It's been several weeks since we visited Shinra. Izaya's condition had gotten a lot worse since then. He was always extremely pale, he would wake up coughing and in a cold sweat, and he could barely keep anything in his stomach.
I woke up to the sound of horrible coughing. I sat up and held Izaya's hand until it stopped. There was nothing I could do for his cough. He wouldn't let me give him medicine.
He was sick all the time, and a lot of it was just blood. It comes up when he coughs too. I mostly wake up to him coughing or screaming. He's in a pain, but he doesn't like to take the pills. Why can't you just take your medicine? Why?
"S-Shizu-chan…" He could barely speak.
I gripped his hand tighter, "Yes, Izaya. What is it? Are you ok?"
He laughed to the best of his ability. "I'm fine... Thank you."
"For what, Silly?" I smiled at him even though I was practically broken from the stress and the sheer severity of the situation. "I haven't done anything for you to thank."
"Y-yes you have. You've been here." He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. "Here with me. Through everything." Warm tears filled his eyes and steadily slid down his cheeks. "Shizuo…" There was another long pause.
"Yes? What is it?" I squeezed his hand gently as reassurance.
He looked upset. "Am I going to die?" He looked at me as more tears streaked his face. I was speechless. It was a mixture of shock and confusion. I didn't know how to reply. I wanted to say that he was going to be fine, but at the same time I wanted to be honest with him and tell him there was a very high possibility that he would last until the end of the month.
The Night Before
I sat patiently with my phone to my ear as I waited for Shinra to pick up. "Hey, Shizuo, what's up?"
"Shinra, why is he this sick? It's only been a couple of weeks. I don't understand." There was a long silence, and then I heard a loud sigh.
"Shizuo, this is going to hurt your feelings, but it's better to be blunt about it as opposed to pretending that everything always turns out ok. His body is shutting down. He is quickly deteriorating from the inside out." He took a deep breath, and my heart was pounding. "I don't think he's going to make it out of this one. Make the days count because he won't last much longer. Bring him over again soon, and I'll see what I can do for him. I'm sorry." Why is this happening?
The Present
I cried for hours last night. Nothing was going right. "I don't know. Later today we're going to see Shinra, ok?" He sighed and looked away.
"Sure."
"It's going to be alright. Now get some rest."
I woke Izaya up a few hours later and dressed him. His clothes were baggy due to how much weight he had lost. To me he looked kind of like a skeleton. I kissed his forehead as we went through the door of our apartment.
The weather was nice today. It was a shame that we didn't walk more, but with Izaya so sick all the time, I didn't want to risk it.
"Oh my goodness. Go to the lab, and take a seat." Shinra looked surprise. I guess he didn't realize how bad Izaya had gotten. "Okay. Let's check you out." He took Izaya's temperature, hooked him up to a heart monitor, and did other tests using blood and other stuff. It took about an hour to get everything settled. "Umm. Shizuo, step into the living room with me for a moment."
We walking into the main room and sat on the couch. Shinra was holding a several papers. "Well?"
"I can tell you're distressed and that you want me to hurry up with it, but I need you to stay absolutely calm."
"Okay. Just say it. Please, I'm calm." I knew that I sounded desperate.
"I need to keep him here. It's not-" I cut him off.
"NO." My voice was stern.
"I can try to make it possible for him to stay in your apartment, but there's no guarantees. I need to constantly monitor his vital signs. He doesn't have much more time." I stared at the floor. It felt like my heart was about to come up my throat. As if one cough would leave it lying on the floor below. Why does things keep happening?
I stood and slowly made my way back to Izaya. He really did look horrible. I didn't want to think about it. I sat on the edge of the bed and gently grabbed his hand.
"Shizuo. I-I'm so tired." Without a word I laid down next to him and pulled him into my arms, resting my chin on top of his head. So cold.
"Go to sleep, Love. It's going to be alright."
"Al-right." There had been a pause in the middle of the word as he inhaled. We laid there like that for hours. It felt like an eternity, but I felt like he was safe if I was holding him. As if nothing could touch him. It was so peaceful that I drifted into a deep, calm sleep.
I almost jumped off the bed when a flurry of loud beeps broke the silence. I was still in a daze when Shinra burst through the door. I looked down at Izaya. His eyes and mouth were slightly open. That's when I noticed that it was his heart monitor that was going off. He's dead.
Shinra took a defibrillator out of a cabinet and set it on the bed beside him. Oh my God. "Clear!" Izaya's entire body lurched which made the bed shake. No. This can't be happening. He was shocked again and again, over and over, but nothing changed. No steady beeping heart rate. No gasps for air. No signs of life at all. He was gone. I was alone.