred is way down now; Trashlid is a total mouth." Carter told him and shoved him.
-With Michaelangelo again-
"Geeze, the only thing to this job is obsessively rubbing a glass with cloth and mixing drinks." Mikey mused aloud.
"Who are you talking to?" A man with a martini asked.
"This glass I'm rubbing, why? Don't you usually talk to inanimate objects?" Mike asked.
The man looked at him strangel before downing his entire drink "Freak." He said before rudely leaving.
"Your tips sucked anyways!" Mikey called behind him; a lady at a table wavered to him and he went to her table. "Can I bring you something?"
"I'd like a tall glass of mysterious and handsome." The woman purred; Mikey felt his face heat up behind the reaper mask.
"Uh… I am not aware of that drink." He said.
"I'm looking at it right now." The woman purred.
"Well, unfortuna-OI! OI!" Mikey yelped and tensed up when he felt the woman grobe him where his rump was supposed to be. "M-Ma'am can you please move your hand?"
He practically jumped out of his shell when he felt her grab his tail.
"Wow, you must be really hung if you're -"
"DON'T SAY IT!"
"-goes all the way to you're-"
"I'm warning you! I'm a ninja and I'm not afraid to hurt people!" Mikey shouted.
"So you're shy, I like that in a man." The woman purred. "How about you come at my place tonight?"
"Don't you mean 'to my place tonight'?" He asked.
"I know what I said baby.." She said and ran a finger down his arm in a sensual way.
"I'm sorry, I'm taken." Mikey said and backed away, but the woman was relentless.
"What she doesn't know doesn't hurt." The woman insisted.
Annoyed, Mikey took out his nunchucks (he carried them wherever he went) "Back off, or I'll pull off a Bruce Lee here and now!" He growled, this time the woman backed off.
Mikey returned behind the counter and started mixing drinks for customers; a litter hard considering he didn't know shit about mixology; Leo really should have left a reference sheet!
Things were almost peaceful when there was a sudden crash, cheering and shouting.
"You fucked my wife!" One drunk shouted.
"I fucked your daughter too!" Another drunk taunted.
Mikey jumped to the other side of the counter; there was a crowd of cheering drunks surrounded two middle-aged drunk men with their fists up for a fight.
Mikey pushed past the crowd and stood between the drunk men "Fella's, fella's! Can't we just sit down and talk this over drinks?"
Mikey was answered by two swift punches to the jaw.
-With Leonardo again-
"I can barely move in this!" Leo complained out loud as he attempted to jump rooftops; he almost plummeted to his demise about three times. Leo got that Doc was supposed to hide his turtle appearance, but couldn't he have gotten a bigger snowsuit at least?
"Hey Doc!" A civilian called from their window; Doc was well-known as the 'protector of New York'. Leo stopped to look at them. "Fuck you! Vigilantism is fascist and should be outlawed."
Leo ran off and ignored, but it happened every other apartment building he passed, it came to the point he started flipping these antagonists off, which only riled them more.
Unfortunately, Leo was out of shape since he gave up training, so jumping buildings tired him out and every other rooftop he had to stop to catch his breath.
He stopped and noticed a group of teeagers smoking weed.
"Hey!" He called from above "Smoking weed is illegal!"
"Fuck you old man!" One of the teenagers yelled.
"I'm only a few years older than you!" Leo called back. "Now put the dope away and listen to D.A.R.E!"
"Fuck off!"
"Don't make me come down there!"
"I dare you!"
"I'll do it!"
"Then do it!"
"I will!"
"I don't believe you!"
Day twenty-seven
The guys were back at the bar, looking downcast.
"So uh… I had a horrible time, Leo I get why you're so quiet! I'd go mute too if woman were constantly feeling me up and I had to break up fights between nasty drunks! Not to mention Cody's total brattiness! No wonder you hit the bottle!" Mikey said.
El was cradling his head "I'm sorry for getting you wrong Mikey; there really is a lot of work involved in being taking over the Dragon-Foot clan. There was so much sceduel, studying, paperwork and just work… No wonder you went nuts! I almost lost all of my screws in just one day!"
"Your life isn't as easy as I thought either, El." Doc said, taking a sip of his drink "you have to do certain things just to uphold a reputation! Being a loan-shark is all about street-cred and reputation…"
"Your life isn't a walk in the park either Doc," Leo said in an apologetic tone "Having to deal with Renet all day is bad enough, but then you have to run rooftops in an uncomfortably restricting snowsuit and have people constantly questioning you! No wonder you're so pissy!"
"So… Are we all good with each other now? Now will we stop busting each others chaps?" El asked.
"Probably not; I need to prank you guys with funny tortures to stay sane." Mikey said and rubbed his temples.
"Wait… This is you being sane?" Doc questioned, the other brothers shared a laugh.
"Why are you laughing?" Mikey asked El "You know what I go through everyday…"
"You're still a crazed, demented bastard." El said and patted his shell.
"Remember the pit of never-ending sour milk?"
"Better than the cesspool… By the way, Angel wants to discontinue that."
"No, never, I've had too many laughs over the cesspool to get rid of it!"
Long chapter that took me all day... Wish I could have done better.
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