It had been two days since Mayumi moved in with Shizuo. He hadn't said a word to her about that night when Izaya stormed into her house and made a man almost rape her. She hadn't spoken about it either, and maybe Mayumi figured she would want it that way. Although, nowadays whenever she looked at him, her stomach flipped with fear, something inside her told her he would shun her away if he knew the details.
The details of her past.
The meaning of her stay in Ikebukuro.
Shizuo knew she loved him, he couldn't deny that fact. He could see her look at him from the corner of her eyes, and what wonder she held for him when she did look. He could see that one secret smile she held for him whenever she handed him dinner or breakfast. Shizuo thanked her just so he could see her face redden and shake her head, her hair moving with harmony along with her nod.
Shizuo believed he loved her, but one part of him knew he wasn't close to it. Mayumi was someone he held dear, but he didn't know if that feeling could be called love. "Mayumi, don't you have work today?" Shizuo asked and the woman nodded. "But Simon asked me to stay at home for some reason." Shizuo knew why.
Simon knew about what Izaya did to her, after all Simon is a member of the Dollars. He wanted her to feel homely in Ikebukuro, and that morning, he was sure Izaya would come around town, and Simon didn't want Mayumi to see him. He knew it wouldn't affect Izaya, but it would to her and he didn't want that to happen.
Mayumi woke up one morning on the bed, and looked around, and blinked. She remembered falling asleep on the couch, and now she was on the bed. She sat up on the bed and blinked once more, and in came Shizuo wearing the bartender attire. "You should sleep on the bed from now on." Mayumi didn't know why he suddenly made the statement. She was fine with the couch.
But Shizuo thought it was best. Naturally, Shizuo wasn't a pervert, but last night he was tempted to do something he never would've forgiven himself if he had done it.
Mayumi was watching television with Shizuo's permission of course, and he entered home after his night walk to find her asleep after watching some program. He looked at her carefully, now observing features of her body he hadn't noticed before, and he could see her so clearly now. She wore shorts, and he could see her well-toned legs, and how soft they looked.
She wore a spaghetti strapped tank top, and Shizuo noticed that her red bra was visible at the sides. Her hands were soft to look and the male couldn't help but wonder how soft they would feel if he touched them. He could see the line of her cleavage and suddenly, Shizuo's abdomen began to hurt.
He ran to the bathroom deciding one thing. That girl needed to sleep on the bed, and he needed to stay as far away from her as he could. He regretted he was violent, and Shizuo didn't want another trait adding on to his list, and he certainly didn't want to be called her pervert.
Mayumi once did catch Shizuo wearing nothing but a towel and sometimes at night the poor girl couldn't sleep. He was inhumanly good looking, and now that she was living with him, and she knew it was only time being, Mayumi believed that when things calmed down, he would send her away.
She believed he didn't love her back, but he did let her kiss him that one time, and he always saved her.
Mayumi cooked dinner and breakfast for him, and lunch he always ate with Tom. Mayumi learned things about Shizuo she never knew before. That he had a younger brother, Kazuka, who was an actor now. It was Kazuka that gifted Shizuo the bartender uniform, and that was the reason Shizuo wore it all the time.
She learned that Shizuo and Izaya were school mates, and she learned this fact from Tom, because she knew the name Izaya would make the blonde man burn with anger.
She also learned another thing.
And this fact she didn't like so much.
She learned that Shizuo was never really interested with women no matter how gorgeous they were to look at. Mayumi's heart collapsed and she felt blue. If he wasn't attracted to good looking women, then in what way could he be attracted to her?
Mayumi thought herself to be normal. Not too pretty and not too ugly.
Moreover, on top of that, Mayumi was a demon. Not in literal terms, she accused herself to be the reason for her parent's deaths.
One night as the two of them ate in silence, Shizuo noticed an inner battle going on inside Mayumi and decided to let her fight it on her own. But seeing as the silence was a factor that annoyed him, Shizuo grunted bringing the girl's attention toward him and he spoke, "What's eating you?" Mayumi gulped and shook her head on impulse.
"What the hell is bothering you?" Shizuo stressed, his voice more rude now.
Mayumi was quiet, and she knew right then that he was simply just helping her out of pity. He didn't love her, and after learning that fact about him not being interested in women, Mayumi knew she had no chance with this good looking god of a man, and stayed quiet. "Nothing." Her voice was a whisper and Shizuo groaned loudly.
"I'm nothing but a burden to you." She said, and the fight for not letting her tears fall had been lost. Shizuo watched her as she trembled and his eyes were wide. "I will look for another place to stay…I don't want to burden you with my problems anymore Shizuo…you've done enough for me already." She said, and walked inside the room she was given.
Shizuo felt stupid right then and he sighed. He knew he should've said something, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. What could he say to a girl who thought of him like that? Usually he'd say something really mean to a girl, but this was Mayumi, and he didn't want to hurt her.
His stomach churned with guilt and a newfound feeling he couldn't recognize.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
it's where my demons hide
The next day, Shizuo was at Ikebukuro like he usually was, and that morning he wasn't offered breakfast like he was when Mayumi made it for him. In fact, he hadn't seen her since last night. Tom hadn't asked him about anything, but he knew something had happened.
And right when Shizuo was passing Russia's sushi, he noticed the girl enter the place, but behind her was Izaya. Shizuo felt anger all of a sudden, and he yelled out Izaya's name bringing the info broker's attention to him. Right then, he couldn't see anything but the broker, and his lopsided grin.
Shizuo grabbed the nearest pole he could and ran toward the male, fully intending to kill him like he usually is. But this time, he felt something else.
It wasn't just anger in his heart anymore, that burning in his stomach increased tenfold.
He had found it just then, a reason to hate the man he always hated. In Shizuo's life, choosing between two options was something which he found troublesome, and he chose to not choose at all. And Shizuo understood now that the choice he made to not choose any other choice defined how he was going to live the rest of his days.
And of course, when most human beings are faced with a problem they know not how to solve, they turn and go back, forgetting the incident, or at least trying their hardest to forget.
But, Shizuo was no ordinary human, for he pushed onto something better and right then, he understood for what he needed to fight for. Shizuo had found something, he found just beyond the pain of going at it alone something which gave him that burning feeling in his stomach. And just beyond that bravery and the gut feeling he felt, he knew he had finally let someone in.
Because someone important to him once told him he wasn't a demon, but someone far better than that. And it was only when he felt that he needed to test his self-control over that one thing that infuriated him that he truly discovered who he really was.
And, it's only when you're tested beyond your abilities that you discover who you can be.
The life that you wish to live does exist, and it can certainly come true, because in this one life we humans live, nothing absolute can be impossible; it lay somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. Shizuo wanted nothing more than to get rid of that violence from within him, he wanted nothing more than to erase that inhuman power he had, and he wanted nothing more than to feel normal again. He wanted nothing more than a peaceful non-violent life, and even if he didn't seem the person for it, he would try and achieve it. And, beyond the heartache and fear of what lay ahead of it all, Shizuo believed one thing firmly right then.
He loved Mayumi Matsumoto.
And he knew right then, that his love for her would erase the demon within him, because something told him that it was enough. It was all enough.
"Izzzaaaayaaa!" Shizuo's shout alerted everyone on that street, even Mayumi who was inside the shop. Simon ran out and Izaya frowned. He knew this anger of Shizuo was somehow different than the rest of the times he attacked him. It was as if Shizuo was triggered for a reason.
Izaya knew he had to get away right then.
And even before Simon could stop him, Mayumi ran up to the man yelling out his name and held onto his vest. Shizuo dropped what he was holding and pulled the girl closer to him. The eyes in the street watching his every move, and right then, he didn't care.
He was afraid all this while, but he knew what he could do right then. He would protect her with his life.
Mayumi will be safe, and he would make sure of it.
"Mayumi, I love you." He murmured, and the girl knew she heard what he had said, and she thought she would feel happiness but she didn't.
Instead, Shizuo's lost fear embedded inside her and now she was afraid and weary. She couldn't look him in the eye anymore.
'Don't look at me, I….I'm a demon.' She branded herself, and their hearts were at crossroads from each other. Each of them wanting the same thing, but a shield called fear stopping the other one from having what it deserved.
Don't get too close
its dark inside
its where my demons hide
A/N: Aww, Shizu-chan!
Hi there loves! College is awesome, and unfortunately, its making me busy as well.
But, I will update, for I have not forgotten you and this story. :)
Loving the reviews, please keep them coming. :D