Another long chapter, I may write a bit tomorrow but publishing is questionable with Hurricane Irene. However, I live inland, so I'm only in a Tropical Storm warning. If I have any readers on the East Coast, STAY SAFE!

Thanks for the reviews, thewrittenword87, marycaity, and kankananime123! :D

You know, after this chapter…I better get me some reviews. ;]

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS, EXCEPT FOR ANY CHARACTERS YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE. JK ROWLING IS JESUS!

CHAPTER 52

"At the temple, there is a poem called Loss carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it."

- Memoirs of a Geisha

I hadn't any performances or gigs during the month of December, Hisoka wanted to give me a rest and as always, she was planning something. Once December began, everyone in the school wore the same dazed expression. A sign that the Christmas holidays were around the corner.

"Sirius? Hello?" Audrey waved her hand in front of his face.

"What? Oh, sorry…" Sirius said, snapping out of his trance. "What are we supposed to add?"

"Beetle eyes." Audrey cringed, Sirius laughed.

"You're such a girl."

"Shut up and put the eyes in." Audrey replied, stirring their cauldron. Sirius obliged.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke.

"So, what are you doing for the holidays?"

It was a rather sensitive topic of course, I knew I was stepping on pixie egg shells. But I was genuinely curious, as were the rest of our friends…

"I'm going home." Audrey replied calmly, adding some caterpillar into the cauldron. "Why?"

"I was just wondering…" Sirius replied.

"What are you doing for the holidays?" Audrey asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Henry and Elly invited me to stay with them and James, quite lovely." Sirius grinned, Audrey gave a small laugh.

"Typical of them." Audrey smiled. Sirius nodded. Out of nowhere, a paper bird came flying to their table. Sirius opened it discreetly so that Professor Slughorn wouldn't see.

New Year's Eve Party
My house.
Be there.
-JP

Sirius and Audrey both looked to their left where James sat with Marlene. Sirius nodded giving him a thumbs up, Audrey nodded as well exchanging a look with Marlene which told her she was attending as well. James grinned.

I cannot fully explain Christmas to you, it was a holiday usually filled with much joy for my family but this was entirely different. We ate dinner together, my mother and I that is…my father sat with us, but refused to eat. When we asked why he told us so that he could understand the hollowness that he felt…
That was the only time he spoke, otherwise he remained in silence for the duration of the holiday. His eyes appeared to be stuck in a perpetual state of black, his face was void but his eyes said it all. When he wasn't spending his time with us, he was playing the cello that was now his…I cannot say if that helped him feel full once more or drained him further. It took a rather peculiar toll on me to see him in such great sadness, my father was always so thrilled for the holidays. He loved to decorate the house…

My mother took on that responsibility herself, though the house was only half decorated. When I asked her why she told me that she did not wish to remind my father of this holiday more than he already was.

"Your father, he doesn't forgive himself. I don't know if he ever will…" Airleas said, looking out the window at the snow. Isaac was upstairs tuning his cello.

"Why mother?" Audrey asked, blinking tears from her eyes.

"Last year, we celebrated the holidays as we always do, with the additions of David, Charlotte, Deirdre and Robert. We were celebrating late into the evening, drinking, laughing…and then we received the owl from Albus." Airleas shivered for a moment. "After that night, your father said he would never forgive himself for enjoying himself while his family was being slaughtered at home."

"But Papa wasn't aware at the time…" Audrey's voice broke.

"He says that is inexcusable for him…I can see what he means, but I do not think he should let himself fester with the guilt that does not belong to him." Airleas replied.

We exchanged gifts. My mother was the only one that remained optimistic, I did not know what I was feeling or how to feel. As a child, I had never experienced my father in such a state. This was a new shattering reality.

Omi, Audrey's owl flew into her bedroom that evening carrying an envelope with a familiar scrawl.

Audrey's lip trembled when she saw who it was from.

Audrey,

I sit here in my grandfather's home tonight only thinking of my lost friends with great sadness. The heaviness increases when I think of you and your family…I cannot even come close to fathoming how you may feel this Christmas. My grandfather, he feels the same way too, he just won't say it…he avoids the subject all together. It's snowing so heavily here that it's hard to see anything, but before dusk Sven, Afanasi, and I met in the palace square and made our way over to St. Aleksander's. The amount of flowers and wreaths there is incredible, and we added our own additions. Perhaps we didn't know this because we were all away, but the news was widespread across Russia…of course only those of us inside know the truth. It angered many people here, they've become brave tongued. In Gosha's café, while I was waiting to pick up dinner for the evening, it was so crowded, and everyone began to murmur about "The St. Aleksander's Massacre." I thought my heart was going to explode…and I don't mean to upset you with all of this. What I really must tell you is that there are whispers and murmurs around the country…the Ministry and the press try to mute them, but they are becoming more frequent as the months go by. Anger, riots…the people are beginning to fight back. Afanasi sees more of it than Sven and I do, these men and women post anonymous fliers and murals around the city.

There were two photos enclosed with the letter, Karl wrote on the back of one. "Afanasi took these."

The first photo, was a massive riot in the palace square, all that could be seen was people moving in the photo, jets of light, and fire…

The second photo, was a wall I knew well…it was a high wall that Sven and I used to sit on nearly every day. On one side of the wall was a painting of a blue and white palace I knew well…in a circle around the palace were nine heads. Nine heads that made my heart flutter and my throat constrict. On the top of the circle, above the palace, were depictions of my grandparents and my great uncle, on each side going around the circle were my aunts, uncle, and cousins.

"помнить святой Александр…борьба!"

Remember Saint Aleksander's…fight.

That has been the mantra, remember and fight.

Audrey, they did not die in vain…these people have been defending their memory. Complete strangers! Sven misses you terribly he just won't admit it, Afanasi and my grandfather send their love.

Words cannot describe how I feel right now, I miss you so much. As always, I am thinking of you.

I don't expect to hear from you right away, but I needed you to know all of that.

Love,

Karl

P.S. When you see Sirius Black again, do remind him of our conversation last year.

Audrey tucked the letter and the photos back into the envelope, curled under her covers and cried for the first time in months it seemed. She had been holding it in as long as she could.

I packed up my things once more on the thirty first and flooed to the Potter residence early in the afternoon…I needed to get out of my house. My mother insisted that it wasn't good for me to be there while my father was in such a low state, and I was sent off early.

Audrey hadn't had the best landing out of the fireplace and tumbled into James' kitchen.

"RUSSIA!" James yelled, picking her up off the ground and crushing her into a hug. Audrey had to laugh, she was so happy to see James.

"Hello James." Audrey grinned. "Where are the others?"

"Peter is the only one here so far, other than Sirius and myself. Marlene and Sarah are coming together in a few hours, Remus is coming in an hour or so, and I haven't the slightest idea when Evans is coming." James looked slightly sad at the mention of Lily, he was like a lovesick puppy.

"I'm sure she'll come around the same time that Sarah and Marly come." Audrey supplied, knowing how James felt about Lily.

"Come into the den." James said, dragging her trunk with him. "I'll bring this upstairs."

"No, James, you don't have to. Really, I can take it up there myself." Audrey insisted.

"Oh bloody hell, Russia. Let a guy be chivalrous for once!" said a smooth voice.

Audrey turned to see a smirking Sirius Black.

"Hello to you too, Black." Audrey replied, narrowing her eyes. Sirius reciprocated the glare, after a few seconds they broke off into laughter.

"Well, Sirius, why don't you carry Audrey's trunk?" Peter shot a mischievous look at Sirius.

He covered himself smoothly and replied. "Well, Peter, our dear James is already halfway up the stairs."

"Thanks, Mate." grunted James. "Love you too."

Sirius blew him a kiss, James gagged.

"If only Marly were here…" Audrey sighed, smirking as she put her hands behind her head and learned back onto the sofa.

"We don't need Marly here hitting us all, Audrey." Peter groaned.

"She's the violent side, I'm the…"

"Other violent side?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, then high fived Peter.

"I suppose." Audrey replied, cocking her head slightly and letting her teeth turn into sharp points, her face began to change to blue green scales. She wore a grin that showed her teeth off well.

Peter screamed and jumped behind the couch.

I knew what she was up to…she was pulling the little gimmick she did on Halloween a year ago, and I wasn't going to lose.

Sirius stared Audrey down, her eyes were changing colors rapidly. Peter was still cowering behind the couch.

Audrey folded her arms, her expression not changing. She was quite amused that Sirius was standing his ground.

"You know." Sirius said, not taking his eyes off of her. "I do believe that you are the literal expression of an angry witch. The one about angry witches turning into monsters, you're a very beautiful monster though."

…have I ever mentioned that Sirius Black will hit on anything that isn't male?

Audrey made as though she were about to blow him a kiss, but instead a stream of fire came out. She giggled.

James came barreling down the stairs, and Audrey let her face and her teeth turn back to their normal state.

"What's going on down here? …Why do I smell fire?…Peter, why are you behind the couch?"

Peter pointed at Audrey, who turned and smiled at James.

"I was just showing Peter some of my finer tricks, James. Nothing to worry about."
"She's got a rather fiery persona." Sirius chimed in.

For a while, they all sat there, talking about the holidays. Audrey didn't say much, she just listened and zoned out for a while.

"Hey Russia, we have to show you something." said James, grinning.

"What?" Audrey asked.

"You need to come upstairs to see it." said Sirius, also grinning.

"I don't trust you, Sirius." Audrey said flatly

"Audrey, we have to show it to you upstairs." said Peter, a tinge of urgency in his voice.

"Russia, I promise as long as I'm up there you won't get raped by Sirius." James said jokingly, that had been a thing for years.

"Okay, James. Because you know I am completely defenseless against the big bad wolf over there." Audrey said swooning and taking James arm.

Peter and Sirius laughed at the wolf joke and James grinned leading Audrey up the stairs. The other two followed.

"James…it'd probably be best to do it in the attic." Sirius said quietly, making sure no one else was around.

'Good call." replied James, opening the attic hatch in the hallway. A tiny step ladder came down and he went first, Audrey went second, Sirius was right behind Audrey much to her dismay, and Peter brought up the rear.

"Why the attic?" Audrey asked, as Peter shut the hatch and James undid the curtains on the windows.

"Because no one will hear you scream when I rape you." Sirius said in a monotonous voice, incredibly sarcastic. Audrey smacked him.

"You deserved that one, mate." James chuckled. "All together then?"

The other two nodded.

"One."
"Two."
"Three!"

Before my very eyes, I watched my friends transform…

"Oh my Merlin!" Audrey covered her mouth with her hand. Peter was a small rat, Sirius was a jet black dog, and James was a brilliant stag. Audrey crouched down, picked up Peter, and cooed. "Aww, Peter, you're by far the cutest!"

The rat squeaked excitedly, which sounded a lot like laughter. One of it's little paws pointed at Sirius as if to say "Ha!"

The black dog went up to Audrey and nudged his head against her leg a few times, whining. The stag behind it let out a snort and dragged the dog back with one of it's antlers.

Audrey put Peter back down on the ground and said "Alright you lot, I'm feeling lonely…transform back."

They obliged, and the three boys sat in front of her once more.

"So…you're illegal?" Audrey said in a low voice. They nodded. "Might I ask why?"

"Well, my dear Russia." began Sirius, who got up and began to pace for a moment. "We wanted to do something for Moony."

"It's his Christmas present from us. " said James.

"To keep him company when he transforms?" Audrey asked.

"Precisely." Sirius smiled.

"Aw, that's sweet of you three. I'm sure he'll like it…but what if someone finds out?" Audrey bit her lip.

"Which is why we're only telling you, and Remus." said James, giving her a look that said 'Please keep it quiet.'

Audrey made a zipper motion across her lips and nodded.

There were three loud thuds and an ow! That came from the kitchen. The four rushed downstairs.

Audrey was the first down there and nearly tackled Marlene to the ground in a hug. She then went for Sarah, then Lily.

"Hi!" Sarah said, hugging back.

There were only three people that I had told about my holidays, Sarah, Marlene, and Lily. Chantal and Teagan were both away with their families for the holidays and I refused to bog Severus with my problems. He hated going home for the holidays, he only went so his mother wouldn't be alone with his father…

"Audrey couldn't take it with us anymore, so she's obviously thrilled that you're here." Sirius said, Audrey shot him a look.

"Well we are the life of the party." Sarah said. "Of course she's glad we're here." said Lily, crossing her arms.

"And we're quite attractive." Marlene grinned, giving Remus a peck.

"And we need to talk about girl things…so yeah." Sarah said, grabbing Marlene's hand and Audrey's hand, Audrey grabbed Lily's hand and Sarah dragged them upstairs.

"Be good lads and bring our stuff up?" Marlene called, grinning.

"Only because I love you." Remus replied, taking Marlene's trunk with ease. Sirius and Peter took Sarah's. James took Lily's, Audrey was sure she could hear Sirius muttering something about him being a showoff.

The girls shut themselves into Audrey's guestroom at the end of the hallway, and Audrey began telling them about Christmas, her father, and Karl's letter.

"Words cannot describe how I feel right now, I miss you so much. As always I am thinking of you?" Marlene said, putting down Karl's letter. "Why the bloody hell did you dump him? He's perfect for you!"

Audrey had her head in her hands.

"That's not the point, Marly." Lily said calmly. "Plus, we all know Audrey's feelings have shifted to Captain Stupid down the hall." Lily jerked her head towards the window.

"Maybe you can whip some sense into him." suggested Sarah.

The girls all looked at her, she hadn't realized what she just said. When she figured it out she covered her mouth and the girls laughed.

"On the topic of Karl, I didn't just dump him because I didn't love him." Audrey said pointedly. "I still love him very much, I just was so depressed last summer…I wasn't returning to St. Petersburg, I don't think I ever will return. I can't do a long distance relationship like that and Karl deserves someone who isn't depressed every damn second."

There was a small silence, everyone agreed it was best to change the subject.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the hallway, in Sirius' guest room the boys sat together.

"I hate it when they have girl talk." Remus groaned, hitting his head on Sirius' headboard.

"Why because you can't make out with McKinnon?" James smirked.

"Yes. That's exactly why." Remus replied calmly, knowing it would make James excited if he gave him a more snaky reaction.

"You are the hardest person to piss off, Moony." Sirius said, tutting.

Remus grinned and shrugged. "I go crazy when I'm a wolf, and that's about it."

Later on, Frank, Maksim, Alice arrived.

The rest of the day, into the night was filled with laughter, butterbeer, good food, and randomness.

11:50 pm.

"What're you lunatics doing?" Sirius cocked his head at Marlene and Audrey. Audrey was on the ground and Marlene was standing helping her stretch her leg.

"Stretching." said Audrey.

"For what?" asked Remus, amused.

"Yeah that looks a little too sexual for my liking." Sirius smirked, Remus mirrored his smirk.

Audrey and Marlene shot Sarah a look, Sarah got up from the couch she was on with a pillow and began hitting Sirius. She then stopped, and hit Remus only twice.

"OI! You turned Puffer against us?" Sirius was incredulous. "And how come Moony only got hit twice?"

"Because Remus is mature." said Sarah, plopping back down on the couch. Audrey and Marlene switched places, still stretching.

"So why are you stretching again?" asked James.

"New Year's lap." said Marlene, as if it were obvious. Everyone else looked confused with the exception of Sarah.

"I guess it's a dancer thing." Audrey shrugged. "Teagan says every dancer does it at her school, and Chantal does it too."

"And people in our studio know about it." said Sarah.

"And the girls from my camp." said Marlene.

"So you just take a lap for the New Year?" asked Sirius. The three girls nodded.

"And we have to do it before 1 am." said Audrey.

"Hey! 11:59! Get ready!"

The boys began to yell for the new year, the girls laughed at them. As the clock chimed to ring in the New Year a flurry of things happened, and though there weren't many of them it was a little chaotic.

In that chaos, Sirius grabbed Audrey and kissed her.

…I didn't object.