Dear All:

I never thought I'd reach the point of no return with Scandal, but it appears I have. Last night's episode, which I did not watch, has left me shaken. Let me clarify, I followed the episode, and watched the scene with Mellie and Fitz, and it took everything I thought was true and made me question it. That scene was not organic, nor did it jibe with what we knew in previous episodes. It was the heavy hands of the writer and showrunner; it was a deliberate choice.

I have always said I may not like certain storylines or decisions, but if it is true to the world in which the show is set, and fits the characters, I'll deal with it. That is good storytelling. I have the exact opposite reaction when things are forced and make absolutely no sense. Scandal, during season 3, has been erratic, inconsistent and absolutely terrible. What has gotten me through the countless eyerolls and frustrated screams, has been the wonderful worlds created by fan fiction authors. I wanted to be a part of it, so I started writing one story, which led to another and so on.

Writing has allowed me to detach emotionally from the show, but still maintain a connection to the original characters. When I would read a negative article about Olivia Pope, or something written by an Olitz hater, or anything bashing Fitz, I could put together a cohesive argument to defend them. What I saw on my screen, and what was reinforced several times, was the love Olivia and Fitz had for each other. He was a man sleepwalking through life until he met her; she was a woman whose walls were so high and hard, no one could penetrate the tough exterior. I won't even touch the chemistry as it speaks for itself.

Last season, I began noticing a narrative in the media which started as a drip, then a trickle and eventually became a gushing flood. That was the shift from Olivia Pope toward Mellie, and the perpetuation of the stereotypes of the jezebel, mammy, that word I won't even type and so many others. Until last night, I could fight it because it didn't match the story that was being told. Until last night, I had hope that new blood (writers and showrunner) could come in and fix the mess that Shonda hath wrought. That scene with Mellie and Fitz was everything I never wanted to see and, unfortunately, it is seared into my brain.

It could be argued that it's part of a larger plan, but the text could have focused on Mellie checking out emotionally. Instead, it was sex. Therein lies the problem. Olivia heard every word and as the character I most identify with, each word was like a lash against my back, cutting deeply and leaving scars that can never heal. Can Fitz fix it? Of course, he can find the words and talk about love and there will be people who accept that. I may even enjoy sexy time, but those words will haunt me and I will never look at that relationship in the same way.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I tried to predict where the writers were going and what they were saying about Olitz, I tossed around the idea that through their eyes, it may be just about sex. After all, when they are in the same room, they are usually having sex or wanting to have sex. But, that's not how Kerry and Tony play it, and it's not how they talk about the couple. Last night, gave a megaphone to that thought in the back of my head. That maybe the writers have been letting us know in their clumsy, irrational, amateurish way that Fitz's greatest fear is not losing Olivia, it's being alone. He has only threatened divorce when he and Olivia were in a place where he thought he could jump from one relationship to another. When Olivia walked in during the last part of that argument, and Fitz told her he was talking to his wife, Olivia's heart broke. She left out of one door and Mellie left out of the other. Fitz was all alone and that image only amplified that voice. I have to be clear, that is the story I think the writers are trying to tell. Kerry and Tony are telling a different story, a better story, but one that is in opposition to what is being written.

What's worse, outside of Scandal, is the larger social context. As a woman of color, I am keenly aware of the media narrative surrounding Scandal and the not-so-subtle shift and racial implications. Rather than fighting back through the characters, it was decided to support and even reinforce the stereotypes. The opportunity to showcase the intelligent, beautiful, powerful Olivia Pope we met in season 1 has been squandered and for what? It has been 40 years since a person who looks like me has headlined a network dramatic series! Yet, for me, it has been completely destroyed in less than a season.

I was looking through my Tumblr drafts and I saw a post I started writing last year, comparing Olivia's season 3 characterization, which is completely different from season 1, to Patsy in 12 Years a Slave. I never posted it because at the time, I thought it was a bit over the top. What Shonda has shown me is who she is. She is Alfre Woodard's character in that same movie.

I'm writing all of this to say I can no longer continue this story, at least in the immediate future. I no longer connect with this show and to be honest, my heart is broken. I am trying to wrap my head around what would make a showrunner do what Shonda did last night, and really over the entire season? What does that say about Shonda Rhimes? Perhaps if I can find a reason, I can find some sort of peace and can continue writing for characters I love.

I apologize to all of you for this long letter. More importantly, I apologize for not being able to continue. I found an old story on my hard drive, which is complete. I will post it shortly. I guess it will be my parting gift, for what it's worth.

Thank you.