We wait. And wait. And wait. The clock on the wall seems to be frozen, seconds taking hours. The crew are editing with Beetee. Plutarch and Haymitch are having a heated argument over something in a glass room. I hear no words since the room is soundproof, but I can tell it's serious. Finnick and I sit on the floor of the room, knees pulled to our chest. From the clock, we've been sitting here for at least two hours. Beetee curses loudly. He's been working on the airwaves for a while. Finally, I hear him shout, "Forget this. If they're not out by now, they're dead." He storms out and slams the metal door behind him so hardly that the whole room shakes. Finnick looks straight at the wall ahead of us and says in a flat, removed, monotone "I really hope they're not dead." His voice sounds so hopeless, it makes me feel like they are. My head falls into his lap, and he starts braiding a few strands of my hair. I'm not asleep but I'm not really awake either. I just tune out everything and everyone, only staring at the gray blank wall in front of me.
Thomas comes by, and hands me a flask of something. I sit up and thank him, my smile not reaching my eyes. He slides down the wall next to me. I take a large gulp of the liquid, expecting hot tea. It's the strongest liquor I've ever drank, and it burns my throat. Tears run down my cheek and I sputter a little. "Thanks." I cough out. I needed that. I pass it to Finnick, warning him "It's strong."
Finnick laughs a little. "I got that." He teases me, and kisses my cheek. He chugs maybe half of it, and leans his head against the wall. Me and Thomas look at each other. He nods at me, and tells me to not worry about it. I can't not worry. I'm worried about everything - from Johanna and Gloss in the Capitol, to Gale and the others who are trying to rescue them to Prim who's in school right now to Finnick's and my sanity, or the constant loss of thereof. Everything is stressing me out, and there's nothing that I can do about it.
Finally, Haymitch busts into the room. I'm not sure how long. Time really has no meaning anymore. "They're back!" He pants, out of breath. Finnick tries to ask him something. "They're in the hospital, that's all I know." We run down the hallway, and up the stairs ten flights to get to the hospital. We're all out of breath, but taking the elevator would take too long.
There's commotion in the hospital, and the usual calm District 13 staff are in a panic. There's loud beeping on a multitude of the machines. I hear a loud voice, over the rest. "Get the fuck off me! Don't you fucking touch me!" Finnick and I exchange a look. That was definitely Johanna. I push someone out of my way as I sprint down the hall. We're shocked with what we see. Johanna looks like a ghost of herself. She must have lost at least fifteen pounds, and she was pretty thin to begin with. Her hair is all shaved off, and her cheeks are hollow. She's still in her underclothes from the arena, and her body is covered in a multitude of rainbow colored bruises. There's cuts all over her body, and a large cut on her right cheek. She's shaking, but smiles a little when she sees us. "Hey you guys." She manages to whisper, and we both hug her tightly. She looks like she's about to say something else, but the IV that the hospital gave her pulls her under.
Beetee finds us again, while we're sitting at Johanna's beside. We're not sure who else is here. He looks at his clipboard. "This is everyone that they rescued," he reads down the list, "Johanna, Gloss, Annie, Adrienne - that's your sister, isn't it? - and Grant and Natalie, as well as their kids. We got a full house here."
We go down the hall, stopping in everyone's room to see how they are. Annie appears to be left unscathed. The same could be said about Adrienne, except they both look like they lost a bit of weight, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Grant and Natalie's kids - who are super cute, are fine as well. I can't say the same for everyone else. Natalie has a broken arm and is bruised, Grant's neck is in a brace. Gloss looks the worst. He's all bruised, and has a black eye. The usually intimidating looking guy has puffy eyes, and a red nose. He's been crying. It's hard to picture. He's so strong, and unbreakable. But clearly they broke him."What did they do to you?" Finnick asks, sounding half sympathetic and half angry.
Gloss coughs a little, and wipes his nose. "I'm alright you guys, seriously. It's just good to be here, and not there. Talk to Jo, alright. She needs people right now a lot more than I do." Some doctors come in to evaluate him, so we have to leave.
It takes a while, but Finnick and I are able to piece everything together. The Capitol is not dumb, and they just held Annie and Adrienne to use against Finnick. They thought Jo and Gloss would have information, so they were tortured. Grant and Natalie were told a little, but the kids were mostly there to be threatened with harm if Grant and Natalie didn't cooperate. But according to all of them, they didn't give in, at all.
Rooming is a bit of an issue. There isn't enough room for everyone. Grant, Natalie, and their kids are put into a room meant for someone disabled, so that way there's extra room for the crib. Adrienne gets her own room. Annie ends up sharing a room with Gloss once they're both out of the hospital, (which Finnick hates the idea of) and Johanna with Haymitch. She tells me that they're getting back together, which is good. Haymitch actually smiles when he's with her, and she's less bitter. I'm happy for them. Speaking of happy couples, Gale and Madge are dating. It's actually really cute. Also, Gale seems to be less angry with Finnick all the time, which is good.
Days go by slowly, but they blend together. We seem to be making progress on the rebellion, sending new propos out almost every day or two. But still, we're just in District 13. I'd like to get out of here soon, before I totally lose it. I haven't seen sunlight in months. Suddenly, something shocking happens one day. Johanna, Gloss and Thomas are over, and we're all drinking and laughing about something the other said. Our small boxy televisions flash on and go into mandatory viewing. Caesar Flickerman has an interviewee, for the first time in a while. It's an old victor, and I'm not quite sure who. He's from District 2. Johanna and Gloss and Finnick are all in a commotion, so I only catch the last exchange. "So, do you have anything to say to Katniss Everdeen and the other rebels?"
He looks straight on at the camera, and says in his shaky voice. "Give it up already. Y-you in District Thirteen - d-dead by morning!" The camera is moved to the floor and a red splash of what we can assume to be blood stains the white marble. The anthem plays, and the Capitol's seal is shown. Fade to black.
After a few moments, I'm the first one to speak. "What the hell does that mean?" I ask.
"He's from 2. Careers are on side with the Capitol, no doubt." Johanna responds as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Gloss and Finn both frown.
"No, but why would they hurt him if- oh. How can the Capitol hurt 13?" Gloss muses, silently coming to some conclusion. "He's trying to clue us in on something."
"Nuclear weapons. It's the only thing the Capitol has that could hurt us-" Finnick trails off. "Oh my god. They're gonna bomb us." We're on our feet and out the door, in a second, spiriting down the hallway to the stairs, as we descend to where we can find President Coin. We burst through the door to her office, and she lifts her head up, looking at us quizzically. "We're gonna be bombed. Get everyone underground, well more underground." Finnick stumbles over his words. Coin looks at us to see if we're joking, and then types a code into a box on her desk. A piercing alarm goes off, and a loud voice comes over the speaker. Head to the bomb shelter, this is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill. We are under attack, the doors are closing in T-minus 5 minutes.
Shit. We sprint to the bomb shelter, which is the lowest point in District 13 - on the 100th floor below ground. We're pretty safe there. But still, it's terrifying. People flood in, and go to their stations. We all wait by the guards by the door, until Haymitch, Prim (with Buttercup, that stupid cat) and Rory, Madge and Gale, Annie, Adrienne and Grant and Natalie with their kids are in. We're all assigned to 'Area D' which is basically two bunkers with a bunch of bunk beds stacked on top of each other. There's packs of freeze-dried food and a lot of water bottles so that we could last a month down here. Hopefully we won't be here that long. I hate being underground in general. There's so much weight that could come down on us any minute - it feels suffocating, like the mines. I could die like my father did, blown to bits underground.
I hate it here.
They do a quick roll call to make sure everyone's accounted for, and then close the sets of metal doors. No more than 5 minutes later, there's a loud, but clearly muffled boom from above. I can't help but begin to shake. My palms are sweaty and I shiver, even though it's not cold at all in here. I can't control my breathing and my heart is drumming a mile a minute; so loudly I can hear it in my ears. I look over at Gale, who's staring at me, with a similar terrified look on his face. "Dad." I say quietly but clearly. This is dark, dim and claustrophobic, just like the mines back home. Well our home is gone, but that's not the point. He nods, and wipes his hands on his grey trousers that are too short for him, and awkwardly end at his mid-calf. Madge smiles reassuringly at me, and squeezes Gale's arm. He whispers something to her and she nods.
I look around. Annie is curled up against Gloss, and they're chatting with Adrienne. Prim and Rory are playing with Buttercup. Madge is sleeping on Gale's shoulder. Johanna is tying knots frantically with Finnick. Haymitch is passed out on the floor. Grant is playing some type of game with the kids - the boy in Natalie's lap is giggling hysterically, and the girl is sound asleep, resting against Natalie's chest. The kids are so naive and innocent, it makes my heart ache. They won't have to worry about being reaped now, and they don't even know that their parents were... for lack of a better word, killers. Hopefully, they won't have to. But life doesn't work like that.
If we win, they'll grow up and go to school, and learn about the Second Rebellion and the terrible Hunger Games that caused it. The teachers will recognize the last names of the kids, and know that Grant and Natalie killed. Outside of 1, 2 and 4, victors are feared, not adored. If any of us have kids, they'll have to know. But they'll never have to be worried about the terror that could face them on their twelfth birthday. Tesserae won't be a death sentence, in fact it won't exist at all.
That's what I'm fighting for. A better future.
There's a seventh bomb. They're really trying hard to get rid of us. According to the sensors set up, they're not nuclear, but they're still very strong. Why don't we fire back? Everyone is asleep except for me. Finnick comes up behind me, and wraps his arms around me. It's just the two of us then. I can't help but start crying. It's not even silent tears, but loud sobs. "I want to get out of here. Right now. We can't stay." He holds me and wipes me tears, rocking me gently and telling me it'll be okay until I calm down. "How do you keep it together?" I ask him. I've never seen Finnick actually break down. "How do you... bear it?"
He just looks at me, and his sea green eyes are so empty, so dead, that it breaks my heart. "I don't. Obviously, I don't. I've tried everything there is, legal or not, and it doesn't work. I drag myself out of nightmares and find there's no relief in waking. My life is the nightmare." He looks like he's gonna say more, but he shakes his head. "It's best not to give into it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart."
"Why couldn't we have died?" I ask Finnick. Maybe if they blew up the arena with all of us in it, instead of District 12 with my mother and all my friends and neighbors.
"I wish we were dead. I wish we were all dead. You and me and everyone. But mostly me. I can't live like this! Ten years and it still isn't any better than my first nightmare! I haven't slept in ten years, Katniss. We're not gonna get a full nights sleep for the rest of our lives." Finnick tells me. "All I have is you, and all I want is you. But not like this. The first time we ever met, was me yelling at your drunk mentor after you killed your first boyfriend!" He's risen to a loud whisper - not loud enough to actually rouse anyone, but a lot louder than a normal tone. "I love you but I don't want to love anyone like this."
I see his puffy eyes and red nose. His bronze-brown hair is messy, and not in the cute way, in the I-haven't-showered way. We're both so screwed up, but him even more than I. I just hold him tightly, kissing away his tears. Somehow, we'll make it through this. We have to. We've been fighting our whole lives, it's nothing new. Once all of this is over, it will be a lot easier. We just have to hang in there until then. I know it'll get harder than it already is, but we need to be strong for each other. All of our closest family and friends are here, but we're still all alone. Finnick pulls something out of his pocket and gives it to me. It looks like a rope. I look at him quizzically. "When I'm really anxious, or worried, or really just need to get my mind of things, it's really therapeutic to tie knots." I shrug, taking the piece of rope. I have nothing to lose by trying this, and it could help. Finnick pulls out a second piece and shows me how to make a few different type of knots. We sit there in silence, for I don't even know how long. The only noise is the sound of our fingers twisting and tying the rope in the dim light.
I don't know when I pass out, but I wake up to find myself in Finnick's lap. He's asleep, head against the wall of the bunker. I sit up and he stirs. My dreams were unpleasant, but I didn't wake from them, which is worse on so many levels. I rub my eyes and comb through my hair with my fingers. My neck and back are stiff from the way I was sleeping. Finnick groans and rubs his neck. "Morning." He kisses me lightly on my forehead. There's no clocks down here, at all, so I have no idea if it's even morning. But for the most part people are asleep - from what I can tell - so chances are it's still early.
There's a quiet thump beside me and suddenly Gloss is by my side. "Annie." He says quietly. That's all he needs to say. Finn's up on his feet in a second, and climbing up the bunk to comfort the sobbing brunette. Then Gloss turns to me, and tells me quietly. "She's so far gone, that they knew they couldn't lay a finger on her. They're smart - they knew that besides, Finnick cares about her too much to put her at risk for even the slightest scratch." I don't say anything in reply. What could I say? That's good? I find an invisible point on the blank wall and stare at it.
Gloss sighs, and cracks a few of the knuckles on his hands. He's still beautiful, but he looks so exhausted. After a few minutes, he speaks again. "I really miss Cashmere, ya know. When we were little, we'd always be competing amongst each other. She's younger than me, but she was always better at everything. I remember when I won my games, all the years after that I was praying that she wouldn't get reaped. Partly because I love her, and didn't want her to go through everything I was doing. And wow, she had a better Games than me, and had it worse than me afterwards. And she's dead too." I don't know what to say. So I just rest my head on his shoulder, and squeeze his hand comfortingly.
"When we were little, she would always boss me around. And it bothered me so much, but Cash had the best intentions. And she would always dictate everything, up until the day she died. I really miss it. I used to be so annoying by her nagging, but it was a sibling thing. Now, I miss it so much that I just don't know what to do. Losing someone you love is the most painful thing in the world." I nod in agreement. It is. We sit there in silence for I'm not sure how long. There's nothing we can say - no false words of hope or optimistic attitudes will dull the pain; no reassurances will actually assure us that things will be alright.
We're down in the bomb shelter for two more agonizing days. Finally, President Snow's voice comes over the announcement speaker system, letting us know that we can go upstairs to relax for the rest of the day - there is no school or work today. There wasn't any major damage from the bombings, just a fruit farm was hit badly, and that area's being sealed off as soon as possible. Our bunker finally goes upstairs, but none of us really want to be apart. All of my friends and my family end up in Haymitch's room, just being with each other. Gale and Madge are chatting with Adrienne about something, and Annie's playing cards with Prim and Rory. Gloss, Johanna and Thomas are drinking with Haymitch, and Grant and Natalie are playing with their kids. I'm in the corner, in Finnick's arms.
"I feel so suffocated here." I admit. I hate being underground, but it's even worse in District 13 where we can't go outside at all. And there aren't windows, or even natural light. It's all fluorescent, like the school back in District 12, and it's so bright and artificial that it hurts your eyes and gives you a headache. I just want to get out of here.
Finnick nods sympathetically. He agrees, I can tell. Being here is driving us crazy, slowly but surely. I need to get out of here as soon as possible. "Me too, believe me. Can I ask you something serious?"
"Shoot."
"When we- and by we I mean the rebels and District 13 soldiers go into the Capitol to fight, do you want to go with them?" I'm not sure what answer he's hoping for.
I can't help but chuckle a little at the question. "Do I? Finnick, I've dreamed about the falling of the Capitol for my whole life. And I'm the Mockingjay, which means I'm technically leading this rebellion. How can I say no? And of course I would."
His lips give a slight tug upward and he kisses my shoulder. "I'm not leaving your side. Not when we fight, not after, not for the next however many years we live. I love you so much, Katniss."
"I love you too." I respond, genuinely smiling for the first time in a while. Finnick takes my head in his hands and kisses me hard. I fist my fingers through his messy hair and hold him so close I forget where we are. After a few minutes, someone coughs loudly. I reluctantly pull apart and see that everyone in the room is staring at us. Prim giggles a little.
"Get a room, you two." Gale teases us. His arm is around Madge, and he's smiling. He doesn't seem angry or bitter any more. I couldn't be happier. Maybe our relationship can go at least somewhat back to normal. I miss having Gale as my best friend. Maybe once all of this over, we can be friends again. I would like that.
"Finn, remember that one time we were all at that bar a few years back... well, yeah. You're like that drunk guy in the corner." Johanna tells him. I don't know what i means, but Gloss and Haymitch simultaneously crack up. Finnick cracks a smile and shakes his head. I realize that this is okay, and that we'll be okay. If we all stick together, we can get through this and go home, wherever that ends up being.
A/N: Wow, this took forever to write, sorry. Better late than never, I guess.
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