A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I've been studying for this big test.
"Did you have fun earlier this morning?" Prim asks. Shit. She must have heard. As if she can read my mind, Prim responds, "I heard the thumping and your moans. I don't want to know you that well. Don't act all surprised that I know what you two were doing. You look exhausted. Why don't you try actually sleeping?" I roll my eyes, and walk into the kitchen. Why is the fact that we have sex so frowned upon? It's common knowledge. Anyone would be stupid to not have sex with Finnick Odair if they could. And I'm dating him. But not just for his looks. I genuinely like him. I've never felt that way about anyone before. It's a different and unknown feeling, being in love. But it's not unwelcome. Our relationship is so much more than physical. We really understand each other, and what the other is going through.
I boil some water and heat up some mint tea. I need to calm my mind. I feel panicky. The palms of my hands are sweaty. I remember why. At two o'clock is Alyssa's funeral. When the body is in good condition, it's sent home in a casket. We only really have one makeshift graveyard in District 12. I decide to put on a plain, dull, pale green dress. I braid my hair down my back, and don't put on makeup. I put my father's brown hunting jacket and tell Finnick where I'm going. While implying that he shouldn't come. Gale decides to join me as well. We have to walk past school to get to the cemetery, if that's what you could even call it. It hurts to walk past the school and see the kids playing in the yard. I could end up being the mentor to any of them.
I'm honestly surprised at the turnout. I recognize her brother and parents from the interview, as well as Peeta's family. Apparently they were neighbors to Alyssa. Out of everyone, I'm most surprised to see Haymitch, and his flask, have made an appearance. I try hard to ignore the loud whispers and cold, hard stares as Gale and I make my way through the crowd. The Seam woman who runs the graveyard - what a terrible job - talks about Alyssa, her life, how much courage she had and how much she'll be missed by all. Then she asks everyone who isn't a close friend or family member to make way so we can say our final goodbyes. Most of the crowd parts, and we all form a line: Alyssa's brother goes first. He looks peaceful, calm. As if he's alright with his sister's fate. I can't bear to watch. By the time it's Gale's turn, I feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing. All eyes are on him.
He stands next to Alyssa's lifeless body and squeezes her pale hand. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. All of this. You shouldn't have died. You should have gone home, not me. You have so much to live for… I wish I could have saved you." The full impact of everything hits me, and my knees buckle in. Haymitch has to come drag me up, and away from the crowd. He sits me down at a bench, and tries to calm me down. It won't work. I am inconsolable.
The next few months fly by in a blur. I divide my time between teaching Rory how to hunt on the weekends, sleeping with Capitol men and Finnick, and trying to just get by. I don't even know it's the victory tour, until Finnick wakes me up. "I gotta go next door. The press will be here in half an hour. They think we're broken up." He kisses me lightly and treads across the the thin coat of snow between the houses. I barely manage to get myself dressed when Effie's busted through the doors, with Portia and the prep team following behind.
"Hello, Katniss." Effie embraces me, and kisses me on the cheek - the common Capitol greeting. Portia hugs me, and the prep team squeals. "Everyone get to their places. We're on a schedule people!" I do my own makeup and hair, and pack my two bags to the brim with makeup, shoes, dresses, and too much clothes. I say goodbye to my mother and Prim. My mother gives me a list of some Capitol remedies she wants me to pick up, and Prim asks me to bring her a new dress. I wrap my jacket tightly around my torso, and go next door to where Haymitch and Johanna live. Gale is being made over. Which is still a lot of work even though he's a boy. Haymitch is actually awake and somewhat together. The best thing about Johanna is that she doesn't put up with any type of crap, so she always keeps him in check and makes sure he's not a total drunken slob all of the time. Johanna, Haymitch, Finnick and I are escorted into the side of the train. We watch Gale's entrance from there.
In less than an hour he's been transformed. The bags under his eyes from losing sleep are long gone, his facial hair is gone, and his smooth and almost shiny. His messy brown hair is more styled than mine. Gale puts on a huge smile for the camera, and carefully walks to the train, conveniently feet away. We're on the way to make the other district rip open their scabs, and feel the pain of the loss of their tributes. It's cruel, but it was the Capitol's idea, so it's hardly a shock. Gale finally exhales as soon as he's in the lounge car with the other mentors and I. "Geez. I hate the press."
Finn and I laugh hysterically. "Tell me about it." he sighs, putting his arm around me. I lean into his arms. I never know when the next time we'll be able to be close again is, so I try to savor every moment of it. Effie comes into the car, and we instantly separate. She looks at him and mutters something about being impolite.
"My prep team wouldn't shut up about your 'cheating scandal'." Gale says to Finnick and I, using air quotes. "It's been the center of celebrity news for so long. They say it's good you're broken up so that way you two can play the field or something like that. It's such bullshit. Why do they even care?" Johanna and Haymitch burst out laughing. "What!?" Gale asks defensively.
"You are like the male Johanna. It's crazy." Haymitch explains.
"That's a good thing. I think." Gale muses. "Wait, so I have a question. About mentoring and what not-"
"Yes, you should fuck Cashmere and get over it." Johanna rolls her eyes. Gale's face turns dark red with embarrassment. Finn laughs. Haymitch just looks amused. "What? It's all common knowledge. You want her. She wants you. We can all be known as the 'fucked-up mentors with older boy-and-girlfriends'."
"All we need is somebody for Gloss and Blight…" I point out, jokingly.
Gale sits down on the couch on the other side of me. He leans back, exhaling. "So what do you do for fun? And what am I supposed to do all day?"
"We drink." Haymitch deadpans. Johanna nods in agreement.
Now for the rest of what Gale asked. That's a real mentoring question. And one I can answer. "When your not selling your body? Well, victors are supposed to pick up a talent. Since we don't have to go to school or work in our district's industry. Mine is singing." Singing was an easy choice for me - I know how to sing already, so it doesn't require any more work. There was a long list to choose from.
"I did poetry." Finnick adds. I raise an eyebrow at him, amused. I wasn't expecting that. He feels the need to defend himself, knowing that there's no way I believe him. "Seriously!"
"What do you think you'll do?" I ask Gale. He just shrugs.
Gake does well on her victory tour. She makes her apology speech in 7. He killed a tribute from there. We don't stay as long in 7 as Johanna would have liked. We do get to see Blight, so that's nice. I really enjoy his company. He's funny but quiet. Johanna gets off the train in 7 - she's pretty homesick. I don't look forward to reaching District 4. But it happens quickly enough. I wear bold black eyeliner and an aqua dress that matches the color of the sea. Gale makes a touching speech about how Dahlia was a true friend, and while their alliance was short, it was very meaningful, and that he's terribly sorry for the district's loss. That night, Haymitch, Finnick, Gale and I decide to go to Annie's house for dinner. She squeals when she sees Finn, and hugs him, crying. She asks if the rumors are true about him, and he says no. She hugs me next, and then Haymitch. Annie turns to Gale and introduces herself. "I'm Annie. I won four years ago. I'm twenty-one." She hugs an uncomfortable Gale. I know that hr's heard the stories of 'Annie Cresta the mad girl'. I just hope that he doesn't believe them.
Annie made a meal with Adrienne and Finnick's dad. They both look so happy to see him, it hurts my heart a little. My mother and Prim care about me, but seeing how close the Odair family is, we pale in comparison. Dinner goes nicely. And everyone is kind and forgiving to Gale. I can tell he really appreciates it. He must have been dreading this more than I have. Halfway throughout the evening, Juliette comes busting in. She comes up to me, and pulls me by the front of my dress. She's not that strong, but I stand up regardless. "Your cousin killed my daughter, and you broke my son's heart. What is your problem? Are you jealous of me or something?" Well she cuts straight to the point. But jealous? Only Capitol citizens would think that way. I don't have time to respond though, because Finnick interjects.
"I'm not your son." Finn says, his words cold and full of hatred. The temperature of the room drops. I suddenly wish I had a jacket to wear. "And she didn't break my heart. We were having a nice dinner before you interrupted. I was the one who ruined things between us. It would be… smart of you to leave before we get really angry. This table has four killers, and we're holding the knives here." Finnick scares me, even though his threats are just that. He wouldn't actually hurt her… or would he? I avert my gaze, looking down.
"You are an Odair. You disgrace this family's name by dating that girl… she's from district twelve! I could get you a lovely Capitol girlfriend. They're lovely and polite." Juliette says. I clench my fists under the table.
"I've had plenty of those." Finnick mutters. I swallow hard. I meet Haymitch's eyes. He's half-drunk, but sobers up instantly and Finnick's comment. It would be funny, under other circumstances. I look over at Annie. She's brought her knees to her chest, and has her hands over her ears. I've only seen her do that once before. It's kind of scary, watching someone so happy and energetic just go into a different world. I put my hand on her shoulder supportively.
Annie manages to calm down, and snap out of it by herself. She glares at Juliette. "Please leave. You're not welcome here." The words are cold, but she says it with such a kind tone, nobody could ever be mad at her. Gale looks down. I can tell he feels out of place. This is a pretty awkward situation I did too, last year. Juliette is so stunned (and overdramatic about being offended) that she just turns on her heel, and slams the door behind her.
"I'm sorry you had to be a part of that. She knows how to hit me where it hurts." Finnick apologizes for Juliette, his words sincere. Having bad parents is almost as bad as having no parents at all. I reach my hand out to squeeze his supportively, but I quickly bring it back to my side. I suddenly realize we have to go along with being broken up. To protect ourselves, and our loved ones, we have to lie to their faces. It must be harder for Finn. Instead of just telling half-truths, he has to blatantly lie to his sister, father and Annie. I need to make it as easy as possible for him.
"It's fine." I give him a small, polite smile. I change the subject. "This fish is delicious." I tell Annie.
"Don't look at me- Adrienne made it. It really is fantastic." Annie says, smiling at me.
Adrienne shrugs modestly. She answers nonchalantly, "Oh it really was nothing. I've been cooking fish since forever." The rest of dinner goes well, though the room seems colder since Juliette showed up. After dinner, I take some of the plates and bring them to the kitchen to help clean up. Adrienne pulls me aside, saying it's her dad's turn to do dishes. She sits me down in the deserted study. While do all talks happen in offices? "Look. After Finn's games, he was a different person. Being in the Hunger Games will obviously change a person- that's a no-brainer. The first few months were terrible - he'd get nightmares, and would just seem tired all the time. Not as in sleepy, but as in sick. Of life. Then, he seemed more alive. He went to Capitol parties and was seen with rich women. After Annie was reaped, everything went downhill. He was a dead man walking - he still did things, but didn't take interest in anything. The hardest thing for him was getting out of bed in the morning. Then, you came along. After your games, he seemed like himself again. Finn seemed happy. And then this whole cheating scandal. I think I hate him more for that than you do. But just know, Finn's a good guy. He just has been through too much."
I want to hug her, or at the least tell her the rumors are made up. But I can't. "I know. No matter what happens- and what has already happened - Finn's my good friend, and I plan to keep it that way. But after that, I'm just not ready to date anyone. Especially him." She hugs me, and I realize I've never felt that bad about lying. Until now. I suck it up, and in a few minutes, Effie rushes to the door, her gold hair out of place, and cheeks flushed from what I assume was running. Haymitch, Finn, Gale and I are rushed onto the train, and towards three. Without a second thought, I make my way to the bar car. "A shot of vodka. Please." I tell the Capitol attendant, letting down my hair from the tight bun it was in.
"Make that two." I hear someone say behind me. It's Gale. I shake my head disapprovingly. "What?" He asks.
"Don't down a shot. This is your first time drinking. I turn to the attendant, who was too preoccupied watching us bicker that she didn't make any drinks. "Can we get two cranberry with vodkas instead?" She nods, and pours them effortlessly. I pass Gale his cup tentatively. "You've been through a lot of shit - and that's just the beginning. Don't overdo it." Gale nods, and takes a sip. He almost spits it out.
"That's disgusting! You guys drink this crap?" Gale looks at me, astonished.
I laugh, and shake my head, smiling. "Nobody likes the taste of alcohol. You drink it because it gets you drunk. That's called vodka. It's Johanna's favorite."
"That makes sense." He agrees jokingly. "I doubt she would drink something like. What does Haymitch drink?"
"The better question is what doesn't Haymitch drink?" I point out. We both laugh.
Two or three drinks later, I feel hands wrap around my waist. "Hey there, ex girlfriend." Finnick whispers in my ear. I giggle, and turn around to kiss him. Gale fakes a gagging noise.
"Aren't you two broken up?" Gale asks, sounding confrontational. He raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms.
"Aren't you her cousin?" Finnick retorts instantaneously.
"No. I'm not." Gale answers. I sit down on a chair.
"Well we're still together. Katniss is my girlfriend. Look," Finnick sighs and runs a hand through his bronze hair. "I don't have anything against you. We're all on the same team here. I know, I know, you have feelings for Katniss. We all know. She knows. But she is with me. Keep your hands to yourself." Finnick sounds different. He sounds defensive.
"Is that a threat?" Gale asks pointedly. He's pushing it.
Before Finnick answers, I intercept. "Guys. Stop it. Please. Gale, I know how you feel, but you're my 'cousin' in the eyes of the media. If we were together, we wouldn't even be able to hold hands in public. I know how you feel about Finn, but I really care about him. If you really cared about me, you wouldn't mess this up." I turn to Finn, "Can you two try to get along?" Finnick sticks his hand out, and Gale shakes it with his.
"What are you two drinking?" Finn asks, sitting next to me. The only thing I can control in my life is my relationships with others, to some extent. It would mean so much if Gale and Finn could at least be civil around each other.
District Three is alright, but District Two is terrible. Gale killed Marcus, and I killed Cato, and got Clove killed. The mayor is polite and hospitable, but I can tell the crowd hates us behind their cheers. They chant Gale's name, but I feel the tension in the air. I feel bad for Cato and Marcus' parents. They stand on the side of the stage. The mother has long blonde hair and is holding a toddler girl who's crying. Their father just looks down, with his hands in the pockets of his pants. I stay out of sight while Gale's on stage. The dinner at the mayor's house is ridiculous. There's at least two hundred people there, and press from the Capitol. I wear a floor length silver dress, and Gale and Haymitch both wear suits. I get interviewed by a Capitol reporter, who won't stop asking me about Finnick. Finally, I snap. "We broke up! I don't wanna talk about it anymore." I storm off into the bathroom. It probably looks good for the press, but that's not my motivation. I'm just tired of answering the same questions over and over. Haymitch passes out drunk, and we have to leave early to get him on the train. Not that I mind.
I'm excited to get to District One. They're the nicest to other victors, and I get to see Cashmere and Gloss. I try to find Finnick's car, but Effie sees me about to knock on the door. "Really Katniss?" I shoot her a look, asking what? She brings me into the lounge car and sits me down. "You deserve so much better than Finnick Odair. You're a celebrity! All of Panem loves you, and you're so pretty you could any guy you wanted. Don't choose him. He'll just leave you when the next one comes around." Effie tells me. I thank her for her advice, and ignore it, slipping into Finnick's room once Effie was out of view.
"Hey," Finn smiles at me, kissing me. "I hated not sitting next to you at dinner."
"Me too." I say, talking off my clothes. He raises an eyebrow and me, and grins. "What? I don't wanna sleep in that."
"You know you just wanted me to see you mostly naked." Finn winks at me. We both laugh. He tickles my side and I shriek, covering my mouth. Gale and Haymitch come running in.
"Is everything okay, I heard a scream-" Gale cuts himself off mid-sentence when he sees I'm only in my underclothes, and Finnick is shirtless. "Oh. Um… this is awkward."
"Hey Finnick." Haymitch grins. He must have sobered up, and he seems awake. "Remember that time when you and Jo-"
"Okay. Bye Haymitch." Finnick glares at him, but he's not mad at him. "Where were we?" He asks me, turning to kiss me. I grab a fistful of his soft hair by the back of his neck. I think I hear Gale make a gagging noise.
I pull away from Finn, frowning. "Gale?" I ask him. Why is he still here?
"Katniss. You shouldn't have sex with him." Gale tells me, eerily calm. I laugh loudly.
"You know I'm a prostitute right? And he's my boyfriend."
"He's 25 years old." Gale crosses his arms.
"24, actually." Finn says. He hands me one of his shirts, and I throw it on. "Jeez, what is your problem?"
"You are." Gale says pointedly. "I don't like you." I groan. Not this. Again.
"Gale. We're going." I tell him, and then turn to Finnick. "Come by in ten minutes?" I kiss him quickly and drag Gale out of there. Once we're in the hallway, I cross my arms, and glare at him. He's at least a foot taller than me, so I can't really be intimidating, but I try. "What the hell?"
"Katniss. Sex should matter. With your situation, a lot of people don't really count it. You should wait to have it with someone you really care about." Gale says, sounding overly condescending.
"A little too late." I sneer. I realize how mean I sound, and I soften my expression a bit. "Ever since I've won, you've been so weird to me. One minute you're calling me a slut and want nothing to do with me, and the next you're being overly protective for no reason. What is going on with you? You're so hot-and-cold. I can't deal with you."
Gale leans on the wall. He sighs, opening up. "Look, ever since your Games, when I saw you with that boy Peeta, I just… It was always you and me, and as soon as you were reaped, it wasn't. I thought it was always gonna be us. And you didn't choose me. Ever."
I shake my head. "I'm no good for you. Gale, just find someone who's right for you. I know you hate Career districts, but Cashmere is really sweet. You two have a lot in common, and I saw how you looked at her. You're my best friend, and you always will be. But that's all we're going to be." I kiss him on the cheek. "Let go, Gale."
Gale nods solemnly, and then laughs. Its one of those manic laughs that really is scary. "You used to make fun of him with me. We used to deface him on those magazines. And now you're sleeping with him. It's not that you're no good for me, it's that I deserve so much better than you. You're a bad person, Katniss."
I hear him storm off and slam the door. I sit down on the bottom of the wall, stretching my legs out. I hold back a sob, but my voice wavers when I quietly agree with him. "I am."
A/N: Did you like it? Ask me any questions you have c:
Reviews = love!
Don't forget to check out the prequel to Secrets. It's called Trident, and it's from Finn's POV.