Amelia's funeral was held on a Thursday. Claire, Jimmy and Castiel watched in silence as the coffin was lowered. She'd died of a stroke, falling and hitting her head on the kitchen counter.

'Dad-'

'Don't, Claire,' Castiel muttered.

Claire nodded and bit at her bottom lip. Claire's husband held onto her hand and Cas looked at the pair longingly. His gaze then flicked to his son wrapped protectively around his respective soulmate and something shattered inside him.

'I have to go,' he rasped.

'Wait, dad!' Claire called after him, her brow creasing with concern.

Castiel ignored his daughter and marched across the cemetery, finding a bench on the outskirts. He sat and heaved a sigh, dropping his face into his hands. He barley flinched when his daughter gently placed a hand on his back.

'I think you should be there for the rest of it,' she murmured, voice soothing and quiet, just like always.

'Tell me, Claire, sweetheart, is it really worth it?' Cas said, lifting his head up to look at the gloomy sky above him.

Claire drew her hand back and gulped, looking down at the sparse grass under her feet. 'I have a feeling you don't just mean attending your wife's funeral.'

'You were always so smart, Claire. We've always been so proud of you, you know that, don't you?'

The blonde girl's head snapped up again and she stared at her father, scanning his profile. 'Don't you dare do something… something stupid, don't you dare.'

'Why?'

Claire seemed outraged at his answer. 'Because you're my father and I love you!'

'You'll be okay. You'll be okay.'

'No! No I won't be okay! Do you think it's okay for me and Jimmy to watch our parents get buried? Do you think it's okay that I didn't even get to tell mom that she was gonna be a grandmother before she suddenly wasn't going to be around anymore?!'

Castiel reacted to that, staring glassily at his daughter. 'You're pregnant?'

Claire nodded sullenly and turned away again, digging the thin pointed heels of her light blue shoes into the soft earth. 'I was going to tell you… going to tell you both when I visited.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah. Oh.'

They sat in silence for a moment before Castiel drew in a breath to talk with a wrecked voice. 'Claire, will you do something for me?'

'Anything.'

'Make sure your child finds their soulmate. Make sure they're as happy as you are. You do that and I'd be the happiest man in the world.'

A single tear slipped from Claire's eye as she vehemently nodded. 'Yes, daddy, of course.'

Castiel's smile became bitter and regretful. He leaned in and kissed his daughter's hair. 'I love you, Claire. You and Jimmy deserve so much.'

'Dad, don't go. Please don't go.'

Cas' breath came out in puffs as the temperature seemed to drop, the only warm part of Castiel's body was a patch on his shoulder, almost like a phantom touch of comfort.

'Goodbye, Claire. Enjoy the rest of the ceremony.'

Cas pushed himself slowly off the bench and made his way out of the cemetery, content that his daughter wasn't following him this time. He started up his car with shaky hands and blurred vision. If he crashed, so be it.

'Cas.'

He shook his head and edges the car forward before pelting forward, away from Pontiac and back to Lawrence.

'Cas?' Sam asked, stepping aside to let the tired man in. 'Not that I'm not happy to see you but… what are you doing here?'

'My wife died.'

'I'm sorry,' Sam replied instantly, mechanical, and Cas couldn't find it in himself to feel hurt. He hummed lowly in agreement.

'It was a shock.'

Sam lifted an eyebrow and took in the other man's rumpled appearance. 'Can I get you anything?'

Cas simply shook his head and looked down at the carpet.

'Do you wanna… talk?'

'I don't… I don't know.'

'Whenever you're ready, man, I'm here, okay?'

Cas nodded and closed his eyes. 'I still feel guilty, you know. I know you said I shouldn't feel that way but I can't stop it.'

'Nothing I say will affect the way you feel, but-'

'Ever since you gave me Dean's letter I've never felt alone.'

Sam's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and he looked uncomfortable. A small smile began to play at his lips.

'I'm glad.'

'It's strange.'

'Yeah, I guess it is, huh.'

Castiel frowned at the taller man. 'Do you need to tell me anything about why this is happening?'

Sam appeared to have an internal debate before answering Castiel. 'Sit down. Sit down and I'll tell you.'

'Our dad was… kind of insane. He was eventually put in a mental institution. Fucked Dean up pretty bad; he idolised him. But, uh… He believed in… in ghosts. Demons, ghouls, you name it, he believed in it. It was scary how much, like, he'd abandon Dean and I just to research them or something.'

An uneasy feeling settled in Castiel's stomach, a vile nausea as the words sank in.

'It wasn't until the old man died that I really took an interest in all the bull he was spouting. And here we are.'

'What are you telling me.' Cas grit out his words like a statement rather than a question.

'I'm telling you that there's truth to it all.'

Sam's level gaze burned into the side of Castiel's face. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Do you understand how- how utterly ridiculous you sound? And how I can't process this because of-'

'-Because of recent events, I know. But… Christ, you should know, okay? You should know because Dean's your soulmate. Hell, Dean deserves for you to know.'

'Fucking know what?!' Cas screamed, fixing his confused, intense glare on Sam.

Sam's eyes flicked their focus between each of Cas' eyes as if searching for something. 'You should know that… that Dean's haunting you. His blood's on the page and he's haunting you.'

Cas stared at the other man levelly before standing up as quickly as his old bones would allow and dashed out of the back door. He barely registered Sam calling his name as he retrieved his father's lighter from his back pocket and Dean's suicide note. The flames flickered instantly and licked at the crinkled paper before he dropped it to the ground. The fire guzzled the stained paper as it twisted and blackened on the patio.

'Cas,' the warm familiar voice murmured in his ear. It sounded like goodbye.

'No.'

Sam didn't scream but his voice was broken, filled with pain and disbelief. It reminded Castiel of when he'd found his wife lying cold on the floor of the kitchen barely two weeks before. The wrecked sound of Sam's voice resonated through him but he just stared at the burning page on the concrete.

'I'm sorry,' he echoed Sam's earlier words in the same tone; mechanical, a reflex response.

'Why?' Sam whispered hoarsely.

Castiel turned his sad eyes on the taller man and pressed his lips together. 'We need to let go.' He shrugged slightly and turned his blue eyes back to the faltering orange glow.

Sam stayed silent for what seemed like hours before uttering a quiet, 'I think you should leave.'

Cas saw the old man's cheeks were tear streaked and that he needed someone in that moment but he simply nodded and made his way back inside and through the house to the front door. 'Goodbye, Sam.'

He chuckled without humour as he realised how often he'd been letting people go recently. His heart ached and he felt alone. As soon as he got into his car, he pulled out the phone he hated so much and dialled the number of the only person he could bear to speak to. She picked up after barely two rings.

'Dad? Are you okay? I've been worried sick! '

Cas dipped his head and smiled at her concern. 'Hello, Claire. I think I… I think I need some help.'

And so that's it! Uh... I think it all ended weirdly really. I might look over it again and alter it because it just... Well, I'm not happy with it but I thought I'd post it anyway. I'm technically finished with this fic but it's just... it's making me feel weird because there's just something not right about it... I don't know. I hope you enjoyed it anyway :)