Disclaimer: I still don't own Kogan or Jarlos.

chapter 2: It wont be the same.

Day 2

It was noon and I was finally in Logan's room.

He was sitting up on his hospital bed crying, this broke my heart.

How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so stupid?

"Don't blame yourself Kendall." Logan sniffed, looking at me. He had tears staining his cheeks.

"How did you know I was blaming myself?" I wiped away his unwanted tears.

"I know you my love."

I kissed the top of his head. "It wont be the same and its all my fault. Why couldn't it be me? Why couldn't I be where you are right now?" It was my turn to cry now. I held onto Logan, afraid to let go.

"Things happen for a reason Kendall, please don't blame yourself for this. I love you and I would never pin something like this on you."

"How can this be apart of gods plan? How could he do this to me? You're everything to me! We were suppose to grow old together, we were suppose to die together. This isn't right. No. No. please Logan don't leave me. I have to blame myself for this. I've been so busy in the last two weeks, I should-be been with you Logie, I'm so sorry." My face was flushed. Tears were streaming down my face and I felt pathetic.

I looked at Logan when he put a hand on my knee. "Babe, You didn't know, nobody did." He kissed me. Every emotion was put into it. We stayed like this until the nurse came in and told me Logan needed to nap.

I fought, I wanted to stay with him, but I couldn't.

"Please. I need to be with him. Please!" My heart broke as she shoved me out the door.

My back pressed against the wall and I slid to the floor.

Tears fell once more.

They couldn't do this to me. I'm so alone, I need to be with him until his time is up.

I shook my head and screamed, I didn't care if I was in the hospital. I was losing someone I love. I was hurting and I couldn't cope.

After awhile I stood up and made my way back over to James and Carlos, They were standing next to the front desk talking to Rebecca.

I didn't feel like talking so I sat in a chair in the waiting room and cried to myself.

"Oh hey, Kendall is back." I heard Carlos say. My head looked over to their direction as they walked over to me.

"How is he today?" James asked. "How are you today?"

"He's dying and you're asking me how we're doing... Open your eyes James! I need him to survive! He isn't the only one dying!"

James raised an eyebrow at me then turned to Carlos.

"Sorry... Um, we're going to head home for the night. You going to be alright here?" He asked, backing away slightly.

"I'll be fine, Thanks." I sighed.

They both nodded before leaving. Once again I was alone. crying.

I closed my eyes hoping I would have a peaceful dream, I had no such luck.

Even in my dreams I was haunted by Logan having cancer.

I was sweating and crying in my sleep, but I let myself sleep, because either way I'd have to face this.

I shook as Logan took his last breath. My eyes shot open.

I can't do this.

I can't live without him. I wont.

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Thank you, I love you all!

~Kaycee