A/N: The votes are in, and Edward wins. Angst and verbosity it is, then!

EPOV

"Jasper," suggested Carlisle, "Maybe you should head down to the Police Station and-"

"No, it's going to be alright. He's closing the folder now," Alice interrupted. "He's putting it in a drawer in his desk… I don't see anything untoward happening tonight, or tomorrow morning."

We all breathed a collective sigh of relief. We had handled all these calls before, but this had been different. We had had to leave suddenly, when Emmett or Jasper slipped up. But we had never dealt with real suspicion before… not like this. We had always left before it could get this bad.

Jasper took the laptop over to the bed and began writing a program that would alert him to any official inquiries regarding the Cullen name. He was covering all the major intelligence agencies- if anyone so much as typed our name into one of their servers, he would know about it.

"It's a good sign that he only called a few of the numbers," he said as he worked. "It means he's really not that suspicious. I'll go back with Bella and Edward tonight, just to get feel for where his emotions are." This is getting ridiculous, Edward.

I ignored him, and turned to nod to Carlisle. "We'll call you with anything we learn later."

"Well, we better get going then," Bella said. "The Mariners are playing again tonight, and neither of you are going to get much once the game starts."

I smiled sadly. Bella was taking everything in stride- of course. She had just seen something that would have earned anyone else a death sentence, and here she was helping coordinate our next phase of strategy. And it was uncanny how well she understood the nature of our psychic gifts.

She's amazing, Edward. This has to have been overwhelming for her- all of this. And yet she's taking to our life so naturally. Surely you can see that she's meant to be one of us.

I frowned back at Esme. It was bad enough what she had said to Bella in the kitchen before dinner. She knew how I felt about changing Bella. She knew that it wasn't a subject I wanted discussed in front of her. Why couldn't she just leave it alone? I didn't want to be disrespectful, but I let her see my eyes harden in warning.

She held my gaze. This isn't just about you and Bella. This is about all of us! We love Bella, too, you know. I meant what I said earlier. I want her to be a part of this family, and I know Bella wants it too. It's not fair of you to deny her.

"Enough," I growled under my breath.

No, it's not enough! It's not your sole responsibility to determine Bella's future. If we were to put this to a vote…

I could see through Jasper's gift that Esme was getting angry, and determined. She was opening her mouth to speak aloud to Bella.

"Bella," I choked out quickly. "Let's go downstairs. I'm sure you don't want to watch Alice reorganize Jasper's closet." I grabbed her hand and pulled her over towards the door. I had to get her out of here!

Jasper glanced back and forth between Esme and I. "I'll be ready in three minutes," he said loudly. I glared back at him, and he smirked at the computer screen. It was a lie- he would be ready in thirty seconds. He just wanted to talk to Esme before he left, and find out what had just happened.

I tugged again on Bella's hand, but she resisted me and turned back around – to Esme. I held my breath as Esme wavered for a moment, but then she relaxed her expression and accepted Bella's embrace.

"Goodnight, Bella. I know it ended on a stressful note, but I hope you enjoyed yourself." Esme glared at me over Bella's shoulder. We need to talk later, Edward. I'll hold my peace… for now.

Bella gave Esme one more squeeze. "I always do, Esme. You all made this night so special- especially you, Emmett. I'd like to try volleyball again next time."

She grinned over at him. Emmett just frowned and nodded back to her. This girl is unbelievable, Edward. It's like she's already a part of our family! Why haven't you changed her yet? What if she gets hit by a bus tomorrow? It would be your fault if she died, you know.

Drop it, I mouthed back to him behind Bella's back.

No, man, I'm serious! This girl has a kill me sign on her back or something! What's next, an airplane crashing on top of her? A rare disease? She's going to die eventually, and if you don't change her first, it's like you're killing her yourself. You know that, right?

I had to clench my hands at my sides in order to keep from attacking him. I backed away from him out into the hallway, shaking my head in warning. I would never hurt Esme, but so help me-

Well, I'm impressed, Rosalie shot at me. I thought seeing all that would freak her out. You know I wish you would just leave her alone, but even I have to admit she's a natural.

For God's sake, even Rosalie! "Bella," I murmured anxiously. "Let's go."

She came to me, and I grabbed her hand again in relief, pulling her away from my family.

"What?" she whispered.

I just shook my head angrily, guiding her down the stairs. Back up in Jasper and Alice's bedroom, Esme was telling everyone her ridiculous idea about the vote.

"I agree," murmured Jasper. "This should be Bella's decision, not Edward's. Hers and the family's."

I was fuming by this time, and after I helped Bella into the car, I glanced up at Alice's window.

"Well, I'm voting no," Rosalie said hotly. "It's Edward's fault that she knows immortality is even possible, and if he doesn't think she should be changed, then I don't see what right any of you have to take her life away."

"Rosalie has a point," Carlisle said carefully. "But the fact remains, Bella knows now. And if she wants to be with her mate forever- how can we stand in the way of that?"

This was too much. "I'm standing right here, you know," I growled. I knew they heard me, because Jasper registered Carlisle's sudden guilt. I walked around the car and slumped into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind me. I could feel Bella's eyes on me, but I was too angry to speak.

"What happened back there?" she asked. "You practically pushed me out the door."

"I'm sorry," I ground out, trying to sound calm. "It's just that I thought Charlie was done being suspicious."

"And the longer he leaves her human, the more risks we take," Jasper was saying. "Just look at us. Fielding phone calls from her father! And if that weren't bad enough, he's the Chief of Police! I don't want to be put in a position where I need to eliminate him, but I'll do it if this nonsense continues any further." And I mean it, Edward. I swear I'll do it if you keep jeopardizing this family.

I winced. He would do it, if he thought Alice was in danger. Not that the humans could hurt us, of course. But if things got too bad, we would have to abandon our human charade for several decades. It would mean a life in the wilderness, and she would be unhappy. He would kill to prevent that from happening. I had no doubt of that.

"You know what they say about eavesdropping," Bella said suddenly.

I just looked at her. How did she even know what I had been doing? Oh, that's right, I thought bitterly. She's a natural. "Ah, Bella…"

Jasper was standing at the upstairs window now, looking down at me. Edward, I don't want to hurt Charlie. Please, listen to what we're saying. Things like this are going to keep happening, and you can't put her fate off forever. You can't put HER off forever.

"This is going to keep happening, you know," Bella sighed.

"What?" I put my hand on the steering wheel, tapping it impatiently. Come on, Jasper…

"Stuff like this. People being suspicious, evil tracker vampires, freak accidents, elaborate cover stories… it's not meant to be this way."

"I know it's not," I said darkly. None of this was supposed to be happening. I was supposed to be dead, for one thing. Bella wasn't supposed to be trying to end her life at seventeen. And my family certainly wasn't supposed to be voting on whether or not to kill an innocent girl.

She turned angrily to face me. "That's not what I meant! What I meant is that we can't go like this forever. I'm not meant to be human, Edward."

The steering wheel finally collapsed into my hand, and I clenched my teeth in fury. I couldn't believe she just said that. She might as well be upstairs, laughing along with them as they all planned her death! Was I the only one who was making any sense here? I couldn't answer Bella. I couldn't even look at her. I suddenly felt tired- not just weary, but tired. And it wasn't Jasper's doing- he was concentrating on kissing Alice goodbye.

"Look," Bella continued, "I know you don't like talking about this, but it's not going to just go away. All your normal arguments aside, can't you at least admit that it would be easier?"

I closed my eyes, sighing. "Let's not talk about this right now, all right? It's been a long day."

"Vampires don't get tired."

Jasper was coming out now, and circled around to slip into the backseat. Carlisle is abstaining for now, but it's already four to one. We don't need your vote, as it turns out.

"Jasper, don't," I whispered in agony. Why were they doing this to me?

Edward, why are you so blind? She's desperate to give her life to you. Just let her do it!

I shook my head minutely. Bella was still staring at me, waiting for my answer.

You know what I think? Jasper thought angrily. I think you're afraid of being happy. I think you're refusing to admit that she knows exactly what she's doing. You're just using her humanity as an excuse at this point. That's it, isn't it? You're afraid of being happy, and you're willing to let her die in order to-

"You can keep your opinions to yourself," I snapped at him over my shoulder.

"Well, I'm sorry," he sneered, "but if you weren't such a pig-headed masochist, I wouldn't need to keep repeating myself."

I gripped the steering wheel harder, and my hand began trembling as I ached to spin around and attack him. But Bella was in the car.

"Oh- I'm sorry, Bella," Jasper said, in a gentler voice, and he lowered the tension that had been building. Against my will, I felt my shoulders and fingers relax, and Bella blew out a breath beside me. She had been caught in the crossfire of Jasper's gift, of course. I hadn't even considered her proximity to our emotions. I hadn't meant for her to-

Cut it out, Edward, Jasper growled mentally. You're a mess as it is. Guilt isn't going to help.

I forced myself to let go of the steering wheel, and I busied my hands in starting the engine and turning on the Debussy CD. We all needed to calm down, and I was sure Bella wanted to discuss her mortality again. If I could just keep her distracted long enough, maybe we could make the drive to her house without me doing anything stupid.

.

.

.

We were too late. When we pulled up to the house, Charlie was just letting out a whoop as the Mariners scored their first run.

"Oh, well," Bella said blankly. She was staring up at me expectantly. I glanced over at Jasper, and he nodded to confirm my fear.

Her determination has been growing the whole drive over here. You're going to have to deal with this.

I slipped my hand around Bella's gently. Apart from Jasper's talent, her touch was the one thing that could keep me grounded, and I needed to stay calm if I was going to have this conversation with her. I didn't even know what I was going to say yet.

"Jasper, Bella and I are going to go for a walk." I tossed him the keys. "Hide the car, will you? Charlie won't be expecting her back yet."

He nodded and headed back to the car. I'll call Carlisle, and then I'll keep an eye on Charlie. Take your time.

"You're welcome to leave," I muttered under my breath.

He just smiled calmly back at me. Traitor.

I turned to Bella. "It's such a nice evening," I said lamely. "And I didn't mean for our day to end so quickly. Maybe we could just walk in the woods for a bit."

She moved ahead of me toward the trees. "That's a good idea, because we need to talk about this, if you don't mind."

"I know." I let out a sigh, and followed her into the shadows.

.

.

.

We must have walked for three hours in silence. Bella opened her mouth several times, but always seemed to change her mind. I was done trying to distract her, though. This conversation had to happen- preferably before my family made Bella their offer. At least while we were alone, I would be able to think clearly.

Too soon Bella slowed to a stop, and we sat down on a fallen tree. We were in a small clearing, and there was a full moon rising, casting a shimmering radiance on my arms as it combined with the sunset. Bella's face was a muted silver, and her eyes were soft as she watched my own. She reached up and lightly touched my cheek- she was watching the moonlight's reflection on my skin. I looked down to where my hands were holding hers on her lap. The glow on my hands intertwined with the duller light on her own, and I glanced back up at her. She was staring at our joined hands, looking thoughtful.

Was she wishing our hands looked the same?

I certainly was. But I was wishing my skin could be like hers- pale in the moonlight, without the glittering reminder of my alienness. To be human with her, for her- it would be so simple. No more risk, no more alibis, no more dilemmas – not this kind, anyway. Normal dilemmas.

This week had been one of the hardest in my life, and it wasn't because of our discovery about the werewolves. It was because I had lost the trust of Bella's father. I hadn't truly had it to begin with- I knew that. But I had been working on it. Never mind that we were lying to him constantly, or that I spent every night in his house, in his daughter's room without his knowledge. The point was, he had just been beginning to relax around me, and then this happened. Even if I never made a mistake again, he would always look at me with suspicion. And he was right to, of course. Even I couldn't blame him for calling the adoption agency today. I had a grudging respect for his desire to protect Bella from me. It was his job, really.

So where was I to go from here? It was likely that he still harbored doubts. Jasper and Rosalie had aced their performances today, but I was discovering that Charlie was an intuitive man. He was much like Bella, in fact. He had a knack for noticing details, and it had been obvious even before Phoenix happened that something wasn't quite right about me. Would it be best if Bella and I pretended to see less of each other? If he thought the relationship was cooling down, he wouldn't need to keep being suspicious.

But the thought of lying to him even more was repulsive. I had been careful to hide from Bella how desperately I wanted Charlie's approval; it was clear she didn't think much of it herself. But what I wouldn't give to be Bella's normal, human beau. Not the kind that roamed the halls of Forks High- not a boyfriend. I hated the word with a passion. It was so… inadequate. I wanted to go back in time, back to my time. I wanted to present myself to Charlie in my Sunday best, and respectfully ask his permission to court his daughter. Much of our time together would be with family, and Bella and I would finish each day together sitting and talking on her porch swing, where Charlie could peek out the window. He would able to overhear whatever he wanted, because I wouldn't be up to anything unsavory.

I had been truly taken aback last week when Charlie asked if I had taken his daughter's virtue. The idea was so forbidden, so horrible that even if I were human, I still would have been offended. Of course, he had less to worry about than he seemed to think – the very thought of being with her burned my mind. Mostly because of the danger, but also because of the impossibility. To think that I would want to dishonor her like that… I mean, of course I wanted it. I wasn't really made of stone, after all. But it galled me that he was practically assuming it had already happened. I truly wished that I could have answered that thought. And as for his other thoughts- the image of marrying her, and giving her a child… well, I had enough to worry about without torturing myself with that.

"So." I jerked my eyes open as Bella finally spoke. All my rambling thoughts flew away and my focus was back in her in an instant. What was she thinking right now? I tried for the millionth time to listen in on the space between her ears- nothing, of course. Once, just as an experiment, I had tried for a full two hours while she slept, and had only succeeded in getting a headache.

"What is it, love?" I asked softly, brushing her hands with my thumbs.

"Are you going to tell me what happened back at your house? When we were leaving?"

"Jasper was writing a program for-"

"I don't care what Jasper was doing! I want to know what they were thinking that upset you so much."

I sighed, closing my eyes. How honest could I be with her? I couldn't keep her from my family forever, and I couldn't trust them to honor my wishes any longer. I might as well be honest, before she asked the really difficult question.

"My family was… impressed by you tonight."

"Impressed regarding what? And don't say my volleyball prowess."

"They were impressed by your ability to adapt, to take in stride the new things you've learned this week, especially about the Phone. Also, they're impressed by how easily you comprehend the scope of our psychic gifts."

"Oh, well… that's nice."

"I thought so, too. Even Rosalie was proud of you."

Bella raised her eyebrows and smiled cautiously. "Wow. So, this made you upset because…?"

I released Bella's hands and stood up, turning away from her. Her touch, her eyes were like a drug, relaxing me and making me talk too much. I didn't want to be too forthcoming about what my family had said. This would take some delicacy…

"They think you're… ready."

Bella was quiet for a moment, and I forced myself to stay turned away from her. I didn't want her to get the wrong impression.

"And you?" she whispered.

"My feelings on that matter are unchanged."

"That I'm not ready?"

I whirled to face her now. "Bella, no one is ever ready. It's not supposed to happen to anyone! Least of all you!"

I didn't need Jasper's gift to recognize the hurt on her face. I lowered myself to kneel in front of her, and I reached up to smooth away the wrinkles on her forehead. "Bella, we've talked about this before. I don't want this for you."

"And what about what I want?"

"Your feelings are human, Bella. They're subjective, fleeting."

"The way I feel about you isn't fleeting." She was beginning to get angry now.

"I was referring to your desire to end your life." I refused to discuss the ephemeral nature of her feelings for me. That was my burden, not hers.

"I'm not the only one that wants it, you know."

"Alice doesn't count."

"I'm not talking about Alice! Didn't you hear what Esme said to me today? She wants me to be in her family forever! I know you heard her, or you wouldn't have been pummeled so badly by Emmett."

I chuckled lightly. "That much is true. He's very grateful, by the way."

"All I'm saying is, you're not the only vampire I care about. I love your family, and I want to be with them, forever, too. Esme wants it, too. And I'd bet that Alice-"

"It's four to one," I blurted out. Why not? Jasper would probably blab it when we got back to the house, anyway.

"Excuse me?"

"They took a vote," I said tiredly. "While we were waiting for Jasper to come out to the car. Everyone except Carlisle has voted, and it's four to one."

"You lost me. What are they voting on?"

"Overruling me."

"Oh… Oh." Understanding lit up her eyes and she smiled. "That's interesting. Rosalie was the dissenter, I'm guessing?"

"Yes. Listen to me, Bella. It's doesn't matter what they think. I am not going to allow anyone to take your life away from you. I will take you away from them, if I have to."

She was chewing her lip- a mannerism that always made me nervous. It was usually followed by a statement so random, so ludicrous that I was always unprepared.

"Well, it's not like it matters."

She had lost me already. "What do you mean, it's not like it matters?"

"Well, if you don't want me for eternity, I'm obviously not going to force myself on you."

I stared at her. Surely she didn't just…

"I'm sorry, did you just say that you think I don't want you?"

She just looked down at her hands.

I lifted her chin up, forcing her to look at me. "Bella, how could you possibly think that? The very idea is, is-"

"What am I supposed to think?" she asked finally. Her voice was flat, empty… accepting.

I finally stood up, looking around the clearing for inspiration, looking for answers, looking at anything except Bella's lifeless face. What was I supposed to tell her? How many times had I had to pull myself back, to avoid crushing her with my love? How often had I reined myself in, forcing out a light-hearted jest so she wouldn't be frightened by the intensity of my worship? Was it possible that I needed to let her see more? I ran my fingers through my hair, my mind spinning.

What could I say? Could I really allow myself to be honest with her about the quality of my love? Could I admit to her that I was an empty shell every second that I was away from her? That I would give anything, that I would kill to be human with her? That I wanted to lock her away in a tower, not just for her safety but so that no one but me could look at her? That every time I kissed her, I had to pretend there was a glass wall between us, so I wouldn't lose my mind? That sending my venom coursing through her body was the only way to save my own life? That marrying her, making her mine for eternity was the most beautiful, the most horrible thing I could conceive of?

No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. She had to be able to be free someday, when the time came. I could never let her see what my love was really like, or she would stay with me the rest of her life, even after her own feelings had changed. Bella was the most selfless soul I had ever encountered; it was exactly the sort of thing she would do.

But then I looked down at her again. She was frozen, still waiting for my answer. She wasn't even breathing. She had her arms wrapped around her ribs, as if she were trying to hold herself together. I had to give her something – she looked like she was waiting for me to give her the oxygen for her next breath.

I knew the feeling, of course. My whole universe was bent on her, on every word she said to me. Back when I was still unsure if she returned my love, I had been in constant pain. She was in pain now, and I simply couldn't leave her with this doubt. It was selfish, but I really had no choice. But what should I say?

I finally sat down next to her again, and I gently pulled her shoulders around so that she was facing me. She was shivering, even though the night was warm.

"Bella," I began carefully, "perhaps I haven't been… clear. My love for you is something I never knew was possible. It's like I wasn't even alive until I met you. I can't fathom how I survived even one day before it. Your presence is like oxygen to me. I can't even breathe until I know that you're happy."

"I feel the same way," she said quietly. "Only…"

She was chewing her lip again.

"Only you've told me before what love is like for your kind. The permanence of it…."

"So?"

A blush rose to her cheeks, and her words came out in a rush. "So if you can just… just settle for one measly lifetime with me, then how can you say that you want me? If you can just let me grow old and die, and move on after that, then how can you even compare it to what your parents have? What Alice and Jasper have?

"Move on?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded, and I finally lost control. "Bella, there isn't going to be any moving on."

"What are you talking about?"

"Weren't you listening? I can't survive without you! The day your life ends will be the day that…" I finally clamped my mouth shut, horrified at what I had just told her. She wasn't ever supposed to know that much.

She was staring at me now, comprehension turning quickly to anger. "You can't!" she choked out.

"There won't be any other option."

"But your family!"

I shrugged. "They'd do the same thing, in my position. It's the way we are. When vampires mate, it's for life. On the unlikely occasion that one of their lives should end… well, that's it."

She was blushing furiously now. "Well it's not like that for us. You said we would never be able to… you know."

"It doesn't matter. The term refers to soul mates, really, more than anything else."

"Change me, then."

"No."

"Edward! If what you've been saying is true, I can't understand what's stopping you! Everything about us is telling you to do it!"

"Not everything."

"What, then?"

"It's your soul."

She blinked. "My soul."

I nodded in defeat. I hadn't wanted to get into this either- the subject was… well, too subjective. "Bella, what we are… it's not supposed to happen. You know that I feel that way. You see, when someone dies, that's supposed to be it. Freed from its body, the soul is able to go wherever it's bound. But when the body lingers on, in this most unnatural, inhuman state, the soul can't possibly be salvaged. True humanity is incompatible with what we are. We're not driven by morals, or by fear any longer. We're driven by the desire to murder. Yes, even my family," I added quickly, holding up my hand to stop her interruption. "We're always fighting the current. It's never going to be natural, what we do. We're soulless monsters, Bella. Oh, we can find some happiness, some purpose- look at Carlisle and Esme. But it's not the real thing."

I took a deep breath, watching her.

"So… where do you think your soul is now?" she asked gently.

I laughed bitterly. "I don't know. Nowhere? Hell? Certainly not where yours is headed."

"And you don't want to change me because you don't want that for me."

"Precisely." I would never tell her of my other fear, the more selfish one. The fear that she would someday realize – like Rosalie- what I had taken away from her, and that she would hate me for it.

She snorted suddenly. "Well, that's the dumbest reason yet."

"Pardon me?"

"First of all, if what you say is true, you're condemning us to be apart for eternity!"

"Bella…"

"And it's not true anyway. If anyone is bound for heaven, it's you! It's Esme, it's Carlisle!"

"Even if I'm wrong, and they had a chance… not me. I know what I've done."

"You were doing what was natural! And your conscious- your soul- brought you back out of it!"

"Bella, I've had a long time to think about this. This is what I believe."

"Well, you're wrong," she said, crossing her arms with finality.

I sighed. "It seems we're back at the impasse, then."

"Looks like it."

I stood up, gently pulling her to her feet. "The game will be over soon. I need to…"

"I know," she said miserably. "Let's go."

I stood, unmoved, holding her back. "Bella, wait. When you said you felt the same way, the way that I explained my love… did you really mean that?"

"No. It's more than what you said."

"Ah."

"Edward, I'm not very good at saying things like you are. Just take my word for it, okay? It's more." She set her mouth defiantly, daring me to disagree with her. Suddenly I had to kiss her – it was the only way I could make her understand. The only way I could tell her the things I wasn't allowed to tell her.

"For me, as well," I whispered, and I closed the space between us. My lips moved on hers, and for just the briefest second, I let myself ignore the rules. She gasped at the change, and I had to stop immediately after that- after all we had just talked about, it was the wrong time to test my boundaries. I gently pushed her away, sighing along with her.

"I wish you didn't have to stop, just then," she growled quietly.

I turned and knelt, nodding over my shoulder. She climbed on my back, and soon we were flying through the moonlit forest.

I wish that too, Bella, I thought as I ran. I wish that too.