Trope Trasher 8

The High School. I hated it the first time why in the name of fuck would I want to relive it.

'Miss Shepard?'

'Like, yes Principal Tevos?' The redhead rolled her eyes at the administrators glare.

'This is the third time this week! Why must you and Mister Areterius constantly be at each other's throats?'

'I've told you a thousand times! He's like a massive prick!'

'Yes.' The PE Teacher Mister Sparatus interjected. 'We've looked into that. And we have denied that claim.'

'Like what! That's bullshit he's like totally about to unleash the Reapers…uh… I mean he's a big meany…Like?'

'You are dismissed Miss Shepard please avoid fighting with Mister Areterius from now on. And perhaps you should visit the school councillor over your fear of the biology class's pet shellfish.'

Joanna Shepard walked out of the Principals office with a glare that could ignite a solar system. She'd only been at Citadel High for a month and already she'd been in the Principals office three times because of Saren. She really hated that guy.

'Hey Shepard!'

Joanna turned around and smiled at Kaiden Alenko, her long time boy toy/gay best friend, she had like totally hit that gay or not.

'So Tevos's office? Again?'

'Like yeah, I mean it's like totally not fair! He's like worse than me and he is not stuck in her office!'

'Look lets go find Miri and Jack, see if Tali and Garrus are done "calibrating" or whatever.'

'Lead the way 'Lenko Baby!'

They found Jennifer Nought aka Jack at the Football field in her little cheerleader uniform, their team the Citadel High Cerberus's hadn't won a game in years, in fact most of the people who did attend the games only showed up because of Jack and what could only be described as her leather belt bikini.

'Hey Jackie Baby get over here so I can tap that sweet ass!' Shepard shouted to her other best friend.

'Fuck you, you fucking whore! You fucked my dismount!' growled the heavily tattooed cheerleader.

'Come-on bitch, we're like totally getting our orgy going on, we're looking for Miri, Tali and Garrus.'

'Orgy? Fuck Yeah baby, let's go!' the not so cheerleader laughed. 'Miri's probably sucking Jacobs cock or something; let's go check out the metal shop rooms.'

They did indeed find Miranda Lawson in the metal shop rooms, looking smoking hot in her white and black overalls; Jacob was of course nowhere to be seen, as I'm trying to stay below the boredom quota.

'Hey Miri! Push back!' chuckled Joanna as she ground her hips against the perkiest butt in the school.

'If you don't get off me right now Shepard I'm going to jettison you in to space, let you burn up on re-entry then spend the next two years painstakingly reconstructing you from meat and tubes only to kill you again. Am I clear?'

'Uh… Like… Ah…Yeah?'

Kaiden wide eyed and terrified looked at Jack who had an expression of mild shock and a great deal of arousal on her face. 'That was oddly specific…'

'Fuck… Am I the only one popping a Bonner right now?'

'We're looking for Garrus and Tali… wanna come?'

'Yes. Though one lewd comment and I'll shoot you… In the head... at close range… It will be messy.'

Shepard gulped. 'Yes ma'am.'

Garrus and Tali were found in the computer labs. And as usual they were "calibrating." Of course by "calibrating" I mean online gaming.

'Boom Headshot!'

'No Fair! Wall Hacks!'

'Fucking Trolls!'

Joanna rolled her eyes. 'Like guys?'

'Do I have to Keelah bitch?'

'This is my claw hammer!'

'ROFL Motherfucker!'

'Guys!'

'NUBE TOOBED!'

'Quick Scoped.'

'Man the Harpoon's!'

'Fuck yeah! 25 kill streak! Drop the Nuke!'

'I can dance all day, I can dance all day.'

'Come at me, bro! Come on!'

'GUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!'

Tali and Garrus turned away from their screens with jaws dropped as their red headed and now equally red faced friend finally drew their attention.

'Hey Shep… How you doing…?'

'Let's just… go… I'm hungry.'

They headed out to the Diner, their usual hangout.

'Met the new girl?'

'Me?'

'No… the other new girl.'

'Liara T'Soni.'

'Sounds nerdy.'

'Rich girl, spoiled, brainy but only because she likes to rub it in people's faces.'

'Got pic's?'

'Yup.'

'Does she put out?'

'Don't know.'

'I'm like totally hitting that.'

I'd completely forgotten about these Trope's until I saw them in a review. Well spotted good sir.

Strangely enough these are actually kind of fun, being able to see characters out of their original context, kind of like Kingdom Hearts, with its Final Fantasy and Disney characters in familiar but not so familiar locals. Unfortunately nowhere near as good.

Why a school?

Who has fond enough memories of school that they wish to relive it?

Why these things are always packed with smut, I don't know. I know teenagers are a horny bunch but despite popular belief they are not oversexed fiends.

It's actually the repetitiveness that always gets me, Cheerleader Miranda, Goth/Emo/Bad Girl Jack, Nerdy Tali/Liara, Generic Villains as School Yard Bullies and a bunch of other stereotyped characters.

Miranda is referred to as a cheerleader because she's hot and advocates Cerberus. This seems to be the only thing people remember. She brought someone back from the dead! Why the hell would she be a brainless cheerleader? I can see Miranda as the hot, untouchable, genius, leader amongst students, not as a cheerleader.

Goth is a dress sense, Emo are overly emotional, and Bad Girls were rule breakers. Jack dresses skimpy but other than the leather nothing screams Goth. Jack is angsty but Emo? No, if anything I'd worry she'd harm someone else not herself, she's far more of a Punk. Jack is definitely a Bad Girl, so that's not that much of a stretch.

There's a bunch of other stereotypes I could list but you get the point.

All I ask is you change it up a little, is that too much to ask?

The Gamers Garrus and Tali thing just seemed to flow.

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Still taking requests.

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Found Tali's actual age via the reviews, and I apologise for my mistake, but I'd still like to the remind the readers that despite her being 22 in ME1 she is still considered underage in the eyes of her people. In some places a child is considered an adult when they become fertile, as early as 11, in other place a child remains a child until they are 21, some scientists argue that a human is not fully matured until they are 25. The question becomes do you consider Tali an adult or a child, and factoring in ME1 Tali is written as under-aged, it's really up to opinion.

I'd like to address a complaint that seems to repeat itself.

It's probably some troll considering it's always a guest reviewer that's bringing it up.

GET OVER THE TRANNY THING ALREADY! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!

This is the last time that that will be addressed all future reviews along those lines will be ignored.