Sorry this has been so long, I've been away a lot so hopefully now I can get the chapter's published more often. Thanks for reading and reviewing so far!
I stood behind the bar rubbing my eyes and yawning. I'd not managed to get any more sleep during the day. I kept thinking of possible conversations and awkward scenarios and running through them in my head again and again. This shit was seriously getting to me. What if Quinn and I can't even be friends? I'm a bitch; I don't get many opportunities for friendship, mostly because people are scared of me or whatever but that doesn't mean I want to be alone. Don't get me wrong I was worshipped throughout high school and since I can remember but I can count my true friends on one hand. Nobody cares about me, not really, but Quinn was one of the few who did. I sighed and scraped my hair back, tying it up and off my face as a guy leaned across the bar waving me over.
"What can I get you?" I asked, forcing a smile. The guy's bright floral shirt made my eyes burn, not only because it was disgusting but also because my eyes were weak due to lack of sleep. This night was going to be tragic and the outlandishly, stereotypically gay fashion was just pissing me off further for no reason.
"Can I get two beers and an Appletini please sweetie?"
"Sure." I turned and cracked open two bottles of beer on the counter top and grabbed a tall glass from under the bar. Being called sweetie just reminded me of Q, Eurgh. I passed him the drinks and he handed me the cash. "Thanks, have a good night." I turned to walk back towards the other end of the bar where I was originally standing when I saw them walk through the door.
I could hear Rachel blabbing her mouth instantly accompanied by Kurt's high-pitched giggling. Then, behind them walked the tall blonde, she looked amazing. As always Quinn stood out as impossibly beautiful compared to everyone around her. Her hair was peroxide blonde and shined even in the dimly lit bar. She was wearing a red skater dress that showed off her figure as she elegantly made her way through the bustling crowd towards a table with my two roommates. Rachel turned to look towards the bar and spotting me she waved excitedly and pointed to Quinn. Don't worry Rachel. I definitely noticed her. I raised my hand, greeting her and smiled towards Quinn who looked at me sweetly and waved, wiggling her fingers. I sighed and stepped forward again to start serving the now busy bar area. Such a damn flirt.
"Hey Santana." Kurt said from the other side of the bar.
"Lady lips." I smiled at him. He laughed.
"So you're feeling better now then?" He winked. I just shrugged. "The usual please." I poured him a Shirley Temple. "So when do you finish?"
I looked down at my watch, sticking my tongue out concentrating on the impossibly small numbers. "Half an hour and then I'll come over." I smiled. "Drinks are on you porcelain."
"Yeah, right." He laughed. "I'll see you in a minute." I smiled and waved overenthusiastically.
I was rushed off my feet at the bar and the half an hour passed almost too quickly. I tried to delay going over to the table for a short while by doing my makeup and fixing my hair in the bathroom. I hated joining in a conversation half way through, it felt like the little private jokes for the evening had already been decided and I always felt like I'd missed something. It's so much harder to pick on people when you don't know the gossip. I walked out into the bar and towards my friends at the table. Come on Santana. You can do this.
"Hey." I said quietly as I sat at the circular table between Kurt and Berry. I looked up and caught Quinn's gaze directly in front of me.
"Santana, long time no see." Q said sweetly.
"Err—Yeah, I guess." Brilliant conversation. Pull yourself together Lopez. "So, how's Yale?" I smiled. I could feel my temperature rising and my pulse quickening. What's happened to my charming humor, or cool, or ability to even have a conversation?
"Yeah it's good thanks. It's erm—nice." Wow. Q seemed to be having the same problem as me. Cute.
"Quinn was just saying that she has a meeting tomorrow morning." Rachel said, sensing the lack of conversation.
"Oh yeah?" I looked at her.
"Yeah a law firm wants to meet with me. I don't really know why but even if they just get my name on record that's a good thing. You never know." I nodded. "But enough with the boring chit chat, Lopez, come with me, we're getting the shots in." Ok, that was a bit surprising. The blonde grabbed my hand and started dragging me towards the bar.
"So what's new Quinnie?" I asked smirking, still slightly shocked by her urgency. I felt more comfortable now that she'd made the effort and the feeling would only increase with more alcohol.
"Quite a lot actually. But now's not the time for sharing it." She winked. Way to avoid my question. "How're you finding it here?" She asked as we stood waiting at the bar.
"It's good. Definitely more my speed." I grinned. "I don't really know what I'm going to do yet but I'll figure it out."
"Well it sounds like you already know what you're doing, Rach told me about this girl you're seeing." She smiled sweetly.
"What?" I made a mental note to kill Rachel when Quinn left. "Annie? No it's not like that, she's just a friend."
"Yeah well you said that about me and Brit too." The blonde winked. She looked slightly regretful about bringing up the subject. I could feel myself blushing. Shit, shit, shit. What the hell do you reply to that?
"Whatever Fabray, you wanted it." Crap. Do you know what never stops awkward, flirty conversation? Flirting, and that's exactly what I was doing. Luckily the blonde just laughed.
She turned towards the guy who'd taken over my shift. "Can we get 6 shots of tequila please?" She smiled sweetly at him and he was noticeably nervous talking to her. Damn, Fabray is on form, but at least the attention's been diverted.
"Sure you can handle that Q?" I joked nudging her. "Remember what happened last time?"
"Don't make me slap you Santana." Quinn jokingly asserted, handing me one of the shots. We clinked glasses and threw our heads back, taking the shot. I could feel the liquid burning my throat and the buzz of the alcohol rushed to my head immediately. It turns out that alcohol is more effective when you're exhausted.
Quinn pulled a face and I couldn't help but laugh. "I forgot how disgusting tequila was."
"Don't worry Q, Auntie Tana will show you what real drinking is." I smiled at her and then gestured for us to walk back to our table.
Brody had joined our lovely little outing so I'd decided that, to avoid having to see his annoying plastic physique, I would take Quinn and Kurt to dance. By this point we'd had way too much to drink and Kurt was beginning to get annoyed with my lack of coordination.
"Santana are you ok?" Quinn asked wrapping her arm tighter around my waist. I nodded with confusion and looked up to her. "It's just that, I'm pretty sure you'd fall over if I let go." We both laughed. Kurt rolled his eyes and carried on dancing.
"I'm sure I'll be fine. Why? Had enough of dancing about?" I smiled.
"No, I need to go to the bathroom to redo my makeup. Come if you want?" The blonde asked holding my hand and walking towards the bathroom.
"Remember what kind of bar this is Q. Dragging a friend into the bathroom means something completely different here." I joked. I could see her pale skin begin to colour as she blushed. "Relax, kidding." I winked at her. She looked at me and smiled.
I was so relieved that there was no awkward tension between the two of us. It felt like it always had, we were friends and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed her until we were together again. She stood in the mirror applying powder and then lipstick. I was in awe. I caught myself admiring her perfect features, her big eyes and lips, her beautiful hair and figure and— She looked up into the mirror and caught me admiring her from behind.
"Subtle." She said, snickering. "Like what you see?"
"What? I wasn't—" I stammered I could feel my cheeks turning red and my heart rate increased. Did it just get really hot in here? "I was just—" I exhaled, giving up. She knows, game over. Quinn turned around, leaning her back against the sink and smiling.
"What's up Santana?" She asked with a sarcastic smile plastered across her face. She crossed her arms across her chest and stood waiting for a response, looking me in the eyes. Ok, she's definitely flirting. Two can play at this game. I walked closer to her, standing about a foot away and copied her actions, facing her and looking up to her face.
"Nothing. What's up with you? Seem edgy, nervous even. " I grinned back and flicked my hair over my shoulder, batting my eyelids. It suddenly dawned on me that while in my head this seemed incredibly smooth, after about 20 shots it probably didn't look the same to her as I imagined it would.
"Hmm." The blonde replied holding my gaze. We stood there for a couple of minutes looking at each other in silence. She slipped her powder back into her purse and cracked a smile. "You're an idiot." She laughed. "Let's go and dance, we can finish this later." The blonde grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the bathroom and back onto the dance floor. I followed her, speechless at her calmness. What does 'We can finish this later' even mean?
She was dancing noticeably closer to me now and her hands occasionally grazed my hips and arms as we danced together. I tried not to think too much into it but my god, she looked amazing. As we danced I occasionally stumbled, making Kurt or Quinn catch me and steady me on my feet, Kurt would roll his eyes or tut at me while Quinn just laughed.
Rachel and Brody came to join us after a few minutes. Brody kept looking between Quinn and me in a way that made me want to hold him over an open flame until his smug expression melted off his face.
"I don't think slick dance moves agree with your restricted socket movements plastic man."
"Hilarious Santana. So what's your excuse?"
"Alcohol, and my moves are still slicker than yours." I stated as I stumbled.
"Santana are you ok?" Rachel asked grabbing my arm.
"Of course Rach. I'd be even better too if Ken here would stop standing on my feet."
"Santana that's so out of line."
"It's ok babe." Brody interjected. "She doesn't know what she's saying, she's just drunk and jealous."
"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of you?" I questioned, taking a step towards him.
"Because you're lonely Santana. You act all tough and go around sleeping with strangers but that doesn't solve the problem that you go from your crappy job to sitting at home alone. You're nothing, you've got nobody, and the sooner you realize that Rachel is too good for your friendship, the better."
Ouch. Well, that really fucking hurt. As if I don't already know that, as if I'm not aware of how much of a fuck up I am. Oh, and he brought up Annie, what a cock! My chest tightened and I felt sick. I could feel tears building in the corners of my eyes. I could hear the conversation echoing in my ears. Why shouldn't Brody fight back? I would. I deserve this.
"Hold on, what?" Quinn shouted.
"Brody! Are you kidding me?" Rachel added. "Yes she teases you and me and all of the rest of us, but Santana is a good friend! She has my back and she always has done. "
"Don't worry Rach. I deserved it." I sighed. This wasn't worth Rachel ruining her relationship over; it wasn't worth arguing over at all. "I'm just going to go home. I'll see you all later."
"I'll come with you." Quinn called as I turned and began to make my way through the crowd.
"No, Stay and enjoy yourself."
"I've had a long day." She linked her arm in mine and leant in to whisper. "And besides, I can't see how the night would be any good without you." I looked up at her and smiled appreciatively. "Let's get a cab."
In the back of the car I leant my head against the window as I watched the lights of the buildings blur as we passed them.
"He's right you know Quinn. I am nothing." I sighed.
"That's so not true. The things you've done, the things you do, you're amazing."
"I'm not." I protested, turning and looking at her. The tears that I held in started streaming down my face as the raw, drunken emotions poured out. "What have I ever done that's any good? What difference have I ever made? I hurt everyone who ever loves me and push away my friends. I have a shit job in a big city. I am nobody here. "
"You're somebody to me. Santana, you've changed my life." Quinn stated holding my hand in both of hers. Her touch was warm and soft and made me feel safe.
"How? I was horrible to you. Everything you went through, everything I said and did. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Quinn."
"Don't apologize Santana." She said pulling my head closer to her to rest it on her shoulder. "In the best way possible, you've changed my life."
I could feel the tears running down my cheek and the red strap of Quinn's dress was stained with my make up. Quinn rested her chin on the top of my head and gently stroked the back of my head in an attempt to calm me.
"Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you hated me, I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore after what happened. I fucked up Quinn. I just want my friend back."
"What are you talking about?" Quinn's fingers stopped massaging my head and moved down to my chin, pulling it upwards so I was looking into her eyes. She wiped a tear that was tickling my cheek with her thumb and kept her hand firmly in place caressing my face. "Sweetie, that's not why I didn't talk to you, I promise. I just didn't know what to do, it changed me, it changed what I wanted." Our faces were only inches apart, I could feel the warmth of her body; I could smell her perfume in the air between us. "I haven't been totally honest Santana. That night, for me, was amazing. It's all I've thought about and craved ever since. I'm just scared. I don't understand, this is so new to me, I'm confused and I didn't know how you'd react if I told you. That's why I didn't call, or text, or visit. I didn't want to scare you."
My body felt numb. I'd been praying to hear her say those words but now they'd arrived I just didn't know what to do with them.
"Q, I—I…" I couldn't express my feelings back, I was lost for words and confused by the tears and emotions and the desperate expression on Quinn's face. I felt lost in my thoughts and as the time passed with me speechless I could see the beautiful blonde in front of me start to blush, I could see tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, I could see her breaking in front of me and I couldn't find a coherent sentence to stop it.
"I'm so sorry, I—I just thought that… I take it back, I'm sorry." Quinn desperately blurted out as a single tear fell down her cheek.
I stopped her. "Don't cry… and please don't take it back."
The blonde looked deeper into my eyes and down to my lips. I followed her action, diverting my attention to the red lips that were quickly approaching. Her lips were soft and gentle against my own, I felt dizzy with adrenaline and alcohol as her hand wandered from the side of my face to nestle in my hair.
I could feel myself swaying and my eyelids were heavy but nothing overpowered the tingling feeling of Quinn's lips on mine. I placed my hand on her leg as she increased the pressure of the kiss and she moved closer to me, leaning against my body. She was warm and smelt as she always had, like vanilla. I was lost in the moment and the collection of everything I'd wanted for months was all forming this unbelievable kiss that I never wanted to end, and then the cab driver coughed.
I felt Quinn's whole body tense as she realized what was happening, she pulled back looking at me with tears in her eyes and her hair askew. She looked between me and the driver then dove into her purse for the fare, grabbing my arm and dragging me out onto the street as she got out.
"Q… I… I get it, I know."
"No, you don't. Let's just get inside." And before I knew it I was lying in the silent dark in my bedroom, once again thinking of Quinn, but she wasn't next to me.