Things started to change for me when New Girl and her dad moved in across the courtyard.

She was beautiful and I really hadn't been interested in anyone since Alicia and I split up. I don't know what I was thinking when I started helping her dad move in. Or when I continued helping her move in. Or when I told her about myself. Or when I took her to the hospital. Or when I took her to the hospital the SECOND time. Or when I blew her off for that week and a half. Or when I kissed her. Or when I had tea with her today. I mean, what the hell? I don't even like tea that much!

I still can't believe I kissed her. That was just ridiculous. There was a clear boundary what with her having a boyfriend, if Ryan could really have even qualified as that, and I completely crossed it. I still can't believe she broke up with Ryan. I never thought that would happen. I didn't even mean to say it out loud. Then she started yelling at me and I could definitely tell she was having a rough morning, so I tried to dig myself out of it, and the words just sort of…tumbled out. I like you. I can't believe I told her that. I've been kicking myself ever since then. Everyone knows that you never tell a girl you like her because it makes you look like an idiot. I broke the cardinal rule! And the OTHER cardinal rule, which is: don't get attached. Ever since what happened with Alicia, I've been trying to keep my distance from everything.

This is the first time I've ever even said her name since the accident. Alicia. Our eight-month anniversary was on Christmas Eve, so we waited a few days to celebrate. There was a terrible ice storm on Christmas Day, but we went ahead with our plans to go to dinner two days later. The roads were treacherous. I didn't trust myself to drive, so she snow chained up her tires and we went to dinner. Everything was perfect until we went to drive home. Trying to avoid the highway, we took a back road home from the restaurant. On the way down the hill, her wheels spun out, despite such careful driving, and the car spun in a complete circle. Another car came around the blind corner at that moment, slamming into Alicia's side of the car.

I knew she was dead. I sat there in my seat. My face and arm was bleeding from the broken glass, but I was just sitting in the passenger seat, silently screaming. I watched in slow motion as she hit her head on the window as the car spun, as she smashed her face into the steering wheel, as the air bags deployed, shoving her back, as she fell forward against the wheel a second time. Tears streaked through the blood on my face. I knew there was no way she could've survived it.

I was in denial for a month. I missed a lot of school, only some of which because I was in the hospital, and I basically just dropped out of the world. Therapy started to help after a while, and I started to heal. There were many late nights spent at church and awake in my room, but eventually I did heal. I wrote her a piece. Only two weeks before New Girl moved in, I finished the piece and played it at Alicia's grave. For the first time, I felt closure.

Don't get me wrong; I still miss her every day, but I almost feel like Alicia sent New Girl to help me move on. Myka is Alicia's, "Hey, you deserve to be happy again."

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Life happened.

I had band camp and then I had to update my other story and I was stuck in the middle of writing this chapter and I got a virus, and then I got pneumonia and then I broke my face...so basically I just have time right now, but I dunno when I will again. Hopefully soon.

This one is a little different, soooooo tell me what you think. Seriously. I haven't gotten reviews in several chapters and it's making me nervous.