Chapter Four: Somebody That I Used to Know
The last month had been incredibly hard for Puck to deal with. He went to work, but that was really the only time he left the apartment. The rest of the time, he had his food ordered in and worked on his album. The music was coming out very painful. Puck couldn't help it. It was very rough to not have Quinn with him. Puck didn't know how to be single. He was a husband. He had been someone's someone for ten years. How was he supposed to be just Puck now? Without Quinn? He didn't even know how he would be able to do this. Puck had been with Quinn so long he didn't know how to be single. Puck had been spending most of his time when he wasn't working in his underwear. That's what he was doing when Easter came rolling around. Puck didn't care about Easter, since he celebrated Passover, but Quinn did. Puck had always helped her celebrate. It had been important to her. Puck didn't know what he was going to do about it now. Just let it go by, he supposed. It seemed the best thing to do.
The morning of the Sunday before Easter dawned bright and very chilly. Puck had spent the night before drunk, so he was very hung-over this morning. Puck didn't have any plans for the day, actually. He got out of bed, hitching his boxers up. They were getting kind of baggy, he hadn't been very good about eating lately. He was going to have to work on it. Get down to the real business and take care of himself. It wouldn't do to start getting all of his friends to start trying to make him "talk" about his issues and start force feeding him. Puck didn't want to let that happen. He headed to the kitchen to start the coffee maker. He didn't have any idea what he was going to do today. He had some songs to work on. Puck thought that would be a good plan. He wanted to get all the kinks worked out so it would be great when he went to record.
As he was looking for something for breakfast, there was a knock on his door. Puck grabbed his robe from the bedroom to put on before he went to get it. He opened the door. It revealed Quinn. She looked very miserable. Puck couldn't help but inwardly grin at this prospect. Puck gave her a look. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked her, not moving an inch to let her in or out. Puck was very sure that he didn't want to let her in. He was still too hurt for what she had done to him. "Got any more guys you want to sleep with behind my back?" He asked sarcastically.
When Quinn was faced with Puck, it was unclear to her still why she was here. He certainly did not care about what she was going through right now. Quinn rubbed her left arm with her right hand. Quinn still felt very bad about what she had done. Puck had done everything for her. Quinn didn't actually remember all of that he had done, but she still couldn't believe she had hurt him the way she had. Quinn was a terrible person right now, and she knew it. At least she could acknowledge it. "Noah, I am here to apologize for what I did to you." Quinn finally ventured. The look he gave her would have killed if looks could kill. "I am sorry. I know that I hurt you very much."
Puck laughed derisively. "Yeah, right." Puck still made no move to let her in. He leaned against the doorframe. "You could care less about me, that much is obvious." Puck wasn't dumb enough to fall for any more of her lies. He was done with being the patsy while she carried on behind his back. "I thought you were dating St. James now." He added, almost as an afterthought. This was the first time he'd spoken to her in an entire month. It felt completely odd. She was glowing despite her looking miserable. That was very disappointing. He assumed it was from the baby. "Why are you here, anyway? You know that I do not care what you have to say. I said all I have to say."
It was definitely not good to hear him say that. Quinn was completely disappointed. She was of course with Jesse. That was true. It was starting to be not such a good idea. He was not as great as she remembered. He didn't have the respect for her that she had for him. Quinn was definitely regretting breaking Puck's heart because of what she had to deal with. "Please, Noah. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I did. You were so helpful. It was clear that you loved me, and I treated you like…. like dirt on my shoes." All of that was most certainly true. Quinn wanted to reach out and touch him, but he looked as if he'd jerk away. "No one's ever respected me like you do." Quinn nodded. She just hoped that he believed her. She had not ever meant anything she said more. It was essential that they get it all worked out. She wanted to work things out with him. Quinn now realized what she had had, and let go.
"Yeah, well. You had your chance with me." Puck responded. None of what she had to say appealed to him at all. Puck had spent the last month trying to get up the nerve to file for divorce. He didn't have the courage yet. It would be…. he'd be ending a relationship that was a decade old. It would be incredibly depressing. Not to mention, it saddened him that Quinn wouldn't even know how upsetting it would be. That was another thing that was stopping him. When he broke it off with her, he wanted her to know what she was losing. He also supposed that there was a part of him who was holding out hope that she was going to come to her senses. Quinn hadn't done so yet. Puck was sure that she wasn't going to. He folded his arms tightly. "So why don't you get out of here and go back to your pig of a boyfriend." Puck said, his eyes rolling as he said it. He couldn't help it.
That stung. More than Quinn wanted to admit. She felt empty without him. She couldn't explain why. Since she didn't remember him or their life together. Quinn wished that she hadn't slept with Jesse. She really wished it. That was what surprised her the most. Quinn hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since she'd gotten home from the hospital. Now she missed Noah. "I guess I don't blame you." She finally hedged. "I just… will you think about it? I want… I want to make things right with you." She told him, hands fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt. She was nervous. This was really nerve wracking. She was hoping that he'd at least consider forgiving her. She definitely wanted him to try. "Please Noah." She called to mind when he had yelled at her about calling him 'Puck.' Quinn wished that she could. It still felt weird. She still didn't really know him. It felt too personal. Maybe one day she'd be able to. Especially if it would help her with this.
That did not appease Puck in the slightest. He wished that it did. Puck wanted more than anything to make up with her. It was just not that good of an idea right now. "No, I don't think right now is the time to talk about this." Letting out a deep and powerful sigh. "I'm not sure what else to say right now. I think…. I think we really ought to go out separate ways."
It was like a blow to her heart. Quinn sighed and let her gaze fall to her feet. She supposed she had to let him do what he wanted, she would have to just deal with it. As best she could, anyway. Even if it would be the worst thing she ever had to deal with. "Okay." She finally said, letting out a deep sigh. Tucking a long piece of her hair behind her ear, and started to back up a little, she said. "I guess I'll go now." Her tone was quiet. Not at all what she was feeling inside.
"You do that." Puck replied, as he watched Quinn head down the steps. He wished that things were different. They hadn't even said goodbye. He watched her go until he couldn't anymore. Then he closed the door. Then he went back to his breakfast. Puck hoped that she'd come to her senses one of these days. It was almost too much to hope for that she wanted him back. It was all a mess still. He knew his music would write itself that day, he needed no help sorting out any of his feelings. He knew all of what he had going on. The music would come pouring out. There was no doubt in his mind.
Later that evening, he was in the living room, his guitar on his lap, and a notebook in front of him. He had been scribbling lyrics in it for hours. He almost had a whole album ready. A whole album. Puck was proud of himself. Most of all the things he'd been feeling were on those pages. He was working on the music for the lyrics. He was really feeling the flow. His fingers were lovingly sliding over the strings of his guitar. It was playing a soft rock melody to go with the lyrics he'd written. A couple of tears rolled down his face.
It's all over, and all I can do is miss her
It's been the worst ever, to be without her
and be all alone, I can't even pick up the phone,
to let her know I love her
She broke my heart, stomped on it with her
high heeled shoe. All I wanted was for us to never
be apart. She slept with that St. James guy and now she's
having his baby. How can I get past all of this
when I can't see any way out when all I do is cry?
The end is near, and it's so sad, we used to get along,
and now it's just all bad she took my heart for a song
and now we aren't even in love anymore
That was all he had so far. Puck was getting to the tricky part. When his cell phone buzzed with a call. Putting down his guitar, he picked it up to answer it. "Puckerman." He said, without checking the caller id. As he was waiting for a response, he was putting away his guitar and his notebook.
It was Santana. "Yo, Puckerman. Blaine says he can't record with you tomorrow. You ready to start working on your own stuff?" Santana was wondering if he was feeling any better. He had been so depressed lately. It wasn't his fault, she definitely understood. She just wanted him to feel better. Santana was just fine with him at work, though, he was throwing himself into his work. That had worked out great. Blaine's album was almost finished. It was going to put the label on the map, it was great. Santana was pretty glad, actually. Life for her couldn't be any better. It was just the worst. Even if he'd gotten great music from it. She was chilling out in the living room, the kids were going to bed, Brittany was finishing tucking them in. They usually took turns, it was the best way to divvy up the work.
Was he ready to share his own songs with the world? Puck thought he might be. Especially since it was all about Quinn. He wanted the whole world to know how he felt about her. If Quinn didn't, then everyone else should. "Yeah, I guess so." He finally supplied. "Are we going to start tomorrow?" He asked, his heart pounding. Puck didn't know if he really could do it. Start recording. He had all of his songs ready, and all it would take was a little work to get this last one finished. "Lopez, what if all of my songs are awful? What if all I sound like when I record is a seagull? There's a lot riding on all of this." Puck said, his tone the most worried he'd ever been.
None of that would happen, Santana was sure. Puck would be great, and she knew it. "You've got to just relax, Puck. You can do this. I know you can." She told him. "I haven't heard any of your stuff, but I've heard you sing. I've heard you talk about music. How much you care. You really care about people's opinions of music. You care about the commercialization of pop music. You are one of the last great musicians, Puckerman. Why are you so nervous? You got this in the bag. I wouldn't be working with you if I didn't believe in you." She told him.
That was really very sweet. Puck wasn't used to Santana being so nice to him. Puck leaned back on the couch, kicking back. His long legs extended to the coffee table. Quinn would have been angry. Puck felt a perverse pleasure from doing what he was doing. He wondered if that would ever go away, and he'd stop wanting to make her angry. Puck wanted it to, so he could get past all of this. All he wanted was for them to work through it all. Puck didn't know what to say to Santana. She had a valid point. He did care about music. He always had. That's all he wanted, to take his label and get it out there, so everyone would know real music. It was the one thing besides Quinn he was truly passionate about. He finally said, "I know you're right, Lopez." That would be all he would agree to.
Sighing, Santana leaned against the couch. A pile of papers for the label she was working on on her lap. Santana was not aware of what to say to him. She knew this guy that she was on the phone with was not really Puck. He was not usually this whiny. She was doing her best not to lose her temper with him. She felt bad for him and his situation. "I know you know, because you aren't stupid." She told him, nodding. "Look, you'll be great. I know it. You just have to tell yourself that you can do it. Don't sell yourself short, okay? I know you're having a very hard time right now, but that's why you will get amazing music out of it. All the pain, it'll turn into great music. Anything else you want to discuss? Have you talked to a lawyer yet about the divorce papers?"
That was expected, but he still felt a blow when she asked. "No. I want her to get her memories back before I hit her with those." Puck replied, as he ran his free hand over his head. The sun had set, and it wasn't very light in here. Puck flipped the light on the table beside him. "I ultimately want us to work things out. I… she came to the apartment yesterday. I could tell she was missing me. I could tell she was tired of St. James." Puck had really let himself believe it. It just had to be true. He didn't want to be without her. It was really pathetic, how much he still missed her. He wanted her to learn a lesson about love and trust. Puck wanted her to get it that what she had done was wrong. She seemed to have gotten it a little, because she had come to apologize. That was something.
"I think you're crazy." Santana replied. She knew that Puck really wanted to get back with Quinn. Santana liked Quinn a lot, but her loyalty was to Puck. She thought he should cut his losses and move on. Quinn had been unnecessarily cruel to him. Santana thought Puck was a great husband. She really did. He had been trying his best to help her get her memories back. She'd been thwarting him at every turn. "You need to make sure you find someone who cares about you as much as you do them. All Quinn's done since she woke up, is to try to get back together with St. James. She hasn't done anything to try and fix anything with you. You've been doing the best you can. You're a great husband, Puckerman. You always have been. If I'm half the wife to Brittany as you are a husband to Quinn, I'd be lucky." That was something she really believed.
Letting out a deep sigh, Puck knew she was right. Everything she was saying. He just didn't know if he could accept what she was saying. Puck cared about Quinn so much. "I know you're right, of course." He hedged. "I just….. I don't want to lose her. I know that I should just cut my losses, but I love her. I have since I met her in college. I just can't get rid of her. I need her to know who she is if I'm going to divorce her. She has to know what I'd be giving up. I….. we'll see what happens." Puck hedged some more. "Look, I'm going to go now. I've got this last song to finish. I'll see you tomorrow." He said, yawning. He was getting tired. He was tired a lot these days. Puck was going to finish his song and go to bed.
While Puck was working on his music, Jesse St. James was taking a walk through the park. He was thinking about what he had done. He had broken up a marriage. How could he have done this? Jesse had done a lot of things in his life. He had never done anything like this in his life, however. Jesse didn't know how he could live with himself. He had been completely cut off from Quinn for at least a week. Jesse had done it on purpose. He was trying to send her a message. He wanted to her to get it and go back to her own life. It hadn't been working so far. She had only been hanging on to him even tighter. Jesse didn't know how to get her to back off. He had done the same thing in high school, that's why he had cheated on her. It's not as if he could do the same thing this time.
The park wasn't really helping Jesse work out any of what he'd been trying to work out. He ran his hand through his long curly hair. He was glad that he had this alone time to think. He was very confused. None of anything he was thinking about was working out. Jesse sighed. He was going to miss Quinn. Maybe he was going to have to break up with her. It seemed to be the only solution. If he broke up with her, maybe she'd go back and try to get with her husband again. Jesse did feel a little better now that he had worked out a plan. He'd do it when he got home. No time like the present. In time, Quinn would forgive him for what he was about to do.
When he got home, the apartment was clean, and there was dinner on the table. It was going to be hard to hurt her like this. Taking a deep breath, Jesse went into the kitchen. Quinn was working on pouring wine into a glass for Jesse. "Quinn, can we talk?" He asked, as he ran his hand through his curly hair. His hands were unsure. He didn't' really want to do this. He knew he had to. "Quinn, I want to break up." He told her, without any kind of preamble. That was going to end up in a fight, but he couldn't help it. Even if she was pregnant with his child. Jesse folded his arms tightly. He waited for the onslaught of Quinn's anger. It was coming.
This had to be a joke. It was not really funny. Quinn took a deep breath. "What?" She asked, looking at him. Tears were already gathering in her eyes, even if all she felt was relief. Quinn did not really want to be with him anymore. She wanted to work things out with Puck. It was just expected that she get angry. Quinn was never one to disappoint. She'd get plenty upset. "You are not seriously doing this." She said, folding her arms across her chest tightly. "I left my husband for you! Or am I the not the only one with memory problems?"
"That's exactly why we have to break up!" Jesse insisted. "Do you know how guilty I feel? I split up a marriage! I am a bad guy, I've done a lot of bad things, Quinn, but I've never spilt up a marriage before!" He cried. "You have to go back to Puckerman. Get him to be okay with raising the baby, and got back to him." Jesse "I just can't feel right about this." That sounded cowardly, but whatever got Quinn to go back home was the right words. Those were the right ones, he was sure of it.
Tears gathered in his eyes. She didn't need this right now. She needed to be pampered. She was pregnant. She was sorry that she had gotten pregnant. She was sorry that this had all happened. She just wanted it all to what it was supposed to be. Even if she didn't remember what it was supposed to be. She could not imagine going through any of this on her own. If she didn't figure something out, she'd have to. Noah had already turned her down. She felt so wrong and exposed. How was she going to do this? Jesse had no idea what he was doing to her. It was on the tip of her tongue to give him a complete piece of her mind. It was all set to come tumbling out. She toyed with her long blonde hair. "You didn't split up a marriage! I don't even know who I am! How could you be breaking up anything? All you're doing is hurting me!" She snapped. "Was that your goal?" She asked.
Letting out a deep breath, he broke his gaze away. Jesse didn't want to do this. He was working on not yelling right now. Jesse knew that that wasn't going to help anything. It would only make things worse. "Quinn, you've got to try. I never would have let things get this far. I should have told you no when you hit on me the first time." He told her.
Forcing herself to stay calm, Quinn folded her arms tighter across her chest. "You did what you thought was right. Because it was how you felt. It was the right thing to do." Quinn insisted. She wasn't sure why she was fighting so hard to keep him when she didn't even want him. All she wanted was to make it up to Puck. It was all she wanted to do. He just wasn't letting her right now. Something had to be done. It was going to have to be whatever she could. Maybe if she got Noah to talk to her, he could tell her what it was she could do.
Jesse was starting to get pretty frustrated. Quinn wasn't listening to reason. He was going to have to beat her over the head. He folded his arms tightly. "Quinn, you should go back to your apartment. Grovel. Do whatever you have to do. Your parents aren't good for you. There's a reason why you cut them out of your life in the first place." Jesse was sure nothing he was saying was having an impact. Quinn was a very stubborn girl, and she always had been. It was a little taxing. He gave her a tired look. "I don't want to be with you, Quinn." He said forcefully. "You need to go back to your husband. There's a reason he hasn't filed for divorce yet. He wants you back. Just go. Why are you trying so hard to keep me? I know you don't really remember being with Puck. I know you don't remember how I hurt you. I know all of that. That doesn't matter. None of it does. You have to leave. I don't want to be with you."
Each word was stabbing her in the heart. Quinn was so upset. She didn't like this at all. She didn't want Jesse to be the one to end this. She wanted it to be her. Quinn never liked to not be in control. This was not in control. This was Jesse being the one to end it. It wasn't fair. Quinn reached out and slapped him across the face. "You are a jerk! All you've done is hurt me!" She squealed. She had never been so angry in her life. She put down the glass of wine. She was going to get out of here. She had to before she did something to Jesse. That's when she felt cramps in her stomach. She held her stomach, and cried out. "Oh…. ow…. Jesse. Call an ambulance!" She pleaded. Tears gathered in her eyes. Quinn hoped she wasn't losing the baby. She didn't think she could take that right now. Jesse stood by her, pulling out his cell phone.
The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Jesse didn't ride with her, so he could take his car. It wasn't a very fancy car, since he hadn't made it yet, but it ran. Quinn was in tears the whole way to the hospital. She was sure she was losing the baby. Quinn hated it. She of course didn't know for sure, but that's what it felt like. She wanted to call Puck. She needed him with her. All the questions the EMTs were asking her were things she could not answer. She didn't remember any of her family history. Quinn was quiet until they got to the hospital and put her in a room to await a doctor. She was doing her best to ignore Jesse, who was sitting in the room with her. She was laying in the bed, wiping her eyes. She was toying with the idea of calling Puck. Or at least texting him. She wanted him so badly. Her heart was aching and her stomach was still cramping. She was so scared. Hands shaking, she pulled out her cell phone. She sent off a text to Puck. In the hospital. Will u come?
When he heard his phone buzzing, he had been asleep. Puck grabbed up his phone, trying to get adjusted to the light his phone had made. Puck was a little groggy as he was trying to answer. It was Quinn. She was in the hospital? What? Puck was scared out of his mind. He got up, and got dressed as quickly as he could. Puck was going to be there for her. No matter what was going on. Puck finished getting dressed and hurried out to his truck. He started it up, and hurried down the road. Puck didn't know what was wrong, but he was so nervous. Quinn had to be okay. She was able to text him, so it couldn't be too bad, right? Puck couldn't let himself get too worked up. Then a thought occurred to him. What if it was the baby? That…. Puck didn't want to raise that baby, but he knew that Quinn loved the baby. He didn't want her to be upset. He didn't want her to lose her baby. Puck wanted her to be okay.
When he got to the hospital, he browbeat the nurses into telling him where she was. They did reluctantly. When he got to her room, she was asleep. Jesse was in the corner, reading a script. Puck let out a sigh when she seemed to be okay, and not bleeding or anything. That was a good sign. He sank into the chair next to her bed, and took one of her hands in his. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. She didn't wake up. Puck was glad, he didn't want her to not get any rest. She'd know he was here when she woke up. Puck watched her breathing, inside and out. She looked so peaceful. He was glad she seemed to be okay. That's when her eyes fluttered open. Puck was glad. "Quinn? Are you….. are you okay?" He asked quietly, as he set his eyes on her. Puck was nervous. Her eyes were wide and watery. That wasn't a good sign. That meant something bad had happened. He wanted to ask, but he didn't want to upset her if he didn't have to.
The sight of Noah sitting at her bedside made tears come to her eyes. She had found out that she had lost her baby, due to stress. Quinn had barely been able to concentrate since they'd told her. She could not believe it. It was the worst. Quinn felt like ever since she had been in the car accident, her life had been going down the tubes. Quinn didn't know how to tell Puck. She didn't know how to tell Jesse. He hadn't been in the room when the doctor had told her. Quinn wasn't aware of it yet. She was in shock. Quinn looked at Puck. "I…. I lost the baby." She said, tears filling her eyes and spilling over her cheeks. She couldn't believe this. It didn't make sense, how all of this could happen to one person. Quinn was a good person, she deserved good things. She thought maybe this was payback for all the good things she had gotten. She had been blessed from what she'd been told. It was the end of the line for the good stuff now. She guessed that she'd have to get used to the bad stuff.
That made Puck's heart break for her. She had already been through so much. Now she had lost her baby too? Even though he'd been so angry at her, Puck still felt bad for her. He stroked her hand some more. She looked so pitiful. Puck leaned to press his lips softly to her forehead. "I'm sorry that you lost your baby, Quinn." He told her, wishing that he could hit a button and take away her pain. Puck hated it all. He felt badly for her. It was terrible to lose a child. Not that he knew about it, because he'd never lost one. He wanted to help her, and he didn't really know how. "Tell me what you need, so I can get it for you." He told her, kissing her forehead again, Anything she needed. He'd get it.
The way Puck was being there for her was nice. Especially since he had been so angry at her. She was touched and very appreciative. "Thanks." Her voice said quietly. She wasn't sure how to express what she was feeling. She had all kinds of feelings and they were all fighting each other for top billing. Quinn let out a deep sigh. She held on to Puck's hand tightly. She was squeezing his fingers tightly with hers. Quinn let out another sigh. "Puck, I…. I don't know how to get through any of this. I don't know how to feel…. I don't…. this is awful. They told me it was stress." Quinn's breath was shaky. More tears came down, and she shifted closer to him. Puck didn't stop her. She was glad. She needed him right now. She looked at him. "Please, can we talk about getting back together? Please. I can't do any of this without you. You….. you have to let me apologize for hurting you….. Please." Quinn said, just managing to not sound like she was pleading. Quinn hated to beg for anything.
She looked so forlorn. Puck felt bad for her. Puck just wasn't sure if they should get back together right now. She was very vulnerable. It was a bad idea to start something again when she had just gotten through this. And was still going through it. You weren't supposed to make big decisions when you had lost someone. Puck was hedging. It was just….. they had so much to work through, and she was going to be going through this. It was a lot. He wasn't sure if he could handle all of it. It was a lot to deal with. Puck hated to turn her down right now. She didn't need any more rejection at the moment. Puck just knew he was going to have to break her heart right now. Puck knew she'd be upset. That was understandable. It was going to hurt, to break her. "I'm not saying no, but Quinn….. you just lost a baby. Right now is not the time to be getting back together." That had felt harsh to say. "We should wait a little while. But you can lean on me all you need to." This was true, and he had conviction in his voice.
Her voice wobbled, and she nodded slowly. "Okay." Her heart was pounding hard. It felt awful, for him to reject her. Even if she completely understood why he was doing it. Quinn hated the whole thing. How was she supposed to go on without him? How was she supposed to do any of this without him? It was hard. Quinn wished Jesse would leave now. They'd both just lost a child, though, and she didn't want to hurt him. If he needed to be here with her for the time being, then he could be here. Her heart wasn't sure what she wanted to do. About any of it. It was too hard. "Okay. But…. I want to discuss it down the road. I don't want to be without you. You…. I know I was taking you for granted, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want to try and get things worked out." Her lip was trembling as she looked at him. Her hazel eyes were wide and breathing was quick. "I'm truly sorry for what I did. I want to get my memories back."
That touched Puck more than he wanted to admit. He had been waiting for her to be ready to try and get her memories back. This was a great thing. Tears brushed her eyes and he stroked her face. Puck was glad that she had agreed. "I'm so glad that you said that." He told her, unable to keep his voice from shaking. Puck was glad. More than he had ever been about anything in his life. "I promise, we'll talk about it again. I just….. it's such a big decision. You shouldn't be making those right now." He still felt bad. He wished he could have said yes. Especially since she had apologized for not trying to get her memories back. He was pleased that she was willing to try. That was great. Maybe they could get right back on track. That would be preferable to lately.
When Puck said that, Quinn let out a relieved sigh. At least they could revisit the idea later. She was glad because she couldn't live without him right now. "Okay. I'm alright with that." She looked at him. "I promise, things will be better." Quinn just hoped she could keep that promise.
Author's Note: Hope you liked! I promise that should be it for the drama. Unless of course the muse plans something else without asking…..