Ch. 25 Piece By Piece
Rick kicked back the covers when the alarm rang in the early morning air. He squinted at the sun that was slowly lighting up Manhattan. He felt the chill of the morning air and realized that she had opened the window. He found his boxers on the floor and slid them on before leaving the bedroom.
Kate was busy writing on the white board that was hanging on one wall of her library. She had all the victims and their pictures taped up and the information that she had been able to gather, underneath them. Her red marker squeaked as she ran a line between the older victims and the newer ones. She stepped back to see exactly what she had.
Rick knocked on the door and stepped in to catch Kate in just a t-shirt. "You look good this morning." He walked up to her and pulled her, by the waist, to him.
"I can't knock the feeling that Cliff is up to something. I don't know what but I feel something is wrong. I am missing the piece." She quickly pecked him on the lips then pushed away. "There's coffee already."
Rick watched her study her board, a ritual that has always proved helpful. He left her to stare and poured himself a cup of coffee. And no sooner when he sat down, his phone rang. He jogged back to the bedroom to retrieve it off the nightstand.
"Hello?" Rick sat on the edge of the bed and waited the caller out.
"Oh, Rick, my boy, how are you this morning?" Sal was busy cackling through the phone and at the sound of his voice, Rick tensed.
"What are you doing calling me? Didn't you waste your one phone call?"
"They had to let me go on the account that your girl and her team of buffoons had nothing on me. Sorry to disappoint. But I was thinking, I am about two blocks from your office. Want to meet me?" Sal smirked but even though Rick couldn't see it, it could be felt over the phone.
"Leave me alone Sal." Rick leaned back to make sure that Kate couldn't hear him. "And if you ever threaten Alexis or Kate again, I swear that I'll kill you myself."
"Rick, you really should be careful of what you say. You never know if someone else is listening." Sal laughed once more before spitting out, "One hour."
"You son of a bitch!" Rick slammed his fist on the bed and didn't hear Sal respond, instead he heard the dial tone.
Kate heard Rick yell and ran to find him clutching his phone and shaking his head. "What's wrong? Who was that?" She sat beside him and rested her hand on his knee.
"That was Sal. He wants to meet me and I have no choice but to go." Rick got up and headed straight to the clothes he had worn the night before.
"Don't go. Just ignore him. Please." Kate waited for him to look back at her but he never did.
"I can't Kate. You don't understand." He walked out of the bedroom and she chased after him.
"No! You don't understand! You can't leave, if you go he'll do something stupid. What if he wants to finish you off? No Rick. You can't. We'll get him but you have to hold him away." She tried to reach for him but he pulled away before she could.
"I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you or Alexis." And with that, he left. He didn't look back, didn't say goodbye, and Kate knew that chasing after him would be a waste.
She closed the open door and slumped against it. No sooner had she started to cry that her phone rang. Not wanting to risk it if it was a body, she hurried to pick it up.
"Hello?" She tried to hide the quiver in her voice as she spoke.
"Kate?" It was Ryan's voice, one of the last voices that she wanted to hear. "Are you ok?"
Kate fell to the floor and hung up her phone. The last thing she wanted was to see Ryan or even talk to him. What had happened the previous night with him was a mistake but she made it, not him. She brought it upon herself. All she wanted was a time to think and not worry about Rick, Sal, Ryan, Cliff, her mom, or the case.
She walked to her record player and put on her album by Birdy. As soon as Birdy's voice was pouring from her record player, Kate became soothed. It was one of the few artists that gave Kate a reprieve. She climbed in her chair and held her legs to her chest. She let the tears fall and ignored her home phone that was ringing.
"Kate, it's Ryan. We need to talk about last night. I, I, don't want to pour myself out over your answering machine, so call me." She ignored the blinking red button and just turned Birdy up louder.
Halfway through "Without A Word", her phone rang once more. "Kate, it's your mother. I need to get everything off my chest and I think you do as well. Call me back sweetheart." Still Kate ignored the blinking red light.
She grabbed a mug of coffee, turned up Birdy full blast, and headed back to her white board. She poured over the case that was neatly spread out on the board. She re-checked Sylvia's file and decided that it was time she talked to Samuel Peters once more. He was a big name and his daughter's death was a high profile case.
But what bugged Kate once more was the feeling that she still didn't have the whole story. She grabbed her home phone off it's hook and dialed Dr. Gates. On the second ring, her secretary picked up.
"Hi, this is Kate Beckett, I was wondering if I could slide in her appointment book today." Kate waited while she checked with Dr. Gates. The gnawing feeling multiplied by just the thought of her white board and all its' victims.
"Sure. Come around for a one o' clock session."
"Thanks." Kate hung her phone back up and went back to her board. She grabbed the victims' files that she had already combed through numerous times.
She slid out Gwenie's, Sylvia's, Cynthia's, and Corrina's and spread them out before her. They had one thing in common: the Vet's place. But even though she highly disagreed with coincidences, she let herself be led to the notion that they were. To Kate, it just felt like a matter of convenience. The killer stalked Gwenie, he had to of or Abby would have never felt like there was a threat.
Kate wrote Gwenie's name under Alaine's and Elena's. They were under the word STALKED?, on Kate's whiteboard. Then under the word, CONVENIENCE, she wrote Gwenie, Sylvia, Cynthia, and Corrina. There was a connection within them all but Kate was missing it completely. Not wanting to waste time pouring it over once more, she pulled out Hallie Burns' file.
The DMV picture of Hallie was revealing. She had her hair pulled into a messy bun and her brown eyes seemed to see right through the picture. She wore a coy smile like it was a magazine shoot rather than a license photo. But what Kate saw was a shield. Hallie hid her true self from others. Kate recognized it because it wasn't far off from her own persona. But what Kate wanted to know was who the real Hallie was. And the only way to accomplish that was to talk with her family and friends.
A half hour later, Kate pulled up to Hallie's address, she had been living with her parents. Kate stepped out of her car, flattening the skirt of her sleeveless, black and white striped dress. Her white ballet flats softly ascended the stairs and up to her front porch.
"Come on in Detective." Mr. Burns let Kate walk through the front door and when she stepped inside, she found a house that was grand. Not in the way a rich person would describe grand, grand in the way that, the house was a home, not a showroom. He led her to the living room and seated her in a deep, brown couch that its cushions had lost some of its stuffing. He went to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of water for them both.
"Harriet will be down in a minute." As they waited out Hallie's sister, he went right to the task at hand. "You say that you are reopening her case?"
"Sort of. There have been newer victims that passed the same way that you daughter did. I want to get my own report in."
"You think they maybe missed something before? Or do you simply want your own feel of her case?" He quickly smiled but dropped it right away as if the smile didn't belong on his face.
"You know your stuff Mr. Burns." Kate pulled out her legal pad and turned to a fresh sheet and wrote : Hallie Burns at the top.
"I took a course in criminal justice. Wanted to be a cop just like you." He pointed to Kate and before she could respond, he kept it up. "But the minute that I heard that I was a father, I killed the dream. Now I am a retired teacher."
They both turned to the person who was coming down the stairs. Harriet stood on the bottom step and hesitated. It wasn't until she was waved through by her father did she come into the living room with them. She sat in a chair opposite Kate and turned right to her. She was slender and was a mirror image of Hallie. The comparison was so startling that Kate had to remember who she was looking at.
"It wasn't that long ago that Hal and I were hanging out and going shopping. I left the party early because I was getting tired and she wanted to stay. I should have stayed with her but I didn't. I left her all by herself."
"So, it was a party that you both attended." Harriet nodded. "Whose party was it exactly?"
"Damon's. Oh, Damon Redwood. He was Hal's best friend besides me. I think he was in love with her."
"Were there signs?" Kate jotted his name down on her pad and drew a line underneath it.
"He would look at her funny. I knew there was something there. I was only fourteen when we went to that party. It was two years ago, I thought her case went cold." Harriet leaned forward ever so slightly, and Kate knew there was something that she wasn't sharing.
"Not cold, unsolved. I am working it now and I intend on finding whoever did this. But I was wondering if I may get access to Hallie's room." She looked right at Harriet when she said it and Harriet obliged.
When Harriet opened Hallie's room, it was alive. There wasn't a color in the rainbow that wasn't in her room. Her bed was made with black and pink sheets that had skulls across it. There was a white desk in the far corner that was lit by a black light.
"She was a punk rocker. She loved her music." Harriet headed to the electric guitar that was propped on a stand that lay in another corner of the room. "When she got her first gig, she was floored. That's why we were at the party. It was another gig. The only reason I got to go was because she needed a roadie." Harriet picked up the guitar and strummed a few. "I followed her everywhere but she never minded. She would play all her stuff to me first before she let others hear it."
"Sounds like you two were very close." Kate jotted down the performing thing and headed to her dresser. Pictures lined the entire top of it and there were so many that Kate had to look one by one at them.
"She loved photography too. She was talented that way. I was her test subject. She loved life and lived it. I used to warn Hal that the world wasn't all she thought it was but she had her vision and nothing or no one would screw it up for her." Harriet replaced the picture of them both back on the dresser. In the picture, they were both little girls playing out in the snow.
"What time did you leave the party?" Kate steered her purpose for getting Harriet alone back on course.
"Ten. I had curfew. I wanted to stay, especially since I was her only roadie but Damon said that he had it. So I took a cab home. Don't worry the other detective already ruled me out." She sat back into the chair that was next to the guitar and held her knees to her.
"What time did she leave? Or do you not know?" Kate sat on the edge of the bench that was placed at the end of the bed.
"She promised to text me and she did. She put that, she was all loaded up but to be ready to help her when she got home. Damon called a cab for her. She texted me at 12:10. Here is the text." Harriet slid out her phone, brought up the text and handed the phone to Kate.
Sure enough, the exact words were displayed across her phone. "Thank you for that Harriet. But I have a feeling that there is more to a story that you don't want to tell. What is it?" Kate leaned on her elbows and watched Harriet tense up.
"She, she was upset about something. I wasn't sure what it was but I blew it off. This was a week before she died. I kept hounding her about it but she kept telling me to bug off, so I did. Until, that night before the party, we were getting ready and she was doing my make-up and she asked me something."
"What?"
"She asked me if life would go on without her. I was freaked and I thought that she planned on killing herself or something but she laughed it off and said that it was only a joke. I don't know if it was or not but she was like that, a little twisted. She joked like that all the time." Harriet kicked her toe into Hallie's carpet and continued to talk to Kate while staring at the ground. "I never thought her jokes were very funny."
"Did she think she was in danger?" Kate scribbled suicidal on her pad then put a question mark next to it.
"No. Hallie was just morbid. She took medication though. She was ADHD. Does that help at all?"
Kate nodded and wrote doctor on the pad with a question mark beside that as well. "What kind of doctor did she see?"
"Well, first our family doctor, Jared Conway, then he recommended that she see a shrink. She hated that. But she wasn't on her pills for very long. It was only a couple weeks before she died that she even got diagnosed. Stupid huh?" Harriet chewed on her nail.
"What?" Kate wrote what she was able to gather from Harriet and what she observed herself onto her legal pad and closed it up.
"That she was killed after being treated for something that was supposed to make her better." Harriet tried to compose herself but Kate could see her start to unravel and ended the questioning.
"I want to thank you for all your help Harriet. If you remember anything else or need to talk, call me." Kate handed her, her card and walked herself out.
"Thank you Mr. Burns. You have been immensely helpful. I will do whatever I can to find out who took Hallie away from you." She shook his hand and he led her to the door.
"Seems like you have experience with that Detective." Then he closed the door. Kate stood, shocked, on his porch. She couldn't believe she let herself be that easy to read. In fact it made her uneasy. She jogged down the steps and tried to calm herself once she made it inside her car.
She grabbed her phone and noticed a number that hadn't been around for months. Lacey picked up on the second ring.
"Hello?" Kate was hesitant to surprise her old friend but Lacey couldn't be helped.
"OMG! Kate?! I have been trying to reach you all day. How is my life long bestie doing?" She closed her last box up and sat on the empty ground where her bed used to lay.
"Not as good as you I can guess. Why haven't you called me? What happened to our pact? Go no more than a week without communication? What happened to my letters?"
"I didn't get them till last week. I have been pouring over all of them for so long that I feel like I am still in New York with you. So, your new beau, Rick, how is that going?" She acted like she was a teenager waiting for the latest gossip.
"You haven't changed, good. Rick?" Kate tried to swallow the worried feeling that began growing in her stomach since morning. "Not too bad."
"Uh-oh. Ok, spill. I am here for you fully." Lacey twirled her long blonde hair and waited for a response.
"Not now. Ok?"
"K."
"Why haven't you gotten my letters till, when did you say? Last week?"
"I was traveling my love. I was in Paris for the new summer collection. You didn't think that I would miss it did you?"
"No. But when are you going to visit? I haven't seen you for over a year." Kate rested her head against her headrest and smiled to herself.
"Actually, that's why I wanted to get in contact with you. I am actually moving back to the city! My grandma put herself in a home, so no more Texas for me! And Andy said he'll stop in from time to time for her. What do you say Kate? You and I, taking New York City by storm!"
"I can't believe it! Do you have an apartment all lined up?" Kate could barely contain her excitement and tried to calm her rapid heartbeat down.
"Duh, it's actually in your building. Third floor, apartment 3G. Can you believe it?" Lacey squealed over the phone and could hear Kate joining in.
"We are going to be neighbors?" Kate banged her hand on her steeling wheel and squealed once more. "When do you get here?" Kate checked her watch and saw that she had to be at her appointment in fifteen minutes. She started her car and buckled up and placed Lacey on speaker.
"Next week, Thursday. You excited or what?" She heard a horn in the background and sighed. "Are you driving? And am I on speaker?" Lacey wasn't like Kate was about being on speaker but she hated when she didn't have your undivided attention.
"I have an appointment. I'll call you back when I'm out. Deals?"
"Deals. Love you KBecks." Lacey hung up before Kate could give her, her nickname.
"Ugh." But she still said to her phone, "Lacey Duke."
Kate sat in front of Dr. Gates and waited. She knew she shouldn't be acting like she was in an interrogation but her mind went to be on the attack. Dr. Gates just re-crossed her legs and her snug black skirt moved with her, like a second skin. Her white blouse hung loosely on her muscular frame and Kate watched the fabric twitch every time she moved her arms.
"Why did you come if you didn't want to talk?" Dr. Gates set her red framed, glasses on the table next to her and made sure Kate made direct eye contact.
"I do. I just don't know where to start." Kate uncrossed her legs and tried to keep up her strong shield. She wanted to open up, she needed to but the whole part of leaning on someone other than her dad seemed ludicrous.
"Kate, how can I help you get better without knowing what you are going through? I understand that you are hesitant, so don't tell me how you are feeling. That stuff is shit anyway, tell me what's been going on. New cases?" The informal way she led her sessions, was why Kate agreed to meet with her in the first place.
"A very frustrating one. I want to give the families closure but I can't. I am getting nowhere. The minute I think I am headed somewhere, I get stuck on a dead end."
"Try a new approach. Don't look for what would be the easiest."
"Look for what I have not what I want." Kate felt like a big light bulb switched on in her head.
"What about your relationships?" That drew the smile away from Kate's face. "I hit a sore spot. Ok, then tell me about your plans for your future."
"Um, relationships are complicated." She left the pause hanging in the air but when she saw Gates was about to speak, she cracked. "Rick and I are on a fast track and I actually like that. But, now we might be broken apart by outside forces. And then with my mom, she has been hiding a whole relationship from me. I never kept Rick away from her but she can hide a two year relationship with me?! No! Then with one of my co-workers, we sort of kissed. And I don't mean a peck on the cheek but I am talking about a full, very full lip lock. The first time I let him have it but then the second time, I made it happen. What the hell is wrong with me?!" She tried to catch her breath and her chest heaved up and down and let Gates work through her words and their meaning.
"Have you had a serious relationship since your father passed?" Kate could tell she was getting somewhere, and she played along.
"Other than Rick, no. But I really hadn't had relationships when he was alive either. Rick makes me want to fly and I feel like I am but reality is like the shotgun that shoots me out of the sky." Kate hadn't noticed that she was clutching and wringing her dress in her hands until Gates's eyes traveled there. "Sorry." She dropped her dress and began to fidget.
"Rick isn't going to leave you like you feel like your mom did and hell for that matter, your dad as well."
"My dad didn't leave me, he died."
"But even as you say it you are feeling like I just said you do. It's ok to feel that way Kate. But you shouldn't be scared or skeptical, nor should you try to push him away."
"Push him away? Are you even listening to me?! I have been doing everything to cling to him desperately! I don't want to lose him so how could you say that I am pushing him away?"
"You are leaning on him so much that he fears that if he should ever leave, that you won't be able to make it without him. That's not good for either of you two. You need to be there for each other, given but you don't have to be the only thing that's there." Gates studied Kate's reaction but wasn't able to see through it. Fearing that she maybe pushed Kate too much at once, she went to backtrack but didn't get the chance.
"So I am pushing him away by making him fearful to leave me?" She wasn't actually wanting an answer so she wasn't given one. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Give him time to realize that without him, you are and will be ok. Kate, talk to your mom. Don't punish her for the selfishness that she had showed you, give her the chance that she denied you. You might be surprised." Gates didn't add more because her point was made and heard. She checked the clock and tapped her watch.
"Already an hour huh?" The time waste was on Kate, waiting to hold herself back.
"Next week, give me a call. I want answers." But what Kate didn't add was that she would like them as well.
Kate kicked her shoes off and walked barefoot around her apartment. The thoughts and ideas wouldn't stop swarming through her mind and a small part of her wished her brain would just shut up. But this is how she got answers. Her feet padded through her carpet in her bedroom and the wood flooring of her living room. Her library door was ajar and through the crack she could view her progress on the case. She ran her hands through her hair and was trying to get her heart rate up. Giving in at the last minute, she called her mom.
"Mom? It's Kate. You're right, we need to talk. Call me." She dropped her phone on her couch and went to reach out for a click away from Rick's voice but she wanted to listen to Gates's advice.
She tried not to suffocate and to just be happy with the air that New York and her wind powered fan provided. But the lack of oxygen and her rambling thoughts that were leading her nowhere but in circles, made her crave the city.
She ran to her bedroom and yanked open her drawers, looking for the exact outfit that she wanted. She bent down to her middle drawer and yanked out a pair of high waisted, blue jean, shorts. She walked to her closet and pushed her dressy clothing out of the way. She went to her crop tops. She grabbed her denim, tie-up-knot, top with white, polka dots. She immediately slid out of her dress and slid on her shorts then tied her top on the way to the bathroom.
Staring at her reflection, she wanted more than anything for Rick to surprise her from the behind. Maybe to lean in for a kiss on the neck or begin to tickle her. Not but just the other day, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. And now… Now they were left on an uneven ground and she didn't know who was doing the tipping.
Ignoring her worries, she pulled her hair up into a ponytail and tied a red bandana on her hair and made it her headband. She smiled at herself and felt good to be dressing for just herself. She grabbed her white sneakers and kicked her feet into them. And the only thing she grabbed was a twenty out of her wallet and her keys.
The swings in Central Park were unoccupied and Kate ran right to them. It was a getaway for her as a kid, being high up in the air and feeling like you're flying. She closed her eyes as she pumped her legs higher and higher. The crisp air that was the fragrance of the park, made its way to her and she smiled brighter as it filled her with happiness. The innocence you lost as you grew up could always be found on the swings for her. She didn't need to worry about the case, Ryan and Espo knew to go over everything once more, hoping for some cracks that were stepped over. And Cliff? Well, he would being making sure he measured up longer than everyone else.
Rick? Well, he wasn't a worry but a heavy loss that she wasn't ready to feel. And Lanie, her usual magic eight ball, wasn't equipped with the Mayor cracking down on everyone for getting nowhere and for the rising body count that waited for autopsies and investigators.
Kate wasn't ready to let this case get turned over to the F.B.I. permanently but if she didn't find something or get a new lead, it wouldn't matter what she wanted. The mayor wasn't going to play the waiting game. He was the dragon breathing down your neck, threatening you with his fiery breath. And Rick and her mom were not spared at all. In any event, Johanna or Rick could be asked to help with the legalities of the case in no time. And not wanting to deal with that new development was her one goal.
So as her feet pumped her higher and higher, her heart raced, and before she decided to chicken out, she opened her eyes and leaped. She landed not two feet away, hitting the green grass, knees first. The smack against the soft grass was a freeing moment. The flight she took made her want to smile. But she didn't risk someone thinking she was hurt, so she wiped off her knees, and began a short walk.
A certain someone was calling to her.
"Hey Lacey Duke. You ready to hear what you missed out on today?" Kate could hear Lacey shouting in the background and pulled the payphone away from her ear.
"Ok. Sorry girly but these movers don't know the meaning of the word fragile. Now, what did you say sweetie?" Lacey parked herself on the foldable chair that had served as her main source of seating since the decision to move.
"Just that you missed out on one of her favorites this afternoon. You give up?" Kate waited Lacey out.
"The swings?! Shut up! Did you jump like we used to?"
"Duh." There was more shouting and Kate caught a dirty look from someone passing as he heard the cuss words being blasted through the receiver. "Lace? I'll call you tomorrow. Bye." Kate hung up and felt space less. Nothing belonged where it did and the one person to sort it out with was no longer available. And Rick was on leave.
She didn't bother with the explanation that Captain Montgomery was waiting impatiently for, she marched into the precinct and into the bullpen and pulled Ryan with her. Once she was in the room with him, alone, she shut and locked the door.
"I was wondering why you didn't want to talk to me. What did I do Kate?" Ryan bothered with the couch and she remained standing, demanding dominance.
"Everything and nothing. You can't be jealous of anyone who I might be with. You can't want to kiss me or be in love with me. You can't project your feelings in the air so everyone can get a whiff. You have no right to want a relationship. We're friends Ryan. I am with Rick. I am in love with Rick. I didn't mean to kiss you, I shouldn't have messed with you that way. I love you Ryan but not in love with you. Can we put this behind us and be close without, you know, the closeness." She stood her ground and waited for the impact of her words to hit him.
"I'm sorry too. I have always liked you, just a little extra but you're right. I have no right to want you for more than what you can give me. I enjoyed kissing you Kate and I know a small part of you enjoyed it too. But Rick better know what he has and what he could be missing." He stepped up to kiss her on the cheek but thought better of it and just patted her shoulder on his way out.
She didn't want to hurt him but the words needed to be hitting him with enough force for him to get a hint. She left the room and found a note on her desk. Sure enough, the handwriting was Captain Montgomery's.
Kate,
Sorry for what happened with Cliff and you. But I need you to put him out and away from you so you can give what no one else can to this case. Got it? I expect to see you tomorrow. Rest and get the hell over it.
CM
Kate tossed the note and headed out the same way she came in. she didn't want to need Rick the way she did. Her heart ached for him and she couldn't think of how far away he was even though he wasn't too far away in reality. She wanted him to be there, the way she wanted him. She wanted him the way she had never wanted a man before. She didn't want just a sexual relationship with him, like a couple others. She needed him so she could give herself away in her entirety. He was waiting with open arms and she couldn't walk into them. It was a trap.
So, she headed home, took a bath and poured over her notes with a cup of coffee easily growing cold. Her eyes started to droop and her clock only read 7:15. The number bothered her but her eyes won. She set the clock for one then flicked off her lamplight. She refused to have her bed without him so she just passed out on the chaise, a picture of him keeping her peaceful.
A phone call interrupted Kate's sound sleep and she pressed to ignore it but the increasingly loud ring refused to be silenced. She angrily got up and answered, completely unaware of the time.
"Sweetie? Do you know it's only nine at night? Are you already sleeping?" Johanna's voice wasn't welcoming and Kate collapsed on her couch, knowing this wasn't a short conversation.
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"Open your door and find out." Kate kept her phone to her ear as she made her way to her front door. When she pulled it open, Johanna stood with a very tired Elsie. "Can she sleep in your bed while we talk?"
Kate nodded and watched Elsie struggle to stay upright. She scooped her up into her arms and carried her safely into her bedroom. Once Elise was safely in Kate's bed, Kate closed the door so only a crack of light and sound could break the threshold.
Kate was on autopilot as she got herself a cup of coffee and returned with one for Johanna as well. Kate safely seated herself onto her couch and ignored the look of uncertainty in Johanna's eyes. Kate's old shirt barely hung above her knees but it was comfortable and it was Jim's.
"I got that shirt for him after we ran into the vendor's cart." Johanna pointed to Kate's long shirt that had the New York City skyline printed across it. "She isn't mine." That got a confused face from Kate. "Elsie, she isn't mine. She is eerily similar to you but you aren't related."
"Then what?" Kate took a sip of her coffee and was thankful there was still some leftover from that morning.
"I dated her dad about a year and a half ago. I didn't tell you because, well, Jim was still a fresh wound. But you have to realize that we were over long before he passed Kate."
"I know." Another sip.
"Well, one night I wake in his apartment and find a note saying that Elsie would be better off with me than him. I've tried finding him but he doesn't want to be found. Kate, I couldn't send her to foster care. I already fell in love with her. And in some twisted way I was getting the chance that I gave up with you. I needed to do it for both of us."
"Do you like being a mother?" Another sip and a crack of a smile.
"I missed out with you, my fault of course, but now I get a chance, Elsie gets a chance, and I can learn how to be a mom to you now. I want to do that Kate. Please don't be angry with me for keeping Elsie a secret. I was worried about how you would react. I could see that Jim is still an open wound for you and I didn't want to dig a bigger hole for you to fall through."
"I understand mom. You don't give me enough credit is all. I want you to be able to tell me these kinds of things. Do that for me?"
"What?"
"Be open with me. Trust me. And hell mom, love me." Kate's lip quivered and a tear began to stream down her cheek and Johanna ignored Kate's barrier.
She ran to her side and pulled Kate into her lap. She grabbed her head and pulled it near her chest and cradled her. "I have always loved you Kate. I just had no idea how to show it. I'm learning. Will you learn how to have a mother?"
"Yes. I love you too, Mom." And with that, Kate cried herself to sleep in her mother's arms. The only thing that was needed at the moment was a picture that Jim would have been sure to capture. But Kate had a mental photo book and this moment got stored on the front page.
She knew she had to try to build a scrapbook of moments with her mom but she now knew it had to be done piece by piece.