Nobody actually asked or cares, but this stuff really is more draining than it looks. Everything from two years ago came in a single shot, so I didn't realise it then. Also, I have a life too. A pathetic one, but it's still something, so there's that. Anyway, the hiatus is over and probably for good. Andale!

I know what you're thinking. What you expect.

It's been so long since I broke this little wall, hasn't it? I should tell you how it went, shouldn't I?

I should tell you all about that phone call and what he said and what I said and how I nearly killed myself because I'd rather die at my own hands than let him sneak in and use the grease of his voice to drown everybody in our, meaning Kate's and mine, love nest- fine, house… You know what, you win. I don't care anymore. It's Kate's house where I shamelessly freeload because not all children from single-parent middle class families like mine can afford a nice house right outside campus.

I should tell you all that, but I won't. Nah. So suck it.

What I will tell you is that it's been roughly a fortnight since that 'fateful' day. I got the date fixed without outwardly expressing any significant Fanny Thornton hysterics, and now I'm actually fine. I juggle my time between my job where I now manage the damn floor, glorifying the ass off of Chaucer's rim jobs and engaging in the occasional bout of Counterstrike with Joseph. By the way, he owes me a hundred dollars for this week alone and if he can't pay up, he does a cosplay of Draco Malfoy for a day.

I don't think you understand which Malfoy I mean, so I'll just tell you. It's Enoby's boyfriend. The one with the raccoon eyeliner and Sum 41 clothing… Or was it Blink 182… I don't know. Anyway, I hope his parents cut him off for the week. That way, I will lend him money since I actually have savings now and then make him extend his cosplay to a week.

You can't really see it right now but I'm smiling my ass off.

"Annie, it's time to go."

And this is where I stop smiling.

You heard that chirpy, perky, sexy exclamation full of bouncity-bounce? That was Kate… Sorry, could you- I know I don't do this, but could you maybe leave me alone for about ten seconds?

Kate wants to work with TMZ. She told me this some nights ago when we were discussing career options and I am heartbroken now. Every ounce of her bouncity-bounce is bouncing my admiration of her away. To think that Katharine Kavanagh, the intelligent object of my wildest, most constant affections wants to work for fucking TMZ. She could've been a senior correspondent or even bureau chief for a proper newspaper within a year with her skills but she chose TMZ. I would understand if she even chose E! because she can at least meet Joel McHale if she got moved to his show, but no. She chose to let herself be mocked by that man whose pictures form a third of her room's wallpaper.

I know… I know that my fascination with her should have ended right there, but I can't stop. It's unhealthy, and it's going to destroy us all, but I really can't stop. I mean, you should see her when she undoes her hair. That girl can rival Julie Hagerty any damn day and I still want to be with her. I want to touch her hair and… I won't say any more. I don't want to end up quoting a technopop song.

You know, I have a fear now that I might be turning into Samantha Jones. I really think so. I get so scared when I hear her voice. I mean, one more word and it's going to be her and me up against the wall. I could jump on her right now. I really could. And have my way with her. I've read BL novels. I know how it works. You say one thing but your body says another. I know all that. But it's not right.

"Hey, Annie?"

God, help me. I must not sin. Not with my exquisite angel. No.

"Annie, are you done? I think Kate's getting impatient."

Hallelujah! Praise be! Oh, Lord, thank you! Thank you and your boundless mercy! Thank you for not making me Samantha Jones! Thank you for that panacea called Joseph!

"Annie, I'm not a panacea."

Wait, he heard that? All of it?

"Yes. I did. And you said you wouldn't jump around in the bathroom. You promised, remember?"

Well, shit.

"Sorry, I-eh, never mind. Hold on, I'm coming out in a minute."

I am not Samantha Jones. Hah! Samantha Jones is the one that does it with everyone, right? That's what Soren said. I think. Samantha does it with everyone and I DON'T. Not with Joseph, at least, so there you go. Goodbye, damned conundrum! Booya!

"Annie, I'm quite sure we agreed on no howling and cheering unless you're alone as well."

Damn it, Black, stop being such a buzzkill for once. Geez.

"I can hear everything you think and say."

Okay, look, I'll have to cut things short. The photo-op that I fixed? It's today. Initially, we agreed, meaning Kate and I, that we can stay home but then Joseph somehow got roped in. Also, you never know with Christian Gray. What if he does something to the two of them? What if he seduces Joseph? That's really risky because Kate is actually the queen of fujoshis and I think she'd just help him out and then? And then what? I can't leave my friend alone in potential danger, right? What kind of asshole am I?

"Anastasia Steel, I assure you, nobody is going to outrage my modesty. Please get out right now."

Stupid prick and his stupid Vulcan ears.

Okay, fine, it's not because Joseph might get seduced. The other reason is that I get free lunch if I tag along. Kate's buying afterwards and, need I say it, she is freaking loaded with a capital L. But Joseph's innocence is just as important.

"You know what, that's it. I'm breaking down the door. Kate, it's fine if I break in, right?"

"I'm out! I'm out. No need to break any doors. Let's go." I reason.

"Are we done?"

"Yes."

He's babying me again. He tends to do that a lot. Silly goose.

"Can we go now?

"Uh huh."

"Good. Thank you. Hurry up, we're going to be late."

And off into the sunset we go! Actually, it's sunrise. The sun just rose two hours ago.

"Shut up, Annie."

You shut up.