Oh my god. I can't form any words; I'm speechless. There's no word to explain the mixed emotions I feel. Am I happy? I don't think so. But I feel almost anxious. "I don't know anything for sure yet." I backpedal a little, trying to assure Gale and Haymitch. In all honesty, I'm probably just trying assure myself. "Food poisoning from lunch. I ate that fish, and nobody else did. That's what it is, until I say so. And nobody tells Finnick, except for me. Got it?" Gale nods and Haymitch doesn't say anything at all. I wonder what he's thinking.
Effie and the stylist looked concerned when we reappear at the table. "Katniss, are you alright? I heard you throwing up." Effie looks genuinely concerned for my well-being. I feel bad for thinking she really doesn't care.
"I think it was that fish I had at lunch." I lie smoothly. "Looking back it did taste a little off. I'm fine, don't worry." Gale gives me a nervous look, but I'm not worried about Effie not buying it. She's not the suspicious type. Cinna raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't say anything. "What's for dessert?" I ask, trying to take the conversation away from me. It's easy enough to do. We order chocolate covered strawberries, and little fruit-shaped marzipan pastries. They're delicious, and I eat half of the strawberries on the platter. They're a lot bigger than the wild ones Gale and I would sometimes find at home.
After dinner, I excuse myself and go back to my room. I dig through everything in the bathroom, and try to find a pregnancy test. I've only seen one in my life, when a young woman came to my mother a few years back complaining of symptoms that are common in a pregnancy. I can't find it. As if he reads my mind, Gale comes in holding a pink box. He gives me a small reassuring smile, and hands it to me. "I thought you might want this. Do you want me to stay?" I say nothing, but nod at him and open it. I have to pee on a stick for it to work. I make Gale get out while I do that, and then I have to wait. "How long?" Gale asks me.
"Five minutes." I sigh. I sit on the floor of the bathroom, and lean my head on Gale's shoulder. "I don't know what I want to see. I mean, I can't be a mother. I just – no. And even if I am, I'm probably gonna die in the arena anyways. And if I get home, my mother will kill me. Besides, if I make it home, it'll be without Finnick, the twins, Jo, or you. Or any of them, for that matter."
"You and Haymitch can raise it together." Gale suggests jokingly. He means to cheer me up, but I don't feel better at all. I do, however crack a smile. Gale looks serious for a minute. "Honestly, I don't think you are. You would be at four months, right? And you don't look pregnant. Besides, you've been drinking. A lot." Back in District 12, we don't have the best medical knowledge by a long shot, but one thing that we do know for sure – hell, that everyone knows, is that drinking and pregnancy doesn't mix. The babies come out with birth defects, they call it. They're sickly and barely make it past the age of two or three. I wouldn't wish that on any child, or any parents for that matter. The test dings like a kitchen timer, signaling that my results are ready. I begin to breathe heavily in anticipation. Gale puts his hand on my shoulder to calm me down. "Just look at it." He glances at the result on stick, his expression unchanged, and hands it to me. I don't look at it.
I pick up the white stick face-down, and snap it in half on my knee. I throw the two pieces down the toilet and flush it, with a sense of termination in the action. "I can't be at my best if I think there's a child in my stomach. If I win, I'll worry about it." I never wanted kids. Chances are, they'll get reaped too. "We're telling Haymitch it came out negative. Besides I think I would've felt it by now if I was pregnant." Gale says nothing, but shakes his head at me. He doesn't think I did the right thing. I made my decision. Besides, if I decide I want to know, I'll just ask him.
"You're not pregnant, Katniss." Gale tells me, sighing. "This was a lesson. Don't be stupid again." Gale shakes his head and helps me up, giving me a hug. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. We walk out of my room, and Haymitch is waiting for us. He takes a swig of his liquor, and extends his arm, offering to me. Silently asking if I'm pregnant or not. I smile and take a small sip. Haymitch smiles and pats my back. "She's negative." Gale mumbles, so only the two of us can hear.
"Let's go downstairs already?" I suggest. Haymitch fills up his bottle up, and declines. I shrug, and reapply my mascara. I push four and get in the elevator with tGale. When we get there, Johanna is there but the twins aren't. Mags isn't there either, apparently she went to six to see a few of her friends as well. Two people come over to greet us with Finnick – a forty year-old man who smiles at me like he knows me, and he has his arm around a dark-haired woman who does not look like she's from 4.
The man runs his hands through his perfectly styled hair. "So we finally meet. I'm Grant. We've talked on the phone before. This is my wife Natalie." I recognize them both from their games. They're maybe five or even ten years younger than Haymitch. I see Gale walk over to the bar and get something to drink. He sits down on the couch next to Haymitch and Jo.
Natalie breaks away from her husband and walks over to me, kissing my cheek. "It's great to meet you, Katniss. This one," she points to Finnick, "wouldn't shut up about you. He's the most annoying neighbor I've ever had." She yawns. "Don't have kids. Ever. Your sleep schedule gets so messed up." Gale chokes on his drink, and Johanna trains her heavily lined brown eyes on me.
Johanna cuts in. "Sorry to take her away for a second, but I really need to ask Katniss about Cinna's styles. You said you'd be here half an hour ago." We both know I didn't, but it doesn't matter. She drags me into a large walk-in closet, and gently pushes me against a rack of cashmere sweaters. "Katniss, are you fucking pregnant?" I look at her quizzically. She groans. "Don't play dumb. Your cousin over there almost gave himself a heart attack when Natalie mentioned kids, and he'd be the first person you told if you were knocked up. Oh jeez. Is it even Finn's?"
"Whoa whoa whoa." I put my hands up defensively. "I'm not pregnant. Look it's a really long story. But basically I realized I hadn't gotten my period in a few months, and I'm nauseous. But I took a test and I'm not pregnant. It would be his. One time we didn't use protection by accident, a few months ago. But I'm not."
Johanna tries to fix her disheveled spiky hair. "Good. Cause you've been drinking almost as much as Haymitch." As we walk back out she says loudly, "Cinna's just uh-mazing with velvet." Nobody seems to have missed us that much. Natalie and Gale are chatting with Finnick, and Grant and Cashmee are laughing at some old joke. Johanna laughs when the ding of the elevator doors open. "The party's here you guys," She deadpans.
Gloss and Cashmere step off the elevator, a large ice bucket in their hands. Cashmere says hello, and then slides on the couch, sitting next to Gale. He smiles at her and gives her a quick kiss. Haymitch rolls his eyes. On the other hand, Gloss is a lot more dramatic. "Holy shit. Everyone, look! The couple that can't keep their hands off each other are feet away from Finnick's room, yet they're not even looking at each other." Everyone laughs. Gloss hugs me. "I missed you, crazy girl."
I smile, and sit in between Cashmere and Finnick. I feel so mediocre and plain sitting around them. Cashmere isn't trying at all – her hair is in a messy bun and she only has a little bit of brown eyeshadow on. Yet, she's beautiful. And Finnick, he's the most wanted man in the world. And I'm just plain old Katniss Everdeen, with my dull brown hair and grey Seam eyes. Stop it, I tell myself. If Finnick Odair loves you, you can't look that bad. I lean back on the grey couch. It's too stiff, and it feels like it needs to be worn in. Like my couch in the Victor's Village. "So, you guys." I get everyone's attention. "What are we gonna do tonight?" I ask. It was suggested that we stay in, but that just seems too boring.
"Well we all know who Finn's gonna do." Gloss interjects. I groan, and chuck a nearby pillow at him. "What? It's true." He puts his hands up in defense.
"Morphling. We could get some from the sixth floor." Johanna snarks. From what I've heard, she's not a huge fan of the older victors, especially the ones from District 6, 9, and 10. That's an extreme understatement. She hates them. I'm not really sure why, and I'd be dumb to ask. I just accept it at face value. Personally, I feel bad for the morphling addicts from District 6. That district in particular has a problem with morphling. The morphlings are skin-and-bones thin, with saggy yellow skin and eyes that seem too large for their face. It gives me a sick sense of hope that at least, they'll be easy to kill. I feel terrible for even thinking that.
"Screw this." Cashmere sighs, flicking her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. "We're going to a club, and we're gonna get drunk as fuck." I have a feeling she does this a lot. Cashmere and Peeta probably would've gotten along very well: they're both beautiful and have always had a circle of friends surrounding them. I shake my head. My days of sitting alone at lunch (or with Madge when she joined me) are far behind me. I'm Katniss Everdeen: the girl on fire, who's beautiful and desirable, and dating the most wanted man in Panem. Nobody moves, and we all just stare at her quizzically "Lets go people! Get dressed, and meet us on one in half an hour." I turn to head for the elevator with Gale, but I'm stopped. "Katniss, Jo, come with me." Cashmere brings both of us downstairs to the first floor. She opens up the door to her enormous closet, and I stare in awe. She seems to read my mind. "Take anything you want. Except for this." She pulls out a short, tight neon pink dress, and holds it up to her perfect body. "I'm wearing this one."
I thank her, and decide to find something that's me. I settle on a knee-length blue dress, but it's baggy and not something that Capitol Katniss would wear. Great. I throw it back in the closet, and take something else out. It's a short teal dress (that's still longer than Cashmere's) that hugs my body. It's a halter top that covers me mostly in the front, with only a thin sliver of cleavage visible. In the back, it's totally backless, and the back starts at my butt. It's perfect. Johanna's wearing a tight black dress, and isn't changing. But, she borrows a pair of Cashmere's shoes. I put on nude high heeled pumps and use liquid liner on my eyes that matches the color of my dress. I use pale pink lip gloss, but I don't look little-girlish at all. Johanna drops her shoe on the floor when she sees me. "Holy shit. Finn's really lucky, you know that?" We walk out of Cashmere's room, and the chatter stops. Gloss, Gale and Finn are all staring.
Gloss raises a glass of something (whiskey?) and smiles. "To Johanna's singleness, and our getting fucked up. Now let's get out of here." We all cheer, and Johanna laughs sarcastically and cracks a smile. I shoot her a look, and she shakes her head, not now. Apparently her and Haymitch broke up, and this is the first I'm hearing of it. That's probably why Haymitch didn't come down with us. We all get into a five seater. Johanna sits up front with the driver, and the rest of us squish into the back. I sit on Finnick's lap, and Cashmere on Gale's. Gloss is in the middle of us. "Don't give him a lap dance." Gloss laughs. I grind my hips on his lap, and Finnick groans in annoyance. I turn around and give him a peck, which turns into a full-on make out session until the car stops short and I almost fly out of the front of the car, but Finnick has his tanned arms around my waist.
"Let's try not to die until you get in the arena. Then, anything goes." Johanna laughs, even though it's not that funny. Finn's arms tighten around me. I laugh too. Everyone's laughing, except the driver, who's focuses intently on the road. "God, we're all really fucked up, aren't we?"
"You think?" Finnick laughs. "I never would've guessed. But Gale isn't that screwed up." He smiles a little. It's true. And he's never had to mentor. I did it once and it was a terrible, stressful, nightmare-inducing, mess. We get to the club a few minutes later, and everyone piles out, thanking the driver. It's not even nine yet, and most people won't show up for at least an hour. There's loud music you can here from all the way outside. We form a weird formation as we all walk in, with me walking in the middle with my hand in Finnick's. The Capitol photographers and tabloid writers see us, and they snap photos; the flash from their cameras is blinding. I notice a lot of them focus on Finn and I. "You know, you look amazing." Finnick tells me, murmuring in me ear seductively. He turns to everyone. "Lets get a few drinks first?"
Johanna gets a shot of vodka, the guys all get some type of whiskey, and Cashmere and I get cranberry juice with vodka. It's sweet and it burns less than drinking alcohol straight from the bottle. We wait at the bar for a little, and then head to the dance floor. The club is playing some song that sounds almost mechanical, or the music is created on a computer. I don't any instrument could recreate the sound. I dance like everyone in the Capitol does: grinding on Finn. It's kind of uncomfortably sexual, so I stop. It seems too public, too inappropriate. I see Johanna doing the same thing on some guy, and Gloss receiving the dance from a purple-haired woman who's eyelashes stick out half a foot. I smile at Finnick, and kiss him. I've never been a fan of PDA, but it's about what they want to see. They, meaning the Capitol. I stopped caring about what Snow wanted about four months ago, when his puffy lips read out my fate on a yellowing card that was supposedly written down two weeks ago. Supposedly.
"Are you alright?" Finnick whispers in my ear, sounding slightly concerned. I smile and nod, hopefully convincing. It's not that anythings wrong, but that nothing ever seems to be right. I just wanna forget about my whole life, and have some fun. A slower pop love song comes on, and I turn around, putting my arms around his neck. We slow dance, and we never break eye contact for the four minutes that the song plays. The world melts away, and I just stare at Finn. The only good that's come of anything recently is having Finnick, and getting out of poverty. My mind floats to Prim and my mother. I might never see them again. Rory will be there for Prim, and they'll take care of Rory and Posy if needed. Haymitch will be there for Hazelle and my mother. They're gone, I need to move on.
"Let's get another drink." I suggest. We walk over to the bar, and Finn orders some drink for both of us that I've never seen. It's good, and I feel tipsy. The alcohol makes me less inhibited. I've spent most of my waking hours drunk, not that I really mind. That's a bad thing, but my days are probably numbered. They play some upbeat song, and the whole room seems to shake. Cashmere comes up out of nowhere, and drags me away from Finnick. I shoot him an apologetic look. "You must really like this song." I tell her, commenting on Cashmere's enthusiasm. She's dancing with everyone, and has quickly formed a small circle with Jo and a few other girls. They look Capitol, but seem to be friendly with victors.
"Understatement of the year." She smiles at me, laughing a little. Cashmere seems so much older than me, but is only two years older. She won the 68th games when she was 13, so that makes her twenty. She sticks out her perfectly manicured hand, and grabs mine. "Dance with me!" Cashmere's face softens a little when she sees my expression, and she drops her voice to just audible. "It'll be fun. But are you alright? What's up?" I shake my head and dance with her. None of them seem to not understand how I'm not excited to be a tribute again. Which is weird since none of them seem the slightest bit worried about the Games, about having to kill their friends. I do dance with her for a little, but I'm not really in the mood. I walk over to the bar and order a soda with rum, and sit next to a slightly intoxicated Gale.
"You don't seem very excited to be here." I smile at him, taking a sip of my drink. Gale looks at me like I'm a moron, and shakes his head, finishing his drink and slamming the cup on the table.
"Well, nobody is." Gale rolls his eyes, acting like Johanna. He sighs, and turns to me. "We're the youngest. While that could be good, it also means that we're targets. Catnip, don't you get it? The others: Chaff, Mags, even your boyfriend Finnick – have known each other for years. They've known you for less than a year, and me for a few days. We'd be the easiest to be killed." I frown. I meant he didn't seem happy to be at the club.
I muss up Gale's hair a little. "I don't know what I want. I don't think I want to win, but I don't wanna die. Regardless, I just wanna have fun. You should too. We can spend our time here enjoying our last days, or dreading them. And there's nothing wrong with the former." I finish my drink, saving Gale the last sip. "Let's go start some drama."
I pull Gale onto the dance floor, against his will. We find a wasted Johanna, who's all over everyone. She hugs Gale and starts grinding on him, to Cashmere's dismay. Gloss is with Finnick talking to some Capitol women. They both come over when I motion to them. Gloss tears Cashmere off Jo. "I think it's time to go." Gloss decides. Nobody argues, and we head out back to the training center.
When we get into the lobby, it's still early. The clock reads a little after ten. We all go back up to 4, except Johanna, who's deposited in her room by two unhappy-looking Capitol attendants. Grant and Natalie are playing cards with a somewhat sobered up Haymitch, and they seem happy to see us. Grant mutters to Finnick something about nuts and volts, and a meeting. Finnick shrugs. I think of how Finnick didn't let Grant volunteer for him. Was it because Grant has a family, or because Finn didn't want to seem weak, or maybe something different entirely? I don't really know.
We all chat for a while, and then slowly, we all retire to our rooms. Cashmere seems tired, and the only person she says goodbye to is me. She gives me a small hug, brushes her lips across my cheek, and tells me, "Make sure to look around during training, I'll be the one with the knives." Gloss goes with her and bear-hugs me. Unlike his sister, he says goodbye to everyone else. I've never really understood Cashmere and Gloss' dynamic. Gloss is a few years older than Cashmere, but she seems to control him without even trying.
Haymitch is inebriated and laying on the couch, grumbling about something that we're smart enough to tune out. I sigh, and realize I need to take care of my mentor. I embrace Finnick, and give him a peck on his soft lips. "Come upstairs later? I really need to tuck this one in." I say goodbye to Grant and Natalie, and Gale and I manage to get Haymitch upstairs. Between the two of us, he's not that heavy to carry. Effie seems appalled when she sees his state, but says nothing. A male avox helps us get Haymitch into bed, and then I just sit in the living room with Effie, Gale and the stylists.
After a moment, Effie starts a conversation. "Katniss, how's Finnick? Well, I mean we only see a little bit of him on the television every once in a while. Is he like that in real life?"
"No, he's a jerk." Gale sneers. I throw a pillow at him.
I stare at Gale, somewhat disgusted at his choice of words. "Do you have a death wish? You may be my best friend, but I happen to be dating someone with a body count of twelve. Yours is what, one?" I turn to Effie and the stylists. "No, he's not a jerk. He's really sweet, and he gets me." I could go on forever about how amazing Finnick is. I'm drunk, but I'm not watching what I say. For Gale's benefit, I throw in, "and he's just great in bed."
"That's cause he's a slut." Gale retorts. I laugh, and roll my eyes.
"Because you know everything about him." I sigh. I thought Finnick and Gale were getting along. Finnick seems to like him, or at least not have a problem with him. Gale, on the other hand, has a hatred for Finnick that seems almost irrational. Haymitch says it's because he likes me, but I think it's more than that. I don't know what though.
"Do you?" Gale points out. He takes my silence as a no, and he's completely right. "Exactly."
I groan in frustration. "I'm going to bed. I have training in the morning. Yes Effie, I'll be up by nine for the ten o'clock start." I'm about to turn and stumble into my bed, when I see that Finnick's shown up, and is casually leaning against the frame of the doorway into the living room. "Finn. Hallelujah. Gale was just explaining his unnecessary hatred of you because you're hotter. I'll be in my room." Finnick just runs his hand through his hair, and stares at Gale for a minute. If looks could kill.
He turns to Effie and the stylists, greeting them charmingly. He compliments Cinna and Portia on their amazing designs, and tells Effie her hair is beautiful. He takes off his shirt as he walks into my room. I know he's showing off to rub it in Gale's face. I think it's funny. He throws his shirt at me, and I put it on. He takes off everything but his boxers, and lies in bed with me. He stares at me for a while. "You're beautiful." He tells me, and kisses me softly. My hands get tangled in his hair.
"Hey, Finn?" I ask him. "I don't even want to have sex tonight, or do some lovemaking or whatever corny phrase they use. Can we just lay here, with you holding me?" Finnick strokes my cheek, and holds me tightly in his strong arms. I feel safe. He pushes my long hair off my shoulder, and trails light kisses from the nape of my neck to my shoulder blades.
"I love you, girl on fire." He tells me. "I want to spend all of my time left with you." His time left. That means he doesn't think he's going to get out of the arena. I shake my head, and crane my neck to kiss him goodnight. Before I drift off into sleep, a question crosses my mind. If nobody is planning to make it out of the arena alive, then who will?
A/N: Did you like it? All questions/comments/constructive criticism is appreciated! As always, feel free to PM me any questions you have.
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