I meant to get this out yesterday, oh well. We're moving along people!

Thanks for the reviews, Madmad237 (I do too sometimes. :P), LizziePixie-Aiko, Sarah Liz B, , JulesDragonlady, and weasleytwinslover87! You guys are awesome!

I won't be publishing another today, but I'll be back sometime tomorrow. :D

If you like pizza, I think you should submit a review please. :]

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS, EXCEPT FOR ANY CHARACTERS YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE. JK ROWLING IS JESUS!

CHAPTER 44

January...

Sadness.

February...

Emptiness.

March...

Depression.

April...

Depression.

May...

Depression.

A year I had expected to be so great, surrounded by people I had cared about had turned into a nightmare within just four months. That was all it took...four months to ruin a year, four months to set the tone between everyone.

Four months to wipe out an entire family.

The silence between the spaces was deafening, within the school and with my parents. I wrote to them, as I always did throughout the school year but the letters weren't long. Neither of us had anything to say to each other, my mother of course was the stronger of the three of us. She was the rock that was keeping my father and I from floating off of the ground as we were being drained of the happiness that had always kept us tethered there.

Seeing friends of Hans and Petro around the school was just a reoccurring reminder of everything. They were always so kind and had taken to walking alongside me in the halls from time to time if Karl, Sven, or any of my other friends weren't around.

Igor Karkaroff had been scarce, I did not know if it were because he was punished for the damage he had caused me or if he were frightened of me. I like to think a little of both.

I was so hollow for the rest of the year, but I was astonished how Karl and my friends hadn't given up on me. I wasn't capable of feeling much joy during those months, but I was so grateful for them, and I reminded them of that often.

I didn't allow myself much free time after Christmas, any time that I had that wasn't spent on homework or studies was spent in the dance studio, or practicing cello. I had to keep myself busy.

I tried...I really did...

I was becoming a professional when it came to faking it. Hisoka had wanted me to master that art from the moment she met me, she had always told me it would help me in my professional career. Suffering through depression was the perfect time to master that skill, but she never commented much on it in those months...the liar knows a liar quite well. She never directly called me out on it, but Severus did. He seemed to be my only friend that noticed my ruse easily, the others were thoroughly convinced that I was fine until June.

The term ended on the third Friday in June, and though the trees were blooming and the weather was warm for what seemed to be the first time in ages, yet I still felt as cold as I did in January.

The end of the year feast was bigger than usual, it was not only an ending celebration, but a send off for the other schools that lasted well into the early hours of the morning.

The common room was absolute chaos, everyone was packing, Gryffindors and guests alike. It seemed that everyone had taken to packing at the last minute because of the long celebration the previous evening.

Shouts of "Have you seen my Quidditch robes?" or "Do you have my shoes?" and other things along those lines we heard all around. The exchanges of addresses and tearful goodbyes too.

Durmstrang was set to leave at ten that morning, Beauxbatons at eleven, and finally the students of Hogwarts would be heading to Hogsmeade to the Hogwarts Express at noon.

The Durmstrang students by far were the quickest to pack and get their ship loaded, there was a swarm of people outside, saying their good byes, exchanging a laugh.

"I'll be back." Audrey said to her friends, she began to weave her way through the crowd. She wanted to find Sven and Karl.

"Is she alright?" Sirius asked, looking at his friends.

"She's seemed fine these last few months, she was just laughing the other day." said Lily, biting her lip.

"Maybe she's upset because Sven and Karl are leaving." suggested James.

"That's probably it." said Sarah.

Audrey found Sven first, there were no words between the two, and though it had been nearly six months to the day, the tears were still fresh. The stood there hugging for a long time.

"You take care of yourself. Promise me." He said, blinking back some tears.

"I'll try." She gave a nervous laugh. "Don't go doing anything dumb at night without Afansi."

"Of course, mum." He replied slyly, Audrey laughed again, hugging him.

It was the worst sort of feeling, tears and laughter. We were trying to hold onto all of the good memories we had. We were trying to grow up and be brave, the world we knew was gone, shattered by the harsh reality of our society. I would not see Sven again. I had no reason to return to St. Petersburg, there was too much pain.

Sven held her at arms length, looking at her. He knew what she was about to do, he could just tell.

"You should go find him..." He said, looking at her. She nodded, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

It didn't take Audrey long to find him, he was standing in the outdoor hallway, looking out onto the lake and talking with Severus. As soon as they saw her, Severus shook Karl's hand, bidding him a few words and a farewell and left.

"Hey." Karl gave her a small smile.

"Hi." She said, sitting next to him. He put her head on his shoulder and she smiled for a moment.

"I need to talk to you..." She sighed, as they stared out at the lake.

"I'm listening." He replied, stroking her hair.

"I don't know how to even begin..." Audrey gave a nervous laugh. Karl knew what was coming, he had a feeling it would happen. Her face was obstructed by her hair but he could feel how sad and nervous she was.

"Karl...I..." Audrey paused, she opened her mouth to talk again but was at a loss for words.

"I'm not quite right, since Christmas...and I can't keep you tethered to me while I'm in such a state of...I don't even know what to call it. I'm beyond miserable, scared, and confused more than ever. I don't want you to be stuck with me and get infected by it when you could be so much happier. You deserve to be happy. And I don't want to be the person that stands in the way of that."

Karl was about to speak, Audrey could feel his chest slightly lift as he took a breath. She held up a hand, she wanted to finish.

"I love you. I seriously do, I knew it from the first time I saw you at your grandfather's shop nearly five years ago. I can't put it in any other form of words to express the feelings that I have for you and the large place you hold in my heart. But when you love someone that much, you want them to be happy. Last summer, I was fine with the prospect of being in a long distance relationship because I knew I would head home from school then get on the first train to St. Petersburg and see you. Everything changed this year...everything. I don't think I'll ever return to Russia, it'll hurt too much...and what is the point of being in a relationship with someone who you can't see? Someone who is miserable and disconnected...You deserve better-"

Audrey let in a shaky breath, Karl didn't say anything but turned and pulled her into his chest, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Audrey, I hardly think I deserve any better than you. You're brilliant. But I understand, trust me, I do. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're going through a rough time, and it saddens me greatly." Karl whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, looking up at him.

"Don't be, Igor will be though..." He hissed, still angry. He then softened and said. "I understand that you may not come back to St. Petersburg...but I do hope that I see you someday. I'll miss you terribly...and I'll always love you."

They hugged for a while, and then he stood up.

"I'll be back, I just want to go say goodbye to the Brits." He winked at her, she gave him a tiny laugh and stood, leaning against a pillar. Severus had shown up at her side, giving her a one armed hug.

Karl made his way through the crowd, he hadn't told Audrey the full truth. He had already said goodbye to them, but there was one he needed to see.

"Sirius." Karl said, approaching him. "I need to talk to you...alone."

"Alright." Sirius replied, cocking an eyebrow as the two made their way through the crowd to a secluded spot.

"Is everything okay with you and Audrey?" Sirius asked, not entirely sure why Karl had wanted to speak with him.

"Audrey's not alright, something I figured but she's been hard to read these last few months." Karl began, Sirius nodded in agreement, Audrey seemed to be recovering but sometimes he wasn't completely sure. Whenever he would tell any of the others what they thought they would shoot him down instantly. They would say things like 'Sirius, I think you're just over protective.' or 'She's laughing and smiling...hardly seems depressed to me.'

"She's pretty depressed, and we broke it off..."

I tried not to look so happy about this, it'd be rude. It'd be even more disrespectful of me to be happy about Audrey being down.

"Why?" Sirius asked, alarmed.

"It would be too complicated, she may never return to Russia again and the chances of us seeing each other are incredibly slim now. She wants to sort herself out, and I know she's going to be making her professional debut in six months. She'll be busy and she'll have a new life, and maybe that's what she needs after all of this." Karl stared out at the lake for a moment.

I had to agree with him on that, she needed a fresh start.

Sirius nodded.

"But really, what I came over for is this...I know you're in love with her. And she's free now, I wouldn't be surprised if you pounced on that opportunity. You are a loyal friend to her, and I think she doesn't completely see that because you joke around too much. You have my full approval...but should I ever hear that you hurt her..." Karl gave him an uncharacteristically dark look.

For once, I was a little frightened of Karl Gregorovitch. He meant it, he genuinely meant it.

Sirius gave him a quick nod. "...How?"

"I can see it when you look at her." He shrugged, looking over to the outside hallway where Severus and Audrey sat. He turned back to Sirius, extending his hand. "Take good care of her?"

"Always." Sirius replied, shaking his hand. Karl made his way back through the crowd to find Sven and go over to Audrey and Severus.

After all was said and done, the tears and the goodbyes, the Hogwarts students began making their way to Hogsmeade to the train station.

James let out a great sigh of relief when they had found a compartment, he dramatically plopped down onto the cushy seats.

"Thank Merlin!"

"You are such a drama queen, James." Marlene shook her head, sitting next to Audrey and Lily.

"And you're a man, Marly." James retorted. Marlene had gotten up and began to smack him.

"Ow...ow...ow...OW! MARRRRRLLLYY."

Everyone laughed, Audrey gave them a watery smile.

"Marlene, keep hitting him, Audrey's smiling." Sirius grinned, receiving a smack on the arm from James.

"Don't encourage her!"
"I'll encourage her all I want, mate."

"REEEEMUS! DO SOMETHING!" James begged.
"Sorry, James. But you called my girlfriend a man." Remus tutted, laughing.

Audrey stared out the window for a bit, listening to her friends bicker, Marlene hitting James, and James whining about it. She had to smile a bit, they always gave her some weird form of hope even when everything else was so dark.