Sinking

April 14th 1912

11:40 pm

I had no idea how long we sat before I stopped crying. I laid my head on Tommy's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, my hiccups the only thing to break the silence.

It was like my whole world was suddenly a strange new place and I was a complete outsider. I had been so sure of everything before Titanic but now nothing made sense anymore. I wasn't sure of anything any more. I wasn't sure if Jack was still my friend. Had he moved on now because of Rose? A devilish little voice in the back of my mind told me he had. There was a new woman in Jack's life. A new woman for him to tease, to make laugh, to love and her name was Rose DeWitt Bukater.

There was also the question of how I felt about Jack now. There was no denying that I loved him and would continue to do so but things were different now that I knew how much Jack and Rose really cared for each other. There was no longer room in the portraits for Emily Cross and I needed to recognize that.

"I'm sorry," I finally said with a shaking voice, "What you must think of me," I mumbled.

Tommy practically laughed, "Since when do you care what people think Emily?" He asked, "There's no need to be sorry. You can't be strong all the time."

"I am an utter fool," I said.

"No, you're not. Jack is the fool."

I shook my head, "No...I should have seen it from the beginning. I was stupid to think that Jack ever loved me," I chewed my lip. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn't find the right words.

"I had such high expectations when I boarded Titanic," I said, talking slowly, "It's said to be the Ship of Dreams, and I suppose I had my own dreams for it. I thought that it would be this grand adventure and that somewhere along the way, Jack would somehow realize just how much I cared about him. I'm a stupid girl for believing that. I should have known better. Jack never saw me as more than a friend, he only had eyes for Rose. I never had a chance."

"You're a bold girl Emily Cross," Tommy said gently, "But you are no fool. Jack is blind for not seeing you."

I sighed, feeling more tears threaten as I leaned my head on Tommy's shoulder, "I am grateful for you Tommy," I said, "You are a dear friend. I will be sad when we say our goodbyes tomorrow."

We sat back in silence. Again, I lost track of time, lost in my own thoughts. Jack had changed and moved on, it was time I did the same. I took a deep breath.

I felt Titanic shutter, her halls echoing with a low rumble. Tommy and I both sat up, looking at each other curiously. We stood and went to the door, Tommy checking the hall to see if anything was amiss. He only looked at me and shrugged. I pulled the blanket around me tighter.

"What do you suppose that was?" I asked. The words had barley escaped my mouth when Titanic buckled, throwing Tommy and I back into the room. I cried out and fell to the floor, landing on my hip painfully. Tommy stumbled and fell next to me, hitting his head on the floor. The metal groaned and creaked again.

Tommy say up slowly, holding his head, "Emily, are you okay?" he asked, helping me to my feet.

I nodded, "What was that? What's happening?"

Tommy glanced around the room, as if he would find the answer there, "I'm not sure. Get dressed, something isn't right."

I could see something change in Tommy's hazel eyes. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it frightened me. I nodded mutely and Tommy left. I dressed as quick as I could, fumbling with my dress with trembling fingers. I had just grabbed my coat as was making my way for the door when I noticed it. Water, seeping in through the crack between the floor and the door.

"Tommy!" I cried, suddenly fearful. I retreated towards the back of the room, clambering onto the bunks to avoid the water.

Tommy flung open the door to my cabin, looking at me crouched on the bunk.

"Time to move," he said, taking my hand and helping me down from the bed. My feet hit the freezing water and it felt like icy needle pricks on my skin. We made our way out into the hallway, gauging the direction the water was flowing and going the opposite way. The water crept slowly along the floor after us, like a snake in the grass. Tommy kept a hold on my hand as we maneuvered the skinny corridors.

"Tommy, what's going on? Why is Titanic taking on water?" I asked, hoping my voice did not sound as frightened as I felt. More people began filling up the hallway as they woke and realized what was going on. Tommy picked up the pace.

"I'm not sure," he muttered, pushing past a group of foreigners. He looked over his shoulder at me, "We'll go find Fabrizio and make for the upper decks. Hopefully someone up there will know what to do."

I just nodded again. Tommy dropped my hand.

"Start banging on doors, make sure people know what's happening."

I didn't move quite yet, "Titanic is sinking, isn't it?" I asked. my voice quieter than I intended.

Tommy turned to me, his brow furrowed, "I think so," he replied grimly, then turned to bang on doors.

I stood there frozen, my heart skipping a beat. I watched Tommy pound on doors, my own body unable to move. Titanic was sinking? It was impossible, improbable even. Not the Ship of Dreams; she wouldn't, couldn't, go down. Not tonight, not like this. My thoughts suddenly scattered and my breath caught from the sheer panic that filled my body. I couldn't comprehend what was truly happening.

The only thing that brought me back to reality was the cold water lapping my feet. I jumped as it licked my toes, suddenly remembering the assignment Tommy had given me.

I moved to the nearest door.

This couldn't be happening, dear God let this be a nightmare.

"Wake up!" I cried, knocking on the door.

"Get up! Everyone!" Tommy called, banging a fist on a door then moving to the next one. I followed suit.

People got up slowly, groggily. The severity of the situation wasn't registering to them, not quickly enough. At the sight of the water, they were gathering their precious belongings, rather than running for their lives. We spotted Fabrizio up ahead, coming out of his room sleepy and confused with all the commotion. The narrow hallways were beginning to get clogged with bodies, making it hard to move through them. The word was quickly spreading.

"Come on Fabrizio!" Tommy called, jogging up to him. Fabrizio glanced around, saying something in Italian, "Come on! Let's get the hell out of here!" Tommy urged.

Fabrizio slipped inside him room. Tommy cursed on his breath, itchy and impatient. He glanced at the water, which was slowly stalking its way closer to us. Seeing the look on my face, he gave me a half hearted smile in an attempt comfort me, but the look was empty. Tommy was worried, and it was written all over his face. I didn't like seeing Tommy like this. For the short time I had known him, he had been a strong, steady man who, recently, acted as my rock. Now his emotions were running wild and it scared me.

Fabrizio returned a few seconds later, pulling on a sweater and coat. Tommy took my hand again and led the way down the corridors. I glanced over my shoulder, noticing a small band of steerage men following us, clogging the cramped hall. They were probably all hoping the same thing that I was, that Tommy knew where he was leading is.

Under our feet, rats scurried out of their hiding places to escape the water. They ran up the hallway ahead of us.

"Tommy, are you sure you know where you're going?" I asked.

"If the rats are going this way, it's good enough for me," Tommy replied.

Logic at its finest hour.

"What about Jack?" I asked, "We can't leave without him."

Tommy glanced over his shoulder at me, "If Jack is with Rose then he's better off then we are," he replied bluntly.

A pair of stewards passed us, opening doors and shouting at people to put their lifebelts on.

Tommy stopped and watched them, "It's worse than I thought if they're already calling for lifebelts," Tommy mumbled, just loud enough for Fabrizio and I to hear, as he watched the stewards fight their was through the throngs of people.

The halls were becoming more crowded. We made our way up a flight of stairs, managing to out run the water. The next deck up was even more suffocating with bodies everywhere. No one was moving though, just standing puzzled in the corridor. A few foreigners grabbed my arm, trying to ask me something in a language I didn't know. Tommy pushed them off me and we continued down the hall.

Another flight of stairs and more Titanic stewards were coming towards us, trying desperately to move through the halls.

"Lifebelts!" They called, holding up the white vests, "Put your lifebelts on!"

Tommy snatched one from the nearest steward, "Here," he said, and threw the lifebelt over my head, "Be sure to cinch that tight, understand?"

I nodded and did as I was told. Tommy grabbed another for himself, tossing it over his head and tightening the straps around his waist and hips. The throng of people became suddenly thicker at the next stairwell. It was chaos and confusion everywhere. Among the people I spotted Cora, held in her fathers arms. Tommy, Fabrizio and I managed to push our way to the bottom of the stairs, but that was a far as we got.

"Stay calm!" One of the stewards was saying and I saw why it was such a panic at the stairs. The black, iron gates to the next deck had been closed off and locked. A steward had been placed on the other side of the gate to keep the people calm but it was useless. Everyone was in a hopeless panic.

"Please stay calm while everything is sorted!" The man was saying, "There is nothing to worry about! Keep your lifebelts on and everything will be fine! Stay calm!"

I looked at Tommy, "Now what do we do?" I asked.

Tommy wasn't listening. He was glowering at the steward, his jaw muscle working feverishly. His hazel eyes were narrowed with distain and I could see a fire burning behind them. I hadn't ever seen Tommy so angry or so frightened. He looked as though he was about to get away with murder.

"Wait here," Tommy said, struggling to keep his voice even. Without waiting for a reply, he shoved his way up the stairs to the top and to the iron gates. I looked at Fabrizio, only imaging how frightened I must have looked. He smiled gently, laying a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"What are we doing mummy?" Said a soft voice behind me. I turned to see Declan, tugging on Arlene's skirts. She caught my eye briefly before turning to look at her children.

"We're just waiting, dear. When they finish putting the first class people in the boats, they'll be starting with us, and we'll want to be all ready, won't we?" She asked. Imogen and Declan nodded, smiling.

So that's what all the commotion was about. They were keeping the gates locked to prevent steerage from seating on the life boats. There was no doubt in my mind that bringing third class to the promenade deck would likely start some sort of uprising. I was sure the Titanic crew were doing their best to keep first class as naive and comfortable as possible. They wouldn't even know Titanic was sinking, so long as the people that were witnessing it were kept locked up on the decks where they belonged.

I now understood why Tommy was acting the way he was. I felt my own temper flare to life. It was barbaric.

I felt a tug on my own skirts. Looking down, I saw Imogen, her red hair wild as ever.

"Are you waiting for a boat too Emily?" she asked.

I looked at Arlene, who was begging me with her eyes not to frighten her children. I sighed, leaning down and picking up Imogen, cradling her on my hip, "For now, Immy. It's like your mother said. First and second class need to fill up the life boats before we can. We've got to be patient," I added with a glance at Tommy. He was talking with the steward, but I couldn't hear them over the noise of the other people.

Tommy turned, making his way towards us, coming down to the bottom of the stairwell.

"The bleeding eejit!" Tommy cursed, "They're not letting anyone out! Not even the women and children. We'll end up drowning all because they don't want to cause a panic. It's a load shite! All of it! All of them!"

I felt Imogen's eyes on me. I looked at her. She suddenly looked very frightened. I set her down and she went to her mother. Taking Tommy by the sleeve, I led him away from the Kelly children so he wouldn't scare them more.

"Is there nothing we can do?" I asked, keeping my voice low.

Tommy shook his head, "They said they'll let us out when it's time. That's all."

"Then we'll be patient," I said firmly. Tommy looked like he was about to object to this, but I didn't let him, "It's useless to frighten everyone here," I said, mainly talking about Declan and Imogen, "We'll worry about the water when we see it."

Tommy glared at me and I glared back. We couldn't both loose our tempers, not at a time like this. One of us needed to keep a level head, or we would all be in hysterics. Fabrizio looked to frightened to say anything, Tommy was to angry to think straight and so that left me. I took a deep breath to keep calm. We would make it through this, we would find a way. They had to let us out eventually.

"Just listen to what the stewards have to say, they know what's best," I said.

"Like hell they do," Tommy spat.

I wasn't about to voice it, but I agreed. There was nothing we could do about it right now though, they were our best hope at the moment.

Tommy turned to Fabrizio, "Go and see if you can find another way out," he said. Fabrizio looked at me and I gave him a nod. The Italian turned and disapeared through the passengers, down the hall.

Tommy and I stood and waited, pressed together between bodies as more people piled onto the stairwell. I looked up at Tommy. He was still glowering up at the stewards. I figured it was best to stay silent until Tommy's temper subsided. Feeling eyes on him, Tommy looked down at me.

"You look nervous," he said.

"I'm terrified," I breathed. I had no idea what was going to happen.

Tommy gave me a sympathetic look, putting his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. I buried my face in his shirt, inhaling the sweet smell of tobacco on him. It was comforting to me. I had never felt so frightened before. Titanic was sinking. What was going to happen to us?