Hey guys. So I wrote this chapter, let me know what you think please. A lot of the speech in this fanfic is taken from the book because Christina and Tris are in the same room qutie a lot, obviously, because they are both initiates. I don't own the characters or the speech from the book, obviously, Veronica Roth does. So let me know what you think.
I'm running through a cold corridor, fluorescent lights dye the walls a tinge of blue. I feel lanky hair lying on my back, slapping me with every step. I hear the rhythm of my bare feet slapping against the cold ground. My heart was pounding above all else. It speeds up with every step. I feel more and more anxious. Thump. Thump. Thump. I hear someone running behind me. Gaining on me. I rush forward, feeling the cold hard metal of a gun in my hand. I place my finger on the trigger, growing accustomed to the alien feel. I run around a corner skidding out of sight. My heart beats faster than my feet as I run further, white walls changing to black. I feel as if I am trapped. Being chased. I skid around another corner only to come to a stop as I see the barrel of a gun. I hear the boom and nothing.
I wake up gasping, feeling hot tears welling in my eyes. I can't cry here. I jumped up out the bed and ran to the showers, trying to hide. I hop into the shower and turn it on, the cold jets hitting me right in the face and calming me down. I stay in here until I can control my emotions. The cold shower helps me remember why I am here. Why I need to be brave. I step out the shower and go to get change, ignoring the looks I get from Molly and Peter. I ready myself for the difficulties that I was sure to face today. I put on some yoga pants and a black shirt. May as well fit in, No?
It was about an hour after breakfast and we were all standing in the training room. We were huddled in the middle, waiting for Four to arrive. As we wait I let my mind wander. My eyes drift up to the high ceiling, light peering through foggy glass windows, The room is dark, grey walls, floor, ceiling. Along the walls are targets. Shooting practise I suppose. Kind of ironic considering my dream last night. I recall the feel of the cold metal in my hand, the terror that gripped my heart as I stared down the barrel. My eyes drift towards Tris, who looks small and tired in this room. The grey of the walls highlights the grey under her eyes. Four walks into the room.
"Line up. One by each marker." He barks as he strides through the room. We stumble to our places, I stand next to an Erudite and Peter.
"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight. Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that." He smiles a bitter smile as he presses a gun into my hand. His comments make me think of those we already left behind, my eye draws to the empty spaces on the floor. I see each of them as it ended, the ginger boy falling right next to the train, his life ending right there, the boy who refused to jump of the train, Rita's sister, the one who fell off the roof. I shudder as I remember the way her body looked, broken and bent, like a toy or a dummy. I look up and notice that Four has started talking again. I need to stop getting distracted, pay more attention. This is now a fight for my life.
"… preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."
"But what… what does firing a gun have to do with… bravery?" Peter mumbled, yawning as he did so. Uh oh.
Suddenly Four places his gun on Peter forehead. I watch as Peter's mouth freezes mid yawn in an almost comedic way. I hear the bullet slide into place, I see Peter's adams apple bob up and down as he gulps in air.
"Wake. Up. You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." Four growls in his face. I watch Peter flinch. As someone who has also been treated this way by Four, I would like to say that I sympathized with Peter. But I don't. If anything I relish in the fact that for once in his life Peter isn't going to get his own way. I watch his eyes harden as Four lowers the gun. I know this look. I remember this look from when we were all just innocent Candor children
"Ouch!" I yelled as Peter pushed me down to the ground. "I'll tell on you!"
"Oh yeah? Who is going to believe you? You're a freak! You don't belong in this faction." I looked up at him. I didn't know how he knew but he did. He knew that I didn't tell the truth. He knew that the adult didn't trust me. He reached down and plucked my lunch from my hand.
"I'll be having this freak." I stared up at him. He said people wouldn't believe me. Surely that meant that he also lied? That he didn't fit in.
"So if I tell on you what will you say?" I said, attempting to con an answer out of him.
"That I didn't do it of course."
"Wouldn't that be lying?" I asked innocently.
"What-no-I-um-not-I… No!" He said, looking flabbergasted "That would be impossible!"
"So," I drawled, staring up at him. "You don't fit in either do you?" I didn't want to upset him. I just wanted to know someone who felt the same way as I did. It was like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
"I am not a freak." He hissed. "You are a freak but not me." His eyes hardened. From this day forth he was going to make my life a living hell. And he did.
When I come back to Peter's face is blushing in humiliation. Now he knows how I felt for our whole childhood. I try not to show it on my face but this makes me particularly happy.
"And to answer your question… you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you are prepared to defend yourself." I have to put in extreme effort not to laugh at the mental image of Peter cowering on the floor in dirty underwear and his face streaked with tears. It's a nice dream. Four turns and walks down the line of initiates, closer to me. "This is also information you may need to learn later in stage one. So, watch me."
I watch as he stands in front of the target. He is facing it front on, his feet shoulder width apart. He levels the gun with his eyes, his shoulders lined with muscle. His back expands as he readies himself for the shot. He pulls the trigger and I see the others flinch at the noise. I don't. I don't look away from his movements. I need to do this right. I can't do badly. It just won't do.
I look at my own target and think of my mother. She let me come here, if I do this for anyone it's for her. She was the best role model I could have asked for. I look again and think of my father. He wouldn't have approved of this. He didn't approve of me. Period. He hated me from the moment he realised what I was. He disowned me the moment he realised that I didn't belong in our faction. To him that meant I didn't belong in his family. Faction before blood. He believed this so strongly that he left us. He left us for another family all because I was not a Candor at heart. He was so disgusted by me that he hasn't acknowledged my existence since I was 7. I shouldn't think of this now. I steel my heart. If I am going to make it through initiation I can't let my weaknesses show.
I look at the target and then down at the gun in my hand. Now or never. I pull it up, trying to imitate Four exactly. I have to get this right. Peter can't win again. I stare at the Target, squinting one eye to try and focus on the centre. I pull at the trigger, my first shot too gentle. I miss the board by miles. The boy next to me sniggers, his shot had gotten much closer. I try again, this time ready for the shock. I put the right amount of tension on the trigger and hit the target, on the edge but it's still there. I feel my mouth turn up into a smirk. Out of the corner of my eye I see Will telling Tris that she sucks. Clearly an Erudite. I never noticed before. After the second round I hit the bulls eye and most of my shots after that reach the target. I feel a sense of satisfaction as I look at my target, it is covered in bullet holes. I compare it to others and though mine isn't the best it most certainly isn't the worst. I see Tris' target which has tonnes on the edge but not too many in the middle. I look at Four's target, each bullt he had shot landing perfectly in the middle. I hope someday I can be that good. I hope someday I can belong as much as he does.
After another couple of hours shooting we leave the training room, finally leaving behind the smell of guns and metal. I like the transition from the pale grey boring room into the natural forming hallways, the walls a blend of plaster and rock. We head towards the cafeteria Tris stretching out her arms and making appropriate faces. My muscles hurt too. How could they not after staying so still for so long, my back hurts from the recoil of the small gun. Which was larger than I thought it would be. I see a large boy walking on his own, Al I think.
"Hey, you want to sit with us?" I ask, bouncing on my heels.
"Umm sure?" He says. He doesn't sound very sure but it's a start. I would hate to be completely lonely in a place like this.
Later we sit at the table, eating our lunch.
"Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" I ask incredulously. I remember him. Al used to sit in behind me in maths. He never had to answer questions and he never did any work. "We were in maths together just a few days ago. And I am not a quiet person."
"I slept through maths most of the time! It was first hour!" He retorts. To be fair I do remember hearing snores from the back quite often. In fact now that I think of it. Always.
"I can't believe you don't remember me!" I whack his arm.
"Sorry!" He mock shout back.
"Do you remember being in any of my classes?" I ask Tris, who doesn't even look at me. I stare at her, trying to see if she will notice me. Nope
"Tris," I drag out the word, trying to wake her. "Anyone in there?" I snap my fingers in her face. She jerks back in surprise and try not to laugh.
"What? What is it?"
"I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me. I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do but now you're not one of them." I cringe hoping that it didn't sound too rude. Apparently it did because Tris is staring at me, her eyes wide.
"Sorry, am I being rude?" Here we go, my no-filter making people think I'm weird again. "I'm used to just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness was just deception in pretty packaging." I may not have fit in but I did believe in majority of the Candor beliefs.
"I think that's why our factions don't usually associate with each other" She says with a laugh. I suppose she is right, I think about our factions as I laugh with her. Candor and Abnegation don't really talk. Ever. I suppose it's because they think that you should tolerate and help everyone. We don't think that. We keep our opinions voiced and our thoughts known. If we don't like someone they would know. That's why we don't like the Amity, they act as if they like everybody, lying to each other to keep the peace. I would rather know what people thought than be friends with them all.
"Can I sit here?" Will asks, tapping his hand on the seat next to me. I know he has been nothing but nice to me but it strikes me as odd that he doesn't want to sit with his own faction. The kids he's grown up with. I mean, I know why I don't want to sit with my faction but the Erudite kids seem okay, for Erudites.
"What, you don't want to hang out with your Erudite buddies?" I hear myself say. I'm not trying to be nosy I just can't help it.
"They aren't my buddies," He puts his place next to me and slumps into the chair. "Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus Edward and Maya are dating, and I would rather not be the third wheel."
I consider this and deem it a perfectly reasonable reason to want to sit with us. I look over at the 'happy couple' who appear to be about to kiss. This should be funny, stiff's hate public displays of affection. I watch as they get closer together, pulling into a deep kiss. I look back to Tris, she hissed and avoided looking at the two.
"Do they have to be so public?" Tris asks, her red face betraying her embarrassment.
"She just kissed him, It's not like they're stripping naked." At this I hide a laugh; Tris' face goes even redder, whether at the thought or embarrassment, I don't know.
"A kiss is not something you do in public." Tris tells us. I look at her, does she really believe this? Sometimes Stiffs are so weird, do they really not kiss? My first kiss was when I was 10, with some wee nerd in my class. I think he's erudite now.
"What?" Tris asks, that when I realise that all three of us are staring at her in disbelief.
"Your abnegation is showing. The rest of us are alright with a little affection in public."
"Oh. Well… I guess I'll just have to get over it, then."
"Or you can stay frigid." Will says, causing me to smile. "You know, if you want." He says cheekily. I pick up a roll and throw it at him. He needs to give some respect. Even if it is hilarious. He catches it and eats it. Guess I'll have to get another one then.
"Don't be mean to her. Frigidity is in her nature, kind of like how being a know-it-all is in yours."
"I am not frigid!" Tris shouts, earning some chuckles.
"Don't worry about it, it's endearing. Look you're all red."
At first Tris looks offended but she soon laughs with us. After all, we all were brought up elsewhere. We all do things or think things that the others don't. Just frigidity isn't anyone elses.
So please let me know what you think It makes me happy and gives me the will to continue. Also I will try to answer any questions you may have and any suggestions for next chapters will be taken into account(with credit to you of course). As usual if you want follow me on twitter TheMortalLlama.
Bye duckies, love you all xxx