Author's Note: I'm still sleep deprived, but at least it's almost the weekend. I plan to spend it sleeping and writing. And I was struck by a truly evil idea on my miserable flight home, so there's that. There's nothing like being wedged into a coach seat next to someone who's too big for one to make one think like a serial killer! Not in this chapter though, so relax. :) Thanks to everyone still following this, and especially those of you who take the time to give your feedback. And to the guest reviewer who pointed out that no secure apartment would be safe from Red John, yes, you're right about that. But if I were the one being threatened, I think I'd want to make it as tough for him as possible! (And yes, Jane really just wants a bigger kitchen.)

Chapter 25

Bertram grudgingly made room in his schedule for them that afternoon, and when they walked into his office, his expression was already sour. "So," he said before they even had a chance to sit down, "a message from Red John? You're not even on the case anymore."

Jane replied, "I don't think he cares about technicalities. Here." He tossed the envelope of photos on Bertram's desk before seating himself, deliberately casual.

Lisbon hurried to explain as she sat in the other chair in front of Bertram's desk. "Jane and I have suspected for a while now that Red John is still following him. We tested that theory by going to Seattle for New Year's, and last night I received this in the mail."

Jane greatly enjoyed the slightly bug-eyed expression Bertram wore as he looked at the photos. "As you can see, we pretended to be engaged." Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Lisbon sliding her right hand, the one currently wearing the ring, into her left to conceal it. It seemed to be an unconscious gesture, so he let it pass without comment.

"Why?" Bertram asked.

Lisbon took a deep breath. "Last month, someone subscribed me to a bridal magazine. We weren't able to trace who did it. But we threw it out, and almost immediately afterward, Red John killed again."

"The mother and daughter. Yes." Bertram looked at Jane. "Aimed at you, you think."

"Because we weren't playing along," Jane nodded. "So I went out and bought a ring, and Lisbon's been wearing it. We've been subtle about it at work, of course, but he's definitely noticed. Look at the back of this one." He flipped over the photo with the note on the back.

Bertram's frown grew more pronounced. "Why would Red John care about that?"

"He wants to show me I'm helpless to stop him," Jane said. "What better way to do that than to take away my wife and child again?"

Bertram's gaze snapped to Lisbon. "You're pregnant?"

"No," she said. "But we think that's what comes next. After we get married—pretend to get married."

Oh, that was perfect, Jane thought. Lisbon was going to pull this off with almost no effort on his part, making it all the more likely Bertram would buy it. In fact, his own presence was probably an impediment, because it made Bertram suspicious. "So we wanted to let you in on the plan. We're living together and planning a quiet little wedding, at which we think Red John will probably show up, or send one of his friends. We'll be informing the FBI as well, of course."

Bertram spluttered for a second. "You can't get married!"

"Of course not. I keep telling him that," Lisbon said, giving Jane an annoyed look. "This is all a ruse."

"Well," Jane added, as if seized by a fit of honesty, "the sex isn't."

Both Bertram and Lisbon looked at him as if he'd pulled a hedgehog out of his pocket. Lisbon hissed, "Jane!"

"What?" Jane said innocently, enjoying himself. "He should be happy that his best agent is more productive because she's eating healthy home-cooked meals and having regular orgasms."

"Jane!" That was more of a yelp, and she was turning bright tomato-red. Oh, she was going to make him pay for this, he realized.

Bertram had turned an interesting shade of red as well. "Let's leave the personal details out of this. I already have to reprimand Agent Lisbon for inappropriate conduct based on this conversation so far. Do you really want to get her in further trouble?"

"We know Red John is watching us. Closely." Jane put on his best obsessed maniac expression. "You should be commending Lisbon for going above and beyond the call of duty to give us an opportunity to catch him."

"If he's watching that closely, do you think a fake wedding will fool him?" Bertram's forehead was furrowed, which meant he was buying it.

"That's why it's not a fake," Jane said. "But rest assured that Lisbon has every intention of divorcing me at the earliest safe moment."

"Right now I'm thinking widowhood," she muttered.

That seemed to reassure Bertram somewhat. "And you really believe this will somehow lead you to Red John?"

"Will lead the FBI to Red John," Jane corrected. "We are not on the case. And at the very least, we'll save lives. Red John has shown he won't hesitate to kill when we deviate from his script."

"That's true, sir," Lisbon said.

"So," Bertram said slowly, "you want my permission to get married as part of an undercover operation to entrap a serial killer."

"We don't need your permission," Jane pointed out. "Just your assurance that you won't take any punitive action against us."

"Despite the rules." Bertram looked sour. "And how am I supposed to explain this to my superiors?"

Lisbon said, "As an undercover operation. Sir, we realize this puts you in a difficult position. But technically, Jane is a consultant, not an agent, so the fraternization policy doesn't cover him."

"But he's under your supervision," Bertram pointed out, "so it doesn't actually matter what his status is. You are still breaking the rules, Agent Lisbon."

Jane said, "Then remove me from her supervision."

Bertram stared at him in shock. "You'd agree to that? Reassignment?"

"No. Your objections are based on a technicality; let's resolve the situation using another technicality. Remove me as Lisbon's responsibility, but leave me on the team."

"And who would your supervisor be? After what you did to Haffner, no agent in the building will agree to this," Bertram pointed out, leaning back and folding his arms.

"You," Jane grinned. "You could be my supervisor."

Bertram smiled slowly, sure he'd spotted the game now. "And have you ruin my career directly? No thank you."

"So you're saying that your career is more important than catching California's most notorious serial killer," Jane mused. "Interesting. I wouldn't've guessed you felt that way."

Bertram refused to be goaded. He must be catching on, finally, Jane thought with both approval and disappointment.

"Sir," Lisbon began in her most reasonable voice, "this would only be temporary. I could still fill out all the complaint paperwork, since I'd no doubt be present for whatever event caused it."

Jane grinned. "Oh, I can guarantee that."

Bertram's sour expression had returned. He looked at Jane. "Out. I want to talk to Agent Lisbon alone."

Jane smiled affably at him. "Of course. Call me if you need me."

He directed his last sentence at both Bertram and Lisbon, neither of whom acknowledged it as he sauntered out the door.

That had gone brilliantly, he thought with satisfaction. Let Bertram try to divide and conquer them all he wanted. Better men than him had tried, and if Lisbon wouldn't let Bosco throw him to the wolves, she certainly wasn't going to let Bertram do it. Even though she was severely pissed off at him at the moment.

Hm. Perhaps he'd better not wait for her, he realized, remembering how she'd punched him in the stomach after his last ruse with their boss. He'd go back to the office and have a cup of tea, and be safely in the presence of witnesses when she arrived.

mmm

Lisbon took a deep breath to calm down as Jane left the room. No doubt he'd gotten himself thrown out on purpose, knowing Bertram would want to try reasoning with her. But she was still pissed at him for how he'd gone about it. Why did he have to enjoy embarrassing her so much?

Bertram leaned forward, looking earnest. "Teresa," he began. His tone was probably meant to be caring, but it rubbed her the wrong way. She didn't need him to care about her, just to let her and Jane do this thing. "You can't be serious about this."

"Red John is serious. That means I don't have a choice." She softened her tone a little. "I know it's unorthodox, sir, but I think it can work. And we have to try. I don't want more people to die because of something I didn't do."

"But—" Bertram broke off, and when he spoke again his voice was almost pleading. "Marrying Jane. Really, Teresa?"

"We have already discussed grounds for annulment," she assured him.

Relief overtook Bertram's expression. "So I don't need to be worried that he's hypnotized you or blackmailing you?"

Jane had already told Bertram they were having sex, so she wondered what on earth Bertram thought Jane would have to blackmail her with. "I'm not under any duress," she assured him. "I know you think my judgment is questionable when it comes to Jane's plans, but I've shared this with the team, and they agree it's worth trying."

"I suppose that's meant to be reassuring, but your team has gone along with every single insane plan the man has come up with for years."

Lisbon bristled, but tried not to be obvious about it. "On my orders, often over their objections," she said. "I didn't have to issue any orders or convince anyone to go along with it this time. Sir, compared to some of the things we've done, this is...harmless. Nobody will get hurt by this. Jane and I are both adults, and we think it's worth it. And if it helps us catch Red John, nobody will care that the rules got broken."

"And if we don't catch him, we'll just look desperate," Bertram grumbled. "This gambit of moving Jane directly under my supervision—do you honestly think that will work?"

"Work as in will he do what you tell him? Probably not. Jane does what he thinks he needs to do, regardless of what anyone else tells him. I can reason with him to an extent, but I've rarely changed his mind when it has to do with Red John."

"He went to great lengths to get you reinstated after that mess with O'Loughlin. I've never decided whether that was because he feels that it would be too much work to suborn your replacement or because he actually cares about you." Bertram sounded dubious about the latter possibility. "Emotions don't belong in police work, Teresa. At least not when planning an operation. I want your assurance that this isn't going to turn into a disaster because Jane can't control himself."

Oh, she wished Jane were here to hear this, she thought wryly. "If it helps, sir, he's been significantly easier to control since we began this. He's more reluctant to cause trouble at work since it leads to unhappiness for him in our personal time."

Lisbon watched with secret amusement as Bertram processed the announcement that she was leading Jane around by his dick. "I can't officially approve of your tactics, Agent Lisbon, but if it keeps Jane from making our lives more difficult than they need to be, I'm grateful." He paused. "I've always been concerned about how close the two of you are. In a way, it's good to have the truth about the situation out in the open instead of all the rumors. But I agree to this only for the duration of this operation. Once we catch Red John, you will either have to end the relationship or accept reassignment for one of you."

"I understand," Lisbon assured him.

"It's not possible for you to be entirely objective in this situation, but I hope you will try to retain as much as possible," Bertram said.

"I'm thinking clearly, sir." She hesitated, then decided that Jane deserved whatever she chose to say about him. "I'm not the one who was celibate for most of a decade. This is one area where I have the upper hand."

Bertram looked like he was trying very hard not to picture what Lisbon might do with her hands. "Very well. Don't mess this up, Agent."

"I'll do my best, sir. We all will." Lisbon gave him a confident smile as she got out of her chair and gathered up the photos. Then she hurried out the door.

She had a consultant to punish.

mmm

Jane was proud of himself for postponing Lisbon's wrath by whisking her off to meet Stan Moore for lunch the instant she got back to her office. The profiler looked at the photos carefully, not seeming surprised at what they depicted, which Jane found interesting. Lisbon was trying not to squirm in embarrassment, and Jane sympathized with her even though he knew she was plotting to make him miserable later.

"Looks like quite a party," Moore remarked. "Did you have a good time?"

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at Jane, obviously promising something dreadful if he didn't behave himself. He grinned at her to show he wasn't cowed and said, "We had a fantastic time. What I remember of it, anyway. We were pretty drunk toward the end there."

Moore examined the photo of Lisbon getting out of the cab at the hotel, clutching at her coat and looking uncomfortable. He glanced at her speculatively, and Jane was impressed by his perceptiveness. But Lisbon's blush, however delectable it might be, was a sign of unhappiness, and he thought she'd had enough for one day. So he broke the silence. "As you see, there was more than one photographer. This was planned in advance."

"Yes," Moore agreed, now staring at the last photo, which had been taken right before the hotel's elevator doors closed. Jane's arms were around Lisbon, holding her against him as he leaned against the wall, his face half buried in her hair. But the part of his face that was visible showed an expression that was unmistakably that of a man in love. Jane's body hummed with an echo of the arousal he'd felt at that moment, and he took a moment to calm himself down. He needed to be thinking clearly.

"So." Moore put the photos down. "Not just colleagues, I see."

Jane considered his reply. "If a serial killer pushed you into the arms of a beautiful woman you'd trusted and admired for years, what would you do?"

"Probably something similar," Moore admitted. "Even if I weren't in love with her. But I see that's not a problem for you."

"True." Jane saw no reason not to admit it. Loving Lisbon was the one thing in his sorry life he hadn't screwed up, and he wasn't ashamed of it.

"How long has Red John known?" Moore asked.

"Before Lisbon did, I think," Jane said. "He probably suspected all the way back to when I shot Hardy to save her. But at that stage I was still telling myself I had to save her because she was the only one I could count on to help me."

Moore looked at Lisbon, who said, "I was definitely the last one to know. I was too busy being angry that he'd run off for six months without a word to notice the sudden onset of undying love."

Jane couldn't help wincing a little at her dry tone. But he covered quickly, smiling at her. "And yet here we are. We would invite you to the wedding, Stan, but it's supposed to be a secret so we're keeping the guest list to a minimum."

"Saves me buying you a toaster," Moore smiled. "When's the happy day?"

"Valentine's Day. Teresa is a closet romantic." Jane smiled indulgently.

"So that's what she meant." Moore looked lost in thought for a moment.

"Who?" Lisbon asked.

"Lorelei Martins. She asked me to pass on her congratulations if I saw you. I can only assume she knows about the engagement." Moore sat back in his chair. "Which means she is in touch with Red John even from a maximum security federal prison. I can see why you haven't been able to catch him." He tapped a finger on the photos, then looked at Jane. "She talks about you quite a bit. I'd like to see her reaction to these."

"Feel free," Jane replied. "Has she told you anything useful?"

"Told us, no. But we found an interesting connection. Did you know she had a sister? No? Her mother sold her when she was a child. Her adoptive parents eventually reunited the sisters, and they were close until Miranda was murdered. She scratched a name as she lay dying: Roy."

Jane stomped down on the flare of excitement the lead produced. It wasn't his lead to chase down, he reminded himself. Lisbon's safety was more important than old mysteries.

Lisbon glanced at Jane before guessing, "Roy Tagliaferro? Red John killed her sister?"

"Not according to her," Moore said. "But we've reopened the case. If we can find some evidence, we might be able to shake her loyalty."

"Good luck," Jane said. "Be sure to thank her for her well wishes, and assure her that I am as happy as it is possible for any man to be." He paused, then said, "You might also add that though I appreciate how hard she tried, Red John made a mistake when he sent her to me as a gift. She could never compete with Lisbon."

Moore chuckled. "Looking at these pictures while sitting there in prison orange, I'm sure she will agree. You think she will actually be jealous?"

"Maybe. No woman likes to be compared to another. And she knew all along that Red John sent her to me as a substitute for the woman I really wanted," Jane shrugged. "She failed to convince me to kill Lisbon, and now she's sitting in prison while Lisbon and I lead our happy lives. I think that will make her unsatisfied with her fate, yes."

"I'll give that a try," Moore said. "Well, back to it. Thank you for the photos. I hope to see wedding pictures as well."

"We'll see what we can do," Jane promised.

mmm

Jane had no opportunity that afternoon to find out what Lisbon had in mind for her revenge. She took Rigsby with her for a round of interviews, leaving Cho and Van Pelt to debate the merit of Jane's theory that character speech patterns could be used to discover the real life people the victim had used as his inspiration. Since Cho was impossible to rile up in any noticeable way, and Van Pelt mostly contented herself with being a spectator, Jane found the afternoon much less amusing than he'd hoped. He went home early and cooked Lisbon's favorite meal, knowing it wouldn't be enough to get him out of the doghouse but wanting to demonstrate his desire to achieve that.

Lisbon was late getting home, but she was in a good mood. "We found a former member of the victim's writer's group who looks good for it. Apparently there were accusations of plagiarism."

She took a seat at the table and sipped the wine Jane poured, just as if she wasn't furious with him. He wasn't fooled, though. "Another triumph for boring police work," he said cheerfully. "Congratulations." He served her a heaping helping and then filled his plate, noting, "Fresh strawberries for dessert."

"Sounds great," Lisbon smiled, digging in.

He promised himself he wasn't going to cave and bring it up first, but when they got through dessert and then proceeded to snuggle on the couch while watching mindless television, curiosity overcame his resolve. "So. At this point I'm thinking you are planning to do something unspeakable to me in my sleep, and not in a good way."

Lisbon smirked, glancing up at him from where she was resting her head against his shoulder. "And here I thought this day would never come. You don't have a clue, do you?"

"No," he admitted cautiously. "I take it surprise is part of your revenge, but beyond that I am at a loss. At first I took it for granted that you intended to throw me out of bed, but since you made no objection to my initial overtures just now, I concluded that sex was still a possibility."

That provoked a chuckle. "Oh, how wrong you are about that."

"Ah." His heart sank, but really, he'd known that was the bare minimum he could expect. "So you're cutting me off. That seems like a punishment for us both."

"True, but I'm used to suffering for your bad behavior," Lisbon informed him. "In this case, it will be well worth it if you can get it into your head that talking about our sex life to our boss—or anyone, actually—will result in the suspension of said sex life."

"For how long?"

"I was thinking we could combine it with tradition and wait until after the wedding."

"Lisbon!" He knew he was whining, but he couldn't help himself. "That's more than a month away!"

"But think how special the wedding night will be," she grinned.

"You are a cruel, cruel woman," he sighed.

"You are perfectly welcome to try to change my mind," she said, still with that evil glint in her eye.

"Oh, no. I know a bad bet when I see one," he replied. That explained her willingness to snuggle; she had no objection to getting his hopes up so she could dash them. That would leave them both frustrated, and the crankier she got, the less likely she was to relent.

No, his best bet was to accept his punishment and go out of his way to be the perfect chaste lover. It could be romantic, like a medieval troubadour and his highborn lady, he thought. Damn it, even saying it to himself he was unconvincing.

It was going to be a long winter. At least, until he could come up with a better plan. And judging by Lisbon's smug expression, that was going to be a challenge indeed.

But a happy thought occurred to him: she was talking about the wedding as if she had accepted it would be real. So he'd lost the battle, but won the war, apparently.

And battles could always be re-fought, he thought, carefully keeping the grin off his face.