Trope Trasher 4

The lemon. Dum Dum Dum! Rule 34 if it exists there's porn for it. Rule 35 there is no exception of Rule 34, ever.

'Oh Liara!'

'Oh Shepard!'

'Oh Li… What the hell is that?'

Liara and Shepard caught in the throes of passion, stopped in mid coitus. Shepard goggled at what caught his/her eye, something large, blue and dangling.

'I believe humans call this a… penis.'

'I thought Asari were female.'

'Common misconception, while Asari consider themselves female it's more of an allusion to the fact that in the majority of races only the female can give birth. Asari are in fact mono-gendered, we have both sets of sex organs, we are in fact both male and female.'

'We're done here.'

'But Shepard-'

'I'm straight/I'm a Lesbian.'

'Let's do this Skipper.'

'Ah… I'm not so sure about this…'

'Do you remember the safe word?'

'Yes but-'

'Shut up worm and take it like a man!'

'Bend over and take it Alenko!'

'Oh god! Shepard! Deeper! Harder!'

'You have flexibility, I have reach.'

'Hmm… Talk dirty to me…Ah… what are you doing?'

'Grghh.'

'What. AH HEY!'

'SkreEeEe.'

'AHHHH.'

'GRAGH.'

Skink

-Skip-

'That was fun Shepard.'

'I… can't feel my legs.'

'They call it a claw hammer for a reason.'

'Wait… stop.'

'Shepard.'

'Wrex.'

'Why are we stopping?'

'It'll never fit.'

'Can't we-'

'It's longer than my torso!'

'I thrust quickly as she keens in pleasure. Want's more. Tweak the Nipples! Tweak the Nipples! Call me Shirley!'

'I've got to go.'

'Can't right now, Shepard. Too many experiments. Trying to cure common cold. Maybe later.'

'Ooookay…'

'Ah…Jack… What is that?'

'A Strap-on.'

'Oh…'

'Shepard I'm century's old- Where are you going?'

'I've been down this road. Not into tranny porn, let alone granny tranny porn.'

'The entire nervous system igni- Where are you going.'

'I said this to your mother and I'll say it to you. I'm not into tranny porn, let alone vampire tranny porn.'

'Oh yeah goddamnit. Take it! Take it Goddamnit.'

'Zaeed… it's been four hours… you know what the bottle said.'

'Goddamnit! I've still got another round in me. The little blue pill was only a goddamned precaution.'

'…Okay one more round Zaeed… Zaeed?'

'ZZZzzzz... snork…Goddamnit…zzz.'

'Oh Jacob…'

'Yes, Shepard?'

'You know what? Let's just not go there…'

'I am genetically perfect in every way Shepard…'

'No Shepard, Harder.'

'Squeeze the thigh Shepard.'

'Stroke not prod!'

'Caress them don't maul them!'

'Hey where do you think you're going?'

'I wanted sex not an instruction manual.'

'I'm a Lesbian…'

'I've taken some anti-biotic's and some immuno-boosters… and I think I'm ready Shepard…'

'Alright Tali, we'll take it nice and slow.'

-Skip-

'I have the sniffles and my filters are backed up with things you wouldn't believe… Worth it.'

First things first, why the hell do they call them lemons?

Moving On, the minority of lemon fic's are interspersed throughout good fic's and act as a way of progressing the romantic attachment between two characters, essentially another way of showing genuine love, affection and a relationships progression.

Then you have every other lemon.

Cheap fan service written purely for some fanboy/girls sick, demented pleasure.

The fact that most of these lemons read like a manual from IKEA is just depressing. Insert Tab A into Slot B, repeat until desired results are achieved. Through in that Tab A can be used to harpoon whales and that even a warm breeze can have Slot B dripping like Niagara Falls suggests that the internet is now run by 14 year old boys.

I left the ShepardXTali romance alone; it's already awkward enough without my interference. Cute, admittedly, but awkward. Especially if you remember she's like 17-20 and he's 29-32, while not a massive age gap there's this whole daddy issues thing going on that has me wanting to call my therapist…

And the Police… Statutory Rape is still Rape.