Ch. 22 I Hear Black Is In

"I have nothing to wear." Alexis threw her clothes out on her bed and kicked at the shoes at the bottom of her closet. Sam walked in with a tissue clutched in her hand.

"Alexis?" Sam approached her and tried to tear her away from the mess she was making.

"Nothing is good enough. Emery is, was…" Alexis dropped down on the floor and was perched right next to Sam. "Sam, I can't say goodbye. I can't." Alexis leaned her head on Sam's shoulder just as Lily came in.

"Alexis? Sam? Emery's mom is here to see us." They all walked out together and was met by Emery's mom, Lisa, who was sitting on their couch.

"Hi girls. How are you holding up?" She clutched her own tissue and couldn't find it in herself to stand up. "I was going through some of her things but I think you three should do it. You have a key I presume?"

"Yes. Emery gave us one just in case." Alexis joined Sam on the chair opposite the couch. "But are you sure you want us to go through it?"

"Yes. Go through her things and take whatever you would like. She would want you to have it. Now, I must be going. I have to start making appearances. I'll see you ladies soon." Lisa left and Lily closed the door after her.

"Can we do it after her funeral? When we're already sad?" Sam barely sounded above a whisper. But all the girls agreed.

"I don't want to look too done up." Kate was flipping through her dresses but everything was too colorful. "I need black." She continued flipping through her closet when Rick came back with her black and white t-strap shoes in his hand.

"Wear these. They go with everything." He sat on the edge of her bed, completely dressed.

"It's not fair. Guys are easier to dress than women. How the hell am I supposed to look appropriate?" She sat next to him on her bed in her underwear and bra.

"Keep looking. It's a big closet." He got up and dug to the back of her closet. His fingers grazed a garment bag. "I think I got something." He pulled out the black garment bag and she froze.

"Um…" She stood up on shaky legs and tried to get the words out. "I can't wear that one." She went to grab it from him but he clutched it close.

"Why not? Is it not black?" He unzipped the bag and a black, pleated, dress with white lace trim flowed out. It was a fit-and-flare, sleeveless dress that Kate had wore to her father's funeral. It was too special to wear again.

"I can't wear it. I wore it to my dad's funeral. It's just that it has…"

"I understand. It was worn for your dad in honor of your dad. Totally understandable. I'll put it back but it can't be the only black dress you own." He placed the dress back in the garment bag and made sure it was fully zipped before he put it back into her closet.

"It isn't." She found the strength to continue flipping through and happily pulled out another dress. It was a black, a-line, sleeveless, pleated, dress with a silky, polka-dotted, liner. "This is appropriate." She had him help her zip her up and twirled for him to see.

"You look beyond lovely." He kissed her but was interrupted by a call.

"Hello?" Kate waited while Alexis cried and tried to talk. "Hold on. What do you need?" Kate sat on her bed and brought her right leg up to rest near her. "I'm sure it looks good." Kate waited while Alexis explained her dress. "Alexis? It sounds beautiful. No! You have to go. You can do it. Listen to me Sweets. You listening?"

"Yes. But Kate it's Emery! How am I going to wear this?" Alexis ran her finger along her black, a-line, fully lined, crocheted, dress with a white ribbon tied around the waist.

"With pride. Emery would love it. Wouldn't she?" Kate held up her finger telling Rick to wait a minute.

"Yeah." Alexis allowed herself to laugh and took a breath before continuing on. "She would want to borrow it if she saw it." Alexis slid the dress off the hanger and laid it out on her bed. "Hey Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I'll get dressed and see you there." Alexis hung up and slid into the dress. She grabbed her white, crotched, ballet slippers and slid them on as well. She quickly ran a brush through her hair and grabbed the top layer of hair and secured it with a white ribbon. When she looked at her reflection in her mirror, she smiled. "This one is for you Em."

"She was worried that she wouldn't look right. Just let me fix my hair and we'll go." Kate ran to her bathroom and quickly did her hair into a French twist before sliding her feet into her black and white t-straps.

"You ready now?" Rick stood in a black suit adorned with a black, silk tie. His hair was parted to the left and brushed back. In Kate's eyes, he was the most handsome man in the world.

"More than." But what Kate wasn't saying was that she was ready for a full and forever life with him.

Alexis sat on the front pew with Lisa to her left and Sam then Lily to her right. Kate and Rick sat right behind them and Alexis frequently needed to turn around to see that they were there. Lisa sat in a black dress that loosely fell off her and had on a black cardigan to cover her arms. Sam was wearing a fitted, black dress with white, lace sides. Her hair was pulled back into a braid and was secured with a pink ribbon. Lily had her pink hair pulled back with a black, ribbon, headband. She was wearing a black, a-line dress with petal cap sleeves. The dress had a small cut out of the back, exposing Lily's cross tattoo.

"We have gathered here to honor a life that was taken too soon." The preacher stood at the front of the church, bible in hand, cross behind him. He spoke into the microphone that was connected to the podium he stood behind.

"Emery was a young, spirited, young lady who loved to live. Did she not?" There were quiet laughs sounding in the church. "She wanted more than anything to experience the wondrous things that life has to offer. She fought her mom to move into her own apartment, wanting to experience what it was like to live on her own." There was quiet cries but he continued on. "She would crack jokes about being sick, not wanting sympathy or tears anytime someone saw her. She wanted laughter, love, and life."

Alexis, Sam, and Lily nodded, remembering those exact words written over Emery's bed. She had Alexis paint them over her bed when she first moved in. Alexis smiled to herself at the memory. It had only taken but a few minutes to do but they kept chatting away the time and what was but a twenty minute job, turned into a two hour job.

Emery had insisted on watching Alexis, making sure it looked good. And how Emery insisted on Alexis standing on her bed rather than standing on a ladder. How the bright pink words shined was why Emery chose that exact spot. For when the sun came in, the words would shine along with it.

"I have some people that were closest to Emery to come up and say a few things. Would you like to come up now?" The preacher held out his arm as if offering his physical support and not just his spiritual.

Lisa was the first to go. "My daughter would fight me. Stubborn and tenacious. I would tell her things but she would go and explain how unnecessary it all was. Like the time she wanted an apartment. I had told her that it would be hard to live on her own but she just simply replied, 'But mom, didn't you do it?' And of course I said yes and she responded, 'Then I believe that I can do it as well.' It was very funny that I couldn't help but laugh. She was like that, always trying to make people smile. There were so many wonderful things about her that made her truly special, truly unique. And when we found out that she had stopped responding to treatments, she just simply said that she had lived. And I asked her, weren't there things that she still wanted to do, and she responded with one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard. She said, 'I was loved so I have lived.' That's what I want you all to remember about my daughter, that she was loved so she considered herself to have lived." She stepped off the podium and once again the preacher stood up.

"That was very lovely. I do believe that some of her friends would like to come up and share some things. Lily?"

Lily walked on wobbly legs and stood in front of everyone at the podium. The crowd didn't know her like Sam and Lily did; Lily was afraid of public speaking. Somehow she found the courage to speak. "Emery was special. She wasn't like any other person I had ever met. She was also the most positive person I have ever met. She would tell us stories about her life almost everyday. And you could sit with her, not say a word but to just listen to music or sometimes nothing and be completely happy. Just her company was enough. We would all eat breakfast with her, every morning. We had the same thing, chocolate chip waffles with very little syrup. We would drink coffee and just be. Her spirit was infectious, so infectious that she encouraged us all to pursue life, to go for what we wanted. She was the reason that I even enrolled in college. She was just like that and that spirit will live on through anyone who knew her." Lily stepped down and kept her head to the floor.

Sam stood up next. "Hi. I'm Sam, another friend. Emery was life. That is the best way to describe her, she was full of it. She yearned for what everyone takes for granted, another day. She was adamant that people live everyday like it was their last. We would watch movies and laugh or talk through the whole thing. Then we would start it all over and watch it seriously the second time. And no matter how many times we watched movies, even though we knew how we were, we would still do it. There wasn't a time with Emery that I felt bad for her, she made it like it was no big deal. And not until she was really bad, like last week or so, did I feel for her. I would gladly give up my time so she could have more. She was the kind of person, no matter what they wanted, you would do it. Anything could and would be done for her. Emery was life and I am going to live mine, continue on, for her." Sam stepped down and wiped her tears away, leaving make-up smears across her cheeks.

Alexis was the last to go. "Emery was everything. Beauty beyond, smile so radiant, and her heart the biggest and brightest. We would sit out on her terrace and bathe in the sun. Sometimes we would wear her big, floppy hats and pretend that we were movie stars and had to cover our face from the paparazzi. We would sip tea and we would hold our pinky up and act all British. We would do such terrible accents that we would laugh half the time. But what I remembered most were the quiet moments. The times when all could be said without uttering a single word. Those are the moments that I think I will cherish the most. I would sit with her on her couch and we would just look at each other. It may seem weird but it was almost like we were connecting to each other, creating such a strong link between us. I could feel her spirit then just as I can feel it now. Because she'll always be with me, us. And the last time we had a serious conversation, she said that when she died, 'The ground can hold my body but Heaven will hold my heart, and you will hold my memories'. It was those words that made me feel her love the most. She wanted me to keep her alive and I will. So do that for her; keep her alive, talk about her, remember her. Because you never know how and when it ends." Alexis smiled once to everyone who was seated in the pews and then to the top of the church, just as a light came in and shined on Emery's casket.

"Looks like Emery will always be shining." She stepped off the podium and rejoined Sam and Lily. Everyone started to come forward and say their goodbyes and Alexis just watched them go. One by one they blew kisses, laid flowers, and tucked in mementos.

When the last two rows lined up, Lisa let go. Her tears fell and her chest heaved, for it was the last time that she would see her daughter. "It isn't supposed to be like this. I shouldn't have to bury her. I shouldn't have to say goodbye." She wiped at her tears but as they kept running down, she ignored them.

Kate and Rick walked up to Emery and Kate slid in her casket a pink, chiffon scarf. "I hear that this is your favorite color. I want you to have it. Good luck kiddo. Say hi to my dad for me." Kate kissed her palm then laid it on top of Emery's casket. Rick was next.

"You meant the world to Alexis amongst others. I am so sorry you had to leave so soon. Say hi to my mom and dad for me." He patted the casket and waited outside the church for Alexis.

"Bye Emery." Lily flew out of the church and Sam went following after her.

Alexis stood near Emery and just looked at her. "You were the best friend that I have ever had. And it's not fair that you had to leave. But I will never forget you. Our conversation will never end so I will not say goodbye. Talk to you soon Em." Alexis kissed a copy of her favorite photo of them both and laid it next to Emery.

Alexis waited respectively, a few pews down for Lisa. She couldn't hear her words but her sadness could be heard through her cries and be felt just by seeing her. Alexis tried to hold back her cries long enough to be strong for Lisa. And when Lisa finished whatever she had been saying, Alexis walked out with her.

"Thank you sweetheart." Lisa hugged Alexis and rubbed her back.

"For what?"

"For being what Emery wanted most in life, love." Lisa kissed the top of Alexis's head then left her standing on the church steps.

Alexis looked for Rick and Kate and fled to them. Rick picked her up in his arms and just held her. Then Kate gave her a tight hug.

"Thank you guys for coming for Em and I. It means a lot. Would you like to go get something to eat?" Alexis followed Rick and Kate to their car but Rick stopped her.

"Don't you want to be with Sam and Lily?"

"Nah. They're going to the luncheon and I don't want to go. It will be too much for me. Can we grab something and head to Manhattan Beach?" She swayed back and forth waiting for them to respond.

"Sure thing. Where would you like to eat?" Rick opened the door of Kate's car for Alexis.

"Anything, I am starving." She slid in the back and nodded to Kate whose fingers hovered neared the radio.

"How about Pizza Boulevard?" Kate made a left out of the church parking lot and waited for agreements.

"Sounds good." Alexis nodded and Rick agreed as well. "By the way you can hit the tunes."

"Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line came on and Kate and Alexis smiled.

"Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise." Alexis sang along with Kate.

"We were falling in love in the sweetheart of summer… baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise. Down a back road blowin' stop signs through the middle, every little farm town with you. In this brand new Chevy with a left kit, would look a hell of a lot better with you up in it. So baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise." Kate had rolled down the windows and Alexis was turning an imaginary wheel.

Rick waited the song out and when it ended, he was happy to see that it had brought a smile to Alexis's face. He flipped to another station and "Wings" by Little Mix came on and Kate and Alexis once again sang along. Rick threw his head back and just figured that he wouldn't get a chance to listen to something he enjoyed as well.

"Mama told me not to waste my life, she said spread your wings my little butterfly, don't let what they say keep you up at night, they can't detain you, 'cause wings are made to fly."

They pulled up to Pizza Boulevard and hurriedly walked in. Kate ordered a slice of sausage pizza, a plate of cheese fries, and a Chocolate Milano ice coffee. Rick ordered a Lipton tea, a side of pizza fries, and a bacon cheeseburger. Alexis ordered a side of curly cheese fries, a sausage and pepper sub, and a Red Bull.

After they gathered their food, they headed to the beach. They kicked off their shows and laid out in the sand. Since it was Spring, there was just a light breeze blowing around them.

"You had a great idea Alexis." Kate took a big bite out of her pizza and tried not to get grease on her dress.

"Emery loved the beach, that's what she missed most about being sick, the beach. And the food was your idea, so thanks." She took a big bite out of her sub and grabbed the piece of pepper that hung out.

Rick was devouring his pizza fries and Kate reached over and grabbed one. "Yum, these are good. Try mine."

He smiled and looked at her, "I already have." He laughed and tried not to choke on the bite of bacon burger that he took.

"What?" She knocked into him and they fell back into the sand. "No. My dress!" Kate stood up and proceeded to wipe the sand off her dress.

"Don't worry about it Kate. We can get it cleaned if need be." Rick pulled her back down beside him and they cuddled close together.

Alexis looked at Rick and Kate and smiled to herself. It's just a matter of time until they get married. Pretty soon. Won't have to wait for long. She finished her fries and popped the tab in her Red Bull.

Kate wiped her mouth from the grease of her pizza and Rick reached out with a napkin and wiped the little bit she had missed. "Thank you love." She kissed him quickly and touched foreheads. "I really do love you."

"And I love you as well." He smiled down at her. "What do you say that when we take Alexis home, we do something special."

She looked up and laid her hands on his shoulders. "Like what?"

"Maybe go visit someone very special." He looked at her confused face and decided to connect the dots for her. "Your dad."

"Oh." Her face went straight to sadness and it hung there, making uncomfortable silence.

"You don't have to." He lifted up her chin. "But I would like you to. I think you need it." He gently kissed her before letting go of her chin. He looked over to Alexis and smiled, thinly. "Look at her." Kate turned to look at Alexis as well. "She is breaking."

"No, look again. She is healing." Kate smiled as Alexis watched the water, possibly looking for answers. Maybe she was hoping to not hurt as much. But whatever she was thinking, in the process she was healing.

Alexis finished her Red Bull, gathered everyone's garbage and tossed it in a nearby trash can. She came back and stood over Kate and looked to them both. "I am going in the water. Want to come?" She held out her hand and Kate ignored the fact that she was wearing one of her best dresses.

"Come on. You too Rick." He stood up and once again felt the sand in his toes. "You're lucky I already had my shoes and socks off." He followed them both.

Alexis ran into the water and splashed her feet. Kate tried to be careful but there was a big wave coming and she felt someone lift her up.

"I got you!" Rick yelled. He held her in his arms and ran through the water with her. "Gonna get wet." He kicked his foot up and splashed Alexis.

She returned the kick and got Kate. "Ohmygosh, I am so sorry Kate. I didn't mean…" But she stopped apologizing when she saw Kate's smile.

"Put me down!" Kate ignored the fact that she hadn't wanted to get wet and splashed Alexis across the front of her dress.

"Hey!" Alexis returned it and smacked water into Kate's face. "There, now we are even."

"Oh no we aren't." Kate was about to hit her with water when she was tackled from behind. Rick had dove right into her, sending her face down into the water. When she stood up, she shook her head lose and felt the comb slip out of her hair, sending her hair falling to her back. She picked up the comb and threw it onto the sand. She turned to Rick, "Watch out buddy." She went to run into him but he avoided her at the last minute, sending her face down once more.

He was busy laughing at her that he hadn't noticed Alexis come up from behind. She jumped on top of him and sent him falling to the water. Kate hugged her.

"Good one." They both laughed when Rick submerged from the water. He shook out his hair and looked at them both.

"You think that was funny, watch this!" He ran towards them and they tried to run but he knocked them both into the water. "Now that's funny!"

Alexis and Kate waited in the water and both grabbed one of his ankle's at the exact same time, sending him down next to them. "That is funny," Kate laughed. Alexis smiled at them both then watched them play together in the water.

Rick picked up Kate and twirled around the water with her in his arms. She threw her head back and laughed. Rick tossed her into the water and she pulled him down with her. They emerged together and both shook out their hair. She tried to run away from him but her dress dragged her down and he grabbed her in time, sending them both back into the water.

When they both stood up, he grabbed her and carried her to the beach, where Alexis was sitting. He tossed her down into the sand and fell down next to her. She rolled over and was leaning over him. She smiled down at him and he traced his finger up her arm. As she was leaning down to kiss him, he sent her rolling over, onto her back. She grabbed him and tossed him aside and they began their chase.

She ran down the beach but he was running faster than she was. He tackled her into the sand and they continued to laugh. Alexis couldn't hear what they were saying but words weren't needed with them. They understood each other on a deeper level, one where words couldn't reach. Only true feelings revealed themselves when they looked at each other.

He pulled her up and out of the sand and they made their way towards Alexis. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. Alexis smiled as they finally dropped down into the sand next to her.

"You guys done acting like children?" She smiled sarcastically and watched as Rick stuck his tongue out. "Whatever." She tossed her hand out and just watched the sky grow darker and felt the chill that the night was bringing.

"Hey Sweets? You ready to go home?" Kate slid her feet into the sand and squished her toes.

"Yeah. Sam and Lily are probably waiting for me."

After Alexis was dropped off, Kate drove to go see her father. She walked with Rick, hand-in-hand, and stopped at her father's gravestone. The words, "Husband, father, and friend, and the whole world," were etched into his gravestone.

"Hey dad. I brought Rick. He is my boyfriend and he means the world to me. I think you would like him. He's smart, and funny, and he loves me greatly. Dad? I miss you. You know that right? You mean so much to me, meant, no I had it right the first time. You know how you said not to run away from things that we are meant to have? Well, I am not running away from him." Kate looked at Rick, she kissed her father's gravestone, and walked back to her car, Rick right by her side; the way she wanted it for the rest of her life.

Alexis opened the door to Emery's apartment and froze. The air was off; it wasn't full of life.

"It feels wrong." Sam hesitated just behind Alexis and felt Lily reach for her arm. "I don't know how to do it."

"Just look. We know what she had, what those things meant to her, grab them and go." Alexis walked in and felt Sam and Lily at her heels. "I can do this." She whispered to herself.

Lily went right to Emery's bandanas. "This one is my favorite." She held up a purple scarf that had white stars scattered over it. "I remember when she bought this. It was pouring and we were just lucky enough to get a cab but as we were driving, she spotted it in a window. I told her that we could go tomorrow but she insisted. So, the cab driver pulled around and we ran inside and we were drenched already. She bought the scarf and wore it right away. When we got back outside, she stopped and let the rain pour down on her. And you know what she said?" Lily didn't wait for a response. "She said 'I feel it'." And I asked her what she meant and she simply replied, 'I feel nature. I feel one with nature. It's the small things Lil, appreciate the small things.' I thought she was crazy but it makes sense. Appreciate the small things, it's what matters most." Lily grabbed the scarf and sat down on the couch.

Sam just smiled, and headed to Emery's cabinet. She opened the little door and sat in front of it. She moved a few figures around but stopped when she grabbed a small statue of a little girl looking past her fence. Sam pulled it out and turned to Alexis. "She showed this to me and kept saying that the little girl was her. It was because she liked to look out at the world. That she wanted to imagine the life she wished she could have lived. I loved that about her. She always believed that there were better things to come; that the next day could bring a surprise. Remember when she laughed that time we said that the city smelled?" Lily and Alexis lightly chuckled.

"Yeah. She said 'no, it smells like home'." Lily gripped her scarf tighter.

"But she loved this thing." Sam held the figurine to her chest. "She even used to have blonde hair. Look at the brown eyes." Sam held the statue out. "They look like her eyes."

Lily looked to Alexis. "What are you going to take?"

Alexis just smiled. "Two things." She headed into Emery's room and stopped at the doorway. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I can feel you Em." Alexis stepped into her room but flipped on the lamp by Emery's bedside. She slid off the quilt Emery had made from a bunch of postcards. And as Alexis was walking out, quilt in hand, she saw the words written on Emery's wall. Alexis blew a kiss then left the room.

"What else are you taking?" Sam and Lily followed Alexis into the kitchen.

Alexis grabbed Emery's favorite mug. "She would lay this quilt out and point and talk about all the places that she wanted to go to. And she would drink out of this mug," Alexis held up the mug, "and she would drink her coffee black." Alexis was about to walk away but out of the corner of her eye she saw something shiny. "What's that?" She pointed to it and Lily walked over to see.

"They're letters. There is one for each of us. Are you going to read yours now?" Each envelope contained a charm.

"I am going to wait till later." Alexis grabbed hers and headed to her apartment. The little sun charm, dangling.

That night, just before bed, Alexis was cuddled up in Emery's quilt and opened her letter.

Alexis,

I just want to say that you are simply the bestest friend that I have ever had. And I know that my time is almost up. Don't cry right now, keep reading. You were nice to me right away and you never made me feel like I was missing out though in reality, I was. We could watch the city and live it together and I felt complete. You made me whole Alexis. Only you. I hope you grabbed my quilt. We would have the best times making up vacations that we would never take. Remember the one to Italy? The one where we met Italian hottie twins? What was the guy's name you were with? Oh yeah, Antonio. I do hope you take that trip. Do it for me. Find an Antonio. Did you also take my mug? The one with the big heart on it and the phrase across it? I hope you did. Laughter, Love, and Life. That's all I wanted and with you in my life I got all three. Keep those words in your heart. Follow them. You deserve everything your heart desires. Someone as true as you deserves love. Like I said, my time is up. But you already know that if you're reading this. I bet you were the one who found the letters. Am I right? Well, Alexis, I don't think I can find enough words to say how much your friendship meant to me. But you know. I love you Alexis and I'll miss you. Just like you'll miss me. You can cry but not for long. I hated tears. Live Alexis. Don't let my death pull you back. Don't hold yourself in. Go out and find Love. Enjoy moments of Laughter. So I am not going to say goodbye to you, as you know. I will say that I'll talk to you later. This conversation will never end.

Emery/Em ©