A/N: Here's the next one! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and everyone who read this and enjoyed it.
Gale steps off the stage, going down the stairs two at a time. When he waves, the crowd roars. Gale walks over and picks up Vick and Posy, then hugs Rory and Hazelle, who is crying. Haymitch, Johanna and I are escorted off a side exit. Effie is heading to a resort outside of District 4. She's vacationing with some of her friends. I head back to my house, and drop my bags. My mother, Prim, Hazelle and the kids are all waiting. The first thing I do is hug Hazelle. She strokes my cheek and gives me a small smile. "Thank you." I hug her, and try not to feel bad for thinking he wouldn't make it.
"Where's Gale?" Posy asks. "He's gonna love the new house! There's so much cool stuff! We even have a shower!"
"Bathroom." Hazelle responds quietly, picking her daughter up. I frown, and hug Vick, who seems pretty happy. Rory's talking to Prim at the kitchen table. They're like a younger Gale and I, but without all the drama. Rory and Vick are just like Gale, but Vick's too tall for his age. They're fourteen and eleven, respectively. Luckily, none of them will ever have to sign up for tesserae. Gale and I will make sure of that. "Our new neighbor Haymitch gives quite a paycheck. We're on our to the sweet shop to pick up some candies." I grin - Haymitch must be very understanding. Still, he must have been more than generous to give Hazelle enough money, that she feels comfortable buying candy. I mentally remind myself to thank him for that. Even outside the arena, Haymitch has been looking out for me. And I'll always owe him for that.
As soon as Gale, Hazelle and the kids are out the door, I hug Prim, and then my mother. I must smell terrible - the last time I showered was yesterday before my appointments. My mother doesn't question me, and I appreciate that. The last thing I need is for her to give me a sex talk. If only she knew. I sit down at the table next to Prim. "How are you, little duck? I missed you a lot." Prim tells me about everything I've missed in the three weeks I've been away. Apparently, she found out from another girl in her class that Rory has a crush on her. I'm really happy for her. Maybe Prim has a chance at normal love. She is fourteen, but seems so much younger, probably because she's my kid sister.
I show my mother what I snuck back from the Capitol with me: a box of peppermints and some new dresses for Prim, and a box of modern apothecary dried plants and solutions. My mother is moved to tears, and Prim is overjoyed. We sit down, and we eat some pickled butcher's meat with goat cheese on fresh raisin bread for lunch. "How's Finnick?" My mother asks me. I wonder if she knows we have had sex. I don't really care, given my circumstance. It's not her buisness anyways.
"He's not too good. His sister was a tribute." I explain. I change the subject, not wanting to talk about Dahlia. I don't think we were close enough to be considered friends, but I really liked her. "You really should meet our neighbors. I know that you and them really didn't get off to the best start after we moved in, but they're really good people. Haymitch and Johanna, they're really fantastic."
"Haymitch, I can't even bear to look at him after-" She cuts herself off. She doesn't know that I know about her friend Maysilee Donner, who died during Haymitch's games. Regardless, I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it. "And Johanna Mason? She's a murderer."
"I know about Maysilee." I tell her. "That wasn't his fault. There's only one winner. And so what if Johanna's killed people? So have I. Nobody's a victor by chance. She's no different than me." That seems to shut her up a bit. I turn to Prim. "Hey, do you wanna do something? I miss you."
"Could we just go upstairs? It's been I while since I've just talked to you." I nod, of course, and we go into my room. I kick off my high heels and lay on the bed next to Prim, letting down my hair. "Katniss, can I ask you something? What's been going on? Ever since you won, you've been different. And I know, it's scary, but I mean more different then most people who have won are. You can tell me, you know. I'm good at keeping secrets."
That's when I realize how Prim was affected by this too. Just because she didn't have to fight to the death or sleep with countless rich Capitol men to keep her family alive, doesn't mean she isn't hurting. I feel selfish for not taking her feelings into account. If I had died in my Games, Prim wouldn't ever forgive herself. For a second, I contemplate telling her everything, but I hold myself back. "It's really complicated…" I say, looking at my feet. "And I can't tell you everything, because I don't want you to get in trouble. But just because my Games are over, it doesn't mean I'm free. Winning comes with a price. Obviously, I get nightmares, you know that. But in the Capitol, they think of me as a celebrity of some sort. They try to get into my buisness and make things up about me. They never leave me alone. But the worst part is having to mentor kids. Especially since they're my age. Knowing that someone didn't make it home. I couldn't have helped it, but I still feel responsible."
Prim, doesn't say anything, but just hugs me. After a moment she asks me, "What's that girl who died, Alyssa. You mentored her. What's she like?"
I liked Alyssa. We might have been friends in some other time where there isn't an annual fight to the death. "She was a really nice girl. She isn't flirty though, she's not like what you saw on television. I just feel really bad for her brother. The two of them only had each other."
Prim frowns, obviously saddened. I think the one thing that bothers my sister the most is people having it even worse than we did. "Like us for a while. You know, mother feels bad. For all those years when she was there but she really wasn't. It really wasn't her fault, and she really wants to mend things with you. Not that she really has a choice. She's scared of you."
"My own mother is scared of me?" I ask her, taken aback. I don't know how I expect my mother to feel about me, but scared wasn't one of the things I expected.
Prim nods slowly, as if she's unsure what to say, or if to even say anything at all. After a minute or so, Prim continues. "I'm not scared of you, you're my sister. But I see where she's coming from. You used to run away when mostly naked men would come in injured, and now you're dating a rich womanizing celebrity, who just so happens to be Finnick Odair, and flirting on the television. She's unsure of what you are. I mean, she's not good with big changes. And seeing you grow was going to happen. But she wasn't ready for it."
I laugh loudly. Out of all the things my mother could be worried about, she chooses my relationship with Finnick. "Don't worry about Finnick and I, alright? He has a reputation, but the things people say about him - what I used to say about him - they're not true at all. I know that mother doesn't think I should be dating him because there's a bit of an age difference, but we care about each other. And isn't that all that really matters in the end?" I trail off. Prim says nothing, but lays her head on my shoulder.
"You have no idea how much I missed you." Prim tells me, her voice barely above a whisper. I stand up, and hug her tightly.
I shake my head. "I do though. I know because I missed you just as much as you missed me, and more." She has no idea what I'd do - hell, what I've done to keep her alive. And I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it means that Prim is safe and nobody, especially President Snow, can get their hands on her. My mother calls me downstairs and Prim follows. There's somebody here to speak to me. I assume the worst an expect a peacekeeper or somebody important from the Capitol, maybe even President Snow himself. What I don't expect to see Johanna at the door.
She looks really… happy. That's the only way I can describe her. Johanna has this permanent smile on her face. It's strange seeing on someone who I've always thought of as pessimistic, sarcastic, and sarcastic. But if being here, in District 12 of all places, with Haymitch Abernathy makes her that happy, then who am I to judge? She's been through so much, and so has he. They keep each other sane. She walks right past me, and upstairs into my room. She plops down on my bed, and lays back. She is about to say something, but her phone rings. It's kind of weird, but Capitol people have phones that they can carry around to call people on-the-go. Another useless invention.
"Hello? Oh, hey… Yeah, it's nice here. A lot colder. I do miss the beach… yes you have to visit soon. I think you'll like it… Oh no. Really? I should have Katniss call him, that's not good…" I wonder who she's talking to, since she sounds so kind and gentle, unlike her usual self. "Yeah. Go eat some dinner. Tell Adrienne I say hi... I'll call you tomorrow…Hmmm. Bye." She hangs up the phone. "Annie." Johanna explains. "Finn isn't doing too well. Not that anyone blames him. People don't give him enough credit for keeping himself together for so long. Well mostly together."
"Mostly together?" I ask. I know that there's a lot I don't know, but there's a lot I'd like to know. Especially when it comes to Finnick.
"Wait until the Quell." Johanna ignores my question. "He's gonna love that. I can't even imagine how much it's gonna suck. Especially since they'll replay the footage from this year god-knows-how many times. What are they gonna do as the twist? All twelve year olds? 75 tributes? Increase the amount of slips by 75 percent?"
"I don't know." I shrug. I don't want to know. I'd like to curl up in a ball and live in a world with no Hunger Games and no Quarter Quells.
"Well I can promise you it'll be terrible." Johanna informs me, sarcastically. She sits up suddenly, as if getting an idea. "C'mon," she drags me into the bathroom, going through the drawers. She pulls out a pair of scissors. "I'm gonna chop all my hair off." Johanna's thick, dark brown hair was never long, went to her shoulders. But I don't say anything, and watch quietly as she skillfully cuts it so it hits her ears, her choppy bangs sweeping her cheekbones.
"That looks really nice." I tell Johanna. I really like it. "It suits you." I tell her, smiling. This is what normal girls do. Talking about hairstyles and boys. "So… you and Haymitch? I never would've expected it."
Johanna laughs. "Where have you been? We're practically the same people. Like you and Finn." Finnick. Shoot. I really should call him.
"I'm gonna see how he is. I'm not too good with the whole girlfriend thing." Johanna shrugs, oddly neutral.
"I should be going anyways. I'm trying to cook food tonight. Wish me luck." Johanna lets herself out. I hear her talking to someone male downstairs, and I assume it's Haymitch.
A few minutes later, Gale tentatively knocks on my door. "Can I come in?" He asks me. I nod. Gale sits down on the bed. "Hey. So, um what happens now?"
"I'm not sure. You lie low for a little, and then in a few months is the victory tour. After that…" I trail off. "I guess we wait and see. They finally announce the Quell. They've been working on the arena for over a year. It must be something crazy."
"What do you think the Quell is going to be this time around?" Gale ponders. "Maybe they'll have no sponsors, or no weapons."
I start to think… what could it be? We begin to create a list of possible ideas: two siblings, reaping a whole district, no sponsors, no alliances, all girls or all boys, a pre-set amount of time in the arena, or something terrifying like that. Alyssa mumbles one, and the idea terrifies me. What if there are no victors? I shake my head. "Why don't we talk about something else?" I suggest. This is in no way a good idea. "Wait though, I need to call someone. You can listen in." I pick up the phone and dial Finnick's number. Luckily, he picks up. I don't think I'd be able to talk to Finnick's dad, or Juliette. It's so nice to hear his voice. "Hey, it's me. How is everything?" I ask, worried. I don't know if I want to hear the answer. But I need to ask.
Finnick sighs. I can almost see him running his hand through his bronze hair. "It's terrible. I wasn't expecting to be good, but this is just crap. Juliette refuses to speak to me, my dad's just depressed, and Adrienne won't stop crying. I have to hold them together." He adds quietly, "and I don't know if I can." I don't interrupt as he tells me about the mess that is the Odair household. "The only person who I can really talk to here is Annie. And I'm too worried she'll break down…" I hear some screaming and a crash in the background on his side of the phone.. "...I gotta go. Talk to you soon?" I say goodbye, and hang up.
"Everything okay?" Gale asks me, looking concerned. I shrug.
"Yes. No. I think it's one of those things where we have to wait and see?" I laugh, realizing how indecisive I am. I see Prim in the doorway. "Hey there, little duck. What's going on?"
"Am I interrupting?" She asks politely. She's wearing one of the dresses I bought her, and her hair is braided like how I braid mine.
I shake my head. "Of course not, silly.
"Well, um can you help me with my math homework? I don't really get it."
"I could try. I never was that good at math." The only thing good about winning is that I don't have to go back to school.
"I could help. I got straight A's in math." Gale suggests. "And I was in school for longer than you."
Prim's face lights up. "That would be awesome."
"You two can work in here if you want. I was thinking of going out for a little." I say, putting on my jacket. It's starting to cool down a bit, to the point where you need a sweater and long pants. I decide to walk through the merchant part of town. I pick up some bandages and other supplies for my mother, some dried mint leaves made for tea for myself, and a few small bags of sweets for Prim and Gale. On my way back, I walk past the Mellark's bakery. Something makes me need to stop in. Peeta's two older brothers are working in the storefront, laughing about something, but immediately stop when I walk in. They must hate me. I would hate me too. "Can I get two dozen cheese buns?" I ask. They remind me of Peeta. But they are delicious. One of his brothers - I don't know their names- he hands me a small brown bag.
"That's ten dollars." I give him that, and a few gold coins. He looks at me quizzically, and pushes me back the change.
I shake my head. "You keep it." As I'm walking out I turn around. "And thank you." I pass by my reflection in a store window. I don't look any different from when I did, before my games. Despite the fact I have a little makeup and I finally gained some weight. But it's really nothing that noticeable. Yet, I feel different. I've changed. I'm not sure if I like the person I am. I'm shopping in the markets, instead of at the Hob. I care about clothes and hair. Going through the Games was obviously going to change me, and it did, but I would give anything to go back for a little and realize how nice life was before I had all of this pressure to deal with. I head home, and I hear soft laughter coming from the kitchen. My mother's in the kitchen, chopping up vegetables to put in a soup. She's on the phone with one of her merchant friends, and seems to be enjoying herself. It's been a while since I've seen her happy. She hangs up the phone, and says hi to me.
"Oh, you got bandages? Thank you. I was running low." She smiles at me, and then goes back to chopping. I'm about to walk upstairs to my room, but she stops me. "Come talk to me."
I sit down on one of the stools by the kitchen counter, dropping my bags on the chair next to me. "What's up?"
My mother puts the knife in the sink, and the vegetables in the large pot. She leans on the table counter, giving me her full attention. "Well, I know you're getting older. And a lot has happened this last year. And I know after you father died, I wasn't myself for a while, and I'm sorry for that. But I just want to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. I am your mother. You should be able to talk to me about anything and everything." I smile at her. Even her just saying that she's sorry makes everything so much better between us.
I would like to tell her things. But there's a lot I just can't. Yeah, I'd like to imagine this conversation: Hey mom, so I'm a prostitute. Against my will. And I can't do anything about it because if I do, you and Prim and everyone'll die. I reach into my bag, and hand my mom the cheese buns. "Some bread for the soup." I smile at her. "And don't worry. I will."
She puts the bag of cheese buns in one of the glass cabinets. "I'm glad to hear that. Now I know that you have a boyfriend. I still think you're a bit young to be dating, but you've been through a lot, and that's made you mature. I know Finnick's very handsome, but he's a lot older than you. Don't do anything if he's pressuring you or anything of that sorts."
"Oh god." I shake the idea of her knowing anything about our twisted sex life out of my head. "Mom!" I called her mom. I think I like that.
She smiles warmly. "Okay, because for a while he was quite the womanizer… If you decide to do anything, be safe. I don't want him to hurt you. Physically or emotionally."
The odds of that happening are less than the odds of Effie being reaped. I still feel the need to defend him. "He's more than his looks. And the way he acts in front of the cameras isn't how he is when you have a conversation with him. He's funny, and considerate, and is a really good listener. I really care about him."
My mother- no, my mom's lips curve upwards, as if she's laughing at some type of private joke. "Tell me. Are you friends with these mentors?"
"Some of them." Before my games, I didn't really have friends, with the exception of Gale and Madge. And now, I'm friends with a group of killers. We're all pretty strange, but it feels nice to say that I have a group of friends I can talk to, and they can talk to me. They know practically everything about me. It's a pleasant change. "Well, we're sort of a group, because we're all the younger mentors: there's Johanna Mason, you know her, and Haymitch usually sticks around because of her. Finnick, you know as well. Blight, he's Johanna's good friend. Then there's Cashmere and Gloss. They're siblings."
My mother's eyes widen. "Them? I mean they're all- well they're killers. I've watched their years. They all been brutal with no hesitations. Haymitch included. How do you feel safe around them?"
I try not to take offense. She doesn't really understand. Nobody does, until you've actually been in that arena. "Tell me I'm not just like them. The only difference is that my strategy was playing up the romance. By the time I got my hands on a bow and arrow, there really wasn't anyone left to hunt down and kill.
She shrugs. I can tell she doesn't want me to think that she agrees. It doesn't bother me at all. She's about to say something, but the phone rings. I didn't even think that we would need a phone, but it's been used almost all the time since we've gotten it. My mom picks it up, since she's right by the phone. "Hello? Yes, this is her mother... Oh, alright. I'll put her on." She puts the phone on her chest so whoever is on the line can't hear. "It was some girl. Babbling about needing to talk to Katniss, and then something about selling something. She sounded pretty anxious." I honestly don't know who it could be. I take the phone.
"Hello?"
"Katniss!" I hear the scream, and I know who it has to be. Annie.
"Annie?"
"Yeah. Oh goodness, I'm so glad I had the right number. Nobody is telling me what's going on, and that's really not nice of them. I wish I wasn't left out of these types of things. You know, I really am trust worthy-" she cuts herself off. "Sorry. Anyways, Adrienne says she needs to speak to you." I hear footsteps.
"Katniss?" Adrienne says.
"Yeah. I'm here. Adrienne? Is everything okay?" I ask her, worried.
"Not exactly." Her voice falters, and for a second, I'm worried she's going to cry. "F-Finnick. He-"
"What happened?"
"Well when he got home, everything was a mess. Obviously. But Juliette was screaming some terrible things at him. And then she said that he was two busy sleeping around in the Capitol with all of her friends and not taking care of his sister. And then Finnick punched a hole in a wall, walked upstairs, packed a bag and walked out. Nobody's seen him since."
"What do you mean? He just left?"
"He's been gone for four or five hours. I went to the dock, and he didn't get on a boat. Nobody knows where he is." I tell her I'll let her know if I find out anything, and wish her good luck. I hang up that phone so hard that the receiver shakes.
"Are you okay?" My mother asks.
I shake my head, no. "Finnick's gone."
A/N: How was that? Again, reviews = love. PM me if you have any questions. I can't answer them if you have PM off, or you're a guest/anon reviewer.