Ch. 14 I'll Find Him Next To Me

The orange light from the rising sun cast a glow about Kate's room. She slowly turned her head to the light and lifted her eyelids a tiny crack. She wish she hadn't. The light hit her corneas and sent them into shock. She quickly closed them. When she went to speak, her mouth was too dry to get any words out.

Her foot kicked something to her left and she heard a startled "Huh". She laughed because without being able to see him, she knew it was Rick. She knew his voice better than anyone else's. She kicked her foot again and she heard a chair squeak.

"What the?" Rick rubbed his eyes and squinted due to the light that was bathing Kate's room. He got out of his chair and without looking back at Kate, he pulled the blinds down. He forgot he watched the moon drift away in the sky as he drifted off to sleep. When the light was no longer blinding, he slowly made his way back to the chair. He rubbed his eyes once more before staring down at Kate. His smile could be felt even in his heart.

She slowly opened her eyes once she realized it was safe. When she rose her eyelids, she saw Rick smiling down at her. When it dawned on him that her eyes were open, the biggest grin stretched its way across his face.

"You're awake!" He closed the distance between them and sealed it with a kiss. Firm but slowly becoming gentle. He eased himself down next to her and carefully pulled her to him. In the embrace he felt her heart beating against his chest, matching his rising rhythm.

She pushed back ever so slightly and touched her palm to her throat. He understood and gave her his warm water.

"Sorry. It was from early this morning, way early but I can run down and get you a cold one. Or maybe a pop or something?" He sat back down with her on the bed and just stared at her with his heart controlling his face.

She stared at him from over the rim of her cup and held his eyes. She reached out her hand and he graciously accepted it. She lowered the cup from her lips and licked them, sending him into a frenzy once again.

"No need. Just stay with me?"

"Of course." He slid closer and took the cup from her shaking hands. "How are you feeling?" He sat cross legged in front of her as she scooted to make more room.

"I've been better." They laughed at her quirky sense of humor and she ran her hands through her hair. "Oh my. It's all tangled. Shit!" She removed her hands but not before she tried to do her best unraveling it with her hands.

"I think you look beautiful." He took both of her hands in his and held them to his mouth. He gently kissed the tips of her fingers before letting them rest in his lap.

She smiled at his trying not to scupper the moment between them. His propensity to try to be so attentive to her when she was hurt became one of her favorite things about him. He was sweet and protective of her in every way. She looked at his chest and could see his muscles through the little, white t-shirt. She licked her lips and felt her cheeks blush. She looked away from him in a moment of embarrassment.

"What's wrong?" He tried to get a better angle on her but he couldn't catch her eyes. "Did I do something?"

She slowly shook her head and worked on calming her warmth.

"So? Tell me." Just those words demanding so much of her that she couldn't resist him any longer.

"I just had a moment of…" She still couldn't look at him and she felt for sure that if he saw her face, he would turn crimson himself. "… wanting you. I just want you."

He reached over and lifted her chin upward and caught the light and heat in her eyes. It was an unspoken longing. The room was so silent but their bodies were speaking volumes. He leaned himself closer and slid his lips on hers, just so. She let go and pulled him tighter against her. Her hands pulled and tugged on his hair and neck. Their soft moans couldn't be silenced. When their tongues connected, a stronger pull between them made its way.

The nurse saw them on the bed, enjoying each other's company, to say the least. Her own cheeks blushed, she hated to interrupt them but this was more important.

She cleared her throat and waited for them to untangle themselves from each other. "I have some things to discuss with you. Um… I will let the doctor know you are awake." She smiled and left them for only a minute.

When the nurse walked back into the hallway, they bent their heads down and tried to silently laugh but to no avail. The nurse walked back in and they snapped to attention.

"I don't know if you were informed of why you are here but the doctor will explain it all and answer any question you may have. Where as your medicine goes, other than the oxygen you required and the sedative, we have not prescribed anything. Are you in any pain?"

Kate had to think about it. When she first woke up, her eyes bothered her but then she was so consumed in Rick she ignored the pounding running through the back of her head. "Yes. My head."

"OK. I will get you something for that. Any other pain?" With Kate's no, she happily left and brought back some ibuprofen.

"Thank you." She smiled as sincerely as she could manage.

"You're welcome. The doctor will be in when he can."

Kate turned back to Rick and wiggled her index finger to get him closer. He stood up and crawled into her bed, scooting up to her right side. They lay facing each other and just gazed at each other. Their love could be felt through the simple contact they held.

"You were here the whole time?" Kate rubbed his arm and ran her finger in circles on his chest.

"Of course I was. There was no way in hell I was going to leave you. I was so worried when you called me and when I saw you…" He looked down at her finger and pulled her body even closer. "I thought I was going to lose you and here you are, awake, and I… I don't even know."

She stopped running her finger along his chest and gazed into his soft, blue eyes. In them, she saw the worry and stress her injury put him through. She was sure it was the same look her eyes held when she was worried about him. She wanted to play this off as if it was just the hazard of the job but looking into his eyes, and really seeing him, she knew it would only hurt him. She wouldn't make a big fuss out of it, that wasn't her but she wouldn't sweep it under the rug either. She made sure he was looking back at her and her voice took on a soft and light sound.

"Hey, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I didn't want to wish this on you or anyone but I am just so glad I have you. That we have us. I don't know that I would pull through most days or most situations without you, Rick. I don't want you to think that I am over this because then I would be deceiving you. But I don't want you to feel like I did, that you could lose me at any minute. I felt that, and it isn't recommended. I will be fine. Ok?" She waited for the weight of her words to sink in and she slowly watched it work its way in by the expressions his face revealed.

"OK. But I will be taking care of you until you go back to work. It is not a subject I wish to talk about but it had to be said. And before you worry about me missing work, well I think your mother understands." He smirked just enough for her to get the joke.

She rubbed her palm along the side of his face and moved her fingers along every groove or angle his face took. She was happily bathing in his love.

"You are so lighthearted when it comes to loving someone. You are free with it."

"Not so. I was so worried when I realized I liked you let alone loved you. I freaked inside but I guess you can say I was free. I let you know because, too many times I have held myself back. I regret it but I was still led to you. I will never regret that." She gave him a quick peck and snuggled her body into his. What he couldn't see, was her crimson face and the relatively new flutter in her heart. When her heart danced, she knew it was telling her something. But what?, she thought.

Doctor Burrows walked in after a quick knock on Kate's door. He smiled when she turned her attention on him.

"Hello Sleeping Beauty. I am glad to see you are awake. How are we feeling?" His gray eyebrows pulled inward as if he was investigating her. She took in his small build and wild, Albert Einstein gray hair. He spoke with a commanding voice and that reassured her somehow.

"Other than my head hurting me, nothing else bothers me. My throat is soar but it was so long since I had a drink that well, I understand. I notice I have stitches. Pretty bad?" Just mentioning them made her run her fingers over the stitches at the back of her head.

"Cut open and plenty blood so, yes. But you needn't worry, they're dissolving. No need for a check-up to remove them, also, a perk is that there will be minimal scarring. Now, we did a MRI and a CT scan and both came up clear. You are very lucky, I expected to see some brain swelling or at least a skull fracture. But with you, neither was apparent. With the kind of trauma your head wound showed I was very surprised. I would like to keep you for a day of observation to make sure all goes well but other than that, you will be free to leave. About your head pain, that is expected so I will write you up a prescription of ibuprofen. Do you have any questions? Concerns?" He crossed his white coated arms in front of him and his glasses dropped further down on his nose as he leaned down.

She tried to work through any thought that was necessary to ask but there wasn't but one: "When can I return to work?" She purposely avoided looking at Rick because she could feel his body tense up next to her.

"I would rest for a day or two and see how you feel but if you feel alright then I see nothing wrong with it." He flashed her a quick grin and shook her and Rick's hand before leaving with a smile.

The minute he was gone she felt the shift in her bed. She was preparing herself for the speech Rick was sure to give. It was important to her though. She didn't even consider how she reacted over him, if she did that would surely stop her. But she couldn't think about hers or his feelings, she only thought about her victims' feelings. They were murdered and it was up to her to solve it. When the shifting of his weight stopped she braced herself and turned to peek at him. She saw his jaw set and his lips tight in a rigid line.

He opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it. He realized he had to word himself carefully otherwise he could hurt her feelings. He cared about her well being but it was obvious that always came second to her. He removed himself from her bed without saying a word and he could feel her confusion slide across the room.

"You aren't going to say anything?" She was slowly starting to get annoyed. She expected him to give a speech, she did not expect him to say nothing. He wasn't even looking at her, he was staring at his hands. "Rick?" She tried to leave the anger inside her but it was building to hurriedly.

"I just wish you would allow me the same circumstances that you laid down." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and felt his shoulders stiffen. He was downright pissed but he couldn't show that to her. He would feel too guilty. His stomach rumbled and he took her lack of words for a good reason to get them both something to eat. He walked over to the closet and fished around for his sneakers.

She watched him slide his shoes on and knew he was leaving but she couldn't give him a response to a question that even bothered her. She wanted to give him the same consideration but how could she? She had to get back to work but she could find a way to work from home. It would only be a couple of days anyway, she thought. Right? He slid his last sneaker on and shut the closet door. I have to say something. But what? The words failed her and she watched him walk out of her room without so much as a look back.

The silence she was left with slowly started to smother her so much that she was ready to chase after him. But she knew that wouldn't do either of them any good. What they both needed was time to think. She took the silence for a time to think.

What am I going to say to him when he gets back? I am sorry? No. That isn't good enough. You are right, yeah, he loves when he hears that. Still not enough. Or is it? Oh, who the hell am I to know. I should call my mom. Hell, I should call everybody but who first? Mom, ugh she might make it too dramatic. Lanie? No. She'll want to come see me right away and I don't think I am ready for that yet. Captain? The boys? No. They might share details on the case. But isn't that what I want? Ugh. She laid back in bed and hugged the sheets tighter to her chest. She watched them rise and fall with her fast breathing. She couldn't just sit in the silence. She knew who to call.

After the third ring, she heard Alexis's cheerful voice.

"OMG! You're awake?!" Alexis threw a couch pillow at Sam in the moment of giddiness. Sam shot her an annoyed look until Alexis mouthed that Kate was awake.

"Yes." Kate laughed and listened to Alexis's sharp squeal. "Alexis? Calm down. I just thought that you should know."

"Ohmygosh. I can't believe it. How come Rick didn't call me?" She lay on her stomach and sent her feet kicking in the air. She twirled a lock of her hair around her index finger and closed her eyes.

"He left in a hurry." Kate shoved herself deeper into her bed and pulled her nightgown down around her.

"What did you do?" She said it with a lightness to it but she knew it hit Kate heavy when she heard Kate's sharp intake of breath.

"How do you do that? I said I wanted to get back to work as soon as possible. I guess I didn't consider his feelings." She took a lock of her soft, brown hair in her hands and examined the tangles woven within.

"I thought you said you were over that?" Alexis sat up on her knees and turned her eyes away from the window. "Kate. You told me you stopped doing that. What made you start again?"

"I thought I was done locking myself away but I guess I'm not. As soon as I can I will make another appointment with Gates. But do you think you could come over here. My hair is horrible." She dropped the tangled lock and tried not to think about how the rest looked. "And maybe some music."

"Sure. What kind this time? Paramore? Or Taylor Swift?" She was already gathering her CDs and personal stereo while she waited for Kate to decide.

"Taylor was last time. How about Paramore?" She had an itching to hear "Misguided Ghosts".

"Alright, help is on the way. Musical therapy free of charge. By the way, have you eaten anything?" She dumped all the hair supplies she thought she might require in her bag. She then zipped her backpack up and threw it over her shoulder and walked past Sam. She sat down on the floor and slid on her black combat boots.

"Nothing yet. But Rick may bring something back. Why? What did you have in mind?" Kate could only picture sweets.

"Nothing. I was just asking. If I think of something, I'll bring it. Now I have to go because I am heading into a cab right now." She gave the cabbie the address and hung up.

Kate waited for Alexis and used the time to think over what she planned on saying.

Alexis hopped out of the cab just outside of Economy Candy and told the cabdriver to wait. As she pushed through the doors she knew just where she was headed. She grabbed a little blue basket and placed five packs of candy buttons in it. She tossed her red hair over her shoulder and marched further down the aisle. She stopped when she saw a big box of candy buttons and had to decide if she should get that and only that.

Nah. Kate would want more to choose from. I better get Rick some candy too. She scanned the stocked shelves for some of their favorites. She already had one of Kate's. She grabbed a couple of Necco wafers and threw them in. She tossed in a package of Pop Rocks and a few packs of Razzles. She quickly scanned the next aisle for anything else then jutted down another. Row after row of candy until she spotted some Bottle Caps. She picked up one roll, just for herself. She had something for Rick, Kate, herself and then some. But she still wasn't satisfied with what was in her basket. She ran down the rest of the aisle and over two more and quickly tried to complete her mission. As it was, the cab was still running.

Down towards the end of the fourth aisle, she still didn't see what she really wanted, which was cotton candy for Kate because it was her favorite. On the end cap she saw boxes of Nerds and tossed in three boxes, one for each of them. She had only one aisle left to look at then she had to move on to another candy store. She scooped a quarter pound of dark pink M&M's into a plastic bag and took her basket to the counter.

As it totaled up she impatiently tapped her foot on the linoleum floor. The bright lights made her wish for the darkness of the cab that was waiting at the curb. Once tallied she hurriedly handed the cashier a twenty and ran out with the heavy bag filled with her findings. But she still wasn't happy about not having cotton candy for Kate. She thought of one more stop.

"To Columbus Candy Store please." Satisfied, she threw herself back into the backseat.

"You sure? I thought you were headed to the hospital." He made the right turns and she listened to the city hum around her.

"I am but I need cotton candy." When the cabbie pulled up to the store she said she would be out in a couple minutes. She headed through the doors and made her way through the aisles. She spotted the cotton candy all ready packaged in bags. She grabbed four and awkwardly carried them to the counter. She handed the cashier another one of her twenties and headed safely back to the cab.

"You got enough candy yet?" The cabbie gave her a smile and he laughed.

"My family really loves candy." She laughed with him and watched as he turned further around to face her.

"Headed to Bellevue yet?"

"Nope. One last stop, I promise. I already called ahead and it's waiting for me. Now we're gonna head to Generation Records. Do you know where that's at?" She checked her phone for the time and read 9:07 A.M.

"Yeah I know where it is. Then after that Bellevue?" He turned onto another street and he whistled to a beat Alexis knew but couldn't nail.

"Sure is. I am just running in, now don't be driving off on me." She watched his eyebrows rise and she made a little smirk all to herself.

"If I haven't already what makes you think I am going to now?" He turned to catch her face in the mirror but she just shrugged.

She heard her phone buzz and knew that it was Rick. When she pulled her phone from the zippered pouch of her backpack, she confirmed it.

Al,

What are you doing now?

Ricky,

I am making errands then I will see Kate. Y?

Al,

Just wondering. You talk to Kate.

Ricky,

Briefly. What did u do?

Al,

Nothing. Just got mad.

Ricky,

Over what?

Al,

Something stupid. Meaningless. But it bothered me.

Ricky,

You talk to her yet? Work through it. Now I have to go.

Al,

K. See you soon.

Alexis hopped out of the cab and walked right to the checkout. She held herself upright and ignored the eyes of the man behind the counter. His greasy hair was pulled into a ponytail and his bland and blank brown eyes were unsettling. He slumped over a bit as if the very task of standing were too much for him.

"I have an order ready. Name is Alexis Castle." She waited for him to reach through the albums stacked behind him. She was happy when he slid the new Paramore album from the stack. She scanned over the new vinyl and read the big letters plastered across it, Paramore. She nodded and waited while he slid the album into a sturdy brown bag. She handed over two more twenties and waited for the three dollars back in change.

"Thanks for shopping. Come back soon." He slumped even further down and his shoulders looked like they were carrying a heavy load although there was nothing there.

"Thanks." She waited till she was on the sidewalk before she allowed herself to shudder. The air was a little humid and the ends of her floral, jean shorts clung to her legs. She walked slowly back into the cab and took a deep breath.

"Now to the hospital?" With her nod he more than happily pulled out and made all the precise turns.

She knew that they would be there in approximately ten minutes depending on the traffic. She slipped her lime green, ear buds into her ears and cranked up Of Monsters and Men's "Little Talks". She tapped her feet along to the beat and closed her eyes as the song kicked in.