Ch. 17 I'm Starting To See

Kate moved around in the bed and knocked her elbow into the railing. She winced and opened her eyes to see the night sky was still visible. She quietly slid herself away from Rick and walked up to the window. When she looked out at her city, she felt a flutter of pride. This is who she was. No one and nothing could separate her from this city. She leaned closer to the window and saw that it was alive. The hum of life seemed to buzz right up to her.

"You're awake?" She turned at Rick's voice and smiled. "How long have you been standing there?" He sat up and slowly made his way to her.

"Not long. Just wanted to see my home. You can go back to bed, I'll be there in a minute." He just wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "Or stay right here." She clutched his hands into hers and leaned back into his chest.

"You know how I first felt about this city?" He felt her shuffle her head against him. "I thought that it was its own person, that each of us contributed to make it up. This city seemed to breathe to me. That might sound stupid but…"

"No. It's not stupid, I feel the same way. That it is really alive." She snuggled her back closer to him and smiled to herself. "We'll be losing the night pretty soon. And we get to go home." She spun around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yep." He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Rick?"

"Mmhmm?"

"I'm sorry. Like really sorry about what I said earlier. I know that it is something that we need to seriously think about but… I want you to know that I am truly sorry." She clenched her tears in her throat and tried to shake them off.

"Kate, we talked, it's ok now. I just don't want you to feel like that."

"I am going to see Gates as soon as I can and," her tears cut her off and she laid her head into his neck, trying to contain herself.

He pushed her back in front of him and held her firm in place. "Look at me." When she raised her eyes to his, they were puffy and red rimmed. "There is no need to feel so sorry about this. We both fought and did you beat yourself up like this when you fought with your dad?"

"No but, he had a way of making things so easy on me. I make it too hard and he helped me. But, Rick, I don't know who I am without him."

"I do. You are smart, funny, sexy, sweet, devoted, loyal, kind, lighthearted, strong, loveable, and you're everything to me. If you want to see Gates then I think that is good. But don't do it for me, do it for you." He pulled her back into his arms and let her cry for that empty space where no one but her dad would fit into.

"Now come on, let's get a couple more hours before we have to leave this grand setup and go back to slumming it." It made her laugh and he went back to holding her for just a minute longer before getting her back into a sound sleep.

"Thank you doctor." Kate happily rocked back and forth on the bed, relieved to be able to go home. "First order of business, a bath. I don't think I want a shower. No, a warm and relaxing bath sounds much better." She tugged on Rick's shirt and he had to unravel her fingers.

"I know you are excited but I have to get us packed, changed, and ready to leave." He walked back and forth around her hospital room, packing things left and right. He tossed in their clothes from the previous night and laid out their clothes for the day. "Do you want a sweater?"

"Is it cold?" She slid out of the bed and walked to the window and tried to see what others were wearing.

"Might be." He saw the frost on the window and left the sweater out just in case.

"I can't wait to go home. Can you?" She walked over to him and he just moved around her. He laid out her bra, underwear, dress, the sweater Alexis let her borrow, and her shoes.

"I am excited but I think I should get you dressed then we can go." He moved towards her but she just backed away. "I thought you said I could take care of you?"

"I did but I said nothing about dressing me. You got your fill last night but today, I got it. But I will need your help later, undressing me?" She smiled seductively but before he could reach to her, she shut the bathroom door on him.

"Not funny!" He shut the hospital door and slid out of his shorts and into a pair of dark blue jeans. He pulled a loose, Army green sweater, over his head and sat on the bed to slide on his shoes.

Kate brushed her teeth, assessed her hair, and made her way out of the bathroom. But before she turned the knob, she caught the circles under her eyes. She ran back to the mirror and stared in discomfort. How come I didn't notice it two minutes ago? She ran her fingers over them to check if she maybe had something caked under her eyes. They of course were dark circles.

She ignored them the best she could and left the bathroom, and mirror, behind. "Are those my clothes?" She pointed to her linen dress that lay across her bed.

"Yep. I'll go check on transportation while you get dressed and then we can leave." He shut the door after him and she immediately slid out of her nightshirt and tossed it aside. She slid on her bra, changed her underwear, and shimmied herself into her dress. She sat on the edge of her bed and looked for her shoes, but she couldn't find them. He laid them out for me. Didn't he? She bent down, on the floor, and dug through her bag. With no success, she just sat right back down on the bed.

"Kate? Are you decent?"

"Yeah. Where did you put my shoes?"

He went to the recently tossed bag and looked through it.

"I already looked there and I couldn't see them. Did you bring them? I mean I could wear the shoes I was brought in with but I thought you said they were too dirty." She watched him sort through what he brought and came back empty handed.

"They are, they need to be washed before you wear them again. I have them. Just give me a second." He went to his bag and sure enough, right on top, were her lace up booties. "Got them."

"Thank you." She slid them on, laced them up, and slid her sweater over her dress. "It might be cold and if it isn't well then, it comes off." She said it so easy-breezily that he chuckled lightly.

"Transportation will be here any minute. I already have a cab waiting so, we should be out of here within the next five minutes." He joined her on the bed and she leaned on his shoulder.

"I couldn't thank you enough for all you do for me." She swung her leg over his and he rested his hand on her knee.

"I would do anything for you." When the wheelchair was rolled in, he could feel her start to protest. "And you would do anything for me." He rubbed the back of the wheelchair and she relented.

"I just want a bath that's alllll." Her words started to draw out and he knew that sleep was catching up to her. "A bath, warm waterrrrrr. Yep. That's it." She clumsily and unbalanced, walked into her living room, Rick right behind her.

"OK. Just let me get these bags in the living room and then I can run you some water." He dropped the bags by one of her chairs, and helped her to sit on the couch. "Just wait here."

Kate smiled, lazily and leaned back into her couch. She kicked off her shoes and rested herself back into the deep cushions. She closed her eyes, for what she thought was a minute, and fell into a deep slumber.

Rick walked back to ask if she wanted bubbles and caught her fast asleep on the couch. He smiled down at her with pure love. He noticed the goose bumps on her legs and tucked her in with the pink blanket that lay across the back of the couch. She smiled warmly and snuggled herself even more so into the couch.

He left her to rest and decided to take a quick shower then get some sleep himself.

She tried to shield her eyes from the bright light that seemed to be hell bent on irritating her. When she unsuccessfully blocked them she turned onto her side and shoved her face into the back cushions. But it was already too late, she was wide awake. In a bit dramatic way, she tossed the blanket off of her and picked her feet up and walked her way through her bedroom.

There lay Rick, in her bed, all snuggly and asleep. For a minute, she was just going to let him rest but she couldn't. She tip toed up to him and leaned to kiss him, softly at first, then more intensely. She needed him in the strongest way and she wouldn't stop until her hunger was met.

He stirred at her kiss and didn't bother opening his eyes, he just pulled her down with him, removing her clothes as he moved. She tugged off his pants and heard him wince. She stopped in her tracks, her sweater tossed aside on the floor, and her dress pulled down just below her breasts.

"I am sorry. I forgot about your ribs still hurting you. We can do it some other time. No worries." She was already sliding off of him and not bothering to pick up their clothes.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." She closed her bathroom within an inch and ran her bath water. So much for that, she thought. When the tub was filled and the bubbles falling around the edge, she climbed in. The warm water filled around her body, coating her with the silky soft soap. In her moment of silence, she jogged her dream back into focus.

Rick had just picked up the kids from school when she got home. She wasn't working the long hours she once had, that was certain. The kids ran right up to her and tugged on her legs. She bent down to kiss each of them and snuggled them into her arms.

"They did good in school today." He rose from one of the twin chairs that were set up in their living room. "Rora, tell Mommy what you did today."

Kate kneeled down and slid off her jacket as she watched Aurora bounce up and down. "Tell me baby. What did you do?"

"Mommy, I made a bird house. Mrs. Cander helped. It is blue and purple and pink. You got to see it!" Aurora tugged on Kate's hand and led her into the kitchen.

Kate handed Rick her jacket as she followed Aurora out to the kitchen and then out the screen door. "Look Mama! Look!" She saw her little, six year old, finger point to the birdhouse hanging from the metal pole that was stuck in the ground.

"I see baby! I see! It's beautiful!" She scooped Aurora into her arms and rubbed her back. "I also see that you got something sticky on your dress. What is that?" She pointed to the red smudge on the front of Aurora's purple, flowered, dress.

"Jam. Bennett got it on me. I told him you'd be mad. Are you Mommy?"

Kate just laughed and smiled it off. "I'll talk to him but no I am not mad. Now let's get you changed." She carried Aurora on her hip and back into the house. Rick walked up to her and kissed her quickly.

"Yuck! Mommy has cooties!" Bennett stuck out his tongue and looked up at Rick.

"Oh do I?" Kate set Aurora down and picked Bennett up in her arms and proceeded to kiss him. She kissed his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, anywhere she could. "Do I still have them?" She could feel him squirm around in her arms and she saw the flush on his cheeks.

"No!" He giggled at her tickles until she finally set him back down.

"I want to change your clothes and then you can go out to play. Ok?"

"Yeah!" They screamed in unison and ran upstairs.

"Now, I get to have you for another minute before you go get them changed. So come here." He tugged on her waist and spun her into his waiting arms. He pushed his lips on hers and kissed her fiercely.

She watched her three karat, diamond ring twinkle in the sunlight and she just smiled on his lips. "I love you too."

He leaned down in front of her and rubbed her tummy. "And we love you too little guy."

"Or girl."

"Or girl." He kissed her stomach and rubbed his hand across the barely visible bump.

"Do you have any names picked out yet? I have a few ideas but I want to hear yours." She wove her hands into his hair and leaned into him. "I named Aurora and you named Bennett so this is a toss up."

"Whatever name we think of will fit perfectly. I know it will." He kissed her once more before the kids screaming interrupted them.

"Got to go." She jogged up the stairs and smiled at Aurora, who was a spitting image of herself and at Bennett, who couldn't have looked anymore like Rick if he tried. They were both fraternal twins and now she was pregnant with her third child. She rubbed her hand over her stomach and savored the life she had earned.

Kate bolted into a sitting position and clutched her legs up to her chest. The dream only left her wanting more. It was a glimpse into a life she now could openly crave. Just at the thought of having a life, kids, and Rick to come home to made her body flush. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw what she did in her dream. Being able to no longer to take the water, she climbed up, draining the water as she rose.

She toweled off and pulled her wet hair into a quick fishtail braid. She slid on her underwear then walked to her chest. She opened her third drawer and slid out a pink, flamingo, nightgown. The hem skimmed her knees and she took one last look at Rick before leaving him.

When she opened the door to her guest bedroom, which served as her new library/office, she walked right to the corner where her guitar rested. She propped herself up on the purple chaise. She swung the guitar up on her lap and began to write.

"I can see it all, right now. You walk up to me, kiss me, life with you is just so easy. Got your ring on my left finger, and our world keeps getting bigger. Got two kids and one on the way. I can see it all, life with you, everyday. Making the house up to my standards, got little toys thrown about, it's perfectly messy for me. Just go on making life just so damn easy, just keep on kissing me, making me forget my problems altogether. I got your love on my left finger, got our kids to prove what our love can do. I can see it all, one, two, three, you and me, life is just so easy with you, everyday. I'm starting to see, finally, a life with you everyday."

She finished singing and closed her songbook. She propped her guitar back up against the chaise and rubbed her eyelids with her fists. Just the thought of that life was enough for her to ache for something she never had, and who knows if she ever would.