Her grip on my pinky finger didn't loosen by any measure. She looked me dead in the eyes with that indescribable stare as I could imagine the wheels turning in her brain. Her un-plucked eyebrows raised a minute amount.
"For real?" she almost sounded impressed. "I wouldn't have thought you'd have it in you." Her face broke out into an inappropriate grin. Well, inappropriate for the situation. I supposed I would have been glad to see that grin anywhere. Something inside me relaxed, but my stomach was still in knots.
"I was a little nuts," I muttered sheepishly, causing her to laugh. This girl never ceased to blow me flat on my back with amazement. Did nothing faze her?
"A little?" she snorted. "What possessed you to do that? How did you...? Tell me everything."
Violet was far too excited about my horror story. I still wasn't convinced I even wanted to tell her anything else. She knew I was crazy already, but the details would just emphasise my mental instability. I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat and began to speak. "I wish I could tell you I was bullied or something," I began, folding my hands in front of me nervously. "But the truth is, I didn't get into any trouble with anyone at school. I just blended in – I was quiet; I liked to read... I spent most of my time in the library. That's probably why people were so shocked that it was me." I felt myself becoming immersed in my own flashback, the din of the diner fading away until all I could hear was my own storytelling.
"I hated high school so much. The people there were... Ridiculous. I couldn't believe that people could be so terrible and live with themselves. Equally, I pitied the good people, the pure souls. They didn't deserve to have to face those shitheads every day. They needed to get away, to a better place, away from the piss and the shit and the vomit..." I was completely gone – sucked back into my former life. I couldn't even see Violet anymore; I'd closed my eyes so tightly that all I could see were the kaleidoscope patterns behind my eyelids. "I'd dreamt about doing it. I'd told my therapist about it. I'd planned it so meticulously you wouldn't even believe it. Then I just woke up one day and I knew. I knew that it had to happen that day. I showered, got dressed and did all my usual morning routine. No one suspected a thing. I strode right in to school and shot the first people I saw. After those first gunshots, I heard the entire school in uproar. I could practically smell the fear permeate the air. It was liberating! I'd never had so much control! So much power!" I knew I was talking loudly now; I imagined people beginning to stare. My palms were sweating with excitement and adrenaline at the recollections.
"I went to the library and they'd barricaded the door from the inside. There was another entrance, so I made my way there, letting my footsteps echo through the halls. They knew I was coming for them. I turned the handle but someone was behind the door, trying to stop me from getting in. I paused for a minute before shooting three bullets through the door. I got inside and I couldn't see anybody, but I knew they were there. I could feel the terror and tension that was radiating off their very bodies. I killed them all off, one by one. One of the jocks climbed out from under a table and tried to stop me. I acknowledged the gall he had, confronting a psychopath with a gun," I took a breath, remembering his face right before I pulled the gun on him. "I shot him right between the eyes. The last one pissed herself out of fear. I mean, she literally pissed. I think that just spurred me on, because I flipped the table over that she was hiding under and shot her."
"Jesus fucking Christ, what did those people ever do to you?" Violet finally spoke, not even bothering to disguise the disgust in her voice. My eyes focused back in on the present as I was startled by her words. Wasn't it obvious?
"Nothing! That's just it! I barely knew them. They seemed like nice people." She frowned and widened her eyes, shifting as though she were going to slide out of the booth. I put my hand on the table to stop her. "No, Violet, please. Don't you see? I was trying to save them from their shitty lives and that shitty school and this shitty world. I killed the people I liked so that they could go somewhere better and wouldn't have to suffer." I looked at her so intensely, hoping she could see the sense that I saw. Her eyes were blank.
"What I can't believe," she began slowly. "Is that you can even justify yourself. You think you saved those people? What about their families, Tate? Their friends? By taking their lives for 'the greater good'," she emphasised the phrase by making sarcastic quotation marks with her hands. "You ruined a hell of a lot more lives. Christ, Tate..." Violet placed the palm of her hand against her forehead in exasperation. I'd never looked at it that way before and suddenly I began feeling ashamed. I looked down at the table. "So, what, did you shoot yourself after that?"
"I went home and the police busted my house. I was just sat on my bed waiting for them. There I was, hands up, about half a dozen guns pointed at my chest in case I made a wrong move. I could have complied and gone to jail, but why would I go to the trouble of freeing all those people of rotting on this earth just to rot myself? Before they even knew what was happening, I grabbed my gun from under my jacket and shot myself in the chest. As soon as they spotted my gun, they started shooting at me too, but I'd already done the damage. They just caused a few extra scars and made more mess."
My mouth was dry from talking so much as well as the anxiety that paralysed my body. I knew Violet wouldn't ever talk to me again after this and I'd be forced to spend the rest of eternity on my own. I knew I probably deserved it; I deserved worse. I heard her sigh heavily and looked up at her through my lashes. She looked disappointed rather than angry but I wasn't sure which was worse.
"What are you thinking?" I half-whispered, scared of the response.
"I'm still digesting that interesting story," she replied, running her fingers through her dark blonde hair. "On the subject of digesting, I'm starving." She smiled a little, picking up the laminated menu card from the holder and pretending to read it. There was still tightness in her eyes – I couldn't decide if it was fear, anger, disappointment... Maybe a mixture of all of them. I was determined to prove to her that I was a person worth knowing. I couldn't stand to see her go now. I had lived one crappy life and died a crappy death; I didn't want to have to spend eternity paying for it, although I deserved to.
Whoops, disappeared for longer than expected. Sorry this chapter sucks dog buns, but you know when you have the perfect ending for a story and you just can't wait to get to the climax? Lol I'm trying to pace myself.