Part II: Critical

It was early the next morning when the doctor returned to the hospital and found Natsuki awake, and Shizuru helping her with her breakfast.

"I'm Doctor Matsuda," he introduced himself to Natsuki, "I'm afraid I didn't have a chance to introduce myself, last night."

"Reacquaint, isn't it?" Natsuki offered a weak smile, "You are the one who took care of me back then, aren't you?"

"Just so. I need to discuss your condition and prognosis with you. Do you think you're able to handle it, right now?"

Natsuki sighed, shaking a little, "Honestly, no. But I doubt I ever would be, and putting it off isn't going to change it, is it?"

"Brave woman," Matsuda smiled gently at her, "The nurse told me you were already aware of the loss of your leg. I am sorry. There was simply too much damage to attempt to reattach the limb. The leg was cremated and placed in an urn, which we will give to you, later.

"Now, your left arm is broken, which is unfortunate, but not normally a grave concern. However, it will hamper some of our efforts at rehabilitation for awhile, since you cannot use a crutch for a missing left leg with a broken left arm."

"So, then, I'm wheelchair bound for awhile," Natsuki nodded, "Alright, I can cope with that. It's not a permanent thing, right?"

"No, by all means. Indeed, once your arm has healed, we can start you on crutches, and eventually work up to any number of possible prosthetics."

"It hurts to breathe, Doctor Matsuda."

"Yes, I was coming to that. You have four broken ribs. Six to twelve weeks to heal. In your case, more likely six. Ribs tend to take longer to heal, due to being in motion, but as we discussed, you'll be in a wheelchair. Simply avoid trying to turn, and look at everything head on, and you should be on the mend sooner rather than later."

"I understand."

"As for the pain, we can prescribe painkillers…"

Natsuki held up her good hand, "Are they addictive?"

"They can be, yes."

"Can I get by with OTC stuff?" Natsuki asked.

"For the kind of pain you'll be in, it won't even make a dent," Matsuda said, "However, I do understand your aversion. There are drugs that are less likely to form an addiction, though the risk is still there. But if you follow the instructions precisely, and practice other methods of pain management as well, it should minimize the risk, considerably."

"I can make sure she takes the pills only as needed," Shizuru said.

"Excellent," Matsuda said, "That is actually a very good idea. Kuga is fortunate to have a caring soul in her life. So unlike last time…Nevermind. Kuga, you seem to be very tired. And it's nearly time for the nurse to change your dressing. Now, when we discharge you, you'll need to make arrangements for personal care at home. You'll need help with a good many things. But we'll discuss it more in detail when it's time to let you out."

"Doctor?" Natsuki looked at him with a blush in her face.

"Yes."

"Um…I know it will be a bit," her good hand fidgeted and clutched at the bed sheet, "But…what about…s-s-sexual activity."

"At least eight weeks," Doctor Matsuda smiled and spoke with a gentle calmness, then smiled softly, "It's actually a common enough question. Once your ribs have healed it's possible. I'd prefer you wait until the arm is healed."

"Thank you…" Natsuki nodded, still blushing.

"Of course."

As he left the room, a blushing Shizuru looked at Natsuki, "Natsuki, while I appreciate that you are committed to our relationship, you needn't concern yourself with such things! I am not such a selfish creature as to even wonder about such things while you are in such pain."

Natsuki lowered her head, then looked up at Shizuru with timid eyes, "I am, though."

"Natsuki?"

"Shizuru, I haven't looked in a mirror yet, but the skin I can see is black and blue, I'm short a leg, and I hurt everywhere. I want…Hell, I NEED to know those things so that I can feel good about myself. And…and to know that you…"

"Natsuki?" Shizuru sensed that Natsuki was on the verge of tears.

"Shizuru, would you love me, even if I was broken and ugly?" Natsuki's voice hitched, and she couldn't meet Shizuru's eyes.

"We shall never know," Shizuru put a hand on Natsuki's face, and eased her to look at her, "Because I can't see you being any such thing. Natsuki is the beautiful soul who saved me from myself. You are always beautiful. Never doubt that."

She leaned forward and kissed Natsuki softly on the lips.

"You are always wanted and loved," Shizuru smiled at her, tears in her eyes, "And I hope I haven't done anything to make you think otherwise. I would embrace you right now and never let go, if I didn't fear I would exacerbate your injuries."

"I know, Shizuru. And I want you to hug me, but I also know it would hurt like hell, and you wouldn't want to do that, so let's wait for the bruises to subside a bit. Then…hold me as long as you like."

The nurse came in, "I have to change her dressings and gown, and give her a sponge bath. She'll need her privacy, so if you could…"

"Nurse," Natsuki spoke up, "Shizuru is my lover. And when we get home, she'll be the one doing the sponge baths. Can you teach her?"

The nurse looked between them, then smiled, "Of course. Miss, do you have a strong stomach? The dressings are going to be bloody and there may be puss in the wounds."

Shizuru nodded.

"Very well. Now, after a few days, the bleeding will stop, and then the bandages will be more to protect the wounds from dirt and grime until they heal."

Shizuru nodded again and watched silently as the nurse gently lifted Natsuki from the bed, setting her in a wheelchair. She pulled the sheets, and dumped them in a cart, then produced a clean set and made the bed. Then she unwound the bandages around Natsuki's severed appendage. Mottled flesh, covered in bruises, stitches, scabs, puss, and blood all were revealed as the bandage came away. Shizuru made a concerted effort not to wince at the appalling sight of her lover's shortened limb. The nurse gently cleaned the wounds, dried the stump, and then reapplied fresh bandages, "This bleeding and puss will be long done before we release her."

"I see."

"Now, for the sponge bath," the nurse undid the ties on Natsuki's hospital gown, throwing it in the cart. She then gently wiped Natsuki's exposed skin with a damp sponge in warm soapy water, being very careful not to get any on the cast around Natsuki's left arm. Shizuru watched the technique intently, but then she saw Natsuki's face. It was blank. No blush. No frown. Nothing. She just sat there, allowing the nurse to clean the whole of her body with silent submission. A thought occurred to Shizuru, and she determined to ask Natsuki about it as soon as they were alone together.

Once the sponge bath was done, the nurse brought out a fresh hospital gown, and helped Natsuki into it. Then she gently lifted her back into the bed. Natsuki quietly pulled the sheet back over herself, making sure to cover her stump.

"I'll change the dressings again in a few hours," the nurse said, "And the next shift will likely get them before you go to bed."

"Right," Natsuki said flatly.

The nurse left, and Shizuru walked over to Natsuki's bedside, taking Natsuki's hand.

"This isn't your first time to be in a hospital like this."

"Nope. Though I had all my bits the last time."

"Natsuki, I noticed that you were just staring into the distance while the nurse gave you a sponge bath," Shizuru sighed, "Was it the same when you were a child?"

"Pretty much. I was unconscious for most of it, but they would have had to do sponge baths and such while I was comatose."

"Is this the cause for your remarkable shyness, Natsuki? Being forced to endure pokes and prods and being stripped down by complete strangers? All in the necessary course of their duty, but perhaps without the willingness or understanding of their charge?"

Natsuki exhaled, "Probably. I mean, they've got to clean the patients to help keep them healthy, but I didn't have much of a say in it. I guess it just made me uncomfortable with people seeing me in the nude when I grew up."

"I hope that when it comes time for me to bath you, you won't feel so imposed upon," Shizuru smiled gently.

"Oh, you think this is the fun part?" Natsuki smirked, "Shizuru, just wait until they unhook the catheter. They'll wheel me into the bathroom, set me on the toilet, and the nurse will want to see if I can pee on my own, to make sure the drugs are wearing off. And you KNOW what I'm like in the bathroom."

"Shy bladder," Shizuru nodded.

There was a knock at the door, and Shizuru opened it to find Mai, Nao, and Mikoto.

"This is for you," Nao handed a bag to Shizuru, "I couldn't make it back last night in time for visiting hours. There's stuff in there for the Pu…For Kuga, when she's able to wear it."

"The nurses said I wasn't allowed to bring food," Mai said, "but I'll make something special for her when she gets out of the hospital."

"Natsuki, you're awake!" Mikoto chirped happily.

"Happy to see you, too, squirt," Natsuki smiled at her, "Come on in, guys. But no hugging. I'm a monument to pain, right now."

Nao actually cast a sympathetic gaze Shizuru's way, "That's gotta be rough on you, too."

"My concern right now is Natsuki's recovery," Shizuru said.

"Anyway, why don't you go freshen up," Nao said, "And we'll catch up with her in the meanwhile. And for God's sake, Fujino, get some food, too. You won't be any good to her if you run yourself down."

"You're right, of course," Shizuru bowed, "Natsuki, I'm going to freshen up. The rest of you, don't tax Natsuki. She needs to rest and heal."

Shizuru headed off to change clothes in one of the restrooms.

"I haven't been in one of these places in awhile," Mai looked around, "Still the same antiseptic smell, though. You holding up alright, Natsuki?"

Natsuki nodded, "I'm fine. Okay, I'm not fine, per se, but I'll live. I…I haven't really let go, yet."

"Let go?" Nao blinked.

Natsuki exhaled, a trembling, shaky exhale, "Some people have denial. But I can't exactly deny what's happened to me. I'd fall flat on my face the first time I tried to take a step. And I can blame the drunk driver, but being angry at him isn't going to get me my leg back, so that's for the courts to settle. Nothing is going to give me my leg back, actually, so I can't bargain my way out of this. And the rest of me will heal, eventually. Right now…I just…I need to cry, to let it all out…but I'm just not there, yet. I'm…still adjusting. Eventually, it'll all hit me, and…"

"Hey, don't hold back on our account," Nao said, "I'd be crying too, if it happened to me."

"I'm not holding back," Natsuki said, "I'm just…not where I need to be. What about you guys? You holding up?"

"You're worried about us?" Mikoto blinked.

"Of course," Natsuki said, "One thing having friends has taught me, what happens to one of us affects all of us. So, you doing alright? If any of you need to cry, I'm fine with that."

"I shed my tears last night, P-….Kuga," Nao was somber, then scoffed lightly, "Imagine, me crying for you."

"Hey, Nao," Natsuki spoke softly, "I get that you're trying to be sensitive, but…it's okay if you stick to the nickname you gave me. I don't mind it."

Nao shook her head, "No. I can't. It's just…I came up with that nickname when I hated you, and now…seeing you like this, it makes me feel like a jerk to call you that."

"Then…call me Natsuki," she reached out and put her hand over Nao's, "Okay?"

"Okay…Natsuki."

Natsuki actually laughed a little, "That's gonna take some getting used to, actually. But I think I can manage. What about you, Mai? Mikoto?"

"Natsuki, I'm sorry I tried to kill you when we met," Mikoto opined.

Natsuki actually laughed a bit, until her ribs reminded her that they were broken, "Mikoto, I tried to shoot you, too, remember? Besides, I took it way more personal when you ripped out that chunk of my hair."

"Still…"

"Hey, we're friends now, right, Mikoto?" Natsuki ruffled her hair.

"Yeah."

"Then let's agree that we both did boneheaded things and agree that we won't do them anymore," Natsuki said with a grin, "Mai?"

"I'm okay, Natsuki. Hey, guys, can you check up on Fujino? See what's keeping her?"

"Yeah, sure," Nao said, "Mikoto, come with me. We'd better find you some food, too, or you're going to be pestering us all when your stomach starts rumbling. We should probably drag Fujino to the cafeteria. Mai?"

"I ate already, but that sounds like a good plan, Nao. Hurry back though."

When the others left, Natsuki fixed Mai with a serious look, "I know you, Mai. There's something you want to talk about, and you didn't want the others listening in."

"Natsuki, Fujino, how's she holding up?"

"I don't know,"Natsuki lowered her head, "I've been in and out of consciousness, Mai. Just this visit is exhausting, you know. It's hard to draw breath. But you saw something, or you wouldn't bring it up."

Mai shook her head, "I haven't seen anything. Not yet. But we both know Fujino can be a bit…possessive… of you. And she's grieving just as much as you are. You got hurt, Natsuki. And that wasn't your fault, but she sees it as her failing. She's grieving, just like you are. Listen, I'm only saying this because I've been there. Being a caretaker is hard, Natsuki. And that's not your fault, either, but it's a fact, nevertheless. Look, I'm not trying to tell you to keep it in, or hide anything from her. You'll hurt yourself, doing that. But keep an eye on her, too, okay?"

"Support each other, that's what you're saying?"

"Yeah," Mai nodded, "And…encourage her to take some time for herself, from time to time. For one thing…you're going to be here a week, right? Don't let her sleep here. We can keep her company, and we should take shifts here with you, too. But if she tries to stay with you for the duration, she'll wear herself down."

Natsuki nodded, "I understand."

Mai nodded, "I'm not trying to dump on you, Natsuki. Lord knows, you don't need it, but you and Fujino are the best of each other, and I don't want to see that get stretched to the breaking point. And having been Takumi's caregiver, I can tell you firsthand, it's easy to do if you're not careful."

Natsuki nodded, "I get it. I'll insist she gets some bedrest in our bed tonight."

"Okay. And we'll make sure she's eating and stuff."

"Thanks for that," Natsuki smiled, "I don't want to be a burden on her, either."

Mai sighed, "There's one other thing, Natuski. I wouldn't worry ordinarily, but, after what happened to District One…you have a right to know…Just…Don't tell Fujino this, but Natsuki…the guy who hit you? He's here, at this hospital."