Facing the Inevitable

April 15th 1912

12:05 am

We stood like that for a few minutes before Tommy finally released me, looking down at me.

"Come on Emily," he said, taking my hand and pulling me through the thicket of bodies, "I'm not going to let you die down here, not like this," he said determinedly.

We wove our way through the people, everyone packed so tightly it was hard to get footing on the stairs. Tommy held onto my hand tightly, pulling me up until we reached the iron gates. I grabbed onto them to help keep me up while Tommy talked with the white vested steward.

"Open this gate now," he said firmly, trying to keep his temper under control.

"We're doing the best we can," the steward replied. He looked flustered and overwhelmed, "Just stay calm! When we get the orders, then we will open the gate!"

"Damn your orders, man!" Tommy spat, rattling the iron bars, "You can't keep us locked up here like animals, the ships bloody sinking!"

The steward looked at Tommy, his face pinched with worry. His eyes flickered to me then over the rest of the crowed. I could see him wrestling his conscience, trying to decide to follow his orders or do what was right. I chewed my lip, silently begging for him to make the right decision.

"Alright, stand back!" The steward said, turning to one of his companions he said, "Open the gate."

My heart leapt in my chest. We were going to make it out. We were going to be given a fighting chance.

The man struggled with the keys as he tried to unlock the door. As he was doing this the steward turned to us, saying, "Women and children only!"

My heart sank. I looked at Tommy. What was to happen to him? He just looked down at me and smiled, which only hurt more. How was he so willing to face his death like this? And was I so willing to leave him? Tommy stepped aside, pulling me in front of him as the bars started to slide open. They had barley been opened a couple of feet when women started rushing past. Then a man tried to push his way through, either to frightened to stay or he didn't understand what had been said.

Either way, chaos ensued and suddenly, everyone was trying to slip through the gates. The steward cried out and the gates began closing on us once again.

"No!" Tommy cried out. He, and a few other people tried to pry the gate back open. One of the stewards grabbed an emergency axe from off the wall and began using it a baton. He stuck it through the iron bars, hitting people with the wooden end to try and get them off the gate. People began shoving and fighting and in all the commotion, I was struck in the side of the face with the axe.

I cried out and held my tender cheek, just under my eye. Luckily for me, it was only a bruise. Tommy, who had witnessed the whole thing, turned to the steward with the axe and shouted, "Filthy bastard!"

The other steward stepped back, pulling out a small pistol and loading it. He pointed it at all of us, warning us to get back.

"Tommy!" I cried, shying away from the pistol. I tried to pull him out of range, but he just moved so that he was standing between me and the firearm. He took hold of the bars and shouted at the steward.

"For God's sake man, there are women and children down here! Let us out so that we can have a chance!"

I looked over my shoulder. Everyone in the stairwell looked up, frightened and confused about what was happening at the gate. I saw Cora amongst the crowd, burying her face in her fathers neck. Imogen and Declan were clinging to Arlene's skirts. Helga and her parents were standing in the far corner, frightened. People were shouting in languages I didn't understand. It was all hectic chaos.

"Forget it Tommy!" I said, turning back to him and the steward, "He's nothing but a coward," I snapped, "A coward and a murderer."

I couldn't stop myself. My temper had reached it's limits. It was all insanity.

I looked over my shoulder again, this time spotting two new faces. I recognized them both, it was Jack and Rose. Both appeared at the bottom on the stairwell, looking frightened and shivering in damp clothes.

"Jack!" I called, giving Tommy's shoulder a shake. He looked over at them too.

We shoved our way to the bottom on the stairs to Jack and Rose.

"Jackie!" Tommy called and Jack looked over at us.

"Emily! Tommy!" He reached for us and we all gathered at the bottom of the stairs. Jack and I embraced and when I pulled away from him, I gave Rose a nod. She looked at me a gave me a strained smile.

"Can we get out?" Jack asked, looking at Tommy, shouting to be heard over all the other passengers.

Tommy shook his head, "It's hopeless that way!"

Jack glanced around, "Well, whatever we do we've go to do it fast," he said.

"Jack!"

All four of us looked over as Fabrizio pushed his way towards us.

"Fabrizio!"

Jack and Fabrizio hugged tightly. As they did, I noticed handcuffs around Jack's wrists. The chain had been severed, but the cuffs were still intact. I looked at Rose, confused. What had gone down between the time on the stern and now? Jack pulled back from Fabrizio. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Helga. She was dragging her parents through the crowd to come and stand by us.

"The boats are all gone!" Fabrizio was saying in broken English.

"We've got to find a way out," Jack said to us, again looking around.

"Did you find anything Fabrizio?" I asked.

"There is niente that way!" Fabrizio said, indicating to where he had just from from.

"Alright," Jack said, taking hold of Rose's hand, "Then lets go this way."

"No, Jack! Wait!" Fabrizio said as we all turned to leave. He looked to Helga at her parents, "Helga! You come! Come with me!"

Helga looked between her parents and Fabrizio. She said something in Norwegian to her father who began shaking his head and talking back to her. Helga looked at Fabrizio, helpless.

"We go to the boats!" Fabrizio said, trying desperately to make her understand, "You all come and we go to America. We will be together!"

Jack put a hand on Fabrizio's shoulder impatiently, "Come on Fabrizio," he urged. I glanced at Tommy, who was looking between Helga and Fabrizio.

"Helga, per favore! It is destiny! We will go to America," Fabrizio begged her. Helga looked to her father again, who said something gruff in Norwegian. Helga turned back to Fabrizio, looking heart broken. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips. They pulled away and Fabrizio took her hand and tried to pull her along with us, but she wouldn't move. She wanted to stay with her parents.

Jack took hold of Fabrizio's arm, not wanting to waste any more time. He pulled Fabrizio back, prying his hand from Helga's, "Let's go Fabrizio, we need to move!"

We all turned and followed Jack down the corridor. Fabrizio backed up with us, watching for Helga until she was lost in the crowd. I felt terrible for the ill fated lovers and wished that there was some way we could have made Helga and her parents understand.

"I will never forget you!" I hear Fabrizio cry out as Helga disappeared in the crowd.

We made our way through the various corridors, Jack and Rose leading the way. Fabrizio followed close after, then me, while Tommy brought up the rear. Jack stopped to look down a smaller corridor.

"Come on!" Tommy said, making to go further down the hall.

"No, come on! Lets go this way!" Jack replied and we went down the hall. We passed a group of foreigners, turned a corner and arrived at a smaller stair well, whose gates were also closed. There were at lot less people on these stairs, only about ten souls, and only one steward on the other side of the gate.

"Go back down the main stair well and everything will be straightened out there," The steward was saying.

Jack reached the gate and pointed a finger at the steward, "Open the gate," he threatened.

"Go back down the main stair well," the steward replied calmly.

"Open the gate!" Jack shouted.

"Go back down the main stair well like I told you!"

Jack shook the gate angrily, "God damn it, you son of a bitch!" He roared.

I swallowed, frustrated. Jack turned to us, muttering, "There's got to be something we can do."

He glanced around the stair well. He stopped and stared at something behind Tommy and I, pushing past us. He went to a wooden bench that was bolted down to the floor, grabbing hold of the back of it. He began tugging it at, trying to rip it up from the floor.

"Tommy! Fabrizio! Help me out!" Jack commanded and both of the men went to Jack's side. I looked at Rose and she looked and me, both of us getting the same idea.

"Step aside!" Rose called.

"Make room," I said, pushing people out of the way. Tommy, Jack and Fabrizio began rocking the bench, pulling the bolts up from the floor and tearing the bench from its place.

"Put that down!" The steward cried, backing up.

The three men hoisted the wooden bench, Tommy and Fabrizio taking the sides while Jack held the back. Using it like a battering ram, they ran the bench into the gate. Pressed up against the wall, I watched them beat down the gate until the iron bars buckled and they burst through. Using the bench as a sort of walk way, Jack and Fabrizio climbed over it to the other side.

Rose took Tommy's hand and he helped her over, then held out his hand for me. I took it, and made to follow, but Tommy held me back.

"Wait," Tommy said gently and he pulled me close to him. He looked down at me and I found myself staring up at him, unable to look away. Tommy reached up, a hand on my waist while the other carefully cupped my chin, tilting my face up. My heart suddenly beat rapidly in my chest and I bit my bottom lip, nervous. He leaned down to me. I could feel my breathing hitch and my knees grow weak, anticipating what was coming next. Everything seemed to stop for that moment with Tommy's face so close, his lips hovering near mine.

He leaned down a little more, kissing me tenderly. It was gentle, but intense and passionate. I could taste the sweet bitterness of the cigarettes on his lips.

I couldn't breath, I couldn't think. I willed myself to move, but I couldn't. My senses were suddenly ablaze and I was aware of everything around me; our friends watching, the steward yelling, the ship sinking, and then it was just Tommy and I, as if none of that mattered any more and we were the only two people left. I could feel him pressed to me as I melted into his kiss, leaning in and wrapping my arms around his neck.

Then just as quickly as it had happened, it ended. Tommy pulled away from me, watching me carefully. I didn't meet his gaze. My face was burning and my heart was still racing from the kiss. I didn't know what to think, or do or say.

"I'm sorry Emily," Tommy said apologetically, "But after tonight, I might not have had the chance to do that."

I looked up at Jack, Rose and Fabrizio. Jack looked mildly surprised as he held Rose's hand. Rose smiled sweetly, her eyes flickering between Tommy and I. Fabrizio was the only one who looked like he had been waiting for this. He smiled at us sadly. I could feel Tommy's eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. I just remained silent. Tommy hoisted himself over the bench and past the gate.

The steward had been yelling at us the entire time.

"You can't go through here! Go back! You can't go-" he stopped suddenly and Tommy passed him, punching the steward swiftly across the side of the face. The steward crumpled to the ground, his lip bleeding heavily.

Finally finding the strength to move my legs, I climbed over as well and followed the rest of the group. I was confused in every way possible. My feelings and emotions were awry. Tommy had felt something for me but I wasn't sure of my own feelings; not yet anyway. I had been so certain that Jack and I were to be together, that the prospect of Tommy and I never even crossed my mind. How could I have been so blind? The pieces were slowly coming together, creating an entirely different picture than what I had imagined. All the times Tommy had been there for me, now made sense. Not only was Tommy and good person and a protective friend, but he was much more than that, and I had only had eyes for Jack. How could I have been so stupid? I had been angry that Jack loved Rose while feeling nothing for me, when I was doing the same to Tommy. Did I feel the same about him now? There was no denying that I had kissed Tommy back. His embrace had felt so right and so comforting but there was still something holding me back.

We made our way down the hall, turning down a few more corridors before we saw a door.

"This is the way out!" Jack called as we followed him. We ended up on the first class promenade deck. We burst through the door to a scene of anarchy. People were running around the decks frantically, some wearing life belts some not. I tugged at my own life belt nervously. It was freezing on the deck, a cold wind nipping at my nose.

"All the boats are gone!" Rose cried and I turned the direction she was looking. She was right. They weren't loading people anymore and already I could see a few boats dotting the water.

Jack climbed up onto the railing to get a better a look out over the ship.

I felt sick with anticipation. What were we going to do now? I could feel the tilt of Titanic as we ran across the deck, we didn't have much time left.

Rose grabbed Jack and pulled him towards an older gentleman. We all followed suit. The man had white hair, dressed in his best with a top hat on. I had no idea who this man was, but Rose seemed to recognize him.

"Colonel! Are there any boats left?" Rose asked.

The old man nodded, "Yes, miss. There are still a couple of boats all the way forward. This way, I'll lead you!"

Jack took Rose's hand and they sprinted off the direction that the Colonel had pointed, ignoring his kind gesture. Tommy, Fabrizio and I followed close behind, trying to not get lost in the crowd. People rushed past us, throwing things over the side of the ship, trying to jump onto lowering life boats and tripping over each other. We passed by four men, playing string instruments. Beautiful music drifted up from their quartet that was both soothing and alarming. I recognized the piece; Nearer My God to Thee. It was eerily perfect for the night.

"Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in first class," Tommy muttered to me as we kept up with Fabrizio, Jack and Rose.

Everything was falling to peices. It was frightening. We managed to fight our way through a mob on the other side of the deck. A few women and children were still being loaded onto some left over life boats. We pushed our way to the front of the crowd, the mob so thick that we were packed together like sardines. Wedged between Fabrizio and Tommy, I looked over at the people next to us. Three little girls were being helped onto the life boats with their mother. Their father was remaining on the ship. The girls, in tears, were being comforted by their parents, but to no avail.

"It's goodbye only for a little while," the father was saying and the girls cried harder, "Just a little while. This boat is for the mommies and children, I have to wait for another boat that is just for the fathers."

The life boat began to lower away. The wife looked at her husband, trying to be brave for her little girls. The girls were sobbing uncontrollably for their father while he too tried to remain cheery looking. I could see the pain in his eyes though as he shed a few tears for his family. The sight broke my heart. I looked at Jack, Fabrizio and Tommy. I couldn't leave them. Jack and Fabrizio were everything dear to me and Tommy; Tommy was an entirely different story. As we waited our turn for a spot on the life boats, I looked at Tommy, shaking my head.

"I can't do this," I said suddenly and he looked down at me. Fabrizio, Jack and Rose looked over as well.

"I can't get on that boat," I continued, my eyes flickering between Jack, Tommy and Fabrizio, "Not without you. I can't leave knowing you are all doomed here and I am safe. Please don't make me do this."

Jack opened his mouth but it was Tommy who replied, "You are getting on that boat Emily," he said, "Jackie, Fabrizio and I will all find a way to get off Titanic but I want you on that boat."

I shook my head again stubbornly, "No! You don't understand Tommy. I can't. I am not getting on that boat unless you are on there with me."

Tommy looked at me and I looked back at him evenly. This wasn't about me, not any more. I couldn't, wouldn't, abandon my friends to their deaths. I would face it with them and if we lived or died, then so be it; at least we would be together. Then there was Tommy; stubborn, short tempered, witty Tommy who I still couldn't completely figure out. If he was feeling what I thought he was feeling, then I couldn't leave him.

"Emily, you're talking faster than you're thinking. This may be your last chance to get off Titanic. You last chance to survive!" Tommy said.

I looked up at Tommy, "I'll take my chances Tommy," I whispered, quoting Tommy from just a few nights ago when we were below decks and he had asked me for a dance. Tommy's mouth curled into a smile that did not reach his eyes. He watched me wistfully but did not try to continue convincing me to get on the life boat. We would face with inevitable together.

Tommy and I watched each other, not breaking the others gaze until Jack spoke.

"You had better go and check the other side," Jack said, pulling Rose close to him.

I nodded and Tommy led the way, Fabrizio following us. We made our way to the other side of Titanic. I could feel the ship tilt more with each passing minute. In some places it was hard to get my footing and I found myself tripping over other people. The wood and metal groaned as the pressure from the ship built. I could hear a gun shot ring out from across Titanic's deck, followed by screams and shouts. It was all falling apart. People were in hysterics. There were children crying and screaming for their mothers, who had been separated in the discord. Men fought for a place on the life boats and women wept for their husbands. The stewards, officers and seamen had lost complete control and were scrambling to maintain some sort of order. It was useless.

We reached the other side of the deck where men were crowding around two overturned life boats. We joined the crowd, freezing, frightened and on our last hope.

Authors Note: I believe this is one of the hardest chapters I had ever written. I cannot imagine how I am going to get through the next one. The kiss was very tricky but I like how it turned out. Oh! My heart breaks for Tommy and Emily. How I love them.